Part 14

I daily see my unprofitableness. My short-comings are many; yet he freely pardons: I see that my strength is perfect weakness; that if Jesus left me a moment, I should fall. And we cannot be any otherwise saved, than by a constant looking to him. O Jesus keep my eye fixed on thee, till I am looked into all thy lovely likeness.

Friday 20. I found much of the goodness of the Lord. I want to love him more, that I may serve him better. I do not love or praise him as I would: but he does _not despise the day of small things_.

I find he visits me with his love in a particular manner, before any particular trial. A trial I met with this evening caused heaviness for a time: but I was comforted under the sermon. How numberless are thy thoughts of love to my soul! They are more than the sands on the sea shore.

Saturday 21. I found my mind frequently wandering. O thou friend of sinners,

Settle and fix my wav’ring soul With all thy weight of love!

I was variously tempted, and I reasoned with the temptation, which increased it more and more, till Jesus shewed me, it was from an enemy, and graciously delivered me. O teach me wisdom to know his devices, and pardon my unfaithfulness! Strengthen my faith, confirm my hope, and perfect me in love.

Sunday 12. This has been a sabbath of rest to my soul. Glory be to thy great and glorious name, O thou fountain of love! What shall I do to praise thee for thy free grace to the most unfaithful of thy children? O what cause have I to esteem thy word? It is _sweeter than honey or the honey-comb_. I am athirst for all that Christ has purchased for me. I long for more of his meek and lowly mind! The mind that beareth all things: O that every thought may continually rise to thee!

Monday 23. This has been an happy day to me, the most unworthy of thy children. I have had a constant sense of the presence of my Beloved, comforting and refreshing my soul. _I sat under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste._ Yet I see that my wants are many, and that there are heights and depths to be attained here. I am truly ashamed before God of my own unprofitableness. Yet he graciously passes by all my follies, without even upbraiding me. Yea, he applies with power that comfortable promise, _I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and faithfulness; and thou shalt know the Lord_. I know thee; but I long to know thee more, O thou that art altogether lovely!

Insatiate to this spring I fly: I drink, and yet am ever dry, Ah! who against such charms is proof? Ah! who that loves, can love enough!

Tuesday 24. I was closely assaulted by the enemy. He pursueth hard after me: but when he _cometh in like a flood, Jesus lifts up a standard against him_. He brought many heavy accusations against me. I durst not stay to reason with him for a moment. But I flew to Jesus as for my life, and cried to him to deliver me. And he did so, by applying that promise to my heart, _My grace is sufficient for thee_. I find it is, even for me. The name of Jesus is a strong tower, where the righteous may always resort. I spent great part of this day in visiting the sick, and found it a blessing to me. How much _better is it, to go to the house of mourning, than to the house of feasting_! How glad should I be of more time to spend among thy afflicted followers? But in this, as in every thing beside, _not mine will, but thine be done_.

Thursday 26. I find this day, thy love is better than life. Thy strength is made perfect in my weakness. I long to be wholly given up to thee. I visited one of our sick friends, and my soul was refreshed with her. To enjoy thy presence on a sick bed, is unspeakable happiness. Then nothing will do, but a real interest in a crucified Redeemer. It is only the blessed experience of this, which then gives true peace, freedom from all anxious care, and resignation in pain. Our anchor is cast within the veil: our hope is full of immortality. O glorious hope of perfect bliss! And am I a partaker of this hope?

O wondrous grace! O boundless love!

Friday 27. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me? What shall I say unto thee? This I can say, that I love thee: and let it be with every faculty of my soul! I do find _thy name as ointment poured forth_. Thou _leadest me in green pastures, by the still waters of comfort_.

When nature fails, and day and night Divide thy works no more, My ever thankful soul, O Lord, Thy goodness shall adore.

Saturday 28. This morning I had a trial, but Jesus stood by me, and kept my mind in peace. Visiting a friend in the evening, I was much comforted. God was with us of a truth. O how full of love are thy thoughts towards me! All things shall work together for my good.

Monday 30. This has been one of my best days. I think I never had before such a sense of the goodness of God to me, and my entire dependence on him. My soul has been upon the stretch for all the fruit of the Spirit. I never saw such beauty in humility, and felt such a desire after it.

* * * * *

The following paper bears no date.

