Part 9

2. This is well consistent with a thousand infirmities, which belong to every soul while in the body. To place this in the clearest and fullest light, I have published the following extract from the artless journal of a plain woman, wrote merely for her own use. I have no doubt, but God had all her heart. But yet how many were her infirmities! And these are the more apparent, because she was a person of no uncommon endowments; one that had just plain, natural understanding, without any advantage of education, and who wrote down daily just what she felt, with all possible artlessness and simplicity. The chief of these are, wandering thoughts (whether natural or preter-natural:) listlessness in private prayer (I believe, entirely owing to bodily disorder:) hurry in business (it seems, not apparent to others, though frequently felt by herself:) want of a steddy, invariable advertence to the presence of God: speaking too many words, more than were strictly necessary: speaking through ignorance, a word not strictly true: speaking sometimes too quick, so as to have the appearance of anger: omission of things which had better be done. Perhaps one might mention likewise under this head, such vehement temptations to anger, to impatience, to fretfulness, to immoderate sorrow, and to follow her own will, that at divers times she escaped with the skin of her teeth, and scarce knew whether she escaped or not. So particular a detail of these things, may be of singular use to those who find the same temptations: and who may be encouraged hereby, to _hold the beginning of their confidence stedfast unto the end_.

3. But it may be objected, “If perfection means only that love which is consistent with all these infirmities, then how does it differ from what is experienced by every believer?” I answer, 1. Many are delivered from these infirmities, in a far greater measure than she was. I judge her to have been a real witness of Christian perfection, but only in a _low degree_. 2. Whom do you know that experiences even what she did, that never-failing love of God and man, that uninterrupted calmness of mind, that invariable meekness, gentleness, humility? That continual hunger and thirst after righteousness after the entire image of God? Above all, that absolute, unreserved dependence upon Christ, as the fountain of every good and perfect gift, of all holiness and happiness? Does every believer experience this? I will be bold to say, not one in a thousand. I suppose not one upon earth, unless he has received another gift, widely different from what he received when he was justified. At least I know no one in the three kingdoms, who comes up to this experience, (besides a few in their first love,) unless after justification he has found a second change wrought in a moment. However, concerning that circumstance we need not dispute, whether it be wrought gradually or instantaneously. Only let the change be wrought. Only let our souls be renewed in the whole image of God. Only let all that mind be in us, which was also in Christ Jesus: let him reign in our hearts without a rival; at all times and in all places. Let us be all devoted to him in soul and in body: and let all our thoughts, and words, and actions, be continually offered up to God, as holy sacrifices acceptable to God through Christ.

4. A few more circumstances relating to this amiable woman, may not be unacceptable to the reader. _Elizabeth_, the daughter of _William_ and _Joan Tuck_, was born at _Penzance_, _December 20, 1734_. She was brought to _Redruth_, when about four years old, and as she grew up, lived as other harmless people did. _June 30, 1755_, she was married to one _Andrew Harper_, a shopkeeper of _Redruth_; and three or four years after, she became weak and sickly. At the same time she grew distrest in her mind, which she strove to remove by various ways; but all to no purpose. In the latter end of the year 1763, a fever brought her to the brink of eternity. She was greatly afraid to die: and hearing there were some in the town, who had no fear of death, she intreated her husband, without delay, to send for one of the preachers. Conversing with him, she saw the way of conquering the fear of death. She soon recovered her health, and from that time sought the Lord with her whole heart, till on _Easter-day_ (having joined the society before) as she was receiving the Lord’s supper, these words were strongly applied to her soul, _It is God that justifieth: who is he that condemneth?_ She went home, called her husband, and said, “Now all my sins are forgiven. I am not afraid to die now: for I love God, and I know he loves me.”

5. From this time she walked closely with God, and was hearty and zealous in his cause. There was nothing in her power, which she was not ready to do for the servants or children of God. She was exceedingly tempted, after she believed God had cleansed her from inbred sin. Of this she gives a large account in her journal: but she did not cast away her confidence. When she saw death approaching, she was not moved, but calmly looked up to God. She exhorted her husband, and all near her, not to love the world, or the things of the world. A little after she said, “_Lord, thou knowest all things: thou knowest that I love thee._ Thou knowest, it hath been my only desire, to please thee: Come, Lord Jesus! Come, and sanctify me throughout, spirit, soul and body! O come quickly.” In a little time she cried, “He is come! He is come!” And presently fell asleep.

