Part 3

For, among other laudable Institutions of this Empire, there is an Indulgence of innocent Pleasures, by which it is believ’d the Soul is strengthen’d, and prepar’d to sustain the more arduous Duties, and by which those black Clouds of Melancholy are dispell’d, which are thought to be the Sources of Riots, Seditions, and pernicious Counsels. Therefore they chequer the severer Toils with Sports and Plays, so happily tempering Seriousness with Pleasantry, that the first cannot degenerate into Sourness, nor the latter into Impertinence. But it was not without Indignation I observ’d that School-Disputations do there make a Part of the Shews and Theatrical Performances. For at set Times of the Year, Wagers being laid, and a Reward assign’d to the Conquerors, the Disputants engage like a Couple of Gladiators, and much upon the same Terms that fighting Cocks or any such battling Animals do among us. Hence it was a Custom among the Great, to maintain a Set of Disputants, as we do a Pack of Hounds, and to give them a logical Education, that they may be fit for Engagement at the stated Times of the Year. Thus a certain wealthy Citizen in three Years Time had made prodigious Gains, even to the Sum of 4000 _Ricatu_, from one Disputant, whom he maintained for that Purpose. This Disputant, with an amazing Volubility of Tongue,

_Diruit, ædificat, mutat quadrata rotundis_,

By ensnaring Syllogisms and every Artifice of Logick, by Distinctions, Reservations, and Exceptions, eluded every Opponent, and silenc’d whom he would. I was often present at these Entertainments, and that with no small Vexation. For it seem’d to me a horrid and shameful Thing, that such noble Exercises, which give Lustre to our Schools, should here be prostituted on the Stage. And when I call’d to Mind, that I myself with the highest Applause had disputed in Publick, and had obtained the Laurel, I could scarce withhold my Tears. And not only the Dispute, but the Method of disputing incensed me. For they hir’d certain Stimulators, in their Language _Cabalci_, who when they observ’d the Ardor of the Disputants to flag, just prick’d their Sides with Lancets to re-kindle it, and to rally their declining Spirits. Other Things thro’ Shame I omit, which in so polish’d a Nation I could not but condemn. Besides these Disputants, call’d in their Tongue, by way of Contempt, _Masbaki_, that is strictly, Wranglers, there were other Trials of Skill between Beasts, both of the wild and tame Kind, and also between Birds of Prey, which were exhibited to the Spectators at a certain Price. I begg’d to know of my Host, how it was possible that so judicious a Nation could think of leaving to the Theatre those noble Exercises, whereby a Faculty of Speaking is acquir’d, Truth is discover’d, and the Understanding sharpen’d? He reply’d, that formerly these Exercises were in high Reputation among their barbarous Ancestors; but since they had been convinc’d by Experience, That Truth was rather stifled by Disputes, that their Youth were render’d petulant and forward thereby, that Disturbances arose from them, and that the more generous Studies were so much the more fetter’d, they turn’d over these Exercises from the University to the Playhouse; and the Event has shew’d us, that by Reading, Silence, and Meditation, the Students now make far greater Advances in Learning. With this Reply, tho’ very specious, I was not however altogether satisfy’d.

