Part 7

PAUL. Now that’s bould, headstrong talk. Now I like the way you lowered your brows when you said that. I never saw such determination in my life....

DAN [_lowers his brows_]. I can look very detarmint when I like.... I wish I’d done it twenty-five years ago.... I’ve been the wee boy too long. But I’ve turned Turk at last.

PAUL. Well, that will do for the present, Dan. [_Looks about the floor_] See if I left my spatula in the room. [_DAN goes into the room._] Poor Dan! Your battering-ram expression will change quickly once ould Bismarck comes in....

DAN [_comes in with spatula_]. Is that your bottle in the room, Paul?

PAUL. That’s a souvenir of M’Gothigan’s dance. Fetch it here, Dan, and we’ll celebrate your betrothal.

_DAN goes into the room and returns with a bottle._

DAN [_spelling the name on the label_]. “Pathrick Degan ... Boar’s Head, Ballybullion.”... This is my brother Pat’s whiskey, Paul.

PAUL. It’s nothing the better of that, Dan. Get a cup. [_DAN gets a cup and PAUL pours a dose._] Toss it off quickly now, before it explodes in your hand.

DAN. Here’s to Rose herself, Paul.... Angels guard her, amen. [_Drinks and wreathes violently._] I’m in flames, but that’s torpentine!

PAUL [_pours a drink for himself_]. Here’s every day to you, Dan. May yourself and Rose live for ever. [_Drinks._] Faith, sowl, that’s your brother’s whiskey sure enough. You might as well swallow a torchlight procession.

DAN. Well, he said he made it spacial for the dance.

PAUL. And so he did--he took too much pains with making it! Take it away now. [_DAN leaves the bottle in the room and comes back._] Get me some water, Dan, for this cement....

DAN. Here’s the bucket.... [_Goes out to the yard._]

PAUL. Rose M’Gothigan ought soon to be showing up, just if she hasn’t changed her mind.

_DAN rushes in._

DAN. Paul, Paul Twyning! Who’s coming down the road? And all by her lone! Guess!

PAUL. Oh, I could never guess, Dan, in twenty years. I give it up.

DAN. Rose herself.... May I never do what’s sinful.... And she’s taking every look at the new house. Now’s my chance, Paul.

PAUL. Tell me this quickly. Do you feel that nip of special in your head yet?

DAN. No, but I feel it in my feet. It’s flying down to my toes.... Will I go out and put the spake on her?

PAUL. And a nice posy y’are to put the speak on anyone! Look at the dirt of your face. And where is the blue dicky you wore at the dance?

DAN. It should be here. [_Takes an old rag of a dicky from the cupboard._] I hid it in here this morning when I come in from the dance.

PAUL. Put the dicky on your neck and give the face a rub with a wet rag, and I’ll invite Rose in to see the house....

DAN. But what am I to say, Paul? How am I to seal the match? I never did the like afore.

PAUL. I believe I’ve a ring here that I picked up many years ago at Lisdoonvarna. [_Takes a ring from his pocket._] It mayn’t be eighteen carat, Dan, but it’s better than no ring at all. [_He gives DAN the ring._] Put that on her finger, Dan, and she’s yours till the sands of the desert grow cold.

DAN. What finger, Paul?

PAUL. Oh, she’ll hould out the correct finger, never fear you.

DAN. But if it wouldn’t fit, Paul?

PAUL. Then try some of the others. Put it on any finger it fits. The main thing is to get it on.

DAN. But what am I to say, Paul? How does other people do it?

PAUL. There is no cut-and-dry formula, Dan. Some proposes with tears in their eyes, and others with their eyes tight shut. And some says one thing and some another. But in your case, something like this might do: “Rose dear, after long and serious consideration, I’ve decided to ask you to be Mrs. Dan Deegan. Now or never, Rose, will you marry me?”

DAN. Sowl, that’s fine talk, Paul. You’re a handy boy wi’ the tongue.

PAUL [_going_]. When you’re nicely groomed and the face scrubbed, sing a lilt of a song, and I’ll fetch Rose in. [_He goes out back._]

DAN [_scrubbing his face_]. Rose dear, after long and sarious confederation, I’ve decided to ask you to be my wedded wife. [_Shakes his head._] I don’t think that’s Paul’s version of it.... [_Struggles with the dicky._] Is confederation or conflageration the best word?... Och, what odds about a word? She’ll know what I mean, and that’s the main thing. [_Gets the dicky fastened, and sings._]

“No pipe I’ll smoke, no horse I’ll yoke, Till my plough with rust turns brown: Till a smiling maid, by my own fireside, Sits the star of the County Down.”

