Part 15
Don't misunderstand me, please. But I suppose this ends our conference, my dear Master. (_Looking around_) And yet I must admit that your rude treatment has made me feel a great deal more at ease. Isn't that strange? And in spite of the fact that, after this unexpected turn, my hopes must be held practically--I beg your pardon!--completely disposed of.... In spite of this I feel actually in much better spirits than I have done for a long time. Even if I am not to have the happiness of which I have foolishly dared to dream so long....
AMADEUS
Was it so very foolish?
SIGISMUND (_good-humoredly_)
Oh, yes. But this is at least an acceptable conclusion. (_Shaking his head_) It seems queer! If I hadn't come here at this very moment, you might never have learned--you might never have believed--might have believed that Cecilia.... And one of us might perhaps--must perhaps have.... (_He makes a gesture to complete the sentence_)
AMADEUS
It was indeed a strange coincidence that made you choose this particular moment....
SIGISMUND
Coincidence, you say? Oh, no, there are no coincidences--as you will discover sooner or later. (_Pause_) Well, good-by then, and give my regards to Mrs. ... Adams ...
AMADEUS
You can safely call her Cecilia.
SIGISMUND
... and tell her, please, that she mustn't be angry with me for having taken such a step without her knowledge. Of course, my going away won't surprise her. When leaving her yesterday, I told her that I couldn't continue this kind of existence.
AMADEUS
And she...? What did she say?
SIGISMUND (_hesitatingly_)
She....
AMADEUS (_excited again_)
She tried to keep you here...?
SIGISMUND
Yes.
AMADEUS
So that after all...!
SIGISMUND
Now she won't try any longer, my dear Master. (_With a wistful smile_) I have served my purpose.
AMADEUS
What do you mean?
SIGISMUND
Oh, I can see now why she needed me--of course, you were not at all aware of it!
AMADEUS
Why did she need you?
SIGISMUND
Simply and solely as a means of winning you back.
AMADEUS
What makes you think...?
SIGISMUND
What...? That she has succeeded.
AMADEUS
No, Sigismund--she hadn't lost me--in spite of all that had happened. In fact, I feel as if I had rather lost her than she--me.
SIGISMUND
That's awfully kind of you. But now--God be with you!
AMADEUS (_with something like emotion_)
And when shall we see you again?
SIGISMUND
I don't know. Perhaps never.---Please don't imagine that I might take my own life. I shall get over it, being still young.--Oh, my dear Master, if things could only become what they used to be, so that I could sit here at the fireplace while Cecilia was singing--or hammer away at the piano after supper...!
AMADEUS
Don't be quite so modest, please! The fame of your piano playing has reached Berlin even, I hear.
SIGISMUND
So she has told you that, too?!--But you see, dear Master, all that can never come back--we could no longer feel at ease with each other.... So--never to meet again!
AMADEUS
Never.... Why? Perhaps I shall see you very soon alone. I am also--going away.
SIGISMUND
I know. We were talking of it yesterday, in the dining car. You are to conduct your--number-which-one is it now?
AMADEUS
The fourth.
SIGISMUND
So you have got that far already?--And where are you going anyhow?
AMADEUS
To the Rhine district first of all; then by way of Munich to Italy--Venice, Milan, Rome.
SIGISMUND
Rome...? There we may possibly meet. But you'll have to pardon me for not coming to your concerts. So far I have not been able to understand your symphonies.... But I am sure I shall sometime! One does grow more and more clever, and sorrow and experiences in particular have a maturing influence.... "Now he's making fun of it," I suppose you are thinking. But, really, I am not in a very humorous mood. Farewell, my dear Master--and my most respectful compliments to your wife. (_He goes out_)
AMADEUS (_walks back and forth; takes a few deep breaths, as if relieved; goes out into the garden; returns; sits down at the piano and plays a few improvisations; gets up and goes to the writing desk, where he begins to look for something among the papers_) Where's that Solo? ... She's going to sing it, and I shall be present...! (_He seats himself at the piano again, apparently in a very happy mood_) Cecilia!... Cecilia!
CECILIA (_enters_)
AMADEUS (_rising_)
Ah, there you are at last, Cecilia!
CECELIA (_very calmly_)
Good-morning, Amadeus.
AMADEUS
A little late.
CECILIA (_smiling_)
Yes. (_She takes off her hat and goes to the mirror to arrange her hair_)
AMADEUS
What made you get out so early?
CECILIA
Various things I had to attend to.
AMADEUS
And may one ask...?
CECILIA
One may.--Look here, what I have got for you. (_She takes a letter from a small bag_)
AMADEUS
What's that? (_He takes it_) What...? My letter to Philine...! Did you go to her, Cecilia?
CECILIA
Well, I felt a little nervous about it. Now I think it was rather silly of me.
AMADEUS
And how...?
CECILIA
Oh, the simplest thing in the world! I asked her for it, and she gave it to me. It was lying in an open drawer in her writing desk--with others. I think you can call yourself lucky.
AMADEUS
Cecilia! (_He tears the letter to pieces and throws these into the fireplace_)
CECILIA
Well, you would never have made up your mind to demand it of her, and that would have kept me in a state of irritation. I can't have anything like that on my mind when I want to work.--And now that's settled. (_She turns away_) Then I went to the opera, too. I have had a talk with the Director. He's going to indorse my request to be set free.
AMADEUS
Your request to be set free...?
CECILIA
Yes, I shall go to Berlin on the first of January.
AMADEUS
But, Cecilia, we haven't talked it over yet....
CECILIA
What's the use of postponing a thing that's already settled in my own mind?--You know I never like to do that.
AMADEUS
But it means a whole year of separation!
CECILIA
To start with. But I think it might be just as well to prepare ourselves for a still longer period.
AMADEUS
Do you mean to leave me, Cecilia?!
CECILIA
What else can I do, Amadeus? That ought to be as clear to you as it is to me.
AMADEUS
So it would have been a little while ago, Cecilia. But I have come to see our future in a different light.... Cecilia ... Sigismund has been here!
CECILIA
Sigismund?!... You have talked with him?... What did he want?
AMADEUS
What did he want...? Your hand.
CECILIA
And you refused...?
AMADEUS
He is sending you his farewell greetings through me, Cecilia.
CECILIA
So that's what has put you in such a good humor all at once! (_Pause_) And if he hadn't come here?
AMADEUS
If he hadn't come here....
CECILIA
Speak out, please!
AMADEUS (_remains silent_)
CECILIA
You didn't mean to ... to fight him?
AMADEUS
I did. Albert was on his way to him at the time.
CECILIA
What vanity, Amadeus!
AMADEUS
No, not vanity, Cecilia. I love you.
CECILIA (_remains wholly unresponsive_)
AMADEUS
You can't guess, of course, what took place within me while his words were gradually bringing home the truth to me! Once more the doors of heaven have been thrown open to me!
CECILIA
The only thing you forget is that they must remain closed to me forever.
AMADEUS
Don't say that, Cecilia. What has happened to me in the past seems so very insignificant, after all.
CECILIA
Insignificant, you say?--And if it had happened to me, it would have been so significant that people should have had to kill or be killed on that account? How can you think then, that I might get over it so easily?
AMADEUS
How can I...? Because you have proved it already. You knew just what had happened, and yet you became mine again.... You knew that I had been faithless, while you had kept your faith, and yet....
CECILIA
You say that I have kept my faith?--No, I haven't! And even if I should seem faithful to you, I have long ago ceased to be so in my own mind. _I_ know the desires that have burned within me.... _I_ know how often my body has trembled and yearned in the presence of some man.... And what I told you last night--that I am waiting with wide-open arms, full of longings and expectations--that's true, Amadeus--no less true than it is that I am standing face to face with you now.
AMADEUS
If that be true, what has kept you from satisfying all your longings--you, who have been as free as I have?
CECILIA
I am a woman, Amadeus. And we seem to be like that. Something makes us hesitate even when we have already made up our minds.
AMADEUS
And because you seemed guilty in your own mind, you remained silent?... And for no other reason have you left me--me, whose sufferings you might have relieved by a single word--to believe you as guilty as myself?
