Part 18

The _Literati_ of _Europe_ are very fond of buying Books, but in this Point they do not so much regard the Matter they contain, as they do the Form and Neatness of them. The Booksellers, who are well aware of this, and know that their learned Customers had rather feast their Eyes than their Minds, are perpetually reprinting their Books in a different Size and Letter, and with new Decorations; by which Means they make an infinite Advantage. For in this Country the liberal Arts are made a Trade of, and some Authors are reckon’d as sharp and cunning as any Trader at all.

The Universities in _Europe_ are Shops, where Degrees, Promotions, Dignities, and various Kinds of Titles, and other learned Wares, are set to Sale at reasonable Rates: All which are not to be acquir’d in our Subterranean World without indefatigable Pains and Study for Years together. Those who have reach’d the Summit of all Erudition, or (in the _European_ Phrase) have got to the Top of a certain Mountain, call’d _Parnassus_, inhabited by nine Virgins, are styl’d Doctors. The next to these are Masters of Arts, who come at their Titles at somewhat a less Expence, and are therefore thought to be less learned. The Good-will which these Superterranean Schools bear to Mankind is evident, from their thus rendring the Way to Learning smooth and easy. The Northern Seminaries were a little more rigid in this Respect, since the highest Honours are not there conferr’d without a previous Examination.

The Learned are distinguish’d from the Illiterate by their Dress and Manners, but chiefly by their Religion; for the latter worship only one God, but the former pay their Devotions to several. The principal Deities of the Learned are _Apollo_, _Minerva_, the Nine Muses, and others of an inferior Rank, which Writers, and especially Poets, are wont to invoke at such Times as they fall into Raptures, or a Kind of Raving.

The Learned, according to the Diversity of their Studies, are distinguish’d into various Classes; for Instance, Philosophers, Poets, Grammarians, Naturalists, Metaphysicians, _&c._

A Philosopher is a literary Merchant, who sets to Sale Precepts concerning Self-Denial, Temperance, and Poverty, at a stated Price, and spends his Time in writing and declaiming against Riches till he grows rich himself. The Father of these Philosophers was one _Seneca_, who, by this Method, amass’d together a princely Fortune.

A Poet is a Person who acquires Renown by being thought to be out of his Senses. Hence it is usual to speak of all great Poets, as possess’d with a divine Fury or Distraction; and all who express their Thoughts with Simplicity and Perspicuity, are judg’d unworthy of the Laurel.

The Grammarians are a Sort of Militia, whose only Business is to disturb the publick Peace. They differ from the other Soldiery in this Respect, that instead of a Coat of Mail, they wear a Gown, and fight with their Pens instead of Swords. They contend as obstinately for Letters and Syllables, as the others do for their Liberties and Properties. The Reason why they are kept up, I believe, is this, that the _European_ Princes are afraid lest People in a Time of Peace should grow dull, and lose their Spirits for want of somewhat like a War. Sometimes, however, when these Differences begin to threaten Bloodshed, the Senate interposes its Authority. An Accident of this Kind happen’d not long ago at _Paris_, as I was told. For a Dispute concerning the Letters Q and K growing to a Height among the Doctors, the Senate wisely put an End to it, by allowing every one to use the Letter he lik’d best.

A Naturalist, or Natural Philosopher, is a Person who diligently enquires into the Nature of Quadrupeds, Reptiles, and Insects of all Kinds, and who is acquainted with every Thing, except himself.

A Metaphysician is one who alone knows those Things which are conceal’d from others, and who can describe and define the Essence of Spirits and of Souls, of Entities and Non-Entities; and who being very sharp-sighted in spying out Things at a Distance, overlooks such as are almost under his Nose.

Such is the State of Learning in _Europe_. I could say more upon this Head, but it is sufficient to have touch’d upon the principal Points. The Reader will easily judge from hence, whether the _Europeans_ are right or wrong, in thinking no People have any Knowledge but themselves.

It must be confess’d, however, that the Doctors and Masters in _Europe_, are much more dextrous in instructing Youth, than our Subterraneans are. For they have Masters of Arts, and of Languages, among them, who teach others not only what they have learnt themselves, but even what they are utterly unacquainted with. If it is an arduous Task, to communicate clearly to others what we know ourselves, surely it is much more so to teach them what we are intirely ignorant of.

Amongst the Men of Learning, there are some who apply themselves, with equal Diligence, both to Philosophy and Divinity. These Men, as Divines, dare not deny, what as Philosophers they very much doubt of.

The _Europeans_ apply themselves to Letters with as much Industry as we do; but they become learned in much less Time, by Means of a certain extraordinary magical Invention, by the Help whereof they can read over a hundred Volumes in a Day.

