CHAPTER V.

_Of some other temptations, and his deliverance from them._

1. I BEFORE shewed that when I was in doubt about the holy scriptures, the devil often suggested to me, “how can you expect satisfaction in these things, when men of so much greater abilities have sought it in vain?” And this suggestion was often so violently urged, that I had no spirit left in me.

2. But when God discovered himself to me in his own light, the force of this temptation was utterly broken; though I had not a particular sight of the weakness of it till I read (some time after) the three first chapters of the first epistle to the _Corinthians_: the substance of what God then shewed me was,

_First_, That his great design in the method of salvation he had chosen, was to stain the pride of all human glory, _that no flesh might glory in his sight, but he that glorieth might glory in the_ Lord. _Secondly_, That a vain ambition to be wise above what God allowed, was the spring and chief part of our apostacy from God; and still _vain man would be wise; the Jews ask a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom_. _Thirdly_, That in order to the attainment of the foregoing design, and to the recovery of man from his apostacy it was plainly necessary, that his ambition, being a flat opposition to his design, and a principal part of his corruption, should be removed. It was requisite, That God should _destroy the wisdom of the wise, and bring to nought the understanding of the prudent_. _Fourthly_, God to vindicate his own wisdom, reproached by this vain ambition of man, to fix an eternal blot on human wisdom, and to discover his holy severity in punishing this ambition, with the other wickednesses of vain man, suffered, _for many ages, all nations to walk in their own ways_, and to try whether they were better than God’s ways; whether they could supply the defects which they fondly imagined God had made them with, or relieve themselves from the misery of their apostacy, and the event answered the design of his wisdom and justice, and the desert of them who made the attempt. For after the fruitless endeavours of four thousand years, _The world by wisdom knew not God_. They missed the mark, _their foolish hearts were darkened; seeking to be wise, they became fools_; instead of getting their eyes opened to see more than God allowed, they could see nothing but their own nakedness; and so imperfect were their discoveries even of that, they imagined fig-leaves would cover it. _Fifthly_, after they had spent the time allotted for shewing the vanity of their own wisdom; God, in the depth of his compassion stepped in to their relief; and in order thereto, was pleased to pitch upon a way quite opposite to all wisdom of foolish man. He chose not _the enticing words of man’s wisdom_, or eloquence; it was not suitable to the truth of God, to use that mean art, whereby the judgments of men are led blindfold in subjection to their passions. He made no choice of artificial reasonings, the other eye of human wisdom. It did not become the majesty of God to dispute men into a compliance with his will. And although he wrought signs to awaken the attention of a drowsy world, to gain respect to his ambassadors, to strengthen the faith of weak believers, and to cut off every plea from unbelief: yet he chose not them chiefly to convert and recover the world, being unwilling so to derrogate from his word, as if the word of God were not, upon its own evidence, worthy the acceptation of all rational creatures. _Sixthly_, God having rejected all these, made use of the _foolishness of preaching_: that is, a plain declaration of his will in his name, _in the demonstration of the spirit and power_, by men commissioned by him for that purpose. Now this was a means every way worthy of God. Man had believed the devil rather than God; the devil seemed to have gained a great advantage, by persuading man in his integrity to credit him and discredit God. God now cast back the shame on him, by engaging fallen man to renounce the devil, and give up Satan and all that adher’d to him. And further to manifest his design, as he made use of the foolishness of preaching, so he chose for his ambassadors, not the learned disputers of the world, but foolish, weak, illiterate men, that by things which in appearance _are not, he might bring to nought those that are_. _Lastly_, To lay man lower yet, that _the Lord alone might be exalted_, he chose not for his people such as the world would have thought stood fairest for mercy; but he chose, for the general, the most miserable and contemptible of mankind; _Not many wise, not many noble, not many mighty are called; but God hath chosen the foolish things of this world to confound the wise_.

*3. Hence God shewed me, that it was to be expected, and was indeed inevitable, that a great opposition, should be every where made to his gospel; that this opposition would principally be by pretenders to wisdom, and learned men; that their objections must be against all the concernments of the gospel, the matter, manner, means of it; all being opposite to their expectation, and that therefore it was no wonder to see some stumble at the cross, some at the preaching, some at the preachers; that it was to be expected their objections would be specious, as being suited to the wisdom of men, the natural apprehension of all who were not brought to a compliance with the grand design of God. _Lastly_, That it was impossible for any man, who was not brought to be a fool in his own eyes, to be wise in the things of God, or to discern and approve of the conduct of God in this whole matter.