_PAUL and ROSE M’GOTHIGAN come in back. ROSE is a pretty girl, aged twenty._

PAUL. By glory above, Dan, you’ve a voice like a piccolo. About a fortnight in Italy would make you perfect.

DAN. Och, you’re only sconcing me, Paul. I wasn’t singing that well at all. [_Shakes hands with ROSE._] Morra, Rose. You’re welcome there. How are you feeling after the ball?

ROSE. The best, Dan. How’s yourself?

DAN. Oh, as right as the mail. [_Shakes his head._] We’d a big night, Rose.... The biggest night ever I put in.

ROSE. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, Dan. [_Looks about_] This is a fine big kitchen.

DAN. Heth, sowl, it’s big enough. It’s like a gaol-yard.

ROSE. It wants for nothing, Dan.

DAN. Oh, it’s very complete, Rose.

PAUL. Now that’s where you’re wrong, the pair of you. It is by no means complete. It wants the main feature. Wait and I’ll explain what I mean. [_Brings the old armchair to the fireside._] Now, my decent girl, subside into that chair....

ROSE. Oh, Paul, I haven’t a minute.

PAUL. But I won’t keep you a second. I only want to let Dan see what I’m driving at. [_ROSE sits down._] There now. The kitchen is no longer a gaol. ’Tis a home sweet home.

DAN [_chortling_]. Sowl, Paul, it takes yourself.

PAUL. Now, Rose, I’ll ask you one simple question. If Dan had no one but himself in the world, wouldn’t you be content to fill that chair for life and for ever?

ROSE. I suppose I would.

DAN. And it’s my mother’s chair, too, Rose. Rest her in pace, amen.

PAUL. There you are now, Dan. Yourself and Rose are half engaged already. So I’ll give you a few minutes to settle it in the usual way, and then I’ll come back.

_He goes to the room door, but is seen to listen._

DAN [_after an awkward pause_]. This was a fine growing day, Rose.

ROSE. It was a bit hot about twelve.

DAN. Aye, it was like rain in the forenoon.... I was in the moss all day.

ROSE. I was working in the hay.

DAN. How’s it cutting, Rose?

ROSE. Oh, fairly well, I think.

DAN. Boys, we’d a big night last night, Rose. You were the belle of the ball.

ROSE. Och, you’re only saying that, Dan.

DAN. I’m saying nothing of the kind, Rose. It’s the holy truth. You were the belle.

ROSE. The people was all remarking you and me talking, Dan.

DAN. Let them remark their fill. They’ll maybe remark more than that afore long. [_After a painful effort_] Rose dear, after long and sarious confederation, I’ve decided to make you Mrs. Dan Deegan. Now or never, Rose, will you marry me?

ROSE. Oh, Dan, we needn’t talk.

DAN. Why, Rose?

ROSE. Because I haven’t a penny, and you’ll be wanting a girl with a big fortune for this grand house....

DAN. Me want a fortune! Not the cross of coin, Rose. You’re a fortune yourself. You can feed pigs and milk cows and keep a house. That’s enough for me.

ROSE. But it’s not enough for your father, Dan. He’ll want a fortune.

DAN. Well, my fader’s over seventy. Can’t we wait till he goes? All here is mine after his day. Pat has the pub. in the town.

ROSE. Well, Dan, I’ll wait.

DAN. Och! I know’d you’d cave in at last! Love always finds a way. And the ring’s here and all. [_Puts it on her finger._] You’re Rose Deegan now, come weal or woe. It’s a long time since I concaited you.

_PAUL comes in._

PAUL. Another match made in heaven! My blessing, childer. [_Shakes hands._] And now for a speedy marriage.

DAN. Oh, we’ve agreed to wait my fader’s day, Paul.

PAUL. I heard the arrangement, Dan. But that’s only because you can’t see your way sooner. With your father’s consent and blessing you’d lose little time, I’ll go bail.

DAN. Not a day, Paul.

PAUL. Very well, then, just leave me to settle with the ould man. I think I can manipulate him.... If I succeed I’ll expect a small money present. Say five pounds--to carry me down to Carlow.

DAN. And you’ll get it. There’s my hand. [_They shake._]

ROSE [_making to rise_]. I’ll be going now, Dan. Your father might come in....

DAN. Och, sit still, Rose. My fader won’t be in this hour. He’s away to look at the young heifers....

ROSE. I saw him going into Mullan’s.

PAUL. It’s maybe an _ould_ heifer he’ll look at before he comes back.

DAN [_alarmed_]. What d’ye mean, Paul? In God’s name, amen.

