Part 15

All these Countries, which I have been hitherto describing, are subject to the great Emperor of _Mezendoria_, properly so call’d; for which Reason these, as well as others which have not been mention’d, are by Travellers call’d by the general Name of the _Mezendores_, or _Mezendorian_ Islands, tho’ they are distinguish’d from one another by peculiar Names, as has been shewn in this Itinerary. That Empire, which is no less spacious than it is extraordinary, was the End, and as it were the Center of our Voyage. Eight Days after we left _Iceland_, we arriv’d at the Imperial City. Whatever the Poets have said about Societies of Animals, or Trees, we here found to be real. For _Mezendoria_ is a Country which is actually possess’d in common by Animals and Trees, who are alike endued with Reason. Any Kind of Animal or Tree whatsoever is allow’d to enjoy the Privileges of this City, provided he is obedient to the Laws, and to the establish’d Government. One would be apt to think, that a Mixture of so many Creatures of different Forms and opposite Natures should necessarily create Disorder and Confusion. But by Virtue of prudent Laws and Constitutions, this Contrariety is made to produce happy Effects. For by Means thereof, a different Office or Employment, and such as is suited to his different Genius, Temper, and Abilities, is prudently assign’d to each of these miscellaneous Subjects. Lions, because of their innate Magnanimity, are here made Generals of Armies; Elephants, by reason of their natural Sagacity, and the Soundness of their Judgments, are appointed Members of the Supreme Council of the Nation. All Offices at Court are fill’d up by Cameleons, which Animals being by Nature subject to Change, can the more readily accommodate themselves to Times and Circumstances. The Land-Forces are made up of Bears and Tygers, and such warlike Animals. Bulls and Oxen are admitted into the SeaService; for these being simple and well-meaning Creatures, and at the same Time hardy and obstinate, and not overburden’d with good Breeding, are therefore esteem’d the properest Inhabitants for that boisterous Element. They have likewise a Seminary of Calves, which are instructed in the Art of Navigation, and train’d up for the Service of the Fleet; these are call’d Sea-Calves, and are promoted by Degrees to the Dignity of Captains and Admirals. Trees, by reason of their Uprightness, are created Judges. Geese are Advocates in the Supreme Courts of Justice, and Magpyes have the Management of Causes in the inferior Courts. Foxes are made Plenipotentiaries, Envoys, Consuls, Agents and Secretaries to Embassies. Rooks are generally appointed Administrators to the Goods and Chattels of such as die intestate. Goats are Philosophers, especially Grammarians, as well out of Regard to their Horns, with which they are us’d to push their Adversaries upon the slightest Provocation, as on Account of their venerable Beards, in which Respect, they surpass all other Animals. Horses are Civil Magistrates; and Vipers, Moles, and Dormice, Farmers and Husbandmen. Birds are employ’d as Couriers and Post-Boys. Asses, on Account of the Loudness of their Voices, are made Deacons; and Nightingales execute the Office of Singing-Men and Choiristers. Cocks are the Watchmen in great Towns, and Dogs are Porters at the Gates. Wolves are the superior Officers in the Treasury and Custom-House, and Hawks and Vultures are their Deputies.

By Means of these excellent Institutions all publick Offices are duly and faithfully executed, and every Thing transacted in the most orderly Manner. This Empire, therefore, ought to be a Pattern for all Legislators to copy after in the Establishment of new Forms of Government. For that so many worthless Wretches get into Employments is not owing to any Want of Persons of Abilities to fill them up, but solely to an improper Choice. But if this Matter was taken Care of as it ought to be, and wise and able Men promoted not on Account of their general Merits, but of their Fitness to that particular Post, we should see publick Offices far better manag’d than they now are, and Governments in a more flourishing Condition. What a salutary Institution this is which we have been speaking of, is evident from the Example of this Empire. We find in the Annals of _Mezendoria_, that about three hundred Years ago this Law was repeal’d by the Emperor _Lilak_, and that publick Employments were conferr’d upon all Sorts of People indifferently, provided they had Merit of any Kind, or had signaliz’d themselves by any extraordinary Action. But this promiscuous Distribution of Places of Trust occasion’d so many and such great Disorders, that the Government seem’d upon the Point of being overturn’d thereby. Thus, for Example, a Wolf having acquitted himself with Reputation in the Management of the publick Revenues, lays Claim, on that Account, to a superior Dignity, and becomes a Senator; on the other Hand a Tree, having signaliz’d himself by the Integrity of his Decisions, was rewarded by an Employment in the Treasury. By this preposterous Promotion, two able Men at once were rendered absolutely useless to the Publick. A Goat, or a Philosopher, who was extoll’d to the Skies by the Scholasticks, for his Keenness and Obstinacy in defending an Argument, desiring to advance himself, requested the first Place that should happen to be vacant at Court, and obtain’d it; whilst a Cameleon, noted for his Good-Breeding and his Compliance with the Times, obtain’d by these Qualities a Professor’s Chair in the University, which he sollicited for the Sake of the Salary. The Effect of this was, that the former from an able Philosopher became an absurd Courtier; and the latter from an excellent Courtier, was transform’d into a most empty Philosopher. For that Perseverance in maintaining his Opinions, which does a Man Credit as a Philosopher, is an Imperfection in the other Character, since Fickleness and Inconstancy are cardinal Virtues at Court, and he that would rise there must regard not so much what is true, as what is safe, and must assume a different Aspect just as the Face of Affairs happens to change. What is there a Vice, is a Virtue in the Schools; where Positiveness, and a determin’d Resolution to adhere, at all Events, to the Point you have undertaken to defend, is a Token of a very great Man. In short, the Subjects in general, even such as were remarkable for very extraordinary Abilities, were by this Alteration in the Constitution render’d useless to their Country, and the Republick of course began to totter. In this State of Affairs, when every Thing was running to Ruin, an Elephant of great Prudence, named _Baccari_, at that Time a Senator, laid this Grievance before the Emperor in very pathetick Terms. That Prince, being convinc’d of the Truth of what was told him, determin’d to put an immediate Stop to the growing Evil. The Manner in which a Reformation was brought about was this. Such as were in Employment were not immediately turn’d out, for by that Means the Remedy would have been worse than the Disease; but as fast as Offices became vacant, such as already were in Employments, for which they were unfit, were remov’d to others better adapted to their Capacities. The good Effects of this Change soon became visible; and _Baccari_, for the great Service he had done his Country, had a Statue erected for him, which is to be seen in the great Square in _Mezendoria_ at this Day. Ever since that Time the ancient Laws have been religiously observ’d. Our Interpreter affirm’d, that he had this Relation from a certain Goose, with whom he was very intimate, and who was reckon’d one of the most eminent Lawyers in the whole City.

Many unusual, and even stupendous Phænomena, are daily offering themselves to View in this Country, and attracting the Eyes of Strangers and Travellers. The Sight alone of so many Kinds of Animals, to wit, Bears, Wolves, Geese, Magpyes, _&c._ walking up and down the different Streets and Quarters of the City, and conversing familiarly with each other, cannot fail of exciting Admiration and Delight in those who are unaccustom’d to such Kind of Sights. The first Person who came on board us was a meagre Wolf, or Custom-House Officer; he was attended by four Kites, or Under-Officers, such as in _Europe_ are call’d Searchers. They seiz’d whatever they had a Mind to of our Cargo, and by that Means made it appear that they had learnt their Lesson perfectly, and were very far from being Novices in their Trade. The Captain, according to his usual Civility, always took me along with him when he went ashore. We were met at our Landing by a Cock, who having ask’d the usual Questions, namely, what our Business was, and from whence we came, gave Notice of our Arrival to the chief Officer of the Customs. We met with a very civil Reception, and were invited to sup with him. His Wife, who, as we were told, was a celebrated Beauty among the Wolves, did not make her Appearance at Table. The Reason of her Absence, we heard afterward, was her Husband’s Jealousy, who did not think it proper to expose a Person of her Beauty to the View of Strangers, and especially of Sailors, who by reason of their long Abstinence, being generally very loving when they come on Shore, use little or no Distinction in their Addresses. Divers other marry’d Females sat down to Supper with us. One of our Company, a white Cow with black Spots, was the Wife of a Sea-Officer. Next to her sat a black Cat, who was Wife to one of the King’s Huntsmen, and was just come up out of the Country. The Person that sat next to me at Table was a particolour’d Sow, Wife to a Gold-finder, all Offices of this Kind being fill’d up by such as are of Hoggish Extraction. She was very sluttish, and sat down to Table without washing her Hands, which is a common Thing amongst those of her Tribe; but then she was extremely officious, and help’d me several Times with her own Hands. Every body was surpriz’d at her unusual Civility, especially as these Creatures are by no Means remarkable for Politeness. For my Part, I wish’d she had not been quite so well-bred, since the being help’d by such Hands was not in the least agreeable to me. I must here observe, that though the Inhabitants of _Mezendoria_ resemble Brutes, as to their Shapes, yet they have Hands and Fingers which grow out of their Forefeet, in which Respect alone they differ from our Quadrupeds. They have no Occasion for Cloaths, as their Bodies are cover’d over with Hair or Feathers. The Rich are distinguish’d from the Poor only by certain Ornaments, as Collars of Gold, or Pearls, or Garlands wound in a spiral Manner round about their Horns. The Sea-Officer’s Lady was so set off with Ornaments of this Kind, that one could scarce see any Horns she had. She excus’d her Husband’s Absence, by saying he was detained at home by a Law-Suit, a Hearing of which was to come on the Day following. After Supper was over, the particolour’d Sow, whom I have been speaking of, took our Interpreter aside, and had a long Conference with him, the Purport of which, was, that she had conceiv’d a violent Passion for me. He comforted all he could, and promising her a mutual Passion on my Part, he next began to make his Attack on me. But as he found his Words made no Impression upon me, he advis’d me to make my Escape as soon as possible, since he knew the Lady would leave no Stone unturn’d to gratify her Wishes. From that Time forward I kept close on board, especially after I heard that a former Admirer of her Ladyship’s, a Student in Philosophy, who was grown jealous of me, had form’d a Design against my Life. I was scarce secure even on board against the repeated Attacks of this _Inamorata_, who sometimes by Messages, and at other Times by Billet-doux and Love-Verses, endeavour’d to soften my obdurate Heart. Had not I unfortunately lost these Letters, when I afterwards suffer’d Shipwreck, I could here have presented the Reader with a Specimen of Piggish Poetry. But they are now slipt out of Memory, and all that I can at present recollect of them are the following Lines, in which she thus sets off her Beauties.

