CHAPTER XXXIX

As _Susannah_ was informed by an express from Mrs. _Bridget_, of my uncle _Toby’s_ falling in love with her mistress fifteen days before it happened, --the contents of which express, _Susannah_ communicated to my mother the next day, --it has just given me an opportunity of entering upon my uncle _Toby’s_ amours a fortnight before their existence.

I have an article of news to tell you, Mr. _Shandy_, quoth my mother, which will surprise you greatly.----

Now my father was then holding one of his second beds of justice, and was musing within himself about the hardships of matrimony, as my mother broke silence.------

“----My brother _Toby_, quoth she, is going to be married to Mrs. _Wadman_.”

----Then he will never, quoth my father, be able to lie _diagonally_ in his bed again as long as he lives.

It was a consuming vexation to my father, that my mother never asked the meaning of a thing she did not understand.

----That she is not a woman of science, my father would say--is her misfortune--but she might ask a question.--

My mother never did. ----In short, she went out of the world at last without knowing whether it turned _round_, or stood _still_. ----My father had officiously told her above a thousand times which way it was, --but she always forgot.

For these reasons, a discourse seldom went on much further betwixt them, than a proposition, --a reply, and a rejoinder; at the end of which, it generally took breath for a few minutes (as in the affair of the breeches), and then went on again.

If he marries, ’twill be the worse for us, --quoth my mother.

Not a cherry-stone, said my father, --he may as well batter away his means upon that, as any thing else.

----To be sure, said my mother: so here ended the proposition, --the reply, --and the rejoinder, I told you of.

It will be some amusement to him, too, ----said my father.

A very great one, answered my mother, if he should have children.----

----Lord have mercy upon me, --said my father to himself---- * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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