Chapter 6 of 19 · 4936 words · ~25 min read

CHAPTER VI.

_His last sickness and death._

HE now fell into a deep consumption; but, this messenger of God did not in the least damp him. Spitting of blood, was no ghastly thing to one who had his eye upon the blood of Jesus; faint sweats did not daunt him that had always such reviving cordials at hand. It was matter of joy to him, that he was now in hopes of having his earnest desires satisfied.

After he had been a while sick, a hidden dimness seized upon his eyes: by and by his sight quite failed; and there was such a visible alteration in him, that he and others judged these things to be the symptoms of death approaching. But when he was thus taken he was not in the least surprized; but was lifted up with joy to think what a life he was going to, looking upon death itself as one of his fathers servants, and his friend, that was sent as a messenger to conduct him safely to his glorious palace.

But it pleased the Lord to raise him again a little out of his fainting fit, for his Master had yet more work for him to do. Although his outward man decayed apace, yet he was renewed in the inward man day by day: his graces were never more active, and his experience never greater. When one would have thought, it had been enough for him to grapple with his pains, he quite forgot his weakness: and was so swallowed up of the life to come, that he had scarce leisure to think of his sickness.

For several weeks together, I never heard the least word that savoured of any complaint or weariness under the hand of God. Now was the time when one might have seen heaven and the glory of another world realized to sense. His faith grew exceedingly, and his love was proportionable, and his joys were equal to both.

It was a very heaven upon earth, to hear and see a man admiring God at such a rate. Those that did not see, cannot well conceive, what a sweet frame he was in, for at least six weeks before he died. His soul was almost always filled with those joys unspeakable and full of glory. How oft would he cry out, “Oh, that I could let you know what I now feel! Oh, that I could shew you what I see! Oh that I could express the thousandth part of that sweetness that I find in Christ! You would all think it well worth the while to make it your business to be religious. Oh my dear friends, we little think what Christ is worth upon a death bed. I would not for a world, nay for millions of worlds, be now without Christ, and a pardon. I would not for a world be to live any longer: the very thoughts of a possibility of recovery, make me tremble.”

When one came to visit him, and told him, that he hoped it might please God to raise him again. _And do you think to please me_ (said he) _by such discourse as this?_ No, friend, you are much mistaken if you think that the thoughts of life and health are pleasing to me. The world hath quite lost its excellency in my judgment. How poor a thing is it in all its glory compared with that world which I now live in the sight of! And as for life, Christ is my life, health, and strength; and I know, I shall have another kind of life, when I leave this. I tell you it would incomparably more please me, if you should say to me, “before to-morrow you will be in eternity.” I so long to be with Christ, that I could be contented to be cut in pieces, so I might but die and be with him. Oh how sweet is Jesus! _Come Lord Jesus, come quickly._ Death do thy worst! Death hath lost it terribleness. Death, it is nothing, I say, death is nothing (through grace) to me. I can as easily die as shut my eyes, to turn my head and sleep: _I long to be with Christ; I long to die!_

His mother and brethren standing by him he said; “_Dear mother_, I beseech you, that you would chearfully give me up to Christ; do not hinder me, now I am going to rest in glory. I am afraid of your prayers, lest they pull one way, and mine another.”

And then turning to his brethren, he said, “I charge you do not pray for my life; you do me wrong if you do. Oh that glory, the unspeakable glory that I behold! My heart is full, my heart is full. Christ smiles, and I cannot chuse but smile: can you find in your heart to stop me, who am now going to the compleat and eternal enjoyment of Christ? Would you keep me from my crown? The arms of my blessed Saviour are open to embrace me; the angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom. Oh, did you but see what I see, you would all cry out with me, how long, dear Lord; come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! oh, why are his chariot-wheels so long a coming!”

A minister came often to him, and discoursed with him of the excellency of Christ, and the glory of the invisible world. _Sir_, said he, _I feel something of it; my heart is as full as it can hold in this lower state; I can hold no more here. Oh that I could let you know what I feel!_

This holy minister praying with him, his soul was ravished with the abundant incomes of light, life, and love; so that he could scarce bear the thought of staying longer in the world, but longed to be in such a condition, wherein he should be better able to bear that weight of glory; some manifestations whereof did almost sink his weak body. Indeed had he not been sustained by a great power, his very joys would have overwhelmed him. While he was in these extasies of joy and love, he was wont to cry out:

‘Who am I, Lord, who am I, that thou shouldst be mindful of me! Why me, Lord, why me! Oh, what shall I say unto thee, thou preserver of men! Oh why me, Lord, why me! If thou wilt look upon such a poor worm, who can hinder! Who would not love thee! Oh blessed Father? How sweet and gracious hast thou been unto me!’