PAUL. Isn’t there an ould doll in the name of Mullan, home from America with a boatload of money?

DAN. I’m in flames but you’re right. Ould Daisy Mullan.

PAUL. Well, she’s the heifer your father’s off to see, Dan. [_Listens._] Whisht! And, begorry, she hasn’t kept him long ... here he’s back. [_He runs into the room._]

DAN [_wildly_]. My fader, my fader, as God’s my judge!

ROSE [_leaps up_]. Oh, Dan, Dan!

DAN. Hide the ring--hide the ring!

_OLD DEEGAN comes in back._

OLD DEEGAN. Just so. I beg leave to be excused for coming in without knocking.

ROSE. I’ll be going, Dan....

OLD DEEGAN. Tarry a moment, Miss M’Gothigan.

DAN [_shaking_]. I was only showing her the new house, fader.

DEEGAN. Did you tell her who built the new house?

DAN. Oh, the whole world knows that, fader. It was yourself built it and paid it.

DEEGAN. How do you know whether it’s paid or not, young man?

DAN [_dashed_]. Oh, well, I hope it is, anyway.

DEEGAN. That’s a good boy. Hope well and you’ll have well. [_Glancing at the chair_] You have been trying how Miss M’Gothigan would fill your mother’s chair, I see.

DAN [_broken_]. She was only in it a minute, fader.

DEEGAN. And you have on your good dicky, I observe.

DAN. I only put it on after you went out, fader.

DEEGAN. Take it off, sir!

DAN. Yes, fader. [_Goes back and struggles with dicky._]

DEEGAN. Does the new house suit you, Miss M’Gothigan?

ROSE [_choking_]. It’s a fine house, sir....

DEEGAN. It will be a fine home for a young woman with certain qualifications. Daniel would be inclined to be rash in these matters, but I’ll take care he makes no mistakes. Now I won’t detain you, Miss M’Gothigan. I’ll bid you a good evening.

ROSE. Good ... evening.... [_Goes out sobbing._]

DEEGAN [_wipes the chair with his handkerchief and sits down_]. Come forward, boy.

DAN. Yes, fader. [_Stands forward._]

DEEGAN. Is there anything between you and that low-born trull of Denis M’Gothigan’s?

DAN. Not a ha’porth, fader. Thank God, amen.

DEEGAN. What authority had you to bring her into my house?

DAN. It was Paul Twyning, fader. He axed her in to see the plastering.

DEEGAN. And what authority had Paul Twyning to invite a strange female in here?

DAN. I don’t know, fader. Him and the M’Gothigans is very pact. Maybe that was it.

DEEGAN. Paul Twyning and the M’Gothigans are much the same breed of inferiors. Tell Paul Twyning to come forth.

DAN. Yes, fader. [_Goes to the room door and shouts_] Paul Twyning, you’re awanting! [_PAUL appears._] My fader wants you, Paul. [_Aside_] Not a word, Paul, for the love of God, amen. I’m denying everything.

PAUL [_coming forward_]. Well, your honour, have you brought the ould aisy-chair across to the new hearth? Long may you fill it in comfort.

DEEGAN. Oh, thank you.... It won’t be long empty when I’m gone.... Was it you invited that person M’Gothigan to inspect the new house in my absence?

PAUL. I didn’t see much harm in asking a good girl to look at the plastering, God bless it. And by the same token, I thought yourself was upstairs the while.

DEEGAN [_sharply_]. That will do, sir!

PAUL. What will do, sir?

DEEGAN. I want no more of that.

PAUL. Oh, very well, all right! [_Takes off his jacket._] If you want no more of it, neither do I.... Give me three days’ pay and let me back to a dacent country....

DEEGAN [_stands up_]. You have taken me up wrong, sir. I didn’t mean you to stop work. I meant you to stop lying.

PAUL. That’s worse again! [_Pitches the jacket on the floor._] My three days’ pay, or an apology. Now suit yourself.

DEEGAN. An apology? For what?

PAUL. For as good as calling me a liar. [_Loudly_] Devil recaive the spark of plaster I’ll put on the wall till you apologise! And for little, I’d plaster the house with writs for defamation of character.

DEEGAN. Writs! I’ve been in the Four Courts of Dublin in my time.

PAUL. And from what I hear, you’ve dragooned the whole parish ever since.... But by my sowl, you won’t dragoon Paul Twyning! You were only a week-end in Dublin, but I was born and raised and educated in it.

DEEGAN. You’re a great credit to it.... But go on with the plastering. I withdraw the words I said ... or perhaps you’d prefer a written apology?