The Superterraneans are very religious, and constant at Divine Service; but their Times of Worship are not regulated by the Motions of the Heart, but by the Ringing of Bells, by Clocks, or Sun-Dials; so that this Devotion seems to be purely mechanical, and to depend upon Externals, upon Custom, or upon stated Times, rather than to flow from the Dictates of the Heart.

Their Taste for religious Duties appears from their Custom of singing Hymns or Psalms, while they are cleaving Wood, washing Dishes, or employ’d in any other manual Labour.

When I arriv’d in _Italy_, I look’d upon myself to be Lord of the whole Country, for every one I met profess’d himself my Slave. Having a Mind to try how far this Servility, which they made such a Shew of, would extend, I order’d my Landlord’s Wife to be brought to me one Night: But he immediately fell into a Passion, and commanded me to pack up my Baggage and be gone; and as I did not make haste enough, he fairly turn’d me out of Doors,

In the Northern Countries, People are very fond of Titles, though they have not the Possessions which belong to them. They are likewise extremely ambitious of the upper Hand. Moreover * * *

Thus far I patiently attended, but my Indignation was now rais’d, and I would hear no more, declaring, that these were Fictions of a partial Writer, and one who was over-run with Spleen. But when my Heat a little abated, I began to form a more favourable Judgment of this Itinerary, as I saw that the Author, though he appear’d in many Places to be partial, and not to have had the best Regard to Truth, was not, however, mistaken in his Judgment, but had often hit the Nail, as we say, on the Head.

I now determin’d with myself, to take the Advice of _Tomopoloko_, and cherish the Error of the _Quamites_ concerning my Origin; since I thought it more for my Interest to pass for an Embassador Extraordinary from the Sun, than for a Citizen of _Europe_.

Our Neighbours had now continued quiet for a long Time, and I had taken the Advantage of this wish’d for Peace, to settle the Republick to my Satisfaction. News at length arriv’d, that three very powerful Nations had enter’d into an Alliance to invade the _Quamites_. These were the _Arctonians_, the _Kispucians_, and the _Alectorians_. The _Arctonians_ were a Nation of Bears, who were endued with Speech and Reason, and were reckon’d very fierce and warlike. The _Kispucians_ were Cats of an extraordinary Size, and were in great Repute among the Subterraneans, for their Sagacity and Judgment: For this Reason they kept some very powerful Enemies in Awe, not so much by their superior Strength, as by their Artifice and Stratagems. The _Alectorians_ fought in the Air, as well as upon Land, and by that Means gave their Enemies infinite Vexation: These were Game-Cocks, arm’d with Bows and Arrows dipt in Poison, which they manag’d with wonderful Dexterity, and thereby did great Execution.

These three Nations, alarm’d at the unusual Success of the _Quamites_, enter’d into a League or Alliance, by which it was agreed to check the growing Power of the _Quamites_ with their united Force, before it spread any further. However, before they declar’d War, they sent Embassadors to _Quama_, to demand that the Liberties of the _Tanachites_ might be restor’d, and to threaten War, in case such Demands were not comply’d with.

The Embassadors deliver’d their Commission, and receiv’d the following Answer, which was given them by my Advice: That the _Tanachites_ having broken the Peace, and violated the Faith of Treaties, ought to impute the Misfortune they were fallen into, to their own Folly and Presumption; that the Emperor was resolv’d, with all his Might, to defend the Territories he had acquir’d by Right of War; and lastly, that he was not to be aw’d by the Threats of the Confederate Nations. The Heralds were dismiss’d with this Answer, and we turn’d our Thoughts towards making Preparations for the impending War. In a short Time I got together an Army of forty thousand Men, among which eight thousand Horse, and two thousand Musketeers. The Emperor, though he was grown decrepid through Age, resolv’d to be present in this Expedition, and was inflam’d with such a Thirst of Glory, that neither I myself, nor the Empress and her Children, who join’d with me in striving to overcome his Obstinacy, could divert him from his Purpose. What gave me the most Disturbance at that Time, was my Jealousy of the _Tanachites_; for I was afraid lest they should grow weary of their Servitude, and lay hold of that Occasion to shake off the Yoke, and join the Enemy. Nor was I deceiv’d in my Conjecture; for a little while after War had been proclaim’d, News was brought us, that twelve thousand _Tanachites_ had taken Arms, and were gone over to the Enemy. Hence I saw, that we should have four powerful Enemies to Struggle with at one and the same Time.