*‘Stand astonished, ye heavens, and wonder, O ye angels, at his infinite grace! Was ever any under heaven more beholding to free grace than I? Doth God use to do thus with his creatures? Admire him for ever and ever, Oh ye redeemed ones! Oh those joys, the taste of which I have! The everlasting joys, which are at his right hand for evermore! Eternity, eternity itself is too short to praise this God in. O bless the Lord with me, come let us shout for joy, and boast in the God of our salvation. Oh, help me to praise the Lord, for his mercy endureth for ever.’

One of his brethren (that had formerly been wrought upon by his holy exhortations) praying with him, and seeing him (as he apprehended) near his dissolution, desired that the Lord would be pleased to continue those astonishing comforts to the last moment, that he might go from one heaven to another; and when his work was done here, might have an easy and triumphant passage to rest.

Mean time he talked as if he had been in the third heaven, and broke out:

‘Oh, he is come! He is come! O how sweet! How glorious is the blessed Jesus! What shall I do to speak the thousandth part of his praises! Oh for words, to set out a little of that excellency! But it is inexpressible! Oh how excellent, glorious and lovely is the precious Jesus! He is sweet, he is altogether lovely! And now I am sick of love, he hath ravished my soul with his beauty! I shall die sick of love!

‘Oh my friends, stand by and wonder, come look upon a dying man, and wonder; I cannot myself but stand and wonder! Was there ever a greater kindness; was there ever sensibler manifestations of rich grace! Oh, why me! Lord, why me! Sure this is akin to heaven, and if I were never to enjoy any more than this: it were well worth all the torments that men and devils could invent, to come through even hell to such transcendent joys. If this be dying, let no true Christian ever be afraid of dying. Oh death is sweet to me. This bed is soft. Christ’s arms and kisses, his smiles and visits, would turn hell into heaven. Oh that you did but see and feel what I do! Come and behold a dying man, more chearful than ever you saw an healthful man in the midst of his sweetest enjoyments. Oh Sirs, worldly pleasures are poor, sorry things, compared with one glimpse of this glory, which shines in so strongly into my soul! Oh why should any of you be so sad, when I am glad: this, this is the hour that I have waited for!’

About eight and forty hours before his death, his eyes were dim, and his sight failed; his jaws shook and trembled, and his feet were cold, and all the symptoms of death were upon him. His extreme parts were already dead, and yet, his joys were (if possible) greater still. He seemed to be in one continued act of seraphic love and praise. He spake like one that was just entring into the gates of the new _Jerusalem_: the greatest part of him was now in heaven; not a word dropt from his mouth but it breathed Christ and heaven.

Then he would give instructions to them that came to see him. He was scarce ever silent, because the love of Christ and souls constrained him. There was so much work done for Christ in his last hours, that he did as much in one hour as some do in a year.

Every person had a faithful affectionate warning. And that good minister, that was so much with him, used this as an argument to persuade him to be willing to live a little longer, “God hath something for thee to do that is yet undone; some word of exhortation to some poor soul, that you have forgot.”

He was wont every evening to take his leave of his friends, hoping not to see them till the morning of the resurrection; and he desired that they would make sure of a comfortable meeting at our Father’s house in that other world.

When Ministers or Christians came to him, he would beg of them to spend all the time they had with him in praise. ‘O help me to praise God, I have nothing to do from this time to eternity, but to praise and love God. I have what my soul desires upon earth; I cannot tell what to pray for, but what I have graciously given.’ The wants that are capable of supplying in this world, are supplied. I want but one thing, and that is, _a speedy lift to heaven_. I expect no more here, I can’t desire more, I can’t hear more. Oh praise, praise, praise that infinite boundless love that hath, to a wonder, looked upon my soul. ‘Help me, O my friends, to praise and admire him that hath done such astonishing wonders for my soul: he hath pardoned all my sins, he hath filled me with his goodness; he hath given me grace and glory, and no good thing hath he withheld from me.

