Part 9
Well, it doesn't matter. I have made good use of my time. I went on through the woods as far as Neustift and Salmansdorf.[6] And then I got out and followed a road that I remembered since many years ago. (_She looks at Julian_) I rested on a bench where I sat once many, many years ago, with a close friend. (_Smilingly_) Can you guess, Mr. Fichtner? The outlook is wonderful. Beyond the fields you have a perfect view of the whole city as far as the Danube.
[6] Former villages, now suburbs of Vienna, lying still nearer the city limits than Dornbach, where Sala is living.
SALA (_pointing to the stone seat_)
Won't you sit down here for a while, Miss Herms?
IRENE
Thanks. (_She raises her lorgnette to study the busts of the two emperors_) It makes one feel quite Roman.... But I hope, gentlemen, I haven't interrupted any conference.
SALA
Not at all.
IRENE
I have that feeling, however. All of you look so serious.--I think I'll rather leave.
SALA
Oh, you mustn't, Miss Herms.--Is there anything more you want to ask me about that affair of ours, Felix?
FELIX
If Miss Herms would pardon me for a minute....
IRENE
Oh, certainly--please!
SALA
You'll excuse me, Miss Herms....
FELIX
It is a question of what I should do in regard to my present commission.--(_He is still speaking as he goes out with Sala_)
IRENE
What kind of secrets have those two together? What's going on here anyhow?
JULIAN
Nothing that can be called a secret. That young fellow is also going to join the expedition, I hear. And so they have a lot of things to talk over, of course.
IRENE (_who has been following Felix and Sala with her eyes_) Julian--it's he.
JULIAN (_remains silent_)
IRENE
You don't need to answer me. The matter has been in my mind all the time.... The only thing I can't understand is why I haven't discovered it before. It is he.--And he is twenty-three.--And I who actually thought when you drove me away: if only he doesn't kill himself!... And there goes his son.
JULIAN
What does that help me? He doesn't belong to me.
IRENE
But look at him! He is there--he's alive, and young, and handsome. Isn't that enough? (_She rises_) And I who was ruined by it!
JULIAN
How?
IRENE
Do you understand? Ruined....
JULIAN
I have never suspected it.
IRENE
Well, you couldn't have helped me anyhow. (_Pause_) Good-by. Make an excuse for me, please. Tell them anything you want. I am going away, and I don't want to know anything more.
JULIAN
What's the matter with you? Nothing has changed.
IRENE
You think so?--To me it is as if all these twenty-three years had suddenly undergone a complete change.--Good-by.
JULIAN
Good-by--for a while.
IRENE
For a while? Do you care?--Really?--Do you feel sad, Julian?--Now I am sorry for you again. (_Shaking her head_) Of course, that's the way you are. So what is there to do about it?
JULIAN
Please control yourself. Here they are coming.
SALA (_returns with Felix_)
Now we're all done.
FELIX
Thank you very much. I shall have to leave now.
IRENE
And to-morrow you are already going away again?
FELIX
Yes, Miss Herms.
IRENE
You're also going toward the city now, Lieutenant, are you not? If you don't object, I'll take you along.
FELIX
That's awfully kind of you.
SALA
What, Miss Herms...? This is a short visit indeed.
IRENE
Yes, I have still a few errands to do. For to-morrow I must return to the wilderness. And probably it will be some time before I get to Vienna again.--Well, Lieutenant?
FELIX
Good-by, Mr. Fichtner. And if I shouldn't happen to see you again....
JULIAN
Oh, we'll meet again.
IRENE
Now the people will say: look at the lieutenant with his mamma in tow. (_She gives a last glance to Julian_)
SALA (_accompanies Irene and Felix up the steps to the terrace_)
JULIAN (_remains behind, walking back and forth; after a while he is joined by Sala_) Have you no doubt that your appeal to Count Ronsky will be effective?
SALA
I have already received definite assurances from him, or I should never have aroused any hopes in Felix.
JULIAN
What caused you to do this, Sala?
SALA
My sympathy for Felix, I should say, and the fact that I like to travel in pleasant company.
JULIAN
And did it never occur to you, that the thought of losing him might be very painful to me?
SALA
What's the use of that, Julian? It is only possible to lose what you possess. And you cannot possess a thing to which you have not acquired any right. You know that as well as I do.
JULIAN
Does not, in the last instance, the fact that you need somebody give you a certain claim on him?--Can't you understand, Sala, that he represents my last hope?... That actually I haven't got anything or anybody left but him?... That wherever I turn, I find nothing but emptiness?... That I am horrified by the loneliness awaiting me?