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An EXTRACT from her JOURNAL.

AUGUST 8, 1765. After breakfast, as I was at prayer, the Lord broke in upon my soul. O may he hasten the happy time, when I shall be filled with his fulness, and assist me to believe to full salvation! O that he would _make me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me_!

Friday 9. Blessed be his name, he has kept me this day, amidst all the hurry of business. I long to get into the glorious liberty of his dear children. May the Lord increase my faith, and confirm my hope, for my dear Redeemer’s sake!

Saturday 10. I was with some who do not hold “sinless perfection,” as they call it, to be attainable here. Afterwards I found, the talking about their opinion was not of use to me. It only damped my spirit. May the Lord of his great goodness lead me _into all truth_!

Sunday 11. We were talking of Christian experience, which is useful in its place; but I fear, I talked too much. Lord, give me a tender conscience, “the slightest touch of sin to feel.”

Monday 12. To-day, glory be to his name, I have had power over my besetting sin. I hope, it will not be long before I have an evidence, that he has made an end of my inbred sin. May he ever keep me humble, and fill me with love, _more to be desired than gold, yea, than much fine gold_. *Afterward I was talking with a Christian friend concerning this blessing; and we saw, that none can receive it, till they feel the want of it first, and that then it must be received by simple faith alone. I said, “Suppose I begin to live now, and believe from this time?” She said, “That is the right way.” _Lord I do believe: help my unbelief_, and increase my faith more and more. When I was going to bed, I found great confidence in the Lord. May he increase it to the perfect day!

Tuesday 13. Glory be to God, this has been a day of marrow and fat things to my soul. May he keep me low at his feet, and humble me in the very dust before his glorious Majesty!

Wednesday 14. I waked with, _Now is the ax laid to the root of the tree_. May the Lord root up whatever is not of his own planting! Glory be to his name for what he has done. I have not found any anger rise in me this day. But I was surprised at private prayer two or three times, with something striking me between the shoulders as with a dart. Whatever it is, may the Lord give me power over it, and take it from me in his own due time.

Thursday 15. I was much distrest for a clearer evidence, and cried to God, to increase my faith. In reproving a person, I found something rise as quick as thought. But I looked to the Lord, and it was gone.

Friday 16. Blessed be God, he has shewn me to-day my weakness and helplessness more than ever. I am amazed to see the greatness of God, as well as his unbounded love in Christ Jesus, I see, that unless he save me by free grace, I must perish for ever. This morning I can believe he has given me the blessing. Glory be to God for ever and ever!

Saturday 17. Blessed be his name, that I desire nothing, but to _know_ Jesus Christ, _and him crucified_; and that I feel, he suffered and died for _me_. May my heart be ever melted down into the profoundest humility and self-abasement before his awful Majesty!

Tuesday 20. For two or three days I have been confined to my bed, but my mind is stayed upon God: and I loath the very appearance of sin; I would not deceive myself for the world. Lord, give me to try myself by thy word, weigh myself in the balance of the sanctuary!

Wednesday 21. I told one to-day, “If you die in the state you are in, you will go to hell.” I spoke it purely for the good of her soul. Yet the minute I spoke, something shocked me, and I was afraid, it was too harsh. May the Lord pardon what was amiss in it, and enable me to speak in a more proper manner for the time to come!

Thursday 22. O what have I felt this day by anger! May the Lord speak peace anew to my soul, and fill me again with his love, and make an utter end of sin in me, for Jesus Christ’s sake!

Friday 23. I was greatly tempted with anger this day: but glory be to God, it did not break out. May the Lord destroy it, root and branch, for it is the trouble of my soul. May I never be at ease till he roots up this and every bitter root besides!

Saturday 24. Glory be to God, it is still my desire to be cleansed from all sin. And is he not able and willing to do it now? May he enable me to believe, bless me with his love, and keep me ever in it!

Monday 26. Blessed be God, I desire nothing but to be freed from every thing contrary to his love, and to be wholly dedicated to his service. This day I strongly cried to God, to be delivered from all sin, and to have his Spirit witness it to my spirit: and I could plead the promise for it. And whatever sin he saves me from, may I give him all the glory!