CECILIA
Perhaps....
AMADEUS
And how long did you mean to let me go on believing that?
CECILIA
Until it became true, Amadeus.
AMADEUS
But there has been enough of it now, Cecilia. It will never become true ... never after this.
CECILIA
Where do you get that idea, Amadeus? It is going to be true. Do you think, perhaps, that all this was meant as a kind of ordeal for you? Do you think I was playing a childish comedy in order to punish you, and that now, when you have discovered the truth prematurely, I shall sink into your arms and declare everything right again? Have you really imagined that everything could now be forgotten, and that we might resume our marriage relations at the exact point where they were interrupted? How can you possibly have wished that such might be the case--so that our marriage would be like thousands of others, where both deceive each other, and become reconciled, and deceive each other again--just as the moment's whim happens to move them?
AMADEUS
We have neither deceived each other, nor become reconciled--we have been free, and have merely found each other again.
CECILIA
Each other, you say?... As if that were possible! What is it then, that has made me seem so desirable to you all at once? Not the fact that I am Cecilia--oh, no! But the fact that I seem to have come back another woman. And have I really become yours again? Not at all! Not unless you have grown so modest all at once that you can be satisfied with a happiness that might have fallen to somebody else perhaps, if he had merely chanced to be on hand at that particular moment.
AMADEUS (_shrinking back_)
But even if last night be sacrificed to this fixed idea of yours, Cecilia--it is daylight now--we are awake--and in this moment of clear light you must feel, no less than I, that we love each other, Cecilia--love as we have never loved before.
CECILIA
This moment might prove deceptive--and I am sure it would. No other moment would be more apt to prove such. Do you think those many moments in which we felt our tenderness gradually ebbing away--those many moments when we felt the lure of other loves--do you think them less worthy of consideration than this one? The only thing urging us together now is our fear of the final leave-taking. And our feelings at this moment make a pretty poor sample upon which to base an eternity. I don't trust them. What has happened once, may ... nay, must repeat itself--to-morrow--or two years from now--or five ... in a more indiscreet manner, perhaps, or in a manner more tragical--but certainly in a manner to be much more regretted.
AMADEUS
Oh, no--never again! Now--after what I have felt and experienced lately, I can vouch for myself.
CECILIA
I don't feel equally certain of myself, Amadeus.
AMADEUS
That doesn't scare me, Cecilia, for now I'm prepared to fight for you--now I'm worthy and capable of fighting for you. Hereafter you shall never more be left unprotected as you were in the past--my tenderness will guard you.
CECILIA
But I don't want to be guarded! I shall no longer permit you to guard me! And I can no more give you any promises than I care to accept yours.
AMADEUS
And if I should forgo them myself--if I should risk it on a mere uncertainty?
CECILIA
That's more than I dare--whether the risk concern you or myself ... more than I would risk even with certainty in mind. (_She turns away from him_)
AMADEUS
Then I cannot possibly understand you, Cecilia. What is it you want to make us pay for so dearly--yes, both of us? Is it our guilt or our happiness?
CECILIA
Why should either one of them be paid for? What's the use of such a word between us? Neither one of us has done anything that requires atonement. Neither one of us has any right to reproach the other one. Both of us have been free, and each one has used his freedom in accordance with his own desire and ability. I think nothing has happened but what must happen. We have trusted each other too much--or too little. We were neither made to love each other faithfully forever nor to maintain a pure friendship. Others have become resigned--I can't--and you mustn't allow yourself, Amadeus. Our experiment has failed. Let us admit our disillusionment. That can be borne. But I have no curiosity to find how it tastes when everything comes to an end in sheer loathing.
AMADEUS
Comes to an end, you say?--But that can't be possible, Cecilia! It can't be possible that we should really leave each other--part from each other like strangers! We are still face to face--each of us can feel the closeness of the other one--and that's why you cannot yet realize what it would mean. Consider all the things that might come into your life as well as into mine during a separation of that kind--so prolonged and so void of responsibility--things that now have no place in your imagination even, and for which there could be no reparation.