“O Jesus, how richly hast thou provided for me here? Thou givest me a large earnest of my inheritance. Thou dost give me to drink of that fountain of living water. O that it may be in me as _a well of water, springing up into everlasting life_! O thou fairest among ten thousand, what hast thou done for such a worm as me! Thou hast purchased for me holiness and heaven; yea, heaven upon earth. Thou dost give thyself to me, and with thyself all things. Be astonished, O my soul, at the large inheritance which thy Jesus has purchased for thee! Behold the rivers of pleasure that flow at his right hand! And there thou shalt behold his face without a veil:

“Far from a world of grief and sin, With God eternally shut in!”

A short Account of the Death of MARY LANGSON, Of _Taxall_, in CHESHIRE, Who died _January_ the 29th, 1769.

WHEN _Mary Langson_ was about fourteen years of age, it pleased God to awaken her by the preaching of the gospel; and soon after she received a clear sense of his pardoning love, in the enjoyment of which she continued, though not exempted from those trials and temptations which are common to believers.――From her first hearing the preaching, she was diligent in the use of all the means of grace, whether private, or public: and though the preaching was seldom near, she attended at every possible opportunity.

She was constant at meeting her class; and those who were most acquainted with her, being of the same family, observed that she always expressed the state of her soul, just as it was, and manifested such a spirit of sincerity in all her deportment, as convinced them that she was an _Israelite indeed_, in whom was no guile.

Her step-mother being rendered incapable of managing the affairs of the house, the care of a young family in a great measure devolved on her, which, with the attendance needful for her helpless step-mother, necessarily brought considerable exercises and trials, to one of such tender years; yet being inwardly strengthened for the performance of these duties, she manifested as much tenderness towards her, as if she had been her own mother; (an example too rarely seen in such cases) and was enabled to go through her constantly-trying circumstances with unwearied patience. Although by these means she was deprived of providing for herself such sort of apparel, and conveniences as those of her age usually expect, and may innocently enjoy.

*Having been tried, and in some measure intangled in her affections, she was sensible of a decline in her spiritual consolations, but through the mercy of God, this lasted not long; for she rested not till she had recovered all she had lost; so that she was enabled to testify to a Christian friend, while she remained in health, “I find my heart loose from every creature, and all created good, and wholly fixed on God: this is the desire of my soul.

“O that I might walk with God, Jesus my companion be; Lead me to the blest abode, Thro’ the fire, and thro’ the sea: Then I shall no more complain, Never at my lot repine, Welcome toil, or grief, or pain, All is well, if Christ is mine.”

When the grace of God thus takes place in the heart, how little does every thing we suffer for his sake appear! How empty is _all_ the world calls _good_ and _great_, to a soul filled with divine love!

From the following remarkable circumstances, it seems as if she had some apprehensions of the near approach of death. She began to be more abundantly diligent in the use of every means of grace, for some weeks before her last sickness. It was also observed that though she had not been accustomed to pray at the class-meeting, yet being now exceedingly fervent in spirit, one evening at class, she broke out into earnest prayer; she appeared to enjoy much freedom, and great nearness to God, and was deeply affected with a sense of the _evil of sin_, and her own _weakness_, which occasioned her crying to God in such expressions as these, “O Lord! Rather let me die, than live to offend, or ever sin against thee!” Indeed the vehement importunity with which she uttered these petitions made her brethren suspect that something more than common would happen; for the power of God was unusually present.

Soon after (on the 14th of January, 1769) she sickened for the small-pox. One then asked her, how she felt her soul: she said, “My evidence is clear, and life or death, the will of the Lord be done.”

*During her illness, she continued perfectly resigned to the will of God. The Thursday after sickening, she became blind, when one of the society coming in, and discerning the distemper ♦to be dangerous, sat down and wept. As soon as she perceived it, she said, “_Dolly!_ What are you doing? Are you weeping for me? Don’t you know, that if God takes me away, it is from much evil that is in the world? I have often looked at your mother, and thought, O that I was but as near glory as her: (she being about fourscore) but now I think I am nearer glory than she is, and shall be in possession of it before her!”

♦ duplicate word “to” removed

When she was asked again how she found herself, she answered, “Glory is every moment open to my soul; there is nothing between me and eternal glory, but a few moments more of light affliction.”

At night she called for her father, and said to him, Dear father, you have had many trials and difficulties in the world, and you have many more before you, but fear not, you are in the _way_, the _right_ way; continue in it, and God will bring you thro’ all.”