‘Come, help me with praises, all are too little: come, help me, Oh ye glorious and mighty angels, who are so well skilled in this heavenly work. Praise him, all ye creatures upon earth, let every thing that hath being, help me to praise him, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah: praise is now my work, and I shall be engaged in that sweet employment for ever. Bring the bible, turn to _David’s psalms_, and let us sing a _psalm_ of praise: come let us lift up our voice in the praise of the Most High; I with you as long as my breath doth last, and when I have none, I shall do it better.’

Then turning to some of his friends that were weeping, he desired them rather to rejoice than weep. It may seem a wonder, he could speak so much as he did when he was so weak; but the joy of the Lord strengthened him.

He commended the study of the promises to believers, and desired that they would be sure to make good their claim to them, and then they might come to the wells of consolation and drink thereof their fill.

According to his desire most of the time that was spent with him, was spent in praise; and he would be still calling out, _more praise still_. ‘O help me to praise him; I have now nothing else to do; I have done with prayer and all other ordinances; I have almost done conversing with mortals. I shall presently be beholding Christ himself, that died for me, and loved me, and washed me in his blood.

‘I shall, before a few hours are over, be in eternity, singing the song of _Moses_, and of the _Lamb_. I shall presently stand upon mount _Zion_, with an innumerable company of angels, and the spirits of the just made perfect, and Jesus the mediator of the new covenant. I shall hear the voice of much people, and be one amongst them, which shall say, hallelujah, salvation, glory, honour, and power unto the Lord our God; and again, we shall say, hallelujah. Yet a very little while, and I shall sing unto the _Lamb_, saying, worthy, art thou to receive praise who wert slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood, out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation, and hast made us unto our God, kings, and priests, and we shall reign with thee for ever and ever.

‘Methinks, I stand, as it were, with one foot in heaven, and the other upon earth. Methinks I hear the melody of heaven, and see the angels waiting to carry my soul to the bosom of Jesus, I shall be for ever with the Lord in glory. And who can chuse but rejoice in all this?’

The day before his death, he looked earnestly on his brother _James_, who stood by him very sad; of whom he judged, that he was putting up some ejaculation to God upon his account: _I thank thee, my dear brother, for thy love_, said he, _thou art now praying for me; and I know thou hast loved me dearly: but Christ loved me ten thousand times more than thou dost; come and kiss me dear brother, before I die_. And so with his cold, dying lips he kissed him, and said, _I shall go before, and I hope thou shalt follow after to glory_.

Though he was almost always praising God, and exhorting them that were about him to mind their everlasting concerns, and though he slept but very little for some nights, yet he was not in the least impaired in his intellectuals, but his actions were all decent and becoming, and his discourse rational, solid, divine. And so he continued to the last minute.

A few hours before his death he called all his relations together, that he might give them one solemn warning more; and bless them, and pray for them as his breath and strength would give him leave: which he did with abundance of authority, affection and spirituality.

_First_, he thanked his dear mother for her tender love to him, and desired that she might be in travail to see Christ formed in the souls of the rest of her children, and might see of the travail of her soul, and meet them with joy in that great day.

_Then_ he charged all his brethren and sisters as they would answer it before God, to carry it dutiful to their dear mother. And for his eldest brother _William_ (at whose house he lay sick) his prayer was that he might be swallowed up of Christ and love to souls; and be more and more exemplary in his life and successful in his ministry.

His next brother’s name was _Andrew_, a citizen of _London_, who was with him sometimes; but (his necessary business calling him away) he could not then be by. Yet he was not forgot, but he was thus blessed, _The God of heaven remember my poor brother at_ London; _the Lord make him truly rich in giving him the pearl of great price, and make him a fellow citizen with the saints, and of the houshold of God; the Lord deliver him from the sins of that city; may the world be kept out of his heart. Oh that he may be as his name is, a strong man, and that I may meet him with you_.

_Then_ he called his next brother whose name was _James_ (whom God had made him a spiritual father to) and said _brother_ James, _I hope the Lord hath given thee a goodly heritage; the lines are fallen to thee in pleasant places: the Lord is thy portion_. I _hope the Lord hath shewed thee the worth of Christ_. Hold on, dear brother; Christ, heaven and glory, are worth striving for; the Lord give thee more abundance of his grace.