In this City there was an Academy or School, where with the utmost Decency and Solidity the Liberal Arts were taught. My Host introduc’d me into the Auditory of this School on a particular Day, when a _Madic_, or Doctor of Philosophy, was to be created. The whole Ceremony was this: The Candidate made a learned and elegant Dissertation upon a Problem in natural Philosophy, which being ended, the Governors of the School inserted his Name in the Register of Doctors, who from thence had Authority to teach publickly. My Host asking how I liked it? I answer’d that it appear’d to me a mighty dry Business in Comparison of our Promotions. Then I explain’d to him how Masters and Doctors were created among us, namely, by exhibiting certain Specimens of their Skill in Disputation. At this, contracting his Brows, he desir’d to know the Nature of our Disputations, and in what they differ from the subterranean. I reply’d, that they were usually upon curious and learned Subjects, particularly such as relate to the Manners, Language, or Dress of two ancient Nations who formerly flourish’d in _Europe_, and that I for my Part had wrote three Dissertations upon the Slippers of the Ancients. With that he set up such a Laugh, as made the whole House ring. His Wife, alarm’d with the Noise, flies to know the Cause of it: But I was so much out of Humour, that I disdained to answer her; for I thought it a burning Shame, so grave and solid a Matter should be treated with that Ridicule and Contempt. But understanding from her Husband the Truth of the Case, she laugh’d as violently. This Thing taking Air, gave a Handle to endless Sneers; nay, the Wife of a certain Senator, of herself exceedingly prone to laugh, was so delighted, that she had like to have burst herself. And she soon, after dying accidentally of a Fever, it was thought her Death was occasion’d by that immoderate Laugh, which had inflam’d her Lungs. They were not indeed quite certain that such was the Case; however, so it was whisper’d. She was otherwise a Matron of a fine Understanding, and a most useful Lady, for she had seven Branches, which is something rare in that Sex. All the better Sort of Trees were much concern’d at her Death. She was bury’d at Midnight without the City Gates, and in the same Garments she happen’d to have on when she dy’d. For there is a Provision by Law, that no Body can be bury’d in the City, because they believe the Air may be corrupted by the Effluvia of the Carcases. It is also by Law provided, that the dead Bodies shall be interr’d without any Funeral Pomp, or rich Dresses, inasmuch as all is shortly to be the Food of Worms. And these appear’d to me to be very wise Institutions. Yet they had Feasts in Honour of the Dead, and also Funeral Orations, which simply contain’d an Exhortation to a virtuous Life, and which plac’d before their Eyes an Image of Mortality. At this the Censors were present, to observe whether the Orators rais’d or depress’d the Character of the Deceas’d beyond Justice. And hence the subterranean Orators were extremely sparing of their Encomiums, since to give immoderate Praises was punishable by Law. Not long after, when I was going to one of these Funeral Orations, I ask’d my Host what was the State and Condition of the departed Hero? He reply’d, he was an Husbandman who dy’d suddenly upon the Road to this City. Hereupon, in my Turn, I burst into an excessive Laughter, retorting thus their own Weapons upon them. And pray, says I, why have not Bulls and Oxen, those Companions of Husbandmen, the Honour of a Funeral Oration? They can equally supply Matter, for they equally perform the same Office. But my Host desir’d me to spare my Jests; for that in these Dominions Husbandmen were held in the highest Esteem, on account of the great Excellence of the Duties they were employ’d in; and that no Way of Life was more honourable than that of Agriculture. Thus every honest and industrious Farmer was regarded by the Citizens as their Feeder and Foster-Father. And hence arose the Custom, that when the Farmers about Autumn, or in the Month of _Palm-Trees_, repair to the City with a Multitude of Carriages loaden with Corn, the Magistrates meet them without the Gates, and introduce them into the City with Trumpets and other Instruments in Concert, after the Manner of a Triumph. At this strange Account I was struck dumb, especially recollecting the hard Fate of our Husbandmen, groaning under the deepest Slavery, and whose Employments are look’d upon as low and illiberal, in Comparison of those which are Pandars to our Pleasures; such as Cooks, Poulterers, Perfumers, and such like. And this I fairly own’d to my Host, at the same Time enjoining him Silence, fearing lest the Subterraneans should pass very unfavourable Judgments upon Mankind. Having promised Secrecy, he carry’d me to the Hall where the Funeral Oration was to be made. I own I never heard any Thing executed more solidly, with greater Veracity, or with so little an Appearance of Flattery as this; and I judg’d it a proper Pattern, to which all Funeral Orations should conform. The Orator first gave us a View of the Virtues of the Deceas’d, and then enumerated his Vices and Failings, with an Admonition to his Audience to avoid ’em.

