Part 34
And having from a Royall favour obtayned his Majesties Letters and Seales of safe Conduct, and Regall recommendation, to all Kings, Princes and Dukes, &c. I in all obsequious humility, bad farewell, to this sequestrate and most auspicuous Monarchy; and arriving at Dublin in Ireland, August the two and twenty, one thousand sixe hundred and nineteene, I saluted the Right Honorable Sir Oliver St Johns late Lord Grandison, and then Lord Deputy there, from whom for regard and singular courtesies, I was greatly obliged: So was I also to many of the English Nobility and Knight hood there: who through the whole Countrey where ever I came intertayned mee kindly, sending Guides with mee from place to place; yea, and sometimes safe-guards also; beside in their houses great good-cheere and welcome: But in speciall a dutifull remembrance I owe, to the memory of that sometimes [The matchlesse Lord Cichester for vertue, wisdome, & valour.] judicious and Religious Lord Arthur, late Lord Cichester, Baron of Belfast, &c. Who in his time for Vertue, Wisedome, and Valour, wore the Dyademe of Love, and Garland of true Noblenesse: Of whom, and for whose losse, if I should more praise, and longer lament, my Inke would turne to brinish teares, and I to helpelesse sorrow: But leaving him who lived in goodnesse here, and now in glory for ever, I celebrate these Lines, to his eternall Fame.
If ever Bounty shin'd in loyall Brest? If ever Judgment, flow'd from generous mouth? If ever Vice-Roy, rul'd this Kingdome best? If ever Valour, honour'd hopefull youth? If ever Wisdome, Astreas worth possest? If ever Vertue, was inclin'd to rueth? If ever Justice, enormities redrest? If ever Patron, paterne was of truth? Then noble Cichester, the Heavens assigne, These gifts (thy honour'd parts) were truely thine.
And now after a generall surveigh of the whole Kingdome, (the North-west part of Canoch excepted) accomplished: from the 1. of September til the last of February; I found the goodnesse of the Soyle, more then answerable to mine expectation, the defect only remayning (not speaking of our Collonies) in the people, and from them, in the bosome of two gracelesse sisters, Ignorance and Sluggishnesse.
[The foure Provinces of Ireland.] This Kingdome is divided in foure Provinces, although some allude five, that is, Easterne and Westerne Maith, but they are understood to be annexed to Leinster: Their names are these, Leinster, Munster, Ulster, and Canoch: The South-most whereof, is Munster a soile (and so is Leinster in most parts) nothing inferiour, if seasonably manured, to the best grounds in England. The Iland lyeth almost in a Rotundo, being every way spacious; the greatest River whereof is Shannon, whose course, amounteth to eight score miles, inclosing within it many little Iles.
And this I dare avow, there are moe Rivers, Lakes, Brookes, Strands, Quagmires, Bogs, and Marishes, in this Countrey, then in all Christendome besides; for Travalling there in the Winter, all my dayly solace, was sincke down comfort; whiles Boggy-plunging deepes kissing my horse belly; whiles over-mired Saddle, Body, and all; and often or ever set a swimming, in great danger, both I, and my Guides of our Lives: That for cloudy and fountayne-bred perils, I was never before reducted to such a floting Laborinth. Considering that in five moneths space, I quite spoyled sixe horses, and my selfe as tyred as the worst of them.
And now I call to memory (not without derision) though I conceale the particular place and Prelate; it was my Fortune in the County of Dunagale, to bee joviall with a Bishop at his Table, where after diverse Discourses, my ghostly Father grew offended with mee, for tearming of his Wife Mistresse: which, when understood, I both called her Madame, and Lady Bishop: Whereupon he grew more incensed; and leaving him unsatisfied; resolve me Lector? if it be the Custome heere or not? and if, amends shall repay over-sight, a ghostly Wife, shall be still Madam Lady with me; if not, mine observed manner shall be Mistresse.
But now to come to my punctuall Discourse of Ireland; true it is, to make a fit comparison, the Barbarian Moore, the Moorish Spaniard, the Turke, and the Irish-man, are [The ignorant and sluggish life of the common Irish.] the least industrious, and most sluggish livers under the Sunne, for the vulgar Irish I protest, live more miserably in their brutish fashion, then the undaunted, or untamed Arabian, the Divelish-idolatrous Turcoman, or the Moone-worshipping Caramines: showing thereby a greater necessity they have to live, then any pleasure they have, or can have in their living.