SALA
And what could it help you if he stayed? And even if he felt something like filial tenderness toward you, how could that help you?... How can he or anybody else help you?... You say that loneliness horrifies you?... And if you had a wife by your side to-day, wouldn't you be lonely just the same?... Wouldn't you be lonely even if you were surrounded by children and grandchildren?... Suppose you had kept your money, your fame and your genius--don't you think you would be lonely for all that?... Suppose we were always attended by a train of bacchantes--nevertheless we should have to tread the downward path alone--we, who have never belonged to anybody ourselves. The process of aging must needs be a lonely one for our kind, and he is nothing but a fool who doesn't in time prepare himself against having to rely on any human being.
JULIAN
And do you imagine, Sala, that you need no human being?
SALA
In the manner I have used them they will always be at my disposal. I have always been in favor of keeping at a certain distance. It is not my fault that other people haven't realized it.
JULIAN
In that respect you are right, Sala. For you have never really loved anybody in this world.
SALA
Perhaps not. And how about you? No more than I, Julian.... To love means to live for the sake of somebody else. I don't say that it is a more desirable form of existence, but I do think, at any rate, that you and I have been pretty far removed from it. What has that which one like us brings into the world got to do with love? Though it include all sorts of funny, hypocritical, tender, unworthy, passionate things that pose as love--it isn't love for all that.... Have we ever made a sacrifice by which our sensuality or our vanity didn't profit?... Have we ever hesitated to betray or blackguard decent people, if by doing so we could gain an hour of happiness or of mere lust?... Have we ever risked our peace or our lives--not out of whim or recklessness--but to promote the welfare of someone who had given all to us?... Have we ever denied ourselves an enjoyment unless from such denial we could at least derive some comfort?... And do you think that we could dare to turn to any human being, man or woman, with a demand that any gift of ours be returned? I am not thinking of pearls now, or annuities, or cheap wisdom, but of some piece of our real selves, some hour of our own existence, which we have surrendered to such a being without at once exacting payment for it in some sort of coin. My dear Julian, we have kept our doors open, and have allowed our treasures to be viewed--but prodigal with them we have never been. You no more than I. We may just as well join hands, Julian. I am a little less prone to complain than you are--that's the whole difference.... But I am not telling you anything new. All this you know as well as I do. It is simply impossible for us not to know ourselves. Of course, we try at times conscientiously to deceive ourselves, but it never works. Our follies and rascalities may remain hidden to others--but never to ourselves. In our innermost souls we always know what to think of ourselves.--It's getting cold, Julian. Let's go indoors.
(_They begin to ascend the steps to the terrace_)
JULIAN
All that may be true, Sala. But this much you have to grant me. If there be anybody in the world who has no right to make us pay for the mistakes of our lives, it is a person who has us to thank for his own life.
SALA
There is no question of payment in this. Your son has a mind for essentials, Julian. You have said so yourself. And he feels that to have done nothing for a man but to put him into the world, is to have done very little indeed.
JULIAN
Then, at least, everything must become as it was before he knew anything at all. Once more I shall become to him a human being like anybody else. Then he will not dare to leave me.... I cannot bear it. How have I deserved that he should run away from me?... And even if all that I have held for good and true within myself--even if, in the end, my very fondness for this young man, who is my son--should prove nothing but self-delusion--yet I love him now.... Do you understand me, Sala? I love him, and all I ask is that he may believe it before I must lose him forever....
[_It grows dark. The two men pass across the terrace and enter the drawing-room. The stage stands empty a little while. In the meantime the wind has risen somewhat. Johanna enters by the avenue of trees from the right and goes past the pool toward the terrace. The windows of the drawing-room are illumined. Sala has seated himself at a table. The valet enters the room and serves him a glass of wine. Johanna stops. She is apparently much excited. Then she ascends two of the steps to the terrace. Sala seems to hear a noise and turns his head slightly. When she sees this, Johanna hurries down again and stops beside the pool. There she stands looking down into the water._
CURTAIN
THE FIFTH ACT
_The garden at the Wegrats'._
REUMANN (_sits at a small table and writes something in his notebook_)
JULIAN (_enters quickly by way of the veranda_)
Is it true, Doctor?
REUMANN (_rising_)
Yes, it's true.
JULIAN
She has disappeared?
REUMANN
Yes, she has disappeared. She has been gone since yesterday afternoon. She has left no word behind, and she has taken nothing at all with her--she has simply gone away and never returned.
JULIAN
But what can have happened to her?
REUMANN
We have not been able to guess even. Perhaps she has lost her way and will come back. Or she has suddenly made up her mind--if we only knew to what!
JULIAN
Where are the others?
REUMANN
We agreed to meet here again at ten. I visited the various hospitals and other places where it might be possible to find some trace.... I suppose the professor has made a report to the police by this time.
FELIX (_enters quickly_)
Nothing new?
REUMANN
Nothing.
JULIAN (_shakes hands with Felix_)
REUMANN
From where do you come?
FELIX
I went to see Mr. von Sala.
