Part 14

KO. I beg your pardon. Will you present me? YUM. Oh, this is the musician who used— PEEP. Oh, this is the gentleman-who used— PITTI. Oh, it is only Nanki-Poo who used— KO. One at a time, if you please. YUM. Oh, if you please he's the gentleman who used to play so beautifully on the—on the— PITTI. On the Marine Parade. YUM. Yes, I think that was the name of the instrument. NANK. Sir, I have the misfortune to love your ward, Yum-Yum—oh, I know I deserve your anger! KO. Anger! not a bit, my boy. Why, I love her myself. Charming little girl, isn't she? Pretty eyes, nice hair. Taking little thing, altogether. Very glad to hear my opinion backed by a competent authority. Thank you very much. Good-bye. (To Pish-Tush.) Take him away. (Pish-Tush removes him.) PITTI (who has been examining Pooh-Bah). I beg your pardon, but what is this? Customer come to try on? KO. That is a Tremendous Swell. PITTI. Oh, it's alive. (She starts back in alarm.) POOH. Go away, little girls. Can't talk to little girls like you. Go away, there's dears. KO. Allow me to present you, Pooh-Bah. These are my three wards. The one in the middle is my bride elect. POOH. What do you want me to do to them? Mind, I will not kiss them. KO. No, no, you shan't kiss them; a little bow—a mere nothing—you needn't mean it, you know. POOH. It goes against the grain. They are not young ladies, they are young persons. KO. Come, come, make an effort, there's a good nobleman. POOH. (aside to Ko-Ko). Well, I shan't mean it. (with a