Part 6
It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is no bodily sensation that at all corresponds to it, unless it be a sneeze, and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort of nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosions which defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control of the will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is delectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactly the same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled in human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands and wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual possibilities.
On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and all about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus discharged at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flush and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action there have already been described, and so need not be repeated here.
On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding emission of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the semen. Yet the spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as nervous explosions are concerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation follows palpitation, through all the sexual area; the mouth of the womb opens and closes convulsively, the vagina dilates and contracts again and again, and the vulva undergoes similar actions. The sensations are all of the most delectable nature, the whole of the woman's body being thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible. This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the orgasm in woman. _It has nothing whatever to do with conception_; though many people, especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon, believe that it is an _essential_ to pregnancy. _But such is by no means the case._ All that is needed to bring about conception in a woman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is concerned, the _woman_ need have _no pleasure at all_ in the act of coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh semen from some man and injecting it into the vagina with an ordinary female syringe!
The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes the form that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless the orgasm is _simultaneous on the part of the man and woman_, has caused many a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result to be impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the same instant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated his wife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was impossible.
Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it is possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! The writer once knew a case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligent and well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and to whom were born six children, who, at the end of that time were wholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by accident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many years. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this sensation at all, but of this more will be said later.
All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as women are concerned, _the orgasm is entirely for her delectation and delight. It forms no part of the act of conception_, and its only possible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of the exceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women to engage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and that it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers. Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But more of this later.
As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband and wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive word, which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the man the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost instantly limp and shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A most delightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of the whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep at once, comes upon them irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves of such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with which to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as the organs are separated, will, in greater or less quantity, flow from the vagina. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the penis when it is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remains with him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, and immediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wife _perfectly free_, to do as she will. She should arrange the towel between her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no attempt to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go to sleep _immediately_. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep on her _back_, after coition, she thereby increases the _probability_, of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desire motherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay on her back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnant after all other means had failed.)
Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, to immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and unsanitary. But this is not at all true, and for this reason: _The semen is a most powerful stimulant to all the female sex-organs, and to the whole body of the woman_. The organs themselves will absorb quantities of semen, if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial to them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause that many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are married and so can avail themselves of this _healthful food._ As a matter of fact, _there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is as potent to woman-kind as semen_. There are multitudes of "nervous" women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in good health, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the absorption of semen, when both these items are present in perfection. On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills, when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied. The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, and its products utilized.
So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage" into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long, so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presence of the semen and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she may bathe the vulva region with warm water; but there is no need of, nor is it wise to try to cleanse the vagina and the uterine tract by the use of a vaginal syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into the vagina, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some women use a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer way to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with blood at such times, and to pour _cold_ water upon them is as though, when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a cold bath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the semen that remains in the vagina. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanse and care for themselves.
Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at its best estate, and in a general way. _Its perfect accomplishment is an art to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attained by wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and a loving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the parties to the act. It is no mere animal function._ It is a _union_, a _unity_ of "two _souls_ with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what it ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highest and best estate. It is _God-designed, God-born, God-bestowed!_ As such it should be thankfully received and _divinely used_ by all the sons and daughters of men.
VII
THE FIRST UNION
And now, although so much has been said, there is much that remains to be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject justice. Some of these things are as follows:
Something more ought to be told about the second part of the act of coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the _first_ time on the part of the woman.
At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be a virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, that are not present in after-meetings, and these must be understood and rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results may ensue.
Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries prescribed as forming the _first_ movement of the act should be carried out _to the limit_. It is not too much to say that these should be prolonged for _some days_! Do not start, young husband, at this statement! Well did Alexander Dumas, père, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from what she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to shut out the sight; but do not forget that she is a woman, and so is filled with _curiosity_, under any and all circumstances! And you may set it down as sure, that, though she blinds herself with her hands as she scales the dizzy heights you are leading her over, nevertheless, _she will peek through her fingers!_ So she will watch you with most critical eyes, and note every show of _selfishness or blundering on your part! So have a care!_ You may think you are aiming your arrow at the sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words these, and to be heeded, come what may!
As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to _let plenty of time elapse before engaging in the full act of coitus!_ Delay here will lead to a possible loving speed, later on. The young people should take time enough to get better acquainted with each other than ever before; to become, in a measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence of each other, and to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing together" that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus should not be attempted till the bride is at least _willing_. If she can be brought to become _anxious_ for the meeting, so much the better.
And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the act, we come to the first union of the organs for a newly married couple, the bride being a virgin. And here is where an explanation is called for.
The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a mouth shaped aperture, located laterally between the forward part of the thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much resembles the external parts of the mouth proper. It begins just in front of the anus, and extends forward above the pubic bone and a little ways up the belly. Its entire lateral length is about four or more inches.
This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, or labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the vaginal opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, and are known as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the thicker and thinner, or larger and smaller lips. They extend almost the entire length of the vulva, the outer lips folding over the inner ones when the thighs are together. The outer parts of the larger lips are covered with hair. In thickness and quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face of each individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large vulva and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that is located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds, almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of the male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part of the vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper.