’Tis true, in dread Array my Bristles rise; But let me not for this be hateful to thee. What is the Steed, without his flowing Mane? What are the feather’d Race, without their Plumes? What is a Tree, stript of its leafy Honours? What is a mortal Man without his Beard? And what, ye Gods! a Sow without her Bristles?

We made an End of our Market with such Expedition, that we were in a Condition to set Sail from thence in a few Days. Our Voyage, however, was retarded some Time, by a Quarrel which happen’d betwixt our Sailors, and some of the Inhabitants of the Country. The Occasion of the Quarrel was this. As one of our Men was passing through the City, a Cuckoo, who had a Mind to be arch upon him, call’d him in Derision _Peripom_, which signifies the same as a Stage-Player amongst us. For as Monkeys in this Country are commonly Rope-Dancers and Comedians, the Cuckoo took our _Martinian_ for a Player. The Sailor, resenting the Affront, fell upon him with a Cudgel, and repeating his Blow, almost maim’d him. The Cuckoo calling out for Help, desir’d the By-Standers to bear Witness of the Assault, and summon’d them the next Day to give Evidence in a Court of Justice. The Witnesses having been examin’d, the Matter was laid before the Senate. The Sailor being ignorant both of the Laws and Language of the _Mezendorians_, was forc’d to see a Pye, or Lawyer, to be Counsel for him. The Cause was thus brought before the Senate, and after a Hearing, which lasted about an Hour, Sentence was given to the following Purpose: That the Cuckoo, as being the Aggressor, should undergo the Punishment in that Case provided, and pay the Costs of the Suit. However, the Lawyer’s Fees had swallow’d up all his Cash already. The Judges who determin’d this Affair were Horses, two of which were Consuls, and the other four Senators. An equal Number of Colts were likewise present, who had a Right of giving their Opinions, but not of voting, and were admitted into the Court as Pupils and Candidates to fill up Vacancies upon the Bench.

Having finish’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, and got our Loading which was very valuable on board, we thought of returning home. Soon after we were out at Sea, a sudden Calm at once put a Stop to our Course. Upon which we fell to our Diversions, some to spearing of Fishes as they leapt above the Surface, others to angling for them. By and by we had a Gale of Wind, and proceeded in our Voyage.

Having long plough’d the Ocean with a prosperous Gale, we at length came in Sight of other Syrens, who by Intervals would set up a most hideous and dismal Yell. This struck an uncommon Terror into the Sailors, who knew, by woful Experience, that such mournful Musick portended Storms and Shipwrecks. Hereupon we immediately took in our Sails, and every Man was order’d to his Post. We had scarce made an End of our Work before we saw the Heavens cover’d with black Clouds. The Waves began to swell, and such a Storm follow’d, that the Pilot, who had us’d the Subterranean Seas for almost forty Years, declar’d he had never known so terrible a one. Every Thing that happen’d to be upon Deck was immediately wash’d overboard, partly by Means of the Waves, which were every Moment breaking over it, and partly by the violent Rain’s which fell at the same Time, attended with dreadful Lightning and loud Claps of Thunder. So that all the Elements seem’d to conspire together for our Destruction. Our Main-Mast was presently broke short off and carry’d away, and the rest soon follow’d it. We had nothing now but Death before our Eyes. One was calling out upon his Wife and Children, another upon his Friends and Relations, and the whole Vessel resounded with their mournful Cries. The Pilot, though without Hope himself, was nevertheless oblig’d to sooth the rest with Hopes, and to advise them not to give Way to unavailing Sorrows. Whilst he was in the Midst of this Discourse, a sudden Gust of Wind hurry’d him overboard, and he was quickly swallow’d up by the Waves. Three others underwent the same Fate, namely, the Purser, and two Sailors. I was the only one who bore the general Calamity without repining. Life was grown a Burden to me, and I had no Inclination to return to _Martinia_, where I had forfeited my Liberty and good Name. All the Compassion I had left was for the Captain, who had treated me with so much Kindness during our whole Voyage. I strove with all the Eloquence I was Master of, to raise his drooping Spirits; but in vain; he persisted in his Sighs and womanish Complaints, till a Wave came rolling over us, and carry’d him away with it into the Ocean.