REUMANN
Why?
FELIX
I thought it rather possible that he might have a suspicion, or be able to give us some kind of direction. But he knows nothing at all. That was perfectly clear. And if he had known anything--had known anything definite--he would have told me. I am sure of that. He was still in bed when I called on him. I suppose he thought I had come about my own matter. When he heard that Johanna had disappeared, he turned very pale.... But he doesn't know anything.
WEGRAT (_enters_)
Anything?
[_All the others shake their heads. Julian presses his hand._
WEGRAT (_sitting down_)
They asked me to give more details, something more tangible to go by. But what is there to give?... I have nothing.... The whole thing is a riddle to me. (_Turning to Julian_) In the afternoon she went out for a short walk as usual.... (_To Felix_) Was there anything about her that attracted attention?... It seems quite impossible to me that she could have had anything in mind when she left the house--that she could know already--that she was going away forever.
FELIX
Perhaps though....
WEGRAT
Of course, she was very reserved--especially of late, since the death of her mother.... I wonder if it could be that?... Would you think that possible, Doctor?
REUMANN (_shrugs his shoulders_)
FELIX
Did any one of us really know her? And who takes a real interest in another person anyhow?
REUMANN
It is apparently fortunate that such is the case. Otherwise we should all go mad from pity or loathing or anxiety. (_Pause_) Now I must get around to my patients. There are a few calls that cannot be postponed. I shall be back by dinner-time. Good-by for a while. (_He goes out_)
WEGRAT
To think that you can watch a young creature like her grow up--can see the child turn into girl, and then into a young lady--can speak hundreds of thousands of words to her.... And one day she rises from the table, puts on hat and coat, and goes ... and you have no idea as to whether she has slipped away--if into nothingness or into a new life.
FELIX
But whatever may have happened, father--she wanted to get away from us. And in that fact, I think, we should find a certain consolation.
WEGRAT (_shakes his head in perplexity_)
Everything is fluttering away--willingly or unwillingly--but away it goes.
FELIX
Father, we can't tell what may have happened. It's conceivable, at least, that Johanna may have formed some decision which she does not carry out. Perhaps she will come back in a few hours, or days.
WEGRAT
You believe ... you think it possible, do you?
FELIX
Possible--yes. But if she shouldn't come--of course, father, I shall give up the plan of which I told you yesterday. Under circumstances like these I couldn't think of going so far away from you for such a long time.
WEGRAT (_to Julian_)
And now he's going to sacrifice himself for my sake!
FELIX
Perhaps I could arrange to have myself transferred here.
WEGRAT
No, Felix, you know very well that I couldn't accept such a thing.
FELIX
But it's no sacrifice. I assure you, father, that I stay with you only because I _can't_ go away from you now.
WEGRAT
Oh, yes, Felix, you can--you will be able. And you are not to stay here for my sake--you mustn't. I could never be sure that it would prove of any help to me to have you give up a plan which you have taken hold of with such enthusiasm. I think it would be inexcusable of you to draw back, and wicked of me to permit it. You must be happy at having found a way at last, by which you may reach all you have longed for. It makes me happy, too, Felix. If you missed this opportunity, you would regret it all your life.
FELIX
But so much may have changed since yesterday--such a tremendous lot--for you and for me.
WEGRAT
For me, perhaps.... But never mind. I won't stand it--I will not accept such a sacrifice. Of course, I might accept it, if I could find it of any special advantage to myself. But I shouldn't have you any more than if you were gone away ... less ... not at all. This fate that has descended on us must not add to its inherent power what is still worse--that it makes us do in our confusion what is against our own natures. Sometime we always get over every disaster, no matter how frightful it be. But whatever we do in violation of our innermost selves can never be undone. (_Turning to Julian_) Isn't that true, Julian?
JULIAN
You are absolutely right.
FELIX
Thanks, father. I feel grateful that you make it so easy for me to agree with you.
WEGRAT
That's good, Felix.... During the weeks you will remain in Europe we shall be able to talk over a lot of things--more perhaps than in the years gone by. Indeed, how little people know about each other!... But I am getting tired. We stayed awake all night.
FELIX
Won't you rest a while, father?
WEGRAT
Rest.... You'll stay at home, Felix, won't you?
FELIX
Yes, I shall wait right here. What else is there to do?
WEGRAT
I'm racking my brain until it's near bursting.... Why didn't she say anything to me? Why have I known so little about her? Why have I kept so far away from her? (_He goes out_)
FELIX
How that man has been belied--all his life long--by all of us.
JULIAN
There is in this world no sin, no crime, no deception, that cannot be atoned. Only for what has happened here, there should be no expiation and no forgetfulness, you think?
FELIX
Can it be possible that you don't understand?... Here a lie has been eternalized. There is no getting away from it. And she who did it was my mother--and it was you who made her do it--and the lie am I, and such I must remain as long as I am passing for that which I am not.