All necessary Preparations being made, the Army was commanded to begin their March towards the Enemy in the Beginning of the Month _Kilian_. As we were upon the Road, Intelligence was brought us, that the Confederate Forces had enter’d the Country of the _Tanachites_, and laid Siege to the Castle of _Sibol_, which was situated on the Borders of the _Kispucian_ Territories. The Place was attack’d with so great a Force, and with so much Violence, that the Governor was just going to surrender it. But as soon as the Enemy were inform’d of our Approach, they broke up the Siege, and march’d against us. The Battle was fought upon a Plain, not far from the Fortress which had been besieg’d, from whence it was call’d the Battle of _Sibol_. The _Arctonians_, which compos’d the Enemies left Wing, falling upon our Horse, made great Slaughter of them; and, as this Attack was supported by the Rebel _Tanachites_, it was very near proving fatal to us. But the Musketeers going in to their Assistance, and having thrown the Enemy into Disorder by two Discharges of their Artillery, the Face of the Battle was quite chang’d; so that they who but just now had borne down our Horse, and were almost Conquerors, being now borne down themselves, began to give Way, and at last to turn their Backs. In the mean Time the _Kispucians_ briskly attack’d our Foot, and shot their Arrows with so much Art, and with such Success, that six hundred _Quamites_ were, in a very little Time, either shot dead, or desperately wounded. But the Horse, together with the Musketeers, coming to their Assistance, the Enemy were oblig’d to save themselves by Flight; which they did, however, in so good Order, without once breaking their Ranks, that they might be rather said to yield than fly. This was owing to the Conduct of _Monsonius_, General of the _Kispucians_, who at that Time was thought to excel all the Subterranean Generals in the Art of War. The _Alectorians_ yet remain’d, whom it was no easy Matter to subdue; for as oft as our Musketeers fir’d upon them, the Enemy sprung up all at once into the Air, and thence discharg’d a Shower of Arrows, which were so well aim’d, that few of them fell to the Ground without doing Execution. The Reason why these Arrows seldom miss’d their Aim, was because it is easier to hit an Object when you are above, than when you are below it. Our Men often miss’d their Mark, because the Enemy were so volatile, and perpetually Shifting Places. In the Midst of the Engagement, whilst the Emperor was in the very Heat of Action, his Neck was pierc’d through with a poison’d Arrow. He fell from his Horse immediately, and was carry’d out of the Battle to his Tent, where he expir’d soon after. In this ticklish Situation of Affairs, I thought it most advisable to injoin all such as had been Witnesses of this unhappy Accident, to keep it secret, lest the Ardour of the Soldiers should abate upon hearing the Emperor was dead. I bade them take Courage, and told them, that the King indeed was stunn’d with the sudden Stroke, but that the Arrow had not enter’d deep; that the Wound had been search’d, and taken due Care of; that every Thing would go well, and that they might expect to see their Emperor again very soon. By this Means most of the Army were kept in Ignorance of what had happen’d, and the Battle was prolong’d till Night. At length the _Alectorians_ quite spent with Labour, and the Wounds they had receiv’d, retir’d into their Camp, and a Truce of a few Days Continuance was agreed upon, in order to bury the dead Bodies. In the mean Time, as I found that there was need of some other Stratagem to subdue the _Alectorians_, I order’d our Musket-Ball to be cast into small Shot. This Project was attended with so good Success, that at our next Encounter the _Alectorians_ came tumbling down apace, and one Half of the Army perish’d in a miserable Manner: Those that were left seeing this, threw down their Arms, and begg’d for Peace. The _Arctonians_ and _Kispucians_ follow’d their Example, and committed themselves, their Arms, and Fortresses to our Mercy. Matters being thus brought to a happy Issue, I call’d a Council, and address’d them in the following Harangue.

“Gentlemen and Fellow-Soldiers, I do not doubt but most of you are well acquainted, how earnestly I dissuaded our most Serene Emperor from this Expedition; but his innate Fortitude and Magnanimity would not permit him to remain idle at home, while his faithful Subjects were exposing their Lives abroad in his Defence. I can truly say, that this is the only Request which his Imperial Majesty ever refus’d to grant me. How happy should I have thought myself had he refus’d me every Thing besides, and only been indulgent to me in this! For then we should not have known that Calamity that now hangs over us, our Return into the Imperial City would have been truly triumphant, and our Joys for our Success would have been pure and unmix’d. I cannot, nor indeed ought I, any longer conceal from you that fatal Accident which has thus dash’d all our Happiness. Attend then to the dreadful News: Your Emperor, while he was gallantly fighting for his Subjects, was pierc’d by an Arrow in the Battle, and now lies breathless in his Tent. What Grief, what Anguish must not the Loss of such a Prince occasion? I can easily make a Judgment of your Sorrows from what I feel myself. But let us not give Way to Despondency: Death, to such a Hero, is not the End of Life, but only the Period of Mortality. We have not wholly lost our Emperor, since he has left two Princes behind, form’d after the Example of the best of Parents, and who inherit their Father’s Virtues, as well as his Dominions. You cannot, therefore, be so properly said to change your King, as the bare Name of King. And since the eldest Prince, _Timuso_, is by Right of Primogeniture to be promoted to his Father’s Throne, I shall henceforth derive my Authority from him. He it is to whom we ought to swear Allegiance, and to whom we will now pay Homage.”