CECILIA
Could they be worse than what has already befallen me? Faithfulness to each other in the ordinary sense matters least of all, I should think. And we could probably more easily find our way back to each other sometime from almost any other experience than that adventure of last night, or from a moment of self-deception like this one.
AMADEUS
Find our way back, you say...?
CECILIA
It's also possible that, after a couple of years, we won't care to do so--that everything may be over between us to such an extent that we cannot imagine it now. That's possible, I say. But if we stayed together now, everything would be over within the next few seconds. For then we should be no better than all those we have despised hitherto--the one difference being that we had arranged ourselves more comfortably than the rest.
ALBERT (_entering_)
I beg your pardon for coming in unannounced like this, but....
CECILIA (_withdraws toward the background_)
AMADEUS (_going to meet Albert_)
Yes, I know--you didn't find the Prince--he has been here himself.
ALBERT
What does that mean?
AMADEUS
That there was no reason why I should want to kill him.
ALBERT
I see.--Well, I'll be hanged if I haven't suspected something of the kind myself!--Then I suppose everything is once more in perfect order in this house?
AMADEUS
Yes, in perfect order. When I return, Cecilia will be in Berlin, and I shall not follow her.
ALBERT
What? Then you are going to ask for a separation after all?
CECILIA (_approaching them_)
No, we are not going to ask for a separation. We'll just separate.
ALBERT
What?... (_He looks from one to the other; pause_) Really I like that. Indeed, I do. I think both of you are splendid--but especially you, Cecilia--and, of course, there is nothing else left for you to do now.
PETER (_enters, carrying some of his puppets_)
Papa! Mamma! I can play theater beautifully. Won't you come and look? Oh, please come!
CECILIA (_strokes his hair_)
AMADEUS (_remains standing at some distance from them_)
ALBERT
Well, isn't this just like life--the life you are always talking of! This should be the moment when you had to fall into each others' arms with absolute certainty, if you had had the luck to be imaginatively created--that is, not by me, of course.
CECILIA
No, the boy means too much to both of us to make that possible--don't you think so, Amadeus?
AMADEUS (_losing control of himself after a glance at Peter_) All at once to be alone in the world again--it's a thought I can hardly face!
CECILIA
But we shall be somewhere in that world, you know--your child, and the mother of your child. We are not parting as enemies, after all.... (_With a smile_) I am even ready to come here and sing that Solo of yours--although we shall not be able to study it together.
AMADEUS
It's more than I can bear...!
CECILIA
It will have to be borne. We must work--both of us.
ALBERT (_to Amadeus_)
Yes, and it remains to be seen what effect a real sorrow like this may have on you. It's just what you have lacked so far. I expect you'll get a lot out of it. In a sense, I might almost envy you.
PETER
What's the matter?... Look here, mamma, how they jump about! That's the king, and this is the devil.
ALBERT
Come on, sonny, and play your piece to _me_. But I insist that the hero must either marry in the end, or be carried off by the devil. In either case you can go home quite satisfied when the curtain drops. (_He goes out with Peter_)
CECILIA (_after a glance at Amadeus, starts to follow them_)
AMADEUS
Cecilia!
CECILIA (_turns back_)
AMADEUS (_passionately_)
Why didn't you show me the door, Cecilia, when you knew...?
CECILIA
Well, _did_ I know?... I have loved you, Amadeus. And all I wanted, perhaps, was that the inevitable end should be worthy of our love--that we should part after a final moment of bliss, and with a pang.
AMADEUS
With a pang, you say...? Do you really feel anything like that?
CECILIA (_coming close to him and speaking very gently_)
Why don't you try to understand me, Amadeus? I feel it just as keenly as you do. But there is another thing I feel more strongly than you, and it is well for us both that I do. It is this, Amadeus, that we have been so much to each other that we must keep the memory of it pure. If that was nothing but an adventure last night, then we have never been worthy of our past happiness.... If it was a farewell, then we may expect new happiness in the future ... perhaps.... (_She starts toward the garden_)
AMADEUS
And that's our reward, then, for having always been honest to each other!
CECILIA (_turning toward him again_)
Honest, you call it...? Have we always been that?
