CHAPTER IV.

_His return to King’s-college after his father’s death and his temptations._

WHEN his father was dead he returned again to _King’s-college_, and was a member of a society, which began to contrive how they might best be serviceable to God and their generation. Their custom was frequently to meet together, to pray and to communicate _studies_ and _experiences_. Some of this company grew cold, but others lived to let the world see, that what they did was from a _vital principle_: among whom, this young man was none of the _least_. One of their designs was to engage the _Juniors_, if possible, before they were ensnared by wicked company, when they came from school. After some time, most of his dear companions were _transplanted_ either into gentlemen’s families or livings, and Mr. _Janeway_, being one of the youngest, was, for a while, left alone in the _College_. But wanting suitable society, he fixed so intensely upon his studies, that he soon gave an incurable wound to his constitution.

But he had his gloomy days, and his sweets were sometimes imbittered with dreadful and horrid temptations. The devil shot his poisonous arrows at him: yet through the captain of his salvation, he came off more than conqueror.

It would make a Christian’s heart even ake to hear what strange temptations he was exercised with. But he was well armed for such a conflict, having the shield of faith, whereby he quenched the fiery darts of that wicked one: yet, this fight cost him the sweating of his body for agonies of spirit; and tears and strong cries to heaven. As for himself, he was wont to take an arrow out of God’s quiver, and discharge it by faith and prayer, for the discomfiture of his violent enemy, who at last was fain to fly.

These conflicts with Satan, did not a little help ♦him dealing with them that are afflicted with the like temptations. I insert a letter of his to one in the like case.

♦ “in” replaced with “him” per Errata

_Dear Friend_,

‘You say that you are troubled with blasphemous thoughts: so then, though they are blasphemous, yet they are your trouble; and neither sent for, nor welcome. What then shall we think of them? If they were your own production, your heart would be delighted in its own issue, but it is nothing less. They are the injections of that wicked one, who is the accuser of the brethren, and the disturber of the peace of the people of God. But Satan uses only to employ those weapons against those he is in fear of losing? He is not wont to assault and fight against his friends in this manner. Those that he hath fast, he leads on as softly and quietly as he can; fearing lest they should awake, and see their danger: but those that have in some measure escaped his snares, he follows hard, with all the discouragements he can. These things are no other but a bitter relish of those things, which you know to be bitter after you have tasted how good the Lord is. What then shall I call these motions of your mind? They are the soul’s loathing the morsels which Satan would have it swallow: but you will say, if these horrible thoughts be not your sin, yet they are your misery. And you will ask, How shall I get free from them? _First_, See that you possess your soul in patience: know that God hath an over-ruling hand in all this: and wait upon him, for he can and will bring good out of all this evil. At present you see no light: yet, _Trust in the Lord, and stay yourself upon your God_. Can Christ forget the purchase of his own blood? _Can a mother forget her sucking child?_ Yet, _God cannot forget his_. God hath gracious intents in all this, and his bowels yearn towards you. Yea, our Saviour suffers with us, through his ardent love by sympathy, as well as he hath suffered for us. And you know he hath all power in his hand. This power is made yours through the prayer of faith: but for your own work, do this.

‘_First_, Let not such thoughts have any time of abode in your mind, but turn them out with all the abhorrence you can: yet not with so much trouble and disturbance of mind as I believe you do. For by this the devil is pleased and makes you your own tormentor.

‘_Secondly_, Always divert your thoughts to some good thing, and let those very injections be the occasion of spiritual meditation. Think the quite contrary, or fall a praying with earnestness; and the devil will be weary if he finds his designs thus broken, and that those sparks of hell (which he struck into the soul to kindle corruption,) set faith and prayer a working.

‘_Thirdly_, Consider that this is no new thing; if any soul hath escaped out of darkness, if he will have heaven, he shall have it with as much trouble, as the devil can lay on; but, blessed be God, he cannot pluck us out of these almighty arms.’

His love to Christ and souls, made him very desirous _to spend, and be spent in the work of the ministry_. Accordingly he complied with the first clear call to preach the everlasting gospel. And though he was but two and twenty years old, yet he came to that work like one that understood what preaching was. He was a workman that needed not be ashamed, that was thoroughly furnished for every good word and work; one that hated sin with a perfect hatred, and loved holiness with all his soul; one that knew _the terrors of the Lord_, and how to beseech sinners _in Christ’s stead to be reconciled unto God_: one, in whom learning and holiness did as it were strive which could excel. He never preached publicly but twice; but he came to it, as if he had been used to it forty years; delivering the word of God with that power and majesty, with that tenderness and compassion, with that readiness and freedom, that it made his hearers amazed. He spoke nothing to others but what was the language of his heart, and the fruit of great experience, and which one might easily perceive had no small impression first upon his own spirit.

His _first_ and _last_ sermons were upon communion with God, out of _Job_ xxii. 21. A subject that few Christians under heaven were better able to manage than himself: for he did for some time maintain such an intimate familiarity with God, that he seemed to converse with him as a friend with another. This he began whilst he was here: but the perfecting his acquaintance with God, was a work for another world.

He kept an exact watch over his thoughts, words and actions, and made a review of all, at least once a day. He kept a _diary_, in which he set down every evening what the frame of his spirit had been all the day, especially in every duty. He took notice what profit he received; what returns from that far country; what answers of prayer, what deadness and flatness, and what observable providences. He set down the substance of what he had been doing: and any wanderings of thoughts, or passion. It cannot be conceived by them who do not practise this, to what a good account it turned. This made him retain a grateful remembrance of mercy, and live in a constant adoring of divine goodness; this brought him to a very intimate acquaintance with his own heart; kept his spirit low, and fitted him for free communications from God; this made him more lively and active; helped him to walk humbly with God; and made him speak more affectionately and experimentally to others of the things of God. In a word, this left a sweet calm upon his spirits, because he every night made even his accounts; and if his sheets should prove his winding-sheet, it had been all one; for his work was done; so that death could not surprize him.