CHAPTER I

----“_I WISH, Dr. Slop_,” quoth my uncle _Toby_, (repeating his wish for Dr. _Slop_ a second time, and with a degree of more zeal and earnestness in his manner of wishing, than he had wished at first[3.1])---- “_I wish, Dr. Slop_,” quoth my uncle _Toby_, “_you had seen what prodigious armies we had in_ Flanders.”

My uncle _Toby’s_ wish did Dr. _Slop_ a disservice which his heart never intended any man, --Sir, it confounded him----and thereby putting his ideas first into confusion, and then to flight, he could not rally them again for the soul of him.

In all disputes, ----male or female, ----whether for honour, for profit, or for love, --it makes no difference in the case; --nothing is more dangerous, Madam, than a wish coming sideways in this unexpected manner upon a man: the safest way in general to take off the force of the wish, is for the party wish’d at, instantly to get upon his legs--and wish the _wisher_ something in return, of pretty near the same value, ----so balancing the account upon the spot, you stand as you were--nay sometimes gain the advantage of the attack by it.

This will be fully illustrated to the world in my chapter of wishes.--

Dr. _Slop_ did not understand the nature of this defence; --he was puzzled with it, and it put an entire stop to the dispute for four minutes and a half; --five had been fatal to it: --my father saw the danger--the dispute was one of the most interesting disputes in the world, “Whether the child of his prayers and endeavours should be born without a head or with one:” --he waited to the last moment, to allow Dr. _Slop_, in whose behalf the wish was made, his right of returning it; but perceiving, I say, that he was confounded, and continued looking with that perplexed vacuity of eye which puzzled souls generally stare with--first in my uncle _Toby’s_ face--then in his--then up--then down--then east--east and by east, and so on, ----coasting it along by the plinth of the wainscot till he had got to the opposite point of the compass, ----and that he had actually begun to count the brass nails upon the arm of his chair, --my father thought there was no time to be lost with my uncle _Toby_, so took up the discourse as follows.

[Footnote 3.1: Vide page 105.] [[end of ch. II.XVIII]]

##