JULIAN
Let us proclaim the truth then, Felix.--I shall face any judge that you may choose, and submit to any verdict passed on me.--Must I alone remain condemned forever? Should I alone, among all that have erred, never dare to say: "It is atoned"?
FELIX
It is too late. Guilt can be wiped out by confession only while the guilty one is still able to make restitution. You ought to know yourself, that this respite expired long ago.
SALA (_enters_)
FELIX
Mr. von Sala!--Have you anything to tell us?
SALA
Yes.--Good morning, Julian.--No, stay, Julian. I am glad to have a witness. (_To Felix_) Are you determined to join the expedition?
FELIX
I am.
SALA
So am I. But it is possible that one of us must change his mind.
FELIX
Mr. von Sala...?
SALA
It would be a bad thing to risk finding out that you have started on a journey of such scope with one whom you would prefer to shoot dead if you knew him completely.
FELIX
Where is my sister, Mr. von Sala?
SALA
I don't know. Where she is at this moment, I don't know. But last evening, just before you arrived, she had left me for the last time.
FELIX
Mr. von Sala....
SALA
Her farewell words to me were: Until to-morrow. You can see that I had every reason to be surprised this morning, when you appeared at my house. Permit me furthermore to tell you, that yesterday, of all days, I asked Johanna to become my wife--which seemed to agitate her very much. In telling you this, I have by no means the intention of smoothing over things. For my question implied no desire on my part to make good any wrong I might have done. It was apparently nothing but a whim--like so much else. There is here no question of anything but to let you know the truth. This means that I am at your disposal in any manner you may choose.--I thought it absolutely necessary to say all this before we were brought to the point of having to descend into the depths of the earth together, or, perhaps, to sleep in the same tent.
FELIX (_after a long pause_)
Mr. von Sala ... we shall not have to sleep in the same tent.
SALA
Why not?
FELIX
Your journey will not last that long.
[_A very long pause ensues._
SALA
Oh ... I understand. And are you sure of that?
FELIX
Perfectly. (_Pause_}
SALA
And did Johanna know it?
FELIX
Yes.
SALA
I thank you.--Oh, you can safely take my hand. The matter has been settled in the most chivalrous manner possible.--Well?... It is not customary to refuse one's hand to him who is already down.
FELIX (_gives his hand to Sala; then he says_)
And where can she be?
SALA
I don't know.
FELIX
Didn't she give you any hint at all?
SALA
None whatever.
FELIX
But have you no conjecture? Has she perhaps established any connections--abroad? Had she any friends at all, of which I don't know?
SALA
Not to my knowledge.
FELIX
Do you think that she is still alive?
SALA
I can't tell.
FELIX
Are you not _willing_ to say anything more, Mr. von Sala?
SALA
I am not _able_ to say anything more. I have nothing left to say. Farewell, and good luck on your trip. Give my regards to Count Ronsky.
FELIX
But we are not seeing each other for the last time?
SALA
Who can tell?
FELIX (_holding out his hand to Sala_)
I must hurry to my father. I think it my duty to let him know what I have just learned from you.
SALA (_nods_)
FELIX (_to Julian_)
Good-by. (_He goes out_)
[_Julian and Sala start to leave together._
JULIAN (_as Sala suddenly stops_)
Why do you tarry? Let's get away.
SALA
It is a strange thing to _know_. A veil seems to spread in front of everything.... "Away with you!"--But I don't care to submit to it as long as I am still here--if it be only for another hour....
JULIAN
Do you believe it then?
SALA (_looking long at Julian_)
Do I believe it...? He behaved rather nicely, that son of yours.... "We shall not have to sleep in the same tent."... Not bad! I might have said it myself....
JULIAN
But why don't you come? Have you perhaps something more to tell after all?
SALA
That's the question I must put to you, Julian.
JULIAN
Sala?
SALA
Because I didn't say anything about a peculiar hallucination I experienced just before coming here. I imagine it was....
JULIAN
Please, speak out!
SALA
What do you think of it? Before I left my house--just after Felix had gone--I went down into my garden--that is to say, I ran through it--in a remarkable state of excitement, as you may understand. And as I passed by the pool, it was exactly as if I had seen on the bottom of it....
JULIAN
Sala!
SALA
There is a blue-greenish glitter on the water, and besides, the shadow of the beech tree falls right across it early in the morning. And by a strange coincidence Johanna said yesterday: "The water can no more hold my image...." That was, in a way, like challenging fate.... And as I passed by the pool, it was as if ... the water had retained her image just the same.
JULIAN
Is that true?
SALA
True ... or untrue ... what is that to me? It could be of interest to me only if I were to remain in this world another year--or another hour at least.
JULIAN
You mean to...?
SALA