CHAPTER XII

--And how does your mistress? cried my father, taking the same step over again from the landing, and calling to _Susannah_, whom he saw passing by the foot of the stairs with a huge pincushion in her hand--how does your mistress? As well, said _Susannah_, tripping by, but without looking up, as can be expected. --What a fool am I! said my father, drawing his leg back again--let things be as they will, brother _Toby_, ’tis ever the precise answer ----And how is the child, pray? ----No answer. And where is Dr. _Slop?_ added my father, raising his voice aloud, and looking over the ballusters--_Susannah_ was out of hearing.

Of all the riddles of a married life, said my father, crossing the landing in order to set his back against the wall, whilst he propounded it to my uncle _Toby_----of all the puzzling riddles, said he, in a marriage state, ----of which you may trust me, brother _Toby_, there are more asses loads than all _Job’s_ stock of asses could have carried----there is not one that has more intricacies in it than this--that from the very moment the mistress of the house is brought to bed, every female in it, from my lady’s gentlewoman down to the cinder-wench, becomes an inch taller for it; and give themselves more airs upon that single inch, than all their other inches put together.

I think rather, replied my uncle _Toby_, that ’tis we who sink an inch lower. --If I meet but a woman with child --I do it. --’Tis a heavy tax upon that half of our fellow-creatures, brother _Shandy_, said my uncle _Toby_--’Tis a piteous burden upon ’em, continued he, shaking his head --Yes, yes, ’tis a painful thing--said my father, shaking his head too----but certainly since shaking of heads came into fashion, never did two heads shake together, in concert, from two such different springs.

God bless } ’em all------said my uncle _Toby_ and my Deuce take } father, each to himself.

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