Tuesday 27. Glory be to God, this has been a day of longing desire to be filled with his full salvation; and I felt more pain for want of this, than ever I did when under conviction, for want of pardon. I have felt a very sore heart, to be cleansed from the in-being of sin; blessed be God for it. I believe, he is able and willing to do this: I believe, _His will is_ my _sanctification_. O that I may believe he will do it now! The Lord enable me, to believe it from this time! And may I watch always, pray without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks! May my life be one continual looking-up to Jesus the captain of my salvation!

Wednesday 28. My heart is still sore, because I cannot yet believe, that the Lord has made an end of in-being sin. But I hope to see the happy moment, and to have the divine evidence within me. May I be determined to wrestle for it in mighty prayer, and expect it every moment!

Friday 30. How shall I praise the Lord, for what he has done for my soul? O the love of a dear Redeemer to sinful dust and ashes! Praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me praise his holy name.

Sunday, September 1. Lord, enable me to believe. _Help my unbelief! Cleanse_ me _from all filthiness of flesh and spirit_, that I may _perfect holiness in the fear of God_.

Monday 2. Glory be to God, tho’ I am tempted; I do not now find any thing in me, to side with the temptation. If the Lord has cast out my enemy, may he keep him out for ever!

*Tuesday 3. Glory be to God, that he has increased my faith. Temptations assault; but they have no place in me. Yet I was jealous over myself, lest I spoke too much, with some of our Christian friends. How careful should we be, particularly among Christians! For then we are too apt to be most off our guard.

Wednesday 4. I find I am solemnly staid on God: and my one desire is, to _comprehend the length, and breadth, and depth, and height_ of that _love which passeth knowledge_. Yet the enemy presses sore at me with temptations; but I have power from God to stand against them. O how shall I praise the Lord for his goodness? May silence speak his praise!

Saturday 7. Glory be to God, he does increase my faith. But I have been much troubled with wandering thoughts. The Lord give me power to overcome them all, and look every moment to my dear Redeemer!

*Sunday 8. Glory be to God, that we have once more seen thy servant, Mr. _John Wesley_ in the body. But this morning, being glad to see our friends, I doubt, I was carried away with over-much joy. May the Lord keep me on such occasions upon my watch-tower for the time to come!

Monday 9. Blessed be God, I can still believe. Satan thrusts sore at me with his fiery darts. But they have no point: they cannot enter my soul: the Lord keeps me in the trying hour.

Thursday 12. I rose with new desires to seek the Lord, and I found him at the morning preaching. After dinner, some of our neighbours were talking of one that had wronged them, and I thought it was better I should be reading my bible. So I withdrew. Glory be to God who gave me light to see, and power to take the safer path. In the evening some were pleading for a wilderness-state. I told them, that was not the Lord’s will concerning us: and I found freedom to tell them what he had done for my soul. O may he keep me low at his feet, depending upon him every moment for fresh supplies of grace!

Friday 13. Thanks be to God, I am at peace with God and all men, and love them all for Christ’s sake. I see, I am myself all weakness: yet _I can do all things through Christ’s strengthening me_. His mercies are new unto me every morning. O may he give me a thankful heart!

Sunday 15. I was much tempted with wandering thoughts at church, and to anger about the children: but, glory be to God, I perceived the enemy in his first approach, and looked for strength, and received it. May the Lord give me a watchful, praying spirit, and fill my soul with humble love!

Monday 16. Was the quarterly meeting, and Mr. _W._ was there. I wanted to go; but continually another and another business interposed. I was often tempted to impatience; but I saw the temptation just as it came, and it fled away. At the love-feast, I stood up to speak: but I had only spoke two or three words, when Mr. _Furz_ (I suppose not hearing me) concluded. I was tempted to be displeased; but it took no place, the Lord giving me strength.

Tuesday 17. What a solemn morning was this! Dear Mr. _W._ preached his farewel sermon. May the Lord graft it on my heart, and brighten my evidence more and more. I have had reasonings to-day, whether the work was done: but glory be to God, I cannot doubt of it. I cannot doubt, but he has cast out sin. May he keep it out for ever!

*Wednesday 18. I am afraid, lest I should think something of myself. O may the Lord keep the foot of pride from me! It is of his free mercy that I am out of hell, and that I am preserved to this hour. And I must still perish, if he were extreme to mark my misdoings, and if he did not wash my most holy things in his blood.

Thursday 19. Blessed be God, I have been stayed upon him this day, and desiring to be filled with all his fulness. O for this spirit of prayer at all times, and in all places, to _set the Lord always before me_!