CHAP. XIV.

_The Author is elevated to the_ Imperial Dignity.

At the Conclusion of this Harangue, the Soldiery lifted up their Voice and cry’d, _We will have no Emperor but_ Pikilsu. I was all Astonishment at this, and with a Flood of Tears besought them to consider better, to remember the Allegiance they ow’d to the Imperial House, and the publick as well as private Benefits they had receiv’d from the departed Monarch, which it was not possible to forget, without bringing an indelible Stain upon their Character. To this I added, that if ever they had Occasion to command my Services, I could be of equal Use to them in a private Capacity. But all this signify’d nothing. The Officers and Soldiers join in the common Cry, and the whole Camp resounded with the before-mention’d Acclamation. Upon this, I retir’d to my Tent in Confusion, and order’d the Guards to give Entrance to none: Because, probably, the Soldiers might return to Reason, when this sudden Fit of Zeal should cool. But the Generals and common Soldiers burst into my Tent, and in spight of all my Reluctance, adorn’d me with the Ensigns of Royalty, and conducting me out of the Tent with Trumpets and Drums, proclaim’d me Emperor of _Quama_, King of _Tanachin_, _Arctonia_, _Alectoria_, and Great Duke of the _Kispucians_. Seeing then how vain was all Resistance, I no longer struggled with my Fortune, but follow’d the Torrent; and I must own, that I was not altogether unwilling to be rais’d to this Elevation; for an Empire, with three Kingdoms, and a Great Dutchy, was too delicious a Morsel to be ey’d with Indifference. I immediately sent to the Prince, to acquaint him with the present Situation of Affairs, and to advise him to insist strenuously upon his natural and hereditary Rights, and to declare this new Election void, as being contrary to the Laws of the Realm. But at the same Time I had resolv’d with myself not to relinquish in Haste an Empire thus spontaneously offer’d me; so that this Advice of mine to his Highness the Prince was rather to feel his Pulse upon this Occasion. The Prince had an admirable Understanding, and a very solid Judgment; and as he well knew the Doubles and Disguises of the human Heart, and that this Modesty of mine was only put on to serve a Turn, he wisely yielded to the Necessity of the Times, and after the Example of the Army, he himself proclaim’d me Emperor in the Capital City, to which I was soon after led in Triumph, attended by the Generals and Officers of the Army, in the midst of the Shouts and Acclamations of the Populace. In a few Days after this, I was solemnly crown’d, and invested with the Regal Authority. Being thus metamorphos’d from a miserable Shipwreck’d Sailor into a Monarch, that I might strengthen my Interest with the _Quamites_, who I perceiv’d had still a great Veneration for the Royal Race of _Quama_, I espous’d the Daughter of the deceas’d Emperor, whose Name was _Ralac_.

Having perform’d these great Things, I projected new Schemes, to raise the Empire to a Height that should make it formidable to the whole subterranean World. My first Care was to assure myself of the Duty and Allegiance of the lately conquer’d Nations. To this End I garison’d all their Citadels and fortify’d Places in the strongest Manner, treated the Conquer’d with the utmost Humanity, and advanc’d some of them to very great Offices in the Capital. In particular the Captive Generals, _Tomopoloko_ and _Monsonius_, had the highest Share in my Favour, a Circumstance that rais’d the Envy of the _Quamites_, tho’ they suppress’d their Dissatisfaction for the present; but in Time the Spark, which had long lain concealed under the Ashes, burst into an open Flame, as shall be related in its proper Place. To return to my domestick Affairs: The liberal Sciences, and the Art of War, I labour’d to bring to the highest Perfection: And as this Country abounded with very deep Woods, which could furnish Plenty of Timber for the building a Fleet after the Manner of the _Europeans_, I pursued this Point with such unweary’d Ardour, that tho’ in Reality I had a thousand other Affairs to perplex me, it seem’d as if my whole Thoughts were directed to this one View. The _Kispucians_ were of great Service to me in this Case; they had a tolerable Knowledge of maritime Affairs, and their General _Monsonius_ I appointed Lord High Admiral of the Fleet.

And now the Timber is felling, the Instruments for working it preparing, and with such Vehemence I apply myself to the Business, that in sixty Days from the first falling of the Wood, a Fleet of twenty Ships now rides at Anchor in the Harbour. All this corresponding exactly with my Wishes, I look’d upon myself as the _Alexander_ of the subterranean World, and that below I was the Author of as great Revolutions as he was above. The Lust of Power is infinite, and never finds the Point to stop at. Some few Years since, the Office of a Deacon, or that of a Writer, or Clerk, was the Height of my Ambition, nor did I aspire to any thing greater; and now four or five Kingdoms seem too narrow for me: So that with Respect to my Desires, which rise in Proportion to our Wealth and Power, I never found myself more indigent than now.