All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, and they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly sensitive skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the mouth. Both the clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable blood vessels, and in a state of tumescence they are greatly enlarged by a flow of blood into the parts. The clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an enlargement, or "erection," which is exactly like that of the glans penis. So much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex organs, all of which should be well understood by every bride and bridegroom, though often it is not.
Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet named, and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly known. This is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper part of the vaginal opening, and so _closes up_ nearly all that part of the vulva. This hymen is not always present, however, even in a state of undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is torn away in childhood by the little girl's fingers, as she "plays with herself." Sometimes it is ruptured by lifting, again it is broken away by the use of a large-sized female syringe. _For all these reasons, it is not right to conclude that a bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present and in evidence at the first coition._
Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly ignorant of the _existence_ of the hymen, and of the troubles it may cause at the second part of the sexual act, in a first meeting. This membrane is often quite tough and strong. It is grown fast to the lower part of the clitoris and to the inside surfaces of the smaller lips, and it covers so much of the vaginal opening that it is practically impossible for the erect penis to enter the vagina so long as it is present. Now if, under these conditions, the bride and groom (especially the latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the parts, and so should try to make a union of the organs, they would find such union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man, puzzled, and impatient, and passion-driven, should _force_ a hasty entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he would hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to _bleed_ freely from the wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of which would be a score against the husband, would brand him as a brute, or a bungler, and so tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow alight in the mud."
The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation and to talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that can be done about it. If the conditions are fully understood by the bride and groom, they can, in almost every case, by working and moving together carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the hymen with little or no pain or loss of blood.
As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all the facts are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis still and steady against the hymen, the bride will so press against it, and "wiggle around" it, that _by her own motions_, she will break the membrane and so be rid of it. She knows how much pain she can endure, and when the pressure is too hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow, what is done _she does_ herself, and so can never charge up against her husband!
It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire and mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be eliminated with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, however, careful and well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the services of a surgeon should be procured, and he, by a very simple and almost painless operation, can remove the difficulty. But never, _no never_, should it be brutally torn away by the force of the husband, and without the full willingness of the wife. _Mark this well_. As a matter of fact, the wise and practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to a surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the hymen for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very easily done. Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity on the part of the husband and so this is a point to be careful about!
The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as "defloration"--the tearing to pieces of a flower. The term is not fortunate. Nothing worth while has been taken away by removing the hymen, but much that is useful has been acquired. An organ that has outlived whatever usefulness it might once have had has been removed, and its going has made possible new and beautiful uses in life. If this has been accomplished by the mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom, it is a cause for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of mourning. As well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as for the destruction of the hymen.
With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus offers no situation that calls for further remark or explanation.
And now a few words about the probabilities of conception resulting from coitus, and some matters which are very closely related thereto.
In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for husband and wife should desire to have children, and should act in accordance with such wish. This is not only in harmony with the primary purpose of sex in the human family, but it is a response to a natural demand of the human soul, in both man and woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack Tanner say: "There is a father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and _parenthood is the supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded men and women._ It is not an "instinct," but something far above that quality.
Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and of that alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings naturally desire to make a home for themselves, and a home, in the fullest meaning of that word, means _children_ and a "family circle." This is something that animals know nothing about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their progeny as soon as they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many cases, kill them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to do so. These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. Indeed, the whole matter of comparing this quality, as it exists in humanity, with that of animals merely, is only a continuance of the similar abomination of comparing the sex functions of these two forms of life. In the real essentials of existence, they are in no way comparable; and to make such is not only folly, but approaches the positively criminal. The results of doing so certainly lead to crime.
Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the purpose and hope of having a family of children. They may not put it that way, may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or to themselves; but if married people find that they _cannot_ produce, it is a source of unspeakable regret to them both. In such cases, the inherent desire for parenthood will "cry aloud and spare not." A "barren" woman greatly mourns her inability, and will shed bitter tears over the fact, if she be truly human; and an "impotent" man will be practically despised by all who are aware of his incompetence.
And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have children, it is only right that they should desire to have them _as they want them_, and _when_ they want them, and not _whenever they may happen to come!_ That is, sensible and thoughtful people, who plan definitely for the future, want to make the coming of children to them an affair of _deliberate_ arrangement, and not of _chance_.
This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right way that children should be begotten and born. Which statement calls for a few special words on the right of parents to regulate the production of progeny.
There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide," and the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of children in a family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious questionings in the minds of conscientious young married men and women who are desiring to do the right thing in the premises, but are uncertain as to what the right thing is, and for such are the following words:
Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus by name, discovered and announced the fact that the rate of natural increase in the human race was several times greater than that of the possible rate of production of food supply for their support. Scientifically phrased, his statement was that "the rate of increase in humanity is in geometrical ratio, while the rate of increase of possible food supply is in arithmetical ratio." And from this basis, he reasoned that, unless the surplus of human production was in some way cut off and destroyed, the whole human race would ultimately demand more food supply than could possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time, the whole race would perish from starvation!