AMADEUS
Cecilia!
CECILIA
No, I can't think so any longer. Let everything else have been honest--but that both of us should have resigned ourselves so promptly when you told me of your passion for the Countess and I confessed my affection for Sigismund--that was not honest. If each of us had then flung his scorn, his bitterness, his despair into the face of the other one, instead of trying to appear self-controlled and superior--then we should have been honest--which, as it was, we were not. (_She walks across the veranda outside and disappears into the garden_)
AMADEUS (_to himself_)
All right--then we were not honest. (_After a pause_) And suppose we had been?! (_For a moment he seems to consider; then he goes to the writing desk and puts the manuscript music lying there into the little handbag; after a glance into the garden, he goes into his own room, returning at once with his hat and overcoat; then he opens the handbag again and picks out a manuscript, which he places on the piano; then he goes out rapidly, taking hat, overcoat and handbag with him; a brief pause follows_)
CECILIA (_enters and notices that the handbag is gone; she goes quickly into Amadeus' room, but returns immediately; she crosses the room to the main entrance and remains standing there, opening her arms widely at first, and then letting them sink down again; going to the piano, she catches sight of the manuscript lying there and picks it up; while looking at it, she sinks down on the piano stool_)
PETER (appears on the veranda with Albert and calls from there) Mother!
CECILIA (_does not hear him_)
ALBERT (_observing that Cecilia is alone and sunk in grief, takes Peter with him into the garden again_)
CECILIA (_begins to weep softly and lets her head sink down on the piano_)
CURTAIN
COUNTESS MIZZIE
OR
THE FAMILY REUNION
(_Komtesse Mizzi oder der Familientag_)
A COMEDY IN ONE ACT
1907
PERSONS
COUNT ARPAD PAZMANDY
MIZZIE } His daughter
PRINCE EGON RAVENSTEIN
LOLO LANGHUBER
PHILIP
PROFESSOR WINDHOFER
WASNER
THE GARDENER
THE VALET
COUNTESS MIZZIE
_The garden of Count Arpad. In the background, tall iron fence. Near the middle of this, but a little more to the right, there is a gate. In the foreground, at the left, appears the façade of the two-storied villa, which used to be an imperial hunting lodge about 180 years ago and was remodeled about thirty years ago. A narrow terrace runs along the main floor, which is raised above the ground. Three wide stairs lead from the terrace down to the garden. French doors, which are standing open, lead from the terrace into the drawing-room. The windows of the upper floor are of ordinary design. Above that floor appears a small balcony, to which access is had through a dormer window. This balcony holds a profusion of flowering plants. A garden seat, a small table and an armchair stand under a tree at the right, in the foreground._
COUNT (_enters from the right; he is an elderly man with gray mustaches, but must still be counted decidedly good-looking; his bearing and manners indicate the retired officer; he wears a riding suit and carries a crop_)
VALET (_entering behind the Count_)
At what time does Your Grace desire to have dinner to-day?
COUNT (_who speaks with the laconism affected by his former colleagues, and who, at that particular moment, is engaged in lighting a huge cigar_) At two.
VALET
And when is the carriage to be ready, Your Grace?
MIZZIE[1] (_appearing on the balcony with a palette and a bunch of brushes in one hand, calls down to her father_) Good morning, papa.
[1] Diminutive of Maria.
COUNT
Morning, Mizzie.
MIZZIE
You left me all alone for breakfast again, papa. Where have you been anyhow?
COUNT
Most everywhere. Rode out by way of Mauer and Rodaun.[2] Perfectly splendid day. And what are you doing? At work already? Is there anything new to be seen soon?
[2] Small towns south of Vienna. The subsequent reference to the Tiergarten shows that the Pazmandy residence must be in the little suburb of Lainz, at the extreme southwestern corner of Vienna. Near the Tiergarten there is actually an imperial hunting lodge, which the playwright seems to have appropriated for his purpose.
MIZZIE
Yes, indeed, papa. Nothing but flowers though, as usual.
COUNT
Isn't the professor coming to see you to-day?
MIZZIE
Yes, but not until one.
COUNT