4. Upon this discovery I was fully satisfied, that the opposition of learned men, and their unsuccessfulness in their enquiries, was so far from being a just prejudice to, that it was a strong confirmation of the truths of religion; and on the other hand, that though they were, in the wisdom of God, hid from the wise and prudent, yet babes might have a clear discovery thereof, because it had pleased the father to reveal these things to them.

5. Another common objection, which had made, at some times, a considerable impression upon my mind, was, that the scriptures are contrary to reason. I shall just point at the springs of my relief.

_First_, I was long before fixed in a deep, rational conviction of the shortness of human knowledge, and that there was no truth which we receive, whether upon the evidence of metaphysical, mathematical, or moral principles, or even on the evidence of our senses, against which there lay not insoluble objections. Yet no man questioned those truths; nor though we endeavoured it ever so much, could we doubt of many of them. And as this was one of the most considerable fruits of my studies in philosophy, so it was of use to me many ways; it made me see through the vanity of that pretence against the truths revealed by God, that there lie unanswerable objections against them. This I plainly saw ought not to shake my assent, if I found sufficient evidence for them; especially as I was convinced, ’twas reasonable to expect more inextricable difficulties about truths supernaturally revealed than others, since they lie farther out of our reach. Therefore, when any such occurred, I was led rather to suspect my own ignorance than the truths of God.

*_Secondly_, God had before fixed in me the faith of his incomprehensibility, and fully convinced me, that I could not know him to perfection. He let me see, that _his ways are not our ways_, so that I durst not any more attempt to measure him, or his ways, by my short line, but in all things I relied in the resolution of his word. _To the law and to the testimony_ I brought all, and where that clearly interposed, my soul was now taught fully to acquiesce in, and stand to its determination.

_Thirdly_, When the enemy strongly attacked any particular truth, and I could not instantly solve his objections, I was much relieved by a view of the multiplied testimonies of the word, all running the same way. And when by consulting interpreters, especially critics, I was darkened rather than cleared, I had recourse to the scope of the words, and the plain meaning that first occurred, with an humble dependance on God for his light.

*_Fourthly_, If for a time, by the subtle perversion of some scriptures, I could not find the true meaning of them, the analogy of faith staid my mind, till I could recover those particular passages out of the enemy’s hand. When God manifested himself to me, he gave me a view of his whole design in the revelation he had made of himself, and of the harmonious consent and concurrence of all the doctrines of the gospel, in promoting that design. He shewed me likewise, how the end and the means were so closely linked together, that one of these truths could not be overturned, but all the rest would follow. Whenever therefore any of them was controverted, its connexion with the other truths, uniformly and plainly attested by the current of scripture, presented itself; and my mind was satisfied, this could not fall without they all fell together. This I take to be the analogy of faith, and herein I often took sanctuary.

6. I before mentioned what a continual bondage I was long in, through fear of death; I shall now give some account of my relief from this also.

_First_, The Lord’s mercy manifested in Christ freed me from this spirit of bondage, and gave me a taste of the liberty of the sons of God. He in great measure removed the grounds whereon I most feared it, _viz._ Sin the sting of death, and want of evidence about the reality of future things.

_Secondly_, Whereas there still continued some fear upon a near prospect of it, I was much relieved by God’s promise, that we should _not be tempted above what we are able to bear_, especially when I recollected my former experience. I remember one day in particular, I was opprest with fear of death, when God mercifully suggested to me, “Hast thou not shrunk under the remote prospect of other trials, and yet been carried through them? Why shouldst thou distrust him as to future trials, who hath so often helped thee in time of need?” I then considered, it is no way proper that God should give his grace before our trial comes: but rather that he should keep us humble and dependent by reserving it in his own hand, and teach us to submit to his wisdom, as to the measure and time of performing his own promises. And I have ever since rested in this faith, that _the Lord is a God of judgment, and that blessed are all they who wait on him_; not doubting either his faithfulness as to the accomplishment of his promises, or judgment as to the right timing and measuring them, in proportion to our necessities. Hereupon I rest to this day; I dare not say I am ready to die; I dare not say I have faith or grace sufficient to carry me through death; I dare not say I have no fear of death: but this I say, there is sufficient grace laid up for me in the promise; there is a throne of grace to have recourse to; and there is a God of judgment, who will not with-hold it, when it is really the time of need.

PART IV.