PAUL. Oh, the verbal repudiation will satisfy my honour. But since you’ve raised my dander I’ll press for full trades union rights. As a journeyman I’m entitled to bring in any man, woman, or child to examine my work. That’s how we tradesmen build up a reputation.

DEEGAN. Just so. Who will you invite next?

PAUL. Daisy Mullan’s aunt, for one. She has a bedroom wants a ceiling.

DEEGAN. Miss Mullan’s aunt will be very welcome.

PAUL. And Denis M’Gothigan’s pantry needs new lath and plaster. [_Picks up his jacket._] I’ll have my full rights, or down tools. [_Goes into the room._]

DEEGAN. That tramp scoundrel has more in his mind than plastering.... I hope you gave no promise of any kind to the slut?

DAN. No promise, fader. Thank God, amen.

DEEGAN. If you have, I’ll deal drastically with you. I’ll march you to Derry quay and put you aboard the emigrant ship, with my own hands. Mind that.

DAN [_shivers_]. You wouldn’t do that, fader dear.

DEEGAN. Try to thwart me, or disobey me, and you’ll see.... I have done it with your brothers and sisters when I was less independent than I’m now, and I’ll do it with you, too. [_Holds up his hand._] Do you see that hand on my body?

DAN. Yes, fader.

DEEGAN. May it wither if I don’t make an example of you!

DAN [_trembles_]. But I’m not trying to twart you, fader. I’ve no mind to twart you.

DEEGAN. Not to my face. But the moment you get my back turned, you have a dirty M’Gothigan cocked in your dead mother’s chair.... May the Most High keep me in temper....

DAN. Amen, fader. Don’t vex yourself, fader. I’ll never marry nobody your day....

DEEGAN. You’ll marry to-morrow if you’re told! And the choice will be mine, not yours.

DAN. All right, fader. You’re the best judge of a cow or a horse in the parish, and maybe of a well-doing woman too.

DEEGAN. If she has a certain sum of hard money I won’t look too closely at her points. My thick-witted son is not such a catch in himself.

DAN. God knows that’s true, fader.

DEEGAN. I have my eye on a suitable female for this chair. She’s like yourself, not embarrassed with too much intelligence, but I understand she has money....

DAN [_aghast_]. The ould Yankee Mullan! Ould Daisy Mullan that could be my granny!

DEEGAN. You are wrong, sir. Miss Mullan is in the prime of life. [_Sternly_] Would you dare turn the word on me, sir?

DAN [_meekly_]. Oh, whatever you plan, yourself, fader, I’m agreeable.... You’re a highly educated man.... And I know nothing, God help me.... But I don’t like her Yankee twang....

DEEGAN. If her Yankee twang keeps you in the far fields, so much the better. I’m not marrying you to be happy, or to sit with your toes in the ashes.... Go now, and put on your Sunday clothes....

DAN. Where am I going, fader?--in God’s name, amen!

DEEGAN. You’re going over with me to Mullan’s!... Wash the lime and mortar from behind your ears. And keep the cap pulled down over your hair.... It’s nice to see a boy of your age with grey hair in his head!

DAN. I can’t help my hair turning white, fader.... Will I put this dicky on my neck?

DEEGAN. Certainly so.

_PAUL comes in for mortar._

PAUL. Dan, boys will be boys, and all of us make mistakes. But I think you ought to take your distinguished father into your confidence....

DAN. I’m in flames, but I’m betrayed! Sold like a bullock in Smithfield! [_Dashes into the room._]

PAUL. I may be only a tramp, your honour, but I’ve an Irish heart in my body, and it hurts me to see a foolish boy deceiving a good father.

DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, you are a better man than I gave you credit for.... What has this lad been doing?

PAUL. He has been offering marriage to Rose M’Gothigan, and, needless to say, she accepted.

DEEGAN [_staggers_]. Oh, don’t say that word! Tell me he has stolen something, or taken a false oath, but don’t say he’s pledged to that inferior.

PAUL. It grieves me to hurt a proud father’s feelings, but I must protest the truth. He proposed to her in that aisy-chair a few minutes ago, and was accepted under my own eyes....

DAN [_appears in room doorway_]. It’s a lie, Judas! Mind, I’m prepared to fight for my life. It’s your oath again mine, and what are you but a tramp from God knows where?

DEEGAN. Go inside, sir, and close the door! Leave my sight, lest Satan tempt me to lift my hand.

DAN. My oath’s as good as Paul Twyning’s.

PAUL. You could probably swear me clean out of court, Dan; but you can’t swear your way through an engagement-ring.