_Then_ his next brother _Abraham_ was called, to whom he spake to this purpose, _the blessing of the God of_ Abraham _rest upon thee, the Lord make thee a father of many spiritual children_.

His _fifth_ brother was _Joseph_, whom he blessed in this manner; _Let him bless thee, Oh_ Joseph, _that blessed him that was separated from his brethren. O that his everlasting arms may take hold on thee! It is enough, if yet thou mayest live in his sight. My heart hath been working toward thee poor_ Joseph; _and I am not without hopes, that the arms of the Almighty will embrace thee. The God of thy father bless thee with the blessing of heaven above._

_The next_ was his sister Mary, to whom he spoke thus, _poor sister_ Mary, _thy body is weak and thy days will ♦be filled with bitterness; thy name is_ Marah; _the Lord sweeten all with his grace and peace, and give thee health in thy soul. Be patient, make sure of Christ, and all is well._

♦ “he” replaced with “be”

_Then_ his other sister whose name was _Sarah_ was called; whom he thus blessed, _Sister_ Sarah, _thy body is strong and healthful: Oh that thy soul may be so too! The Lord make thee first a wise virgin, and then a mother in_ Israel; _a pattern of modesty, humility, and holiness_.

_Then_ another brother, _Jacob_ was called, whom he blessed after this manner; _The Lord make thee an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no guile! Oh that thou mayest learn to wrestle with God, and like a prince mayest prevail, and not go without a blessing_.

Then he prayed for his youngest brother _Benjamin_, who was then but an infant; _Poor little_ Benjamin, _O that the Father of the fatherless, would take care of the poor child, that thou, which never sawest thy father upon earth, mayest see him with joy in heaven; The Lord be thy Father, and portion: mayest thou prove the son of thy mother’s right hand, and the joy of her age._

‘O that none of us all may be found amongst the unconverted in the day of judgment! Oh that every one of us may appear (with our honoured father and dear mother) before Christ with joy, that they may say, Lord, here are we, and the children which thou hast given us. Oh that we may live to God here, and live with him hereafter.’

“And now my dear mother, brethren and sisters, farewell; I leave you for awhile and I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them that are sanctified.”

“And now dear Lord, my work is done. I have finished my course, I have fought the good fight; and henceforth there remaineth for me a crown of righteousness! Now come, dear Lord Jesus, come quickly.”

Then the minister came to give him his last visit, and to do the office of an inferior angel, to help to convey his blessed soul to glory. When the minister spake to him, his heart was in a flame of love, and joy, which drew tears of joy from him, to hear a man just dying, talk as ♦if he came from the immediate presence of God. One might have read _grace_ and _glory_ in his countenance. Oh the praise, the triumphant praises that he put up! And every one must speak praise about him, or else they made a jar in his harmony.

♦ “of” replaced with “if” per Errata

And indeed most did, as well as they could, help him in praise. So that I never heard, or knew more praise given to God in one room, than in his chamber.

A little before he died, in the prayer or rather praises, he was so wrapped up with admiration and joy, that he could scarce forbear shouting for joy. In the conclusion of the duty, with abundance of faith and fervency, he said aloud, _Amen, Amen_.

And now his desires shall soon be satisfied; death comes apace to do his office; his jaws are loosened more and more, his hands and feet are cold as clay, and a cold sweat is upon him: but, oh how glad was he when he felt his spirit just a going! never was death more welcome to any mortal. Though the pangs of death were strong, yet that far more exceeding weight of glory, made him endure bitter pains with much patience and courage. In the extremity of his pains, he desired his eldest brother to take away one pillow from him that he might die with more ease: His brother replied, that he durst not for a world, do any thing that might hasten his death a moment. Then he was well satisfied, and sweetly resigned himself up wholly to God’s disposal: and after a few minutes, he gave himself a little turn on one side, and departed to the Lord.

Oh that all the relations which thou hast left behind thee, may live thy life, and die thy death, and live with Christ and thee, for ever and ever. _Amen, Amen._

He died June, 1657, aged 23‒24, and was buried in Kelshall Church in Hertfordshire.

An EXTRACT of the LIFE AND DEATH OF Mr. THOMAS HALIBURTON.