There Fabrickes are advanced three or foure yardes high, Pavillion-like incircling, erected in a singular Frame, of smoake-torne straw, greene long prick'd truff, and Raine-dropping watles. Their several Roomes of Palatiat divisions, as Chambers, Halls, Parlors, Kitchins, Barnes, and Stables, are all inclosed in one, and that one (perhaps) in the midst of a Mire; where, when in foule weather, scarcely can they finde a drye part, whereupon to Repose, their cloud-baptized heads. Their shirts be woven, of the wooll or Linnen of their owne nature, and their penurious foode semblable, to their ruvid condition.
And lastly, these onely titular Christians, are so ignorant in their superstitious profession of Popery, that neither they, nor the greatest part of their Priests know, or understand, what the mistery of the Masse is, which they dayly see, and the other celebrat, nor what the name of Jesus is, either in his divine, or humane nature: Aske him of his Religion? he replyeth, what his father, his great grand-father were, that will he be also: And hundreds of better then the common sort, have demanded mee, if Jerusalem, and Christs sepulcher were in Ireland, and if the Holy Land was contiguat with Saint Patrickes purgatory.
[A foolish and superstitious errour.] They also at the sight of each new Moone, (I speake it credibly) bequeath their Cattell to her protection, obnixiously imploring the pale Lady of the night, that shee will leave their Bestiall in as good plight, as shee found them: And if sicke, scabbed, or sore, they solicitat her mayden-fac'd Majesty to restore them to their health, in which absurdity, they far surmount the silly Sabuncks, and Garolinean Moores of Lybia: Indeed of all things (besides their ignorance) I onely lamented their heavie bondage under three kind of Masters; the Land-lord for his Rent, the Minister for his Tythes, and the Romish Priest for his Fees: And remarke when their owne Irish Rent masters have any voyage for Dublin, or peradventure superspended at home in feasting of strangers, then must these poore ones be taxed and afflicted with the supply of the devasted provision of their prodigall houses; otherwise in supporting their superfluous charges for Dublin.
O? what a slavish servitude doe these silly wretches indure, the most part of whom in all their lives, have never third part food, Natures clothing, nor a secure shelter for the Winter cold.
The miserable sight whereof, and their sad sounding groanes, have often drawne a sorrowful remorse from my humane compassion.
As for their Gentry such as are brought up here at London, learne to become a great deale more civill, than these who are brought up at home, after their owne rude and accustomable manner: And this I observed, in my traversing the whole Kingdome, I never saw one, or other, neither could move any of that selfe Nation, to pledge or present his Majesties health; but as many other healths as you list; they will both fasten, and receive from you, till they fall in the muddy hotch potch of their dead Grandfathers understanding: Indeed for entertainment of strangers they are freely disposed, and there Gentlemen of any good sort, reserve ever in their houses, Spanish Sack, and Irish Uscova, and will be as tipsy with their wives, their Priests, and their friends, as though they were naturaly infeft, in the eleven royall Tavernes of Naples.
[Two intollerable abuses in Ireland.] And now amongst many, there are two intollerable abuses of protections in that Kingdome: The one of Theeves and Woodcarnes, the other of Priests and Papists: I discourse of these corruptions now, as I found them then.
The first is prejudiciall to all Christian civillnesse tranquill government, and a great discouragment for our collonizd plantators there, belonging to both soyles of this Iland, being dayly molested, and nightly incombered with these blood-sucking Rebells.
And notwithstanding of their barbarous crueltie, ever executed at all advantages, with slaughter and murder upon the Scots and English dwellers there; yet they have and find at their owne wills Symonaicall protections, for lesser or longer times; ever as the confused disposers, have their law-sold hands, filled with the bloody bribes of slaughtered lives, high-way, and house-robbed people: And then thereafter their ill got meanes being spent, like unto dogs, they returne backe to their former vomit; so jugling with their in, and outgoings, like to the restlesse Ocean, that they cannot, nor never did, become true [The filthy corruption of Irish Priests and Wood-Carnes, theevish Rebells.] subjects to our King, nor faithfull friends to their Countrey: Unlesse by extremity of Justice, the one still hanged before the other, the remanent by the gallowes may examplifie amendment, contrarywise that Land shall never be quiet: for these villanous Woodcarnes are but the Hounds of their hunting Priests, against what faction soever, their malicious malignity is intended: Partly for intertaynement, partly for particular splenes, and lastly, for a general disturbance of the Countrey, for the Priests greater security and stay.