DAN [_loudly_]. Flames to the traitor! [_Goes in and bangs the door._]

DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, be careful. A ring?

PAUL. A ring, your honour. He put it on her finger and kissed her before I could run out and stop him.

DEEGAN. Are you prepared to swear to that?

PAUL. I couldn’t do otherwise, your honour, and keep the conscience right.

DEEGAN [_drops into the chair_]. Then Denis M’Gothigan has got a case against me at last!

PAUL. I’ll leave you alone now with your grief, master. I’m glad I’d the courage to do my duty.

DEEGAN. Thank you.

PAUL [_knocks at room door_]. May I come in, Dan?

DAN [_inside_]. Flames to the traitor!

_PAUL goes in._

DEEGAN [_stands up_]. This has decided me. If Daisy Mullan can give me proof of her financial position, I’ll make the match before I sleep....

_DAISY MULLAN comes in back. She is an oldish, noisy, over-dressed person, with horn-rimmed glasses, much cheap jewellery, and a conspicuous vanity-bag._

DAISY. Ogee, Mr. Deegan, what do you blamed well think? I let you come away without getting your advice on several business propositions. First thing, I wanna ask you about the Irish banking system. Is the Irish banks safe, Mr. Deegan?

DEEGAN. Our leading banks are perfectly safe.

DAISY. And you think they’d give a gel a square deal if she was having her money crossed over from the States to this country, do you, Mr. Deegan?

DEEGAN. Not the least doubt of it.

DAISY. Then I’d wanna know the best gamut for collecting my rents and having ’em remitted, in case I should buy me a shack and settle down around here for a spell. Whatcha know about that, Mr. Deegan?

DEEGAN. That could easily be arranged later.

DAISY. Say, Mr. Deegan, you’ve sure taken a mighty weight off my shoulders. But ain’t it too blamed bad, my racing after you like this and blistering you with my troubles, ain’t it?

DEEGAN. No trouble, Miss Mullan, where you are concerned.

DAISY. By gosh, ain’t that just lovely! Say, Mr. Deegan, I guess it ain’t the first time you’ve jollied a gel, sure not. [_Throws her eye round the house._] So this is your noo house, is it? And a blamed swell building to look at, you bet. Large, airy, and commodious. Health to enjoy it, my friend.

DEEGAN. Thank you kindly. It’s still in a raw state, or I would take you through it. The plasterer is still working in the room....

DAISY. Oh, that Dublin feller, eh? He’s a good mechanic, ain’t he? M’auntie’s going to have him plaster a bedroom.

DEEGAN. Paul Twyning may have other faults, but he’s a good tradesman.

DAISY. Hits the liquor, do he?

DEEGAN. He is by no means a sot. But he can’t keep his nose out of other people’s business. He has only been three weeks in this locality, but he could write a history of the inhabitants. He questions the very children along the road as to their antecedents.

DAISY. Ain’t that for you, now! And m’aunt she thinks him such an innocent babe. [_Opens her vanity-bag._] And now for some more trouble, Mr. Deegan. I’ve got an American bank draft here for a small amount, but seems I gotta have it endorsed by a responsible person before an Irish bank can fork out. Is that right, Mr. Deegan?

DEEGAN [_chary_]. I’m much afraid that’s the rule. [_Puts on his specs._]

DAISY [_fishes out a paper_]. This ain’t it. This is my insurance policy on a block of house property I got on Mount Airy, West Philadelphia. [_Hands it to him._] You hang on to that a moment, please, till I root out what I want.

DEEGAN [_brightening_]. With pleasure. [_Scans the document._]

DAISY [_takes out another paper_]. What the all-fired noosiance have I got here? Why, yeah. My broker’s receipts for a bunch of stock in the Chesapeake, Ohio, and Pennsylvania Railway. [_Hands it over._] I’ll trouble you to hold it, Mr. Deegan.

DEEGAN. No trouble. [_Reads it._]

_PAUL comes in, and coughs to draw attention._

PAUL. Beg pardon. I’m sorry to interrupt the good work, but I want my spatula.

DEEGAN. No harm, Paul.

DAISY. Say, Mr. Paul Twyning, when are you coming to plaster m’auntie’s bedroom?

PAUL [_takes off his hat_]. About the fourth day from now, melady, if I’m spared the health.

DAISY. Waal, that’s a date. I’ll tell m’auntie to have the room all cleared out.

PAUL. She may clear out the room, melady, but let her not order the material till I first run my dimension-rule over the interior and give her an estimate.

DAISY. I’ll sure tell her so. But, say, if you was in America and talk like that, you’d get fifteen dollars a day easy.