Part 12
VER. Look, girl, thy glove’s fallen. Stay, stay; De Flores, help a little. [_Exeunt._ VERMANDERO, ALSEMERO, _and Servants_. DE F. Here, lady. [_Offers her the glove._ BEAT. Mischief on your officious forwardness! Who bade you stoop? they touch my hand no more: There! for the other’s sake I part with this; [_Takes off and throws down the other glove._ Take ’em, and draw thine own skin off with ’em! [_Exit with_ DIAPHANTA _and Servants_. DE F. Here’s a favour come with a mischief now! I know She had rather wear my pelt[405] tann’d in a pair Of dancing pumps, than I should thrust my fingers Into her sockets here: I know she hates me, Yet cannot choose but love her: no matter: If but to vex her, I will haunt her still; Though I get nothing else, I'll have my will. [_Exit._
SCENE II.
_A room in the house of_ ALIBIUS.
_Enter_ ALIBIUS _and_ LOLLIO.
ALIB. Lollio, I must trust thee with a secret, But thou must keep it. LOL. I was ever close to a secret, sir. ALIB. The diligence that I have found in thee, The care and industry already past, Assure[406] me of thy good continuance. Lollio, I have a wife. LOL. Fie, sir, ’tis too late to keep her secret; she’s known to be married all the town and country over. ALIB. Thou goest too fast, my Lollio; that knowledge I allow no man can be barrèd it; But there is a knowledge which is nearer, Deeper, and sweeter, Lollio.
LOL. Well, sir, let us handle that between you and I. ALIB. ’Tis that I go about, man: Lollio, My wife is young. LOL. So much the worse to be kept secret, sir. ALIB. Why, now thou meet’st the substance of the point; I am old, Lollio. LOL. No, sir, ’tis I am old Lollio. ALIB. Yet why may not these[407] concord and sympathise? Old trees and young plants often grow together, Well enough agreeing. LOL. Ay, sir, but the old trees raise themselves higher and broader than the young plants. ALIB. Shrewd application![408] there’s the fear, man; I would wear my ring on my own finger; Whilst it is borrow’d, it is none of mine, But his that useth it. LOL. You must keep it on still then; if it but lie by, one or other will be thrusting into ’t. ALIB. Thou conceiv’st me, Lollio; here thy watchful eye Must have employment; I cannot always be At home. LOL. I dare swear you cannot. ALIB. I must look out. LOL. I know’t, you must look out, ’tis every man’s case. ALIB. Here, I do say, must thy employment be; To watch her treadings, and in my absence Supply my place.
LOL. I'll do my best, sir; yet surely I cannot see who you should have cause to be jealous of. ALIB. Thy reason for that, Lollio; it is A comfortable question. LOL. We have but two sorts of people in the house, and both under the whip, that’s fools and madmen; the one has not wit enough to be knaves, and the other not knavery enough to be fools. ALIB. Ay, those are all my patients, Lollio; I do profess the cure of either sort, My trade, my living ’tis, I thrive by it; But here’s the care that mixes with my thrift; The daily visitants, that come to see My brain-sick patients, I would not have To see my wife: gallants I do observe Of quick enticing eyes, rich in habits, Of stature and proportion very comely: Thee are most shrewd temptations, Lollio. LOL. They may be easily answered, sir; if they come to see the fools and madmen, you and I may serve the turn, and let my mistress alone, she’s of neither sort. ALIB. ’Tis a good ward;[409] indeed, come they to see Our madmen or our fools, let ’em see no more Than what they come for; by that consequent They must not see her, I'm sure she’s no fool. LOL. And I'm sure she’s no madman. ALIB. Hold that buckler fast; Lollio, my trust Is on thee, and I account it firm and strong. What hour is’t, Lollio? LOL. Towards belly-hour, sir. ALIB. Dinner-time? thou mean’st twelve a’clock? LOL. Yes, sir, for every part has his hour: we wake at six and look about us, that’s eye-hour; at seven we should pray, that’s knee-hour; at eight walk, that’s leg-hour; at nine gather flowers and pluck a rose,[410] that’s nose-hour; at ten we drink, that’s mouth-hour; at eleven lay about us for victuals, that’s hand-hour; at twelve go to dinner, that’s belly-hour. ALIB. Profoundly, Lollio! it will be long Ere all thy scholars learn this lesson, and I did look to have a new one enter’d;—stay, I think my expectation is come home.
_Enter_ PEDRO, _and_ ANTONIO _disguised as an idiot_.
PED. Save you, sir; my business speaks itself, This sight takes off the labour of my tongue. ALIB. Ay, ay, sir, it is plain enough, you mean Him for my patient. PED. And if your pains prove but commodious, to give but some little strength to the[411] sick and weak part of nature in him, these are [_gives him money_] but patterns to shew you of the whole pieces that will follow to you, beside the charge of diet, washing, and other necessaries, fully defrayed. ALIB. Believe it, sir, there shall no care be wanting. LOL. Sir, an officer in this place may deserve something, the trouble will pass through my hands. PED. ’Tis fit something should come to your hands then, sir. [_Gives him money._ LOL. Yes, sir, ’tis I must keep him sweet, and read to him: what is his name? PED. His name is Antonio; marry, we use but half to him, only Tony. LOL. Tony, Tony, ’tis enough, and a very good name for a fool.—What’s your name, Tony? ANT. He, he, he! well, I thank you, cousin; he, he, he! LOL. Good boy! hold up your head.—He can laugh; I perceive by that he is no beast. PED. Well, sir, If you can raise him but to any height, Any degree of wit, might he attain, As I might say, to creep but on all four Towards the chair of wit, or walk on crutches, 'Twould add an honour to your worthy pains, And a great family might pray for you, To which he should be heir, had he discretion To claim and guide his own: assure you, sir, He is a gentleman. LOL. Nay, there’s nobody doubted that; at first sight I knew him for a gentleman, he looks no other yet. PED. Let him have good attendance and sweet lodging. LOL. As good as my mistress lies in, sir; and as you allow us time and means, we can raise him to the higher degree of discretion. PED. Nay, there shall no cost want, sir. LOL. He will hardly be stretched up to the wit of a magnifico. PED. O no, that’s not to be expected; far shorter will be enough. LOL. I'll warrant you [I'll] make him fit to bear office in five weeks; I'll undertake to wind him up to the wit of constable. PED. If it be lower than that, it might serve turn. LOL. No, fie; to level him with a headborough, beadle, or watchman, were but little better than he is: constable I'll able[412] him; if he do come to be a justice afterwards, let him thank the keeper: or I'll go further with you; say I do bring him up to my own pitch, say I make him as wise as myself. PED. Why, there I would have it. LOL. Well, go to; either I'll be as arrant a fool as he, or he shall be as wise as I, and then I think 'twill serve his turn. PED. Nay, I do like thy wit passing well. LOL. Yes, you may; yet if I had not been a fool, I had had more wit than I have too: remember what state[413] you find me in. PED. I will, and so leave you: your best cares, I beseech you. ALIB. Take you none with you, leave ’em all with us. [_Exit_ PEDRO. ANT. O, my cousin’s gone! cousin, cousin, O! LOL. Peace, peace, Tony; you must not cry, child, you must be whipped if you do; your cousin is here still; I am your cousin, Tony. ANT. He, he! then I'll not cry, if thou be’st my cousin; he, he, he! LOL. I were best try his wit a little, that I may know what form to place him in. ALIB. Ay, do, Lollio, do. LOL. I must ask him easy questions at first.—Tony, how many true[414] fingers has a tailor on his right hand? ANT. As many as on his left, cousin. LOL. Good: and how many on both? ANT. Two less than a deuce, cousin. LOL. Very well answered: I come to you again, cousin Tony; how many fools go[415] to a wise man? ANT. Forty in a day sometimes, cousin. LOL. Forty in a day? how prove you that? ANT. All that fall out amongst themselves, and go to a lawyer to be made friends. LOL. A parlous[416] fool! he must sit in the fourth form at least, I perceive that.—I come again, Tony; how many knaves make an honest man? ANT. I know not that, cousin. LOL. No, the question is too hard for you: I'll tell you, cousin; there’s three knaves may make an honest man, a sergeant, a jailor, and a beadle; the sergeant catches him, the jailor holds him, and the beadle lashes him; and if he be not honest then, the hangman must cure him. ANT. Ha, ha, ha! that’s fine sport, cousin. ALIB. This was too deep a question for the fool, Lollio. LOL. Yes, this might have served yourself, though I say’t.—Once more, and you shall go play, Tony. ANT. Ay, play at push-pin, cousin; ha, he! LOL. So thou shalt: say how many fools are here—— ANT. Two, cousin; thou and I. LOL. Nay, you’re too forward there, Tony: mark my question; how many fools and knaves are here? a fool before a knave, a fool behind a knave, between every two fools a knave; how many fools, how many knaves? ANT. I never learnt so far, cousin. ALIB. Thou puttest too hard questions to him, Lollio. LOL. I'll make him understand it easily.—Cousin, stand there. ANT. Ay, cousin. LOL. Master, stand you next the fool. ALIB. Well, Lollio. LOL. Here’s my place: mark now, Tony, there'[s] a fool before a knave. ANT. That’s I, cousin. LOL. Here’s a fool behind a knave, that’s I; and between us two fools there is a knave, that’s my master; ’tis but we three, that’s all. ANT. We three, we three,[417] cousin. FIRST MAD. [_within_] Put’s head i' th' pillory, the bread’s too little. SEC. MAD. [_within_] Fly, fly, and he catches the swallow. THIRD MAD. [_within_] Give her more onion, or the devil put the rope about her crag.[418] LOL. You may hear what time of day it is, the chimes of Bedlam go.[419] ALIB. Peace, peace, or the wire[420] comes! THIRD MAD. [_within_] Cat whore, cat whore! her parmasant, her parmasant![421] ALIB. Peace, I say!—Their hour’s come, they must be fed, Lollio. LOL. There’s no hope of recovery of that Welsh madman; was undone by a mouse that spoiled him a parmasant; lost his wits for’t. ALIB. Go to your charge, Lollio, I'll to mine. LOL. Go you to your madmen’s ward, let me alone with your fools. ALIB. And remember my last charge, Lollio. [_Exit._ LOL. Of which your patients do you think I am?—Come, Tony, you must amongst your schoolfellows now; there’s pretty scholars amongst ’em, I can tell you; there’s some of ’em at _stultus_, _stulta_, _stultum_. ANT. I would see the madmen, cousin, if they would not bite me. LOL. No, they shall not bite thee, Tony. ANT. They bite when they are at dinner, do they not, coz? LOL. They bite at dinner indeed, Tony. Well, I hope to get credit by thee; I like thee the best of all the scholars that ever I brought up, and thou shalt prove a wise man, or I'll prove a fool myself. [_Exeunt._
ACT II. SCENE I.
_An apartment in the castle._
_Enter_ BEATRICE _and_ JASPERINO _severally_.
BEAT. O sir, I'm ready now for that fair service Which makes the name of friend sit glorious on you! Good angels and this conduct be your guide! [_Giving a paper._ Fitness of time and place is there set down, sir. JAS. The joy I shall return rewards my service. [_Exit._ BEAT. How wise is Alsemero in his friend! It is a sign he makes his choice with judgment; Then I appear in nothing more approv’d Than making choice of him; for ’tis a principle, He that can choose That bosom well who of his thoughts partakes, Proves most discreet in every choice he makes. Methinks I love now with the eyes of judgment, And see the way, to merit, clearly see it. A true deserter like a diamond sparkles; In darkness you may see him, that’s in absence, Which is the greatest darkness falls on love, Yet is he best discern’d then With intellectual eye-sight. What’s Piracquo, My father spends his breath for? and his blessing Is only mine as I regard his name, Else it goes from me, and turns head against me, Transform’d into a curse: some speedy way Must be remember’d; he’s so forward too, So urgent that way, scarce allows me breath To speak to my new comforts.
_Enter_ DE FLORES.
DE F. Yonder’s she; Whatever ails me, now a-late especially, I can as well be hang’d as refrain seeing her; Some twenty times a-day, nay, not so little, Do I force errands, frame ways and excuses, To come into her sight; and I've small reason for’t, And less encouragement, for she baits me still Every time worse than other; does profess herself The cruellest enemy to my face in town; At no hand can abide the sight of me, As if danger or ill luck hung in my looks. I must confess my face is bad enough, But I know far worse has better fortune, And not endur’d alone, but doted on; And yet such pick-hair’d faces, chins like witches', Here and there five hairs whispering in a corner, As if they grew in fear one of another, Wrinkles like troughs, where swine-deformity swills The tears of perjury, that lie there like wash Fallen from the slimy and dishonest eye; Yet such a one plucks[422] sweets without restraint, And has the grace of beauty to his sweet. Though my hard fate has thrust me out to servitude, I tumbled into th' world a gentleman. She turns her blessed eye upon me now, And I'll endure all storms before I part with’t. [_Aside._ BEAT. Again? This ominous ill-fac’d fellow more disturbs me Than all my other passions. [_Aside._ DE F. Now’t begins again; I'll stand this storm of hail, though the stones pelt me. [_Aside._ BEAT. Thy business? what’s thy business? DE F. Soft and fair! I cannot part so soon now. [_Aside._ BEAT. The villain’s fix’d.— [_Aside._ Thou standing toad-pool—— DE F. The shower falls amain now. [_Aside._ BEAT. Who sent thee? what’s thy errand? leave my sight! DE F. My lord, your father, charg’d me to deliver A message to you. BEAT. What, another since? Do’t, and be hang’d then; let me be rid of thee. DE F. True service merits mercy. BEAT. What’s thy message? DE F. Let beauty settle but in patience, You shall hear all. BEAT. A dallying, trifling torment! DE F. Signor Alonzo de Piracquo, lady, Sole brother to Tomaso de Piracquo—— BEAT. Slave, when wilt make an end? DE F. Too soon I shall. BEAT. What all this while of him? DE F. The said Alonzo, With the foresaid Tomaso—— BEAT. Yet again? DE F. Is new alighted. BEAT. Vengeance strike the news! Thou thing most loath’d, what cause was there in this To bring thee to my sight? DE F. My lord, your father, Charg’d me to seek you out. BEAT. Is there no other To send his errand by? DE F. It seems ’tis my luck To be i' th' way still. BEAT. Get thee from me! DE F. So: Why, am not I an ass to devise ways Thus to be rail’d at? I must see her still! I shall have a mad qualm within this hour again, I know’t; and, like a common Garden-bull,[423] I do but take breath to be lugg’d again. What this may bode I know not; I'll despair the less, Because there’s daily precedents of bad faces Belov’d beyond all reason; these foul chops May come into favour one day ’mongst their[424] fellows: Wrangling has prov’d the mistress of good pastime; As children cry themselves asleep, I ha' seen Women have chid themselves a-bed to men. [_Aside, and exit._ BEAT. I never see this fellow but I think Of some harm towards me, danger’s in my mind still; I scarce leave trembling of an hour after: The next good mood I find my father in, I'll get him quite discarded. O, I was Lost in this small disturbance, and forgot Affliction’s fiercer torrent that now comes To bear down all my comforts!
_Enter_ VERMANDERO, ALONZO, _and_ TOMASO.
VER. You’re both welcome, But an especial one belongs to you, sir, To whose most noble name our love presents Th' addition of a son, our son Alonzo. ALON. The treasury of honour cannot bring forth A title I should more rejoice in, sir. VER. You have improv’d it well.—Daughter, prepare; The day will steal upon thee suddenly. BEAT. Howe’er, I will be sure to keep the night, If it should come so near me. [_Aside._ [BEATRICE _and_ VERMANDERO _talk apart_. TOM. Alonzo. ALON. Brother? TOM. In troth I see small welcome in her eye. ALON. Fie, you are too severe a censurer Of love in all points, there’s no bringing on you; If lovers should mark every thing a fault, Affection would be like an ill-set book, Whose faults might prove as big as half the volume. BEAT. That’s all I do intreat. VER. It is but reasonable; I'll see what my son says to’t.—Son Alonzo, Here is a motion made but to reprieve A maidenhead three days longer; the request Is not far out of reason, for indeed The former time is pinching. ALON. Though my joys Be set back so much time as I could wish They had been forward, yet since she desires it, The time is set as pleasing as before, I find no gladness wanting. VER. May I ever Meet it in that point still! you’re nobly welcome, sirs. [_Exit with_ BEATRICE. TOM. So; did you mark the dulness of her parting now? ALON. What dulness? thou art so exceptious still! TOM. Why, let it go then; I am but a fool To mark your harms so heedfully. ALON. Where’s the oversight? TOM. Come, your faith’s cozen’d in her, strongly cozen’d: Unsettle your affection with all speed Wisdom can bring it to; your peace is ruin’d else. Think what a torment ’tis to marry one Whose heart is leap’d into another’s bosom: If ever pleasure she receive from thee, It comes not in thy name, or of thy gift; She lies but with another in thine arms, He the half-father unto all thy children In the conception, if he get ’em not, She helps[425] to get ’em for him; and how dangerous And shameful her restraint may go in time to, It is not to be thought on without sufferings. ALON. You speak as if she lov’d some other, then. TOM. Do you apprehend so slowly? ALON. Nay, and[426] that Be your fear only, I am safe enough: Preserve your friendship and your counsel, brother, For times of more distress; I should depart An enemy, a dangerous, deadly one, To any but thyself, that should but think She knew the meaning of inconstancy, Much less the use and practice: yet we’re friends; Pray, let no more be urg’d; I can endure Much, till I meet an injury to her, Then I am not myself. Farewell, sweet brother; How much we’re bound to heaven to depart lovingly! [_Exit._ TOM. Why, here is love’s tame madness; thus a man Quickly steals into his vexation. [_Exit._
SCENE II.
_Another apartment in the castle._
_Enter_ DIAPHANTA _and_ ALSEMERO.
DIA. The place is my charge; you have kept your hour, And the reward of a just meeting bless you! I hear my lady coming: complete gentleman, I dare not be too busy with my praises, They’re dangerous things to deal with. [_Exit._ ALS. This goes well; These women are the ladies' cabinets, Things of most precious trust are lock’d into ’em.
_Enter_ BEATRICE.
BEAT. I have within mine eye all my desires: Requests that holy prayers ascend heaven for, And bring[427] ’em down to furnish our defects, Come not more sweet to our necessities Than thou unto my wishes. ALS. We’re so like In our expressions, lady, that unless I borrow The same words, I shall never find their equals. BEAT. How happy were this meeting, this embrace, If it were free from envy! this poor kiss, It has an enemy, a hateful one, That wishes poison to’t: how well were I now, If there were none such name known as Piracquo, Nor no such tie as the command of parents! I should be but too much bless’d. ALS. One good service Would strike off both your fears, and I'll go near’t too, Since you are so distress’d; remove the cause, The command ceases; so there’s two fears blown out With one and the same blast. BEAT. Pray, let me find you, sir: What might that service be, so strangely happy? ALS. The honourablest piece about man, valour: I'll send a challenge to Piracquo instantly. BEAT. How? call you that extinguishing of fear, When ’tis the only way to keep it flaming? Are not you ventur’d in the action, That’s all my joys and comforts? pray, no more, sir: Say you prevail’d, you’re danger’s and not mine then; The law would claim you from me, or obscurity Be made the grave to bury you alive. I'm glad these thoughts come forth; O, keep not one Of this condition,[428] sir! here was a course Found to bring sorrow on her way to death; The tears would ne’er ha' dried, till dust had chok’d ’em. Blood-guiltiness becomes a fouler visage;— And now I think on one; I was to blame, I ha' marr’d so good a market with my scorn; 'Thad been done questionless: the ugliest creature Creation fram’d for some use; yet to see I could not mark so much where it should be! [_Aside._ ALS. Lady—— BEAT. Why, men of art make much of poison, Keep one to expel another; where was my art? [_Aside._ ALS. Lady, you hear not me. BEAT. I do especially, sir; The present times are not so sure of our side As those hereafter may be; we must use ’em then As thrifty folks their wealth, sparingly now, Till the time opens. ALS. You teach wisdom, lady. BEAT. Within there! Diaphanta!
_Re-enter_ DIAPHANTA.
DIA. Do you call, madam? BEAT. Perfect your service, and conduct this gentleman The private way you brought him. DIA. I shall, madam. ALS. My love’s as firm as love e’er built upon. [_Exit with_ DIAPHANTA.
_Enter_ DE FLORES.