The other abuse is, their Libertinous Masses, the redresse whereof, I first to the Heavens, and then to my Prince bequeath: whose Sabboth recusant mony, whereof they bragge (as they say) in derision of our luke-warme dispensation, tendeth to none other purpose, but to obumbrat the true light of the Gospell, and to feed their absurd, and almost irrevocable ignorance.
And neverthelesse at their dayly meetings (experience taught mee) there was never a more repining people against our Prince and Church as they be: for in this presumption a twofold cause arriseth, want of zeale, and Church discipline in our part, and the officious nine penny Masse on their part: yea, all, and each of them, so exacted and compounded with at higher or lower rates, as the officers in this nature please.
The distribution whereof I nowaies paralell to the sleight concaviating veynes of the earth, nor the sole supply of high-rising Atlas, neither to invelope the Perpendiculars of long-reaching Caucasus: howsoever tect-demolished Churches, unpassable Bridges, indigent Schollers, and distressed Families be supported there-with, I am as cleare of it as they, although I smart by the contrary confusion.
But leaving this and observing my Method, I remember I saw in Irelands North-parts, two remarkable sights: [A bad and uncivill Husbandry in Ireland.] The one was their manner of Tillage, Ploughes drawne by Horse-tayles, wanting garnishing, they are only fastned, with straw, or wooden Ropes to their bare Rumps, marching all side for side, three or foure in a Ranke, and as many men hanging by the ends of that untoward Labour. It is as bad a Husbandry I say, as ever I found among the wildest Savages alive; for the Caramins, who understand not the civill forme of Agriculture; yet they delve, hollow, and turne over the ground, with manuall and Wooden instruments: but they the Irish have thousands of both Kingdomes daily labouring beside them; yet they can not learne, because they wil not learne, to use garnishing, so obstinate they are in their barbarous consuetude, unlesse punishment and penalties were inflicted; and yet most of them are content to pay twenty shillings a yeare, before they wil change their Custome.
[Northerne Irish women giving sucke to their Babes behind their shoulders.] The other as goodly sight I saw, was women travayling the way, or toyling at home, carry their Infants about their neckes, and laying the dugges over their shoulders, would give sucke to the Babes behinde their backes, without taking them in their armes: Such kind of breasts, me thinketh were very fit, to be made money bags for East or West-Indian Merchants, being more then halfe a yard long, and as wel wrought, as any Tanner, in the like charge, could ever mollifie such Leather.
As for any other customes they have, to avoyd prolixitie I spare; onely, before my pen flee over Seas, I would gladly shake hands with some of our Churchmen there, for better are the wounds of a friend, than the sweet smiles of a flatterer, for love and trueth can not dissemble.
Many dissembling impudents intrude themselves in this high calling of God, who are not truely, neither worthily thereunto called; the ground here arrising either from a carnall or carelesse presumption, otherwise from needy greed, and lacke of bodily maintenance.
[An Ecclesiasticke corruption in unlawfull Preachers.] Such is now the corruption of time, that I know here even Mechanick men admitted in the place of Pastors: yea, and rude bred Souldiers whose education was at the Musket mouth, are become there, both Lybian grave, and unlearned Church-men: Nay; besides them professed; indeed professed Schollers: whose warbling mouthes ingorged with spoonefuls of bruised Latine, seldome or never expressed, unlesse the force of quaffing, spew it forth from their empty sculles: Such I say, interclude their doctrine, betweene the thatch and the Church-wall tops; and yet their smallest stipends shall amount to one, two, three, or foure hundred pounds a yeare.
Whereupon you may demand mee, how spend they, or how deserve they this? I answer, their deserts are nought, and the fruite thereof as naughtily spent: for Sermons and Prayers they never have any, neither never preached any, nor can preach.
And although some could, as perhaps they seeming would, they shall have no Auditour (as they say) but bare walles, the plants of their Parishes, being the rootes of mere Irish. As concerning their cariage, in spending such sacrilegious fees, the course is thus.
The Alehouse is their Church, the Irish Priests their Consorts, their Auditors be fill and fetch more, their Text Spanish Sacke, their Prayers carrousing, their singing of Psalmes the whiffing of Tobacco, their last blessing Aqua vitæ, and all their doctrine, sound drunkenesse.
