CHAPTER XXXIII
----That provision should be made for continuing the race of so great, so exalted and godlike a Being as man --I am far from denying--but philosophy speaks freely of everything; and therefore I still think and do maintain it to be a pity, that it should be done by means of a passion which bends down the faculties, and turns all the wisdom, contemplations, and operations of the soul backwards----a passion, my dear, continued my father, addressing himself to my mother, which couples and equals wise men with fools, and makes us come out of our caverns and hiding-places more like satyrs and four-footed beasts than men.
I know it will be said, continued my father (availing himself of the _Prolepsis_), that in itself, and simply taken----like hunger, or thirst, or sleep----’tis an affair neither good or bad--or shameful or otherwise. ----Why then did the delicacy of _Diogenes_ and _Plato_ so recalcitrate against it? and wherefore, when we go about to make and plant a man, do we put out the candle? and for what reason is it, that all the parts thereof--the congredients--the preparations--the instruments, and whatever serves thereto, are so held as to be conveyed to a cleanly mind by no language, translation, or periphrasis whatever?
----The act of killing and destroying a man, continued my father, raising his voice--and turning to my uncle _Toby_--you see, is glorious--and the weapons by which we do it are honourable ----We march with them upon our shoulders ----We strut with them by our sides ----We gild them ----We carve them ----We in-lay them ----We enrich them ----Nay, if it be but a _scoundrel_ cannon, we cast an ornament upon the breach of it.--
----My uncle _Toby_ laid down his pipe to intercede for a better epithet----and _Yorick_ was rising up to batter the whole hypothesis to pieces----
----When _Obadiah_ broke into the middle of the room with a complaint, which cried out for an immediate hearing.
The case was this:
My father, whether by ancient custom of the manor, or as impropriator of the great tythes, was obliged to keep a Bull for the service of the Parish, and _Obadiah_ had led his cow upon a _pop-visit_ to him one day or other the preceding summer ----I say, one day or other--because as chance would have it, it was the day on which he was married to my father’s housemaid----so one was a reckoning to the other. Therefore when _Obadiah’s_ wife was brought to bed--_Obadiah_ thanked God----
----Now, said _Obadiah_, I shall have a calf: so _Obadiah_ went daily to visit his cow.
She’ll calve on _Monday_--on _Tuesday_--on _Wednesday_ at the farthest----
The cow did not calve----no--she’ll not calve till next week----the cow put it off terribly----till at the end of the sixth week _Obadiah’s_ suspicions (like a good man’s) fell upon the Bull.
Now the parish being very large, my father’s Bull, to speak the truth of him, was no way equal to the department; he had, however, got himself, somehow or other, thrust into employment--and as he went through the business with a grave face, my father had a high opinion of him.
----Most of the townsmen, an’ please your worship, quoth _Obadiah_, believe that ’tis all the Bull’s fault----
----But may not a cow be barren? replied my father, turning to Doctor _Slop_.
It never happens: said Dr. _Slop_, but the man’s wife may have come before her time naturally enough ----Prithee has the child hair upon his head? --added Dr. _Slop_------
----It is as hairy as I am; said _Obadiah_. ----_Obadiah_ had not been shaved for three weeks ----Wheu - - u - - - - u - - - - - - - - cried my father; beginning the sentence with an exclamatory whistle----and so, brother _Toby_, this poor Bull of mine, who is as good a Bull as ever p--ss’d, and might have done for _Europa_ herself in purer times----had he but two legs less, might have been driven into Doctors Commons and lost his character----which to a Town Bull, brother _Toby_, is the very same thing as his life------
L--d! said my mother, what is all this story about?----
A COCK and a BULL, said _Yorick_ ----And one of the best of its kind, I ever heard.
[Decorative Text:
The Temple Press LETCHWORTH ENGLAND]
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Errors and Inconsistencies
Inconsistent capitalization of “Christian” or “christian” is unchanged.
Intentional anomalies:
## BOOK IV: