Part 15

O, are you come, sir? BEAT. The glass, upon my life! I see the letter. [_Aside._ JAS. Sir, this is M. [_Giving vial._ ALS. ’Tis it. BEAT. I am suspected. [_Aside._ ALS. How fitly our bride comes to partake with us! BEAT. What is’t, my lord? ALS. No hurt. BEAT. Sir, pardon me, I seldom taste of any composition. ALS. But this, upon my warrant, you shall venture on. BEAT. I fear ’twill make me ill. ALS. Heaven forbid that! BEAT. I'm put now to my cunning: th' effects I know, If I can now but feign ’em handsomely. [_Aside, then drinks._ ALS. It has that secret virtue, it ne’er miss’d, sir, Upon a virgin. JAS. Treble-qualitied? [BEATRICE _gapes and sneezes_. ALS. By all that’s virtuous, it takes there! proceeds! JAS. This is the strangest trick to know a maid by. BEAT. Ha, ha, ha! You have given me joy of heart to drink, my lord. ALS. No, thou hast given me such joy of heart, That never can be blasted. BEAT. What’s the matter, sir? ALS. See, now ’tis settled in a melancholy; Keep[s] both the time and method. [_Aside._]—My Joanna, Chaste as the breath of heaven, or morning’s womb, That brings the day forth! thus my love encloses thee. [_Exeunt._

SCENE III.

_A room in the house of_ ALIBIUS.

_Enter_ ISABELLA _and_ LOLLIO.

ISA. O heaven! is this the waning[479] moon? Does love turn fool, run mad, and all at once? Sirrah, here’s a madman, a-kin to the fool too, A lunatic lover. LOL. No, no, not he I brought the letter from. ISA. Compare his inside with his out, and tell me. LOL. The out’s mad, I'm sure of that; I had a taste on’t. ISA. [_reads letter_] _To the bright[480] Andromeda, chief chambermaid to the Knight of the Sun, at the sign of Scorpio, in the middle region, sent by the bellows-mender of Æolus. Pay the post._ LOL. This is stark madness! ISA. Now mark the inside. [_reads_] _Sweet lady, having now cast off this counterfeit cover of a madman, I appear to your best judgment a true and faithful lover of your beauty._ LOL. He is mad still! ISA. [_reads_] _If any fault you find, chide those perfections in you which have made me imperfect; ’tis the same sun that causeth to grow and enforceth to wither_—— LOL. O rogue! ISA. [_reads_] _Shapes and transhapes, destroys and builds again: I come in winter to you, dismantled of my proper ornaments; by the sweet splendour of your cheerful smiles, I spring and live a lover._ LOL. Mad rascal still! ISA. [_reads_] _Tread him not under foot, that shall appear an honour to your bounties. I remain—mad till I speak with you, from whom I expect my cure, yours all, or one beside himself_, FRANCISCUS. LOL. You are like to have a fine time on’t; my master and I may give over our professions; I do not think but you can cure fools and madmen faster than we, with little pains too. ISA. Very likely. LOL. One thing I must tell you, mistress; you perceive that I am privy to your skill; if I find you minister once, and set up the trade, I put in for my thirds; I shall be mad or fool else. ISA. The first place is thine, believe it, Lollio, If I do fall. LOL. I fall upon you. ISA. So. LOL. Well, I stand to my venture. ISA. But thy counsel now; how shall I deal with ’em? LOL. Why,[481] do you mean to deal with ’em? ISA. Nay, the fair[482] understanding, how to use ’em. LOL. Abuse ’em! that’s the way to mad the fool, and make a fool of the madman, and then you use ’em kindly. ISA. ’Tis easy, I'll practise; do thou observe it: The key of thy wardrobe. LOL. There [_gives key_]; fit yourself for ’em, and I'll fit ’em both for you. ISA. Take thou no further notice than the outside. LOL. Not an inch [_Exit_ ISABELLA]; I'll put you to the inside.

_Enter_ ALIBIUS.

ALIB. Lollio, art there? will all be perfect, think’st thou? To-morrow night, as if to close up the Solemnity, Vermandero expects us. LOL. I mistrust the madmen most; the fools will do well enough, I have taken pains with them. ALIB. Tush! they cannot miss; the more absurdity, The more commends it, so no rough behaviours Affright the ladies; they’re nice things, thou knowest. LOL. You need not fear, sir; so long as we are there with our commanding pizzles, they’ll be as tame as the ladies themselves. ALIB. I'll see them once more rehearse before they go. LOL. I was about it, sir: look you to the madmen’s morris, and let me alone with the other: there is one or two that I mistrust their fooling; I'll instruct them, and then they shall rehearse the whole measure. ALIB. Do so; I'll see the music prepar’d: but, Lollio, By the way, how does my wife brook her restraint? Does she not grudge at it? LOL. So, so; she takes some pleasure in the house, she would abroad else; you must allow her a little more length, she’s kept too short. ALIB. She shall along to Vermandero’s with us, That will serve her for a month’s liberty. LOL. What’s that on your face, sir? ALIB. Where, Lollio? I see nothing. LOL. Cry you mercy, sir, ’tis your nose; it shewed like the trunk of a young elephant. ALIB. Away, rascal! I'll prepare the music, Lollio. LOL. Do, sir, and I'll dance the whilst. [_Exit_ ALIBIUS.]—Tony, where art thou, Tony?

_Enter_ ANTONIO.

ANT. Here, cousin; where art thou? LOL. Come, Tony, the footmanship I taught you. ANT. I had rather ride, cousin.

Lol. Ay, a whip take you! but I'll keep you out; vault in: look you, Tony; fa, la, la, la, la. [_Dances._ ANT. Fa, la, la, la, la. [_Sings and dances._ LOL. There, an honour. ANT. Is this an honour, coz? LOL. Yes, and[483] it please your worship. ANT. Does honour bend in the hams, coz? LOL. Marry does it, as low as worship, squireship, nay, yeomanry itself sometimes, from whence it first stiffened: there rise, a caper. ANT. Caper after an honour, coz? LOL. Very proper, for honour is but a caper, rise[s] as fast and high, has a knee or two, and falls to th' ground again: you can remember your figure, Tony? ANT. Yes, cousin; when I see thy figure, I can remember mine. [_Exit_ LOLLIO.

_Re-enter_ ISABELLA, _dressed as a madwoman_.

ISA. Hey, how he[484] treads the air! shough, shough, t’other way! he burns his wings else: here’s wax enough below, Icarus, more than will be cancelled these eighteen moons: he’s down, he’s down! what a terrible fall he had! Stand up, thou son of Cretan Dædalus, And let us tread the lower labyrinth; I'll bring thee to the clue. ANT. Prithee, coz, let me alone. ISA. Art thou not drown’d? About thy head I saw a heap of clouds Wrapt like a Turkish turbant; on thy back A crook’d chameleon-colour’d rainbow hung Like a tiara down unto thy hams: Let me suck out those billows in thy belly; Hark, how they roar and rumble in the straits![485] Bless thee from the pirates! ANT. Pox upon you, let me alone! ISA. Why shouldst thou mount so high as Mercury, Unless thou hadst reversion of his place? Stay in the moon with me, Endymion, And we will rule these wild rebellious waves, That would have drown’d my love. ANT. I'll kick thee, if Again thou touch me, thou wild unshapen antic; I am no fool, you bedlam! ISA. But you are, as sure as I am mad: Have I put on this habit of a frantic, With love as full of fury, to beguile The nimble eye of watchful jealousy, And am I thus rewarded? ANT. Ha! dearest beauty! ISA. No, I have no beauty now, Nor never had but what was in my garments: You a quick-sighted lover! come not near me: Keep your caparisons, you’re aptly clad; I came a feigner, to return stark mad. ANT. Stay, or I shall change condition, And become as you are. [_Exit_ ISABELLA.

_Re-enter_ LOLLIO.

LOL. Why, Tony, whither now? why, fool—— ANT. Whose fool, usher of idiots? you coxcomb! I have fool’d too much. LOL. You were best be mad another while then. ANT. So I am, stark mad; I have cause enough; And I could throw the full effects on thee, And beat thee like a fury. LOL. Do not, do not; I shall not forbear the gentleman under the fool, if you do: alas, I saw through your fox-skin before now! Come, I can give you comfort, my mistress loves you; and there is as arrant a madman i' th' house as you are a fool, your rival, whom she loves not: if after the masque we can rid her of him, you earn her love, she says, and the fool shall ride her. ANT. May I believe thee? LOL. Yes, or you may choose whether you will or no. ANT. She’s eas’d of him; I've a good quarrel on’t. LOL. Well, keep your old station yet, and be quiet. ANT. Tell her I will deserve her love. [_Exit._ LOL. And you are like to have your desire.[486]

_Enter_ FRANCISCUS.

FRAN. [_sings_] _Down, down, down a-down a-down_, —and then with a horse-trick To kick Latona’s forehead, and break her bow-string. LOL. This is t’other counterfeit; I'll put him out of his humour. [_Aside. Takes out a letter and reads_] _Sweet lady, having now cast_ [_off_][487] _this counterfeit cover of a madman, I appear to your best judgment a true and faithful lover of your beauty._ This is pretty well for a madman. FRAN. Ha! what’s that? LOL. [_reads_] _Chide those perfections in you which_ [_have_] _made me imperfect._ FRAN. I am discover’d to the fool. LOL. I hope to discover the fool in you ere I have done with you. [_Reads_] _Yours all, or one beside himself_, FRANCISCUS. This madman will mend sure. FRAN. What do you read, sirrah? LOL. Your destiny, sir; you’ll be hanged for this trick, and another that I know. FRAN. Art thou of counsel with thy mistress? LOL. Next her apron-strings. FRAN. Give me thy hand. LOL. Stay, let me put yours in my pocket first [_putting letter into his pocket_]: your hand is true,[488] is it not? it will not pick? I partly fear it, because I think it does lie. FRAN. Not in a syllable. LOL. So; if you love my mistress so well as you have handled the matter here, you are like to be cured of your madness. FRAN. And none but she can cure it. LOL. Well, I'll give you over then, and she shall cast your water next. FRAN. Take for thy pains past. [_Gives him money._ LOL. I shall deserve more, sir, I hope: my mistress loves you, but must have some proof of your love to her. FRAN. There I meet my wishes. LOL. That will not serve, you must meet her enemy and yours. FRAN. He’s dead already. LOL. Will you tell me that, and I parted but now with him? FRAN. Shew me the man. LOL. Ay, that’s a right course now; see him before you kill him, in any case; and yet it needs not go so far neither, ’tis but a fool that haunts the house and my mistress in the shape of an idiot; bang but his fool’s coat well-favouredly, and ’tis well. FRAN. Soundly, soundly! LOL. Only reserve him till the masque be past; and if you find him not now in the dance yourself, I'll shew you. In, in! my master! [_Dancing._ FRAN. He handles him like a feather. Hey! [_Exit._

_Enter_ ALIBIUS.

ALIB. Well said: in a readiness, Lollio? LOL. Yes, sir. ALIB. Away then, and guide them in, Lollio: Entreat your mistress to see this sight. Hark, is there not one incurable fool That might be begg’d?[489] I have friends. LOL. I have him for you, One that shall deserve it too. [_Exit._

_Re-enter_ ISABELLA: _then re-enter_ LOLLIO _with the madmen and fools, who dance._

ALIB. Good boy, Lollio! ’Tis perfect: well, fit but once these strains, We shall have coin and credit for our pains. [_Exeunt._

ACT V. SCENE I.

_A gallery in the castle._

_Enter_ BEATRICE: _a clock strikes one._

BEAT. One struck, and yet she lies by’t! O, my fears! This strumpet serves her own ends, ’tis apparent now, Devours the pleasure with a greedy appetite, And never minds my honour or my peace, Makes havoc of my right; but she pays dearly for’t; No trusting of her life with such a secret, That cannot rule her blood to keep her promise; Beside, I've some suspicion of her faith to me, Because I was suspected of my lord, And it must come from her [_clock strikes two_]: hark! by my horrors, Another clock strikes two!

_Enter_ DE FLORES.

DE F. Pist![490] where are you? BEAT. De Flores? DE F. Ay: is she not come from him yet? BEAT. As I'm a living soul, not! DE F. Sure the devil Hath sow’d his itch within her; who would trust A waiting-woman? BEAT. I must trust somebody. DE F. Push![491] they’re termagants; Especially when they fall upon their masters And have their ladies' first-fruits; they’re mad whelps, You cannot stave ’em off from game royal: then You are so harsh[492] and hardy, ask no counsel; And I could have help’d you to a ’pothecary’s daughter Would have fall’n off before eleven, and thank['d] you too. BEAT. O me, not yet! this whore forgets herself. DE F. The rascal fares so well: look, you’re undone; The day-star, by this hand! see, Phosphorus plain yonder. BEAT. Advise me now to fall upon some ruin; There is no counsel safe else. DE F. Peace! I ha’t now, For we must force a rising, there’s no remedy. BEAT. How? take heed of that. DE F. Tush! be you quiet, or else give over all. BEAT. Prithee—I ha' done then. DE F. This is my reach: I'll set Some part a-fire of Diaphanta’s chamber. BEAT. How? fire, sir? that may endanger the whole house. DE F. You talk of danger when your fame’s on fire? BEAT. That’s true; do what thou wilt now. DE F. Push! I aim At a most rich success strikes all dead sure: The chimney being a-fire, and some light parcels Of the least danger in her chamber only, If Diaphanta should be met by chance then Far from her lodging, which is now suspicious, It would be thought her fears and affrights then Drove her to seek for succour; if not seen Or met at all, as that’s the likeliest, For her own shame she’ll hasten towards her lodging; I will be ready with a piece high-charg’d, As ’twere to cleanse the chimney, there ’tis proper now, But she shall be the mark. BEAT. I'm forc’d to love thee now, 'Cause thou provid’st so carefully for my honour. DE F. ’Slid, it concerns the safety of us both, Our pleasure and continuance. BEAT. One word now, prithee; How for the servants? DE F. I will despatch them, Some one way, some another in the hurry, For buckets, hooks, ladders; fear not you, The deed shall find its time; and I've thought since Upon a safe conveyance for the body too: How this fire purifies wit! watch you your minute. BEAT. Fear keeps my soul upon’t, I cannot stray from’t.

_Enter Ghost of_ ALONZO.

DE F. Ha! what art thou that tak’st away the light Betwixt that star and me? I dread thee not: ’Twas but a mist of conscience; all’s clear again. [_Exit._ BEAT. Who’s that, De Flores? bless me, it slides by! [_Exit Ghost._ Some ill thing haunts the house; ’t has left behind it A shivering sweat upon me; I'm afraid now: This night hath been so tedious! O this strumpet! Had she a thousand lives, he should not leave her Till he had destroy’d the last. List! O my terrors! [_Clock strikes three._ Three struck by St. Sebastian’s! VOICES [_within_]. Fire, fire, fire! BEAT. Already? how rare is that man’s speed! How heartily he serves me! his face loathes one; But look upon his care, who would not love him? The east is not more beauteous than his service. VOICES [_within_]. Fire, fire, fire!

_Re-enter_ DE FLORES: _Servants pass over the stage_.

DE F. Away, despatch! hooks, buckets, ladders! that’s well said. [_Bell rings within._ The fire-bell rings; the chimney works, my charge; The piece is ready. [_Exit._ BEAT. Here’s a man worth loving!

_Enter_ DIAPHANTA. O, you’re a jewel! DIA. Pardon frailty, madam; In troth, I was so well, I even forgot myself. BEAT. You’ve made trim work! DIA. What? BEAT. Hie quickly to your chamber; Your reward follows you. DIA. I never made So sweet a bargain. [_Exit._

_Enter_ ALSEMERO.

ALS. O, my dear Joanna, Alas! art thou risen too? I was coming, My absolute treasure! BEAT. When I miss’d you, I could not choose but follow. ALS. Thou’rt all sweetness: The fire is not so dangerous. BEAT. Think you so, sir? ALS. I prithee, tremble not; believe me, ’tis not.

_Enter_ VERMANDERO _and_ JASPERINO.

VER. O, bless my house and me! ALS. My lord your father.

_Re-enter_ DE FLORES _with a gun_.

VER. Knave, whither goes that piece? DE F. To scour the chimney. VER. O, well said, well said! [_Exit_ DE FLORES. That fellow’s good on all occasions. BEAT. A wondrous necessary man, my lord. VER. He hath a ready wit; he’s worth ’em all, sir; Dog at a house of[493] fire; I ha' seen him sing’d ere now.— [_Gun fired off within._ Ha, there he goes! BEAT. ’Tis done! [_Aside._ ALS. Come, sweet, to bed now; Alas, thou wilt get cold! BEAT. Alas, the fear keeps that out! My heart will find no quiet till I hear How Diaphanta, my poor woman, fares; It is her chamber, sir, her lodging chamber. VER. How should the fire come there? BEAT. As good a soul as ever lady countenanc’d, But in her chamber negligent and heavy: She ’scap’d a mine twice. VER. Twice? BEAT. Strangely twice, sir. VER. Those sleepy sluts are dangerous in a house, And[494] they be ne’er so good.

_Re-enter_ DE FLORES.

DE F. O, poor virginity, Thou hast paid dearly for’t! VER. Bless us, what’s that? DE F. A thing you all knew once, Diaphanta’s burnt. BEAT. My woman! O, my woman! DE F. Now the flames Are greedy of her; burnt, burnt, burnt to death, sir! BEAT. O my presaging soul! ALS. Not a tear more! I charge you by the last embrace I gave you In bed, before this rais’d us. BEAT. Now you tie me; Were it my sister, now she gets no more.

_Enter Servant._

VER. How now? SER. All danger’s past; you may now take Your rests, my lords; the fire is throughly quench’d: Ah, poor gentlewoman, how soon was she stifled! BEAT. De Flores, what is left of her inter, And we as mourners all will follow her: I will entreat that honour to my servant Even of my lord himself. ALS. Command it, sweetness. BEAT. Which of you spied the fire first? DE F. ’Twas I, madam. BEAT. And took such pains in’t too? a double goodness! 'Twere well he were rewarded. VER. He shall be.— De Flores, call upon me. ALS. And upon me, sir. [_Exeunt all except_ DE FLORES. DE F. Rewarded? precious! here’s a trick beyond me: I see in all bouts, both of sport and wit, Always a woman strives for the last hit. [_Exit._

SCENE II.

_Another apartment in the castle._

_Enter_ TOMASO.

TOM. I cannot taste the benefits of life With the same relish I was wont to do: Man I grow weary of, and hold his fellowship A treacherous bloody friendship; and because I'm ignorant in whom my wrath should settle, I must think all men villains, and the next I meet, whoe’er he be, the murderer Of my most worthy brother. Ha! what’s he?

DE FLORES _passes over the stage_.

O, the fellow that some call honest De Flores; But methinks honesty was hard bested To come there for a lodging; as if a queen Should make her palace of a pest-house: I find a contrariety in nature Betwixt that face and me; the least occasion Would give me game upon him; yet he’s so foul One would scarce touch [him] with a sword he lov’d And made account of; so most deadly venomous, He would go near to poison any weapon That should draw blood on him; one must resolve Never to use that sword again in fight In way of honest manhood that strikes him; Some river must devour it; ’twere not fit That any man should find it. What, again?

_Re-enter_ DE FLORES.

He walks a' purpose by, sure, to choke me up, T' infect my blood. DE F. My worthy noble lord! TOM. Dost offer to come near and breathe upon me? [_Strikes him._ DE F. A blow! [_Draws._ TOM. Yea, are you so prepar’d? I'll rather like a soldier die by th' sword, Than like a politician by thy poison. [_Draws._ DE F. Hold, my lord, as you are honourable! TOM. All slaves that kill by poison are still cowards. DE F. I cannot strike; I see his brother’s wounds Fresh bleeding in his eye, as in a crystal.— [_Aside._ I will not question this, I know you’re noble; I take my injury with thanks given, sir, Like a wise lawyer, and as a favour Will wear it for the worthy hand that gave it.—Why this from him that yesterday appear’d So strangely loving to me? O, but instinct is of a subtler strain! Guilt must not walk so near his lodge again; He came near me now. [_Aside, and exit._ TOM. All league with mankind I renounce for ever, Till I find this murderer; not so much As common courtesy but I'll lock up; For in the state of ignorance I live in, A brother may salute his brother’s murderer, And wish good speed to th' villain in a greeting.

_Enter_ VERMANDERO, ALIBIUS, _and_ ISABELLA.