[A flattering covenant twixt Ministers and Masse Priests.] And whensoever these parties meete, their parting is Dane-like from a Dutch Pot, and the Minister stil purse bearer defrayeth all charges for the Priest: Arguments of Religion, like Podolian Polonians they succumbe; their conference onely pleading mutuall forbearance; the Minister affrayed of the Priests Wood-Carnes, and the Priests as fearefull of the Ministers apprehending, or denoting them; contracting thereby a Gibeonized covenant, yea, and for more submissions sake, hee will give way to the Priest to mumble Masse in his Church, where hee in all his life made never Prayer nor Sermon.
Loe there are some of the abuses of our late weake, and stragling Ecclesiasticks there, and the soule-sunke sorrow of godlesse Epicures and Hypocrites.
To all which, and much more have I beene an occular Testator, and sometimes a constrayned consociat to their companeonry; yet not so much inforced, as desirous to know the behaviour and conversation of such mercenary Jebusites.
Great God amend it, for it is great pitty to behold it, and if it continue so still, as when I saw them last; O farre better it were! that these ill bestowed Tythes, and Church-wall Rents, were distributed to the poore, and needy, than to suffocate the swine-fed bellies of such idle and prophane Parasits.
And here another generall abuse, I observed that whensoever any Irish dye, the friend of the defunct (besides other fees) paying twenty shillings to the English Curat, shall get the corpes of the disceased to be buryed within the Church, yea often, even under the Pulpit foote: And for lucre interred in Gods Sanctuary when dead, who when alive would never approach, nor enter the gates of Sion; to worshipe the Lord, nor conforme themselves to true Religion.
Truely such and the like abuses, and evill examples of lewd lives, have beene the greatest hinderance of that Lands conversion; for such like wolves have beene from time to time, but stumbling blocks before them; regarding more their owne sensuall and licentious ends, than the glory of God, in converting of one soule unto his Church.
[Ministeriall offices strangely abused.] Now as concerning the conscionable carriage of the Hybernian Clergy, aske mee, and there my reply: As many of them (for the most part) as are Protestant Ministers, have their Wives, children, and servants invested Papists; and many of these Church-men at the houre of their death (like dogges) returne backe to their former vomit: Witnesse the late Viccar of Calin (belonging to the late and last, Richard, Earle of Desmond,) who being on death bed, and having two hundred pounds a yeare; finding him selfe to forsake both life and stipend, send straight for a Romish Priest, and received the Papall Sacrament: Confessing freely in my audience, that hee had beene a Romane Catholick all his life, dissembling onely with his Religion, for the better maintaining of his wife and children. And being brought to his buriall place, hee was interred in the Church, with the which hee had played the Ruffian all his life; being openly carryed at mid-day with Jesuits, Priests, and Friers of his owne Nation, and after a contemptible manner in derision of our profession, and Lawes of the Kingdome.
Infinite moe examples of this kind could I recite, and the like resemblances of some being alive; but I respectively suspend (wishing a reformation of such deformation) and so concludeth this Clergicall corruption there. Yet I would not have the Reader to thinke that I condemne all our Clergie there, no God forbid, for I know there are many sound and Religious Preachers of both Kingdomes among them, who make conscience of their calling, and live as Lanthorns to uncapable ignorants, and to those stragling Stoicks I complayne of, condemnatory Judges; for it is a grievous thing to see incapable men, to jugle with the high mysteries of mans salvation.
[My departure from Ireland to France.] And now after the fastidious ending of a tempestuous raine-sacking toyle, I imbarked at Yoghall in Munster, February 27. 1620. in a little French Pinke bound for St. Mallo in Bretagne. Where, when transported, I set face to Paris, where I found the workes of two scelerat and perverst Authors: the one of which had disdainefully wrot against the life and raigne of Queene Elizabeth of sempiternall renowne: the other ignominiously, upon the death of our late Queene Anne of ever blessed memory. The circumstances whereof, I will not avouch, since Malaga detaineth the notes of their abjured names, and perfidiat paines.
A just reward (may I say) refounded, upon these fond conceites, you have of the fantasticke French: Especially these superstitious straglers heere; who, when they have sucked the milke of their selfe ends, and your lavish Liberalities without desert; returne a kicke with their heeles (like to the Colt of an Asse) in your teeth agayne. And there your meritorious thankes, and their shamefull slaunders, in acquittance of your vayne Expence.
[The fantastick foolery of the French.] Tell me, if you be tyed like Apes to imitate their ever-changing humours? and can you draw from them (in any Art or cariage) a greater draught, then they draw from the Italian, for first they be Imitators; next, Mutators; thirdly, Temptators; and lastly, your Plantators, in all the varieties of vanity. Have you a desire to learne modestly to Daunce, skilfully to Fence, dexteriously to manage Great Horses, view Forraine sights, learne Languages, Humane policies, and the like conducements:
Then rather reach, the Fountaine, whence they flow, Whence Science, Arts, and Practise lively grow; Than sucke the streames, of separate distasts, He well derives, his labour never wasts; Fond Fooles affect, what foolery Fooles effect, The sequell sight, than sense, doth more infect.
Besides these two infamous Authors, what hath Edee, the Idea of a Knave, (and Gentle man of the French Privy Chamber) done; who like a Wood weather cocke, and giddy headed Foole, (full of deficient Vapours) hath shamefully stayned with his shamelesse Pen, the light of this Kingdome, which now I omit to avouch till a fitter time.
Thus, they fondly Write, thus they pratle, thus they sing, thus they Daunce, thus they brangle, thus they dally in capritziat humours, and thus they vary, in the fleering conceite of sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, far beyond the inconstancy of all female inconstancies.
But to conclude this Epitome of France, three things [Certaine caveats for strangers, that goe to France.] I wish the way-faring man to prevent there: First, the eating of Victuals, and drinking of Wine without price making; least (when he hath done) for the stridor of his teeth his charges be redoubled. Next to choose his lodging (if it fall out in any way-standing Taverne) far from palludiat Ditches, least the vehemency of chirking frogs, vexe the wish'd-for Repose of his fatigated body, and cast him in a vigilant perplexity.
And lastly, unlesse earely hee would arise, I never wish him to lye neere the fore-streetes of a Towne; because of the disturbant clamours of the Peasant samboies or nayle-woodden shoes: whose noyse like an æquivox, resembleth the clashing armour of Armies; or the clangour of the Ulyssen-tumbling Horse to fatall Troy.
But now to my purpose, leaving Paris behind me, I arrived at Pau in Bearne. This Province is a principality of it selfe, anciently annexed to the Kingdom of Navarre: lying betweene the higher Gascony of Guyan, and the Pyrhenei Mountaynes of Baske, bordering with the North parts of Navarre: Both of which, belongeth to the French King, except a little of Baske toward the Columbian Alpes, and that the Spaniard commandeth.
Pau is the Justice seate of Bearne, having a goodly Castle, situate on an artificiall Rocke; and in this place was that Martial Henry du Burbone la Quatriesme borne, than King of Navarre.
Here be the finest Gardens in Christendome, the Gardens of Pretolino (5. miles from Florence) only excepted. Yet for faire Arbors, spacious over-siling walkes, and incorporate Trees of interchanging growths, it surpasseth Pretolino: but the other for the variety of fructiferous Trees, rare and admirable ponds, artificial fountaynes; Diana, and her Allabaster Nymphly-portrayed trayne, the counter-banding force of Agvadotti, and the exquisite banqueting Roome, contrived among sounding unseene waters, in forme of Gargantus body, it much excelleth Pau.
[Biscai in Spayne is a scurrile Countrey.] Hence, I discended the River of Orthes to Baion, and crossing the River Behobia, which divideth France and Spaine, I entered in Biscai June 19. 1620. This is a Mountaynous and invincible Countrey, (of which Victoria is the chiefe City) being a barren and almost unprofitable Soyle. The speciall commodities whereof, are Sheep, Woole as soft as silke, Goates, and excellent good Iron: Cornes they have none, or little at all, neither wine, but what is brought from Navarre in Pelagoes or Swineskins, carried on Mulets backes.
Leaving Biscai, I entred Navarre, and came to Pampelona its Metropolitane Citty: Here I found the poorest Viceroy (nomen sine re) with the least meanes to maintaine him, that ever the World affoorded such a stile. Navarre is but a little Kingdome, amounting in length (with the South Pendicles of the high Pirhenese) to twenty three leagues: That is, betweene Porto di St. Joanne in Baske, and Grono upon the River Hebro, dividing the old Castilia and Navarre. In breadth it extendeth to seaventeene Leagues, that is betweene Varen in Biscai, and Terrafranca in Arragon: The soyle is indifferent fertile of Cornes and Wines. From thence I set East-ward to Syragusa, the Capitall Seate of Arragon.