The PREFACE.

1. “THE _kingdom of |God|,” saith our blessed |Lord|, “is within you.” It is no outward, no distant thing: “but a well of living water” in the soul, “springing up into everlasting life.” It is “righteousness and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.” It is holiness and happiness._

2. _The general manner wherein it pleases |God| to set it up in the heart is this. A sinner, being drawn by the love of the Father, enlightened by the Son (“the true light which lighteth every man that cometh into the world”) and convinced of sin by the Holy Ghost; through the preventing grace which is given him freely, cometh weary and heavy laden, and casteth all his sins upon him that is “mighty to save.” He receiveth from him, true living faith. Being justified by faith he hath peace with |God|: he rejoices in hope of the glory of |God|, and knows that sin hath no more dominion over him. And the love of |God| is shed abroad in his heart, producing all holiness of heart and of conversation._

3. _This work of |God| in the soul of man is so described in the following treatise, as I have not seen it in any other, either antient or modern, in our own or any other language. So that I cannot but value it next to the holy scriptures, above any other human composition, excepting only the |Christian pattern|, and the small remains of Clemens Romanus, Polycarp, and |Ignatius|._

4. _Yet this great servant of |God| at some times fell back from the glorious liberty he had received, into the spirit of fear and sin and bondage. But why was it thus? Because the hand of the |Lord| was shortened? No verily: but because he did not abide in |Christ|; because he did not cleave to him with all his heart: because he grieved the holy Spirit, by some, perhaps undiscerned, unfaithfulness; who thereupon for a season departing from him, left him weak and like another man._

5. _But it may be said, “The gospel covenant does not promise entire freedom from sin.” What do you mean by the word sin? Those numberless weaknesses and follies, sometimes (improperly) termed sins of infirmity? If you mean only this, we shall not put off these but with our bodies. But if you mean, “It does not promise entire freedom from sin, in its proper sense, or from committing sin:” this is by no means true, unless the scripture be false: for thus it is written: “whosoever is born of |God| doth not commit sin:” (unless he lose the spirit of adoption, if not finally, yet for awhile, as did this child of God) “for his seed remaineth in him, and he cannot sin, because he is born of |God|.” He cannot sin so long as “he keepeth himself;” for then “that wicked one toucheth him not.”_ 1 John iii. 9, 5, 18.

6. _We see then how to judge of that other assertion, “That the mercy of |God| to his sons in |Christ Jesus|, extends to all infirmities, follies and sins, multiplied relapses not excepted.” We grant many of the children of |God| find mercy, notwithstanding multiplied relapses. But tho’ it is possible a man may be a child of |God|, who is not fully freed from sin, it does not follow that freedom from sin is impossible; or, that it is not to be expected by all; for it is promised. It is described by the Holy Ghost as the common privilege of all. And “|God| will be mindful (O let us be so!) of his covenant and promise, which he hath made to a thousand generations.”_

♦ duplicate word “than” removed

8. _Ask such a one (but with meekness and love) “Are |you| taught of |God|? Do you know that he abideth in you? Have you the revelation of the Holy Ghost (they are the words of your own church) inspiring into you the true meaning of scripture?” If you have not, with all your human science and worldly wisdom, you know nothing yet as you ought to know. Whatever you are in other respects, as to the things of |God|, you are an unlearned and ignorant man. And if you are unstable too, you will wrest these, as you do also the other scriptures, to your own destruction._

9. _Be not then surprized, ye that wait for peace, and joy, and love, thro’ faith in the blood of |Jesus|, that such judges, as these are continually crying out “Enthusiasm!” if you speak of the inward operations of the Holy Ghost. And as to you who have already peace with |God|, thro’ our |Lord Jesus Christ|, who now feel his love shed abroad in your hearts, by the Holy Ghost which is given unto you; with whose spirit the spirit of |God| beareth witness, that ye are the sons of |God|; it is your part to confirm your love toward them in all lowliness and meekness: (for who is it that maketh thee to differ? Or what hast thou, which thou hast not received?) And to plead earnestly for them at the throne of grace, that the day-star may appear in their hearts also, and the sun of righteousness at length arise upon them, with healing in his wings!_

London, February 9, 1738‒9.

JOHN WESLEY.

PART I.