CHAPTER I.
_Of his entrance upon the ministry, and behaviour at |Ceres|._
1. WHEN I was under the violent strugglings before-mentioned, I had laid aside all thoughts of the ministry; for I could not entertain a thought of preaching to others what I did not believe myself. But now the scene being changed, I was, after long deliberation and fervent prayer, determined to comply with my mother’s desire (who had devoted me from my childhood to this work) with the advice of my most pious friends, the importunity of many others, and the motions of my own heart. For I had a lively sense of the strong obligation laid upon me, to lay out myself in the service of my good master, and I thought the nearer my employment related to him, the happier it would be.
2. Accordingly on _May 1, 1700_, I entered into holy orders, and _May 5_, began my ministry at _Ceres_. From this time he prepared his ♦sermons with much secret prayer, for a blessing thereon, both to himself and his hearers. His practice also was, exactly to review and remark his behaviour in public duties; what assistance and enlargement of heart he obtained, and what concern for the souls of his hearers. When he fell short, it was matter of humiliation to him; when he was assisted, of greater gratitude and watchfulness.
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3. Knowing he was to watch over souls, as one that must give account, he had the weight of this charge much upon his spirit: he therefore laboured to know the state of the souls of his flock, that he might be able to guide them according to their particular cases. In order thereto he was diligent in visiting all the families within his parish, in instructing his people by catechizing, and in marking their proficiency in the knowledge of the gospel. Especially, before administring the Lord’s supper, he conversed severally with those who desired to partake thereof, to try what sense they had of real religion; what influence the word of God had had upon them: and what fruits of it were in their hearts and lives, that he might deal with their consciences accordingly.
4. Take an instance of this in his own words: _July 8, 1703_. “I have now spent about a month in converse with my people, and I observe the few following things:”
*_First_, “That of three or four hundred persons there were not above forty who had not at one time or other been more or less awakened, though with far the greater part it came to no length. Whence it is plain, that God leaves not himself without witness, even in the bosom of his enemies, but sooner or later so far touches the hearts of all men, as will dreadfully enhance the guilt of those, who put out the light, and quench his Spirit.”
*_Secondly_, “That some of those whom it has pleased God to awaken by my ministry, promise more than flowers, even fruit: and that most acknowledge, that the word comes nearer them daily, which makes me ashamed of my own negligence, and astonished at the goodness of God, who blesses my weak labours notwithstanding.”
_Thirdly_, “That though God may make use of the words of man, in letting us into the meaning of the scriptures, yet ’tis ordinarily the very scripture-word whereby he conveys any comfort or advantage.”
5. Hearing about this time of some who ♦were much swayed by good people, in dark steps of their ministerial work, I was satisfied in the evident clearness of the following rules:
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*_First_, That it is very dangerous to lay much stress on the apprehensions of the best of people, as to what may be sin or duty in things that belong not to their station; for the promise of the Spirits, teachings belongs not to them, as to what may concern a minister’s station. Therefore, it is safer to desire their prayers, that God would, according to his promise, discover to us what is our duty, than to learn them to step out of their stations, and advise in things that belong not to them.
*_Secondly_, In consulting others for light, great regard should be had to the different talents of men; in matters of soul-exercise, most regard should be had to those whom God has fitted with endowments that way; in matters of government most regard should be had to those whom he has fitted that way.
_Thirdly_, The holiest men are most likely to know God’s mind; but to know who are the holiest, we must consider, not only what men’s behaviour, but what their temptations are. For one in whom less appears may indeed have more grace, than another who seems to have more; when the one is continually plunged in floods of temptation, and the other is free from them.
*Observe, _Fourthly_, That ministers are commonly more shaken about the truths of religion, than about their own state: but the people, more about their own state, than about the truths of religion. And as ministers are assisted to clear the people as to what they are straitened about; so are the people often enabled to help their ministers, as to what occasions their uneasiness. Thus they mutually excel and are excelled, to humble both, and keep both in their stations.
As to the clearing up our duty in doubtful cases, observe, _Lastly_, That there is ever a bias to one way or the other; that we must seek to have this removed, and cry to God to bring our hearts to equal willingness to take either or neither way; that when this is attained, we must use our best reason, and take the way that appears most proper, though still crying to him, that he would put a stop to us, if we be out of the road. If he afforded light in any other particular way we must use it, still taking care, to seek light soberly, to use it tenderly, and to be wary in the application of it.