On Saturday the 21st, about eleven at night, she broke out in an extasy of joyful praise; speaking in the most delightful language for more than an hour together, concerning Jesus and his kingdom. Some that were present on being asked what she then said, answered, we heard words not possible for men to utter; and indeed but little of the conversation could be retained by any of them, they were so overwhelmed with a sense of the presence of God.

Once she was observed to speak in the following manner, “There is never a fiend left now: they are all banished; Jesus has conquered them all for me!” By which it seems, this was her triumph in the last combat she had with Satan.

She then repeated and explained, in a most feeling and sensible manner, many passages of scripture, especially Daniel vii. 9, 10. “I beheld till the thrones were cast down, and the Ancient of Days did sit, whose garment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like the pure wool; his throne was as the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire. A fiery stream issued and came forth from before him; thousand thousands ministered unto him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him: the judgment was set, and the books were opened,” adding in the end, “O lovely Jesus! Blessed Jesus! Adorable Jesus! Glory! Glory! Glory! Glory! To God in the highest! On earth peace; good-will towards men.” Thus Christ’s coming in the clouds to judgment, was to her infinitely desirable, and so abundantly was her soul ravished with the _prospect_, that she could not forbear rejoicing with joy unspeakable and full of glory.

*While in health, she seemed at a loss to consent to the doom of the wicked, but now she said, “O how willing is Christ to save all that come to him? But they who will not come, shall be destroyed, and though I could not for a long time say _Amen_ to the sentence of _impenitent sinners_, yet now I can, seeing how willing God is to save all who will accept of his offered mercy.”

She likewise repeated Revelation xiv. 1, 2, 3, taking particular notice of those words, an hundred and forty-four thousand, in the first ♦and third verses: and said, “A goodly company! And I shall be _one_, and all that have died in the Lord, and all the preachers whom I have loved, (mentioning some of them by name) and I shall see them there; and all the _Methodists_, that are _such indeed_; _they_ shall be there.” May we be _Israelites indeed_, who are so called, and not rest in a name to live while we are dead.

♦ duplicate word “and” removed

She again cried out, O precious Jesus! My Beloved is mine, and I am his! He is the _fairest_ of ten thousand, yea _altogether lovely_.¹ O what glory do I see! And all for _me_! How does my soul burn with love to Jesus, who has provided it for me! I wonder that _that_ happiness could have no higher title than heaven.”

¹ Canticles v. 16. These were the words she chose for the text of her funeral sermon.

On Monday the 23d, she called her father, and said, “I am going.” He asked _where_? She answered “to heaven: adding, I am glad I do not leave _you_, in your sins, but that you are brought into the right way. Only endure, and you will shortly follow me! Do not grieve for me; O resign me.” He cried, “I am a wretch, I cannot resign you;” to which she answered, “_that_ is nature, I was a wretch too, but God has set me at liberty; do you pray to him, and he will give you more grace.” He complained “I cannot pray, do you pray for me.” She said, “my bowels yearn for you;” and then lay quiet a little interceding for him and the family; after which she broke out, “Lord hasten thy work; do more now in my soul in a day, than thou wast wont to do in many days.” She then repeated Revelation xxii. 1. and said, “well may they be called rivers, for I see fountains upon fountains: O what rivers of pleasure are there! How shall I swim in those _oceans_ of _love_ to all eternity! I am overcome with love! Oh if I were loose from this affliction how would I sing!” And calling on those who were present to sing, she gave out

“No need of the sun in that day, Which never is followed by night, Where Jesus’s beauties display, A pure, and a permanent light: The Lamb is their light and their sun, And lo! By reflection ♦they shine, With Jesus ineffably one, And bright in effulgence divine.”

♦ “thy” replaced with “they” per Errata

To her father she said, “You have many difficulties in the world, and I will tell you what you must do; give your hands to the world, and your heart to God, and he will make a way for you.”

*She seemed to enjoy a happy foresight of the prosperity of the work of God, when she said, “You may look for glorious times to come; for the Lord has a great work to do on earth, before the church militant can join the church triumphant.” To some of the society who were present, she said, “God has given you the _means_ of _grace_, in order to bring you safe to glory; see that you do not slight or neglect any of them; use them constantly, and look through them all to Jesus.”

Afterwards one asked, how she was? She answered, “Weak in body, but happy in soul: I long to be gone to heaven.” Being told, you must be resigned, she answered, “I am resigned, but would rather be with Jesus.”