As we return’d from the Hall, we met an Offender in Custody of three Keepers. The same by Decree in Court had lately undergone _the Punishment of the Arm_ (so they call the letting Blood) and was now going to be consign’d over to the publick Hospital or _Bedlam_. Upon Enquiry into the Reason of such Sentence, I was inform’d, that the Criminal had disputed publickly about the Qualities and Essence of the Supreme Being, a Thing here prohibited, where all these over curious Disquisitions are thought to be such exquisite Folly and Rashness, that a Creature of a sound Understanding could not well fall into it. Therefore these subtle Disputants, after the _Venæ-section_, were, like Madmen, condemned to Confinement, till they got out of this Delirium. Ah! thought I to myself, what would become of our Divines, whom we every Day hear wrangling about the Quality and Attributes of the Deity, about the Nature of spiritual Beings, and other Mysteries of that Kind? What also would become of our Metaphysicians, who by their transcendental Jargon, affect a Degree of Wisdom far above the Vulgar, and even above Human Nature itself? Certainly, instead of Hoods, Caps, and other Academical Honours, which in _our_ World are so liberally granted them, they would in _this_ be shew’d the Way to the publick Hospital.

All this, and other Things full as paradoxical, I remark’d during the Time of my Probation in the Seminary. At length the appointed Time arriv’d, when, by Order of the Prince, I was to be conducted to Court with a Testimonial. I flatter’d myself, that I should have the most honourable Encomiums and Approbations, depending partly upon my own Accomplishments, since I had learn’d the subterranean Tongue sooner than could be expected, and partly upon the Interest of my Host, together with the renown’d Integrity of my Judges. At last my Testimonial was deliver’d me, which I open’d with the utmost Transport, impatient of reading my own Praises, and of concluding from thence what my Destiny was to be. But the Perusal of it threw me into Fits of Rage and Despair. The Tenor of it was this:

“In Obedience to the Commands of your Serene Highness, the Animal lately arriv’d from another World, and calling himself _a Man_, we herewith send, most carefully instructed in our Seminary. Upon the nicest Inquiry into his Genius and Manners, we have found him to be of competent Docility, and extremely quick of Apprehension, but of so weak and uneven a Judgment, that he hardly merits to be consider’d as a rational Creature, much less to be admitted to any important Office in the Government. But since he excels every one in Swiftness of Foot, we are humbly of Opinion that he is extremely qualify’d for the Post of _King’s Messenger_. Given at our Seminary of _Keba_, in the Month of _Brambles_, by your Serene Highness’s most humble Servants, _Nehec, Jochtan, Rapasi, Chilac._”

Upon this I went to my Host in a Torrent of Tears, and humbly implor’d that he would interpose his Authority to procure a milder Testimonial from the _Karatti_, and that he would shew them my University-Testimonial, in which I was complimented with Epithets of _Ingenious_ and _Honourable_. He reply’d, that that Testimonial might have its Weight in our World, where they regarded perhaps the Shadow more than the Substance, the outward Bark more than the inward Texture; but that it would be of no Value with them, where they penetrate into the inmost Nature of Things: And exhorted me moreover to bear my Fate as temperately as I could, especially as the Testimonial could be neither revok’d or alter’d; for that there was no greater Crime than to ascribe undeserved Virtues to any one. But what Comfort it was in the Power of Words to give, he gave.

—_Verba facit, quibus hunc lenire dolorem Possit, & ingentem morbi partem removere. Ne cures hæc, quæ stulte miraris & optas. Quos non præcipitat subjecta potentia magnæ Invidiæ? mergit longa atq; insignis honorum Pagina; namq; homini, nimios qui captat honores, Et nimias venatur opes, numerosa parantur Excelsæ turris tabulata, unde altior illi Casus, & impulsæ præceps immane ruinæ._

As to the Testimonial of the _Karatti_, he added, that they were the most incorrupt and upright Judges, who could be brib’d by no Presents, nor aw’d by no Threats, to recede a Hair’s Breadth from Truth; and that therefore there was no Room for Suspicion in this Case. He also candidly acknowledged, that the Poverty of my Judgment was a Thing not unobserv’d by himself, and that he inferr’d from the Readiness of my Memory, and the Quickness of my Apprehension, that I was not that Sort of _Wood out of which_ Mercury _was to be made_, and that I could not possibly meet with Preferment upon account of that remarkable Defect in my Judgment: That he had gather’d, from my Discourses and Description of _Europe_, that I was

_Stultorum in patria, pravoq; sub aere natum._

And with these and a great many more Professions of Friendship, he desir’d me without Delay to prepare for my Journey. I follow’d the Advice of this most sagacious Person, especially as Necessity requir’d it, and as it would have been Rashness to have oppos’d the Order of the Prince.