6. _July 2, 1702._ God about this time giving me somewhat of a revival from a long deadness, I think myself concerned to take notice of the means by which I obtained this benefit. And, 1. It was signally promoted by converse with zealous Christians. I found, that _as iron sharpeneth iron, so doth the countenance of a man his friend_. 2. By some heavy strokes laid upon me. 3. By terrible providences to the public. 4. By some papers seasonably brought to my hands, containing the exercise of some real Christians, wherein I saw how far short I was of them, and also not a few of the causes of my sadly withered and decayed state. 5. By some discovery of the vanity ♦of my sweetest enjoyments. And, Lastly, By God’s leading me to some subjects, which I chose for others, wherein I found my own case remarkably touched.
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7. _March 12, 1705._ I was far out of order; “Lord pity and shine upon me.” At night I was somewhat refreshed in family-worship. In meditation hereon I saw unbelief was the root of all my misery. I was broken on account of it; I cried to God for relief, “O manifest thyself to my soul!” I was much grieved, that at a time when so many strange evils abound, there should be so strange a stupidity ♦on my spirit, that I could not mourn for the dishonour done to God. I cried for a spirit of supplication and repentance.
♦ “of” replaced with “on” per Errata
8. _April 17, 1705._ I was much disordered in body; but about seven at night I was a little relieved. Yet bowing my knees to prayer I was full of perplexity; the Lord hid himself, and my spirit was overwhelmed. But meeting with that scripture, _Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of_ Jesus, _by a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh_; I found my mind composed; but, O, that it were with me as in months past!
9. _February 24, 1706._ Being the Lord’s day, I was sore shaken in the morning about the truths of God, but came to peace as to what I was to preach, in three things. “Lord thou hast fully satisfied me,” that 1. All other courses to satisfaction in our great concern, besides that of the gospel, are utterly vain and unsatisfactory. 2. That supposing the truth of the gospel, there is a plenary security as to all I can desire in time or in eternity. And ♦3. That it can be only the wretched unbelief of my heart that makes me ever hesitate concerning the truth of it, seeing I have full evidence for it, far beyond what in other things would absolutely cut off all hesitation. I will look then for faith to the author of it: Lord I believe! help thou mine unbelief! Thou hast so fixed me in the belief of these three truths, that no temptation hath been able to shake me.
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10. In the spring, 1707. Some of the followers of Mrs. _Bourignon_ coming into his parish, he laboured to guard his people against the infection of their specious errors. A short account whereof he gives in the following words:
_April 20, 1707_: This day the Lord directed me to strike at the root of the prevailing delusion, in opposition to which I taught.
_First_, That true holiness will not admit ♦of leaving out some duties, whereas the devotees, while they withdraw from the world, omit the unquestionable duties both of general usefulness among men, and of diligence in their particular callings.
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_Secondly_, That holiness consists not in a strict observance of rules of our own invention, such as most of theirs are.
_Thirdly_, That whatever holiness those profess, who neglect the ordinances of God, none can reasonably conclude, that they are influenced by the authority of the Lord Jesus, for the same authority binds to the one as well as the other.
_Lastly_, That the most effectual inducement to universal obedience, is a sense that our sins are forgiven us, still kept fresh upon our souls, and a constant improvement of the blood of Christ by faith.
11. _January 11, 1708._ In the morning I arose greatly indisposed with a looseness. Before church I was somewhat relieved, but immediately after sermon, seized with vomiting. Lord, lead me to some suitable improvement!
*_January 12._ Was a day set apart for examining the state of my soul; chiefly on these heads. 1. Are daily sins, and sins of infirmity, searched, observed, weighed, mourned for? And do I exercise faith distinctly, in order to the pardon of them? 2. Does the impression of the necessity and excellency of Christ’s blood decay? Are the experiences of its life and efficacy distinct as before? 3. Am I formal in worship? In secret, family, public prayer? Desiring blessing on meat, returning thanks? Meditation and reading? 4. Is there due concern for the flock? Singleness and diligence in ministerial duties, prayers for them? &c. 5. Is there sympathy with afflicted saints and churches? 6. Is the voice of the rod heard, calling to deniedness to relations, even the dearest? Deniedness to the world? To life? Preparation for death? Spirituality in duty?
12. _October 12, 1709._ Being seized with a violent flux and griping, yet God kept me submissive, without repining; and brought me to commit the disposal of all to him, crying for a removal of any aversion to his will. And as to my ministry, tho’ I felt much remorse for the want of wrestling with God, for the success of his word among the people, yet it was refreshing that I durst say in the sight of God, that I was really concerned to know the truth; that I kept back none which might be profitable for them: that I preached what I resolved to venture my soul on, and that I desired to preach home to their consciences.