Some who desired to serve the Lord, but were not heartily in earnest, came to see her. One of these, she had invited some time before to the class-meeting; and he had almost promised to come, but neglected. She said to him, “I thought you would have been at the meeting as you proposed; O how was my soul grieved that you did not come! Will you come the next time? The _Methodist_ way is the _right_ way. It was a happy turn that I was ever brought into it. O how good have I found it to _remember my Creator in the days of my youth_. Now I can say, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for the Lord is with me, his rod and staff shall comfort me.” She then encouraged them heartily to join with the people of God, and not to fear any reproach they might suffer on that account.

When the disorder was at the height, she said, “Some may think that I have a _heavy_ affliction. _No_: I have none that I can spare. Oh! it’s a _happy_ affliction!”

*“Others, said she, may say of me, she was once _blooming_; how is she _altered_ now? But I was never so _beautiful_ in all my life; I am as the King’s daughter, all-glorious within: and my raiment is of wrought gold.”

A little before her departure, being visited by the wife of one of the leaders, she asked how her husband did? Adding, “He has had many struggles to help me forward in the ways of the Lord; but now he may rejoice in all his labours, for I am going safe to glory, and hope to meet him there. O little children! Love one another.” She also advised her, as she had many children, to take care what example she set before them.

Afterwards one asked whether she thought her present sickness would end in death, she answered, “I cannot tell; but the will of the Lord be done. Only this I know, that neither life nor death shall separate me from the love of Jesus, who has redeemed me from the foundation of the world. If I die, as soon as you see me depart, sing _Happy soul, thy days are ended_: and when you carry me to the grave, sing the same hymn. When you return let not your hearts be filled with grief, but praise God, as I shall be rejoicing with him in glory.”

An HYMN,

_Sung at the time of her departure_.

1. HAPPY soul, thy days are ended, All thy mourning days below: Go by angel-guards attended, To the sight of Jesus go. Hallelujah, Amen.

2. Waiting to receive thy Spirit, Lo the Saviour stands above, Shews the purchase of his merit, Reaches out the crown of love.

3. Struggle through thy latest passion, To thy dear Redeemer’s breast, To his uttermost salvation, To thine everlasting rest.

4. For the joy he sets before thee Bear a momentary pain; Die, to live the life of glory, Suffer with thy Lord to reign.

A short ACCOUNT of the DEATH of Mrs. HANNAH RICHARDSON. By Mr. CHARLES WESLEY.

Bristol, _Saturday, April 19, 1741_.

I WAS hastily called to one that was a dying. It was _Hannah Richardson_, a young woman who had long been a sincere mourner for Christ, a true _Hannah_, a woman of a sorrowful spirit. God had awakened and drawn her from her infancy, and she heartily laboured to establish her own righteousness, seeking acceptance (as we did all) _not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law_.

When it pleased God to send the gospel of his free grace to this city, she gladly parted with her own righteousness, and submitted herself to the righteousness of God. She was a constant hearer of his word, but received no benefit by it; no comfort, no peace, no life. Yet she continued waiting for several months, till it pleased our Lord, who sends by whom he will send, to make use of my ministry, and apply the word of reconciliation to her soul. Jesus gave her a token for good, and she went home to her house justified. She rejoiced in God her Saviour, and testified, _In him I have redemption, through his blood, the forgiveness of my sins_.

But alas! the Comforter was _as a guest that tarrieth but a day_. She soon gave place to the reasoning devil, who asked, _How can these things be_? “How can you be justified, so vile a sinner as you? You only deceive yourself! Hath God for Christ’s sake forgiven you? He hath not surely forgiven you.” By such suggestions he well-nigh tore away her shield. All the comfort of her faith, all her peace and joy in believing he did entirely spoil her of; God so permitting it, to try her, and prove her, and shew her what was in her heart, that he might do her good in her latter end. He hid his face from her, and she was troubled. “I will allure her, said God, and bring her into the wilderness.” Here she long wandered out of the way, in a barren and dry land, where no water was. The poor and needy sought water, and there was none, and her tongue failed for thirst. She could truly say with the prophet, _Verily thou art a God that hidest thyself_. Or, with the patient man, _Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive him; on the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him; he hideth himself on the right hand, ♦that I cannot see him_. Her bones were smitten asunder, as with a sword, while the enemy said unto her, “Where is now thy God? Where is now thy faith? Thou art a thousand times worse than ever.”

♦ “but” replaced with “that” per Errata