CHAPTER XIII
Holla! ----you, chairman! ----here’s sixpence----do step into that bookseller’s shop, and call me a _day-tall_ critick. I am very willing to give any one of ’em a crown to help me with his tackling, to get my father and my uncle _Toby_ off the stairs, and to put them to bed.
--’Tis even high time; for except a short nap, which they both got whilst _Trim_ was boring the jack-boots--and which, by the bye, did my father no sort of good, upon the score of the bad hinge--they have not else shut their eyes, since nine hours before the time that Dr. _Slop_ was led into the back parlour in that dirty pickle by _Obadiah_.
Was every day of my life to be as busy a day as this--and to take up --Truce.
I will not finish that sentence till I have made an observation upon the strange state of affairs between the reader and myself, just as things stand at present--an observation never applicable before to any one biographical writer since the creation of the world, but to myself--and I believe, will never hold good to any other, until its final destruction--and therefore, for the very novelty of it alone, it must be worth your worships attending to.
I am this month one whole year older than I was this time twelve-month; and having got, as you perceive, almost into the middle of my fourth volume[4.7]--and no farther than to my first day’s life--’tis demonstrative that I have three hundred and sixty-four days more life to write just now, than when I first set out; so that instead of advancing, as a common writer, in my work with what I have been doing at it--on the contrary, I am just thrown so many volumes back--was every day of my life to be as busy a day as this --And why not? ----and the transactions and opinions of it to take up as much description --And for what reason should they be cut short? as at this rate I should just live 364 times faster than I should write --It must follow, an’ please your worships, that the more I write, the more I shall have to write--and consequently, the more your worships read, the more your worships will have to read.
Will this be good for your worships’ eyes?
It will do well for mine; and, was it not that my OPINIONS will be the death of me, I perceive I shall lead a fine life of it out of this self-same life of mine; or, in other words, shall lead a couple of fine lives together.
As for the proposal of twelve volumes a year, or a volume a month, it no way alters my prospect--write as I will, and rush as I may into the middle of things, as _Horace_ advises --I shall never overtake myself whipp’d and driven to the last pinch; at the worst I shall have one day the start of my pen--and one day is enough for two volumes----and two volumes will be enough for one year.--
Heaven prosper the manufacturers of paper under this propitious reign, which is now opened to us----as I trust its providence will prosper everything else in it that is taken in hand.----
As for the propagation of Geese --I give myself no concern --Nature is all bountiful --I shall never want tools to work with.
--So then, friend! you have got my father and my uncle _Toby_ off the stairs, and seen them to bed? ------And how did you manage it? ----You dropp’d a curtain at the stair-foot --I thought you had no other way for it ------Here’s a crown for your trouble.
[Footnote 4.7: According to the original Editions.]
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