We now began our Journey in Company with some other young Trees, which were dismiss’d from the Seminary at the same Time, and sent to Court for the same End. Our Leader was one of the _Karatti_, who, upon account of his Age and a Weakness in his Feet, was carry’d by an Ox; for it is an unusual Thing here to have Vehicles, these being indulg’d only to the Decrepit and Diseas’d; tho’ the Inhabitants of this Planet are really more excusable for it than those of our World, by reason of the Slowness of their Gait. I remember, when I gave a Description of our Vehicles, that is, our Coaches with Horses, into which we were stuff’d like so much Lumber, and drawn thro’ the City, the Subterraneans smil’d at my Account, especially when they heard that no Neighbour envy’d another, unless he kept his Coach and was drawn in it through the Streets by a Pair of mettlesome four-footed Beasts. What with the Slowness of the Motion of these rational Trees, we were three Days upon this Journey, tho’ _Keba_ is hardly four Miles distant from the Capital. Had I been alone, a Day would have been sufficient. ’Twas a Pleasure indeed that I excell’d these Subterraneans in that Advantage of Foot, but it griev’d me to the Soul that for that very Excellence I was condemn’d to a vile ignominious Office. Would to God! said I, that I labour’d under the same Infirmity with them, since by this Defect alone I might have escap’d the low and ignoble Drudgery I was destin’d to. Our Leader, over-hearing me, reply’d thus, If Nature had not made you Amends for the Defects of your Mind by some one Excellence of Body, all would behold you as an unprofitable Load upon the Earth; for that very Quickness of Parts permits you only to see the Surface of Things, and not the Substance; and since you have but two Branches, you are inferior to the Subterraneans in every Thing that depends upon the Hands. Hearing this, I thank’d God who had given me this Swiftness of Feet, since without this Virtue I had no Chance to be reckon’d in the Number of rational Creatures.

During our Journey, I was surpriz’d to see all around me the Natives so intent upon their Labours, that at the Approach of Passengers nobody left off Work, or even threw their Eyes round, tho’ something extraordinary should even pass along. But at the Close of Day, their Toils all ended, then they indulg’d in every Amusement of the Mind, the chief Magistrate conniving and tolerating these Diversions, as Reliefs and Strengtheners of the Body and Mind, and something full as necessary as Meat and Drink. This and other Things made the Journey highly grateful. The whole Country is perfectly beautiful. Imagine it a spacious Amphitheatre, and such an one as Nature alone could make. Where Nature was less profuse, all was supply’d by the Industry of the Inhabitants, who were animated to these rural Toils, and to the cultivating and improving their Land, by Rewards from the Magistrate; and whoever suffer’d his Grounds to run to Ruin, afterwards wrought for Hire. We pass’d by many fair Villages, which from the Multitude of them look’d like one continued City, and exhibited the same Appearance all along. Yet we were something infested by the Monkeys from the Woods, which rambling up and down, and from an Affinity in my Shape, imagining I was of their Race, were continually teazing me with their Approaches and Touches. I could scarce suppress my Rage, when I perceiv’d that this was a perfect Comedy to some of the Trees; for I was conducted to Court (by express Order of his Majesty) in the same Dress, in which I alighted upon the Planet, namely, with my Harpoon in my right Hand, that his Majesty might behold what the Dress of our World was, and particularly what was my own Appearance upon my Arrival. And very opportunely it was that I had my Harpoon in my Hand, that I might chace away those Swarms of Monkeys that gather’d apace at last round me; tho’ it was all in vain; for in the room of those that fled more came, so that I was forced to move every Step like a Man upon his Guard.