Saturday 21. My whole desire, is to have every thought, word and work, brought into the obedience of Christ, and to have my soul always ascending to God, wherever I am, and whatever I am about. This evening he was pleased to brighten my evidence. May he wash and keep me clean every moment!

Wednesday 25. This has been a day of temptation and trial on every side; but glory be to God, I could rejoice in the midst of it. May the Lord always give me to see the difference between sin and temptation!

Thursday 26. I often feel a soreness of heart, as sore as if it had been cutting. May the Lord give me to know, whether it is from him, or from any thing I have done amiss! If it is, may he bring it to my mind, that I may bring it to him and have it done away!

Sunday 29. I have found this a solemn day to my soul: especially at church in the morning, at the noon preaching, and in the afternoon, while three of us were conversing together on spiritual things. O may we meet, where we shall cast our crowns before the Lamb, and praise him to all eternity!

Monday 30. I know what the soreness of heart means. Truly _I am sick of love. Come into thy garden, my love, my dove, thou chiefest of ten thousand!_ O what amazing love, that thou and thy Father should condescend to dwell with dust and ashes! Thou God of love, make me truly thankful for all thy benefits!

Thursday, October 3. This morning the body craved rest; but I forced myself to rise. Indeed, my _delight is in the law of the_ Lord, _and in his law do I exercise myself day and night_. It was an happy day. But toward evening I was not so lively. My body sunk under me. And the enemy of souls is ready at every turn. But, blessed be God, I was more than conqueror.

Friday 4. I was greatly blessed with the love of God. O how happy is it, to love him _with all our heart_? Yet in the afternoon, thro’ hurry of business, I was much tempted to peevishness. But glory be to God, he saved me from it. Let me die rather than offend him!

Saturday 5. I went to bring home my little child from my mother-in-law’s. On the road I called to see a neighbour, who asked for my husband and mother. I said, without thinking, they gave their service to her. But how was I surprised, as soon as the words were out of my mouth! I cried to God for pardon, yet continued in heaviness all the day, and at night was almost afraid to go to sleep. In the morning, while several of us were at prayer, it pleased God to set me at liberty.

Tuesday 8. I had great freedom in prayer with my friends, before I came away. I had a solemn sense of God all the way home, admiring his wisdom and greatness and goodness in all his works. But I am afraid, when I said, “Put the best cloth on my pillion, not the maid’s,” lest there should be pride in it. If there was, Lord, take it all away, and save me from it for the time to come!

Friday 11. I was much out of order in body, yet happy in soul. But at noon I spoke a word unadvisedly, which afflicted me much. The Lord pardon me, and give me power to watch over my every thought, and word, and action!

Saturday 12. This being the fair-day, was a time of much hurry: but, blessed be God, I was kept in peace. And often I enjoy blessed communion with God, and can, as it were, grasp my Saviour with earnest affection. Indeed he is precious to my soul. He is all I desire in earth or heaven.

Sunday 13. Thinking of going to _Truro_, I cut a piece of oil-case, and pinned on my bonnet, to keep off the rain. But it came to me soon after, “Have not you been doing work on the Lord’s-day?” I was affrighted, and cried to God: and quickly his peace flowed back into my heart.

Tuesday 25. I was assaulted by a strong temptation to lightness. But, glory be to God, I was not overcome. Afterwards I was roughly accused, for speaking a word that was not took well. If I sinned therein, may the Lord humble me for it, and teach me to guard my words. May I live no longer, but to adorn the gospel of God my Saviour.

Friday 18. I was tempted to set my heart on our garden. But I cried for help and was delivered. I hope to use both this, and every thing else, with a single eye to the glory of God. Blessed be God, I have solid, settled peace; and find my heart enlarged, to promote his glory as far as lies in my power. May he assist me, and keep me to the end!

Saturday 19. Glory be to God, I see and feel my own weakness more and more. My soul is greatly drawn out after God, for a larger measure of grace. O may I be throughly

“Willing to receive, What thy goodness waits to give!”

Tuesday 22. This has been a day of trial, even from my nearest friend. But, glory be to God, I have been kept in peace; though without Christ I cannot stand a moment. I long to be nearer Christ, and to have a more awful sense of God’s presence in my ♦worldly business. Lord, take away the spirit of forgetfulness from me, and let me set thee always before me.

♦ “wordly” replaced with “worldly”