The Storm increasing still, no farther Care was taken about the Ship. Not a Mast, not a Rudder, or even so much as a Rope or Oar was left; and our Vessel floated at Random on the Waves. We were toss’d about in this Condition near three whole Days, half dead with Fear and Hunger. The Sky appear’d serene by Intervals, but nevertheless the Storm continued with its usual Violence. At length we discovered Land, the Sight of which, though it appear’d to be nothing but craggy Rocks and Precipices, was some Comfort to those of the Crew who were still left alive. As the Wind blew towards the Shore, we were in Hopes that we should soon be driven thither. But this could not happen without our suffering Shipwreck, by reason of the Cragginess of the Coast. It seem’d however probable, that some of us, if not all, by the Help of some Fragments of the Ship, might for the present at least escape. But whilst we were comforting ourselves with these Hopes, we struck upon a Rock, which being under Water had escap’d our Notice, with such Violence, that the Vessel was in an Instant dash’d into an hundred Pieces. In the Midst of this Confusion I laid hold of a Plank, being only anxious for my own Safety, and little minding what became of my Companions, whose Fate I am yet a Stranger to. It is most likely that they were all lost, since I could not hear of the Arrival of any of them into that Country. I was carry’d with great Rapidity to the Shore, by the Help of the Tide and of the Waves. This was a Means of saving me, for had I continued a little longer in the State I was in, I should certainly have perish’d through Hunger and Fatigue. After I had doubled the Point of a certain Promontory, the Waves abated, and I heard the Murmuring of them at a Distance only, and that too by Degrees grew weaker and weaker, till it intirely vanish’d.

This whole Region is mountainous. And hence the frequent Windings of the Mountains, their overhanging Tops, together with the Deepness of the Vales below, are the Occasion of very great Echoes here. As soon as I found myself near the Shore, I hollow’d out as loud as I was able, in hopes that some of the Inhabitants upon the Coasts might hear me, and come to my Assistance. My first Shout was not return’d, but after I had repeated it, I heard a Kind of Noise from the Shore, and at length saw the Inhabitants running out of the Woods, and coming to meet me with a Boat, which was made of Osier Branches and Oaken Twigs, a Proof that they were not a very improv’d or civiliz’d People. But the Sight of the Rowers gave me a Transport beyond Description; for as to their exterior Figure, they did not differ at all from Men, and were the only Creatures of my own Species that I had beheld during this whole Subterranean Tour. They are something like the Inhabitants of the Torrid Zone. For they have black Beards, and short, curl’d Hair; and those who have long, flaxen Hair, are reputed a Kind of Monsters. At length they drew near to the broken Piece of the Ship I was upon, and took me into their Boat in a dropping Condition. They then row’d to Shore, where after I had been refresh’d with some Meat and Drink, though in a very plain and coarse Manner, I soon recover’d my Vigour and Spirits, notwithstanding I had been three whole Days and Nights in a Manner combating with Thirst and Hunger.

CHAP. XII.

_The Author’s Arrival at_ +Quama+.

And now a Croud of People surrounded me. They talk’d to me in their Language, of which, as I was wholly ignorant, I was at a Loss what to answer. They often repeated the Word _Dank_, _Dank_, which sounding like High Dutch, I answer’d first in that Language, then in the _Danish_ Tongue, and lastly in _Latin_. But to all this they only shook their Heads, to intimate that these Languages were utterly unknown to them. Then I try’d them in the Subterranean Languages, namely, the _Nazaric_, and the _Martinian_; but all to no Purpose. This made me conclude, that they were an unsociable Nation, who had no Kind of Commerce with the rest of the World, and that therefore I should be under a Necessity in this Country of turning Boy, and going to School once more to learn my Letters.