CHAP. IV.

_The Court of the_ Potuan _Empire_.

At length we came to the Royal City of _Potu_, which for Beauty and Magnificence might vie with any. The Buildings there are more numerous and extensive than at _Keba_, and the Streets wider and more commodious. The _Forum_, which was the first Place we were brought to, was fill’d with Numbers of Merchants, and surrounded every Way with Shops of Artists and Tradesmen. But I saw with some Astonishment in the Middle of the _Forum_ a certain Criminal with a Halter about his Neck, and a large Company of grave and elderly Trees standing round him. Upon my asking what was the Matter, and for what Crime he deserved Hanging, especially as I thought no Crime here was Capital, it was told me, that this Offender was a Projector, who had advis’d the Abolition of a certain old Custom; that those who stood round him were the Senators and Lawyers, who then and there examined the Projector’s Scheme, so that if it should appear that it was a well digested Thing, and salutary to the Commonwealth, the Offender was not only absolv’d, but rewarded; but if injurious to the Publick, or if the Projector by the Repeal of this Law appear’d to have glanc’d at his own Advantage, he was presently to be hang’d as a Disturber of the Realm. And this is the Reason why few are found to run this Risque, or have Courage enough to advise the Abrogation of any Law, unless the Thing be so demonstrably evident and just, that the Success of it cannot be doubted of: So persuaded are the Subterraneans, that the ancient Laws and Institutions of their Ancestors are to be maintain’d and rever’d. For they believe the Government would be in Danger, if for the Wantonness of every Body, those Laws were to be chang’d or disannul’d. What, alas! said I to myself, would become of the Projectors of our World, who, under a Pretence of publick Emolument, are daily hatching and inventing new Laws, with an Eye only to their private Gains, instead of the common Benefit?

At length we were introduced into a spacious House, which was the usual Place of Reception for all who were sent from the Seminaries throughout the Empire. In the same Place are brought up those who are to attend upon the Prince. Our Captain, the _Karatti_, bid us be in Readiness, while he went to acquaint his Highness with our Arrival. He had scarce left us when we heard a Noise, like that of great Rejoicings, and immediately the Air echo’d with the Sound of Trumpets and Beat of Drums. Alarm’d at this Noise we went out, and beheld a certain Tree magnificently attended and crown’d with a Chaplet of Flowers, and presently discover’d that it was the same Citizen whom we just now saw in the _Forum_ with his Neck in a Halter. The Reason of this Triumph was the Approbation of that Law, which at the Peril of his Head he had advised. But by what Arguments he attack’d the old Law, I could never reach to the Knowledge, by Reason of the great Silence of the People; and hence it is, that the least Matter transacted in the Senate in relation to the Government never transpires, or takes the least Air. Far otherwise it is with us, where the Actions of the Senate and the whole of their Debates are reported, weigh’d and criticiz’d upon in every Tavern and Street.

In the Space of an Hour the _Karatti_ returns, and commands us all to follow him. We obey’d. As we went, we met certain young Trees, who offer’d to Sale little printed Books of curious and memorable Things. Among the rest, I cast my Eye upon a small Book, the Title of which was, “A full and true Account of the strange flying Dragon, that appear’d in the Element last Year.” There did I behold myself, that is, my Effigies engrav’d just as I appear’d when I was whirling round this Planet with my Harpoon and my long Rope. I could not help smiling at the Figure, and said to myself,

_Hei! qualis facies! & quali digna tabella!_

Having bought the Book for three _Kilacs_, which is equivalent to about two Shillings of our Money, I walk’d on gravely to the Palace. Art and Elegance seem’d to preside here, rather than Profusion and a vain Magnificence. I observ’d the Prince had very few Attendants; for such was his Temperance, that he had discarded whatever was superfluous. Nor is there indeed the same Necessity for as many Servants as our Courts require. For as many Branches as these Trees had, so many Arms; so that the common Labours and Business of the Household could be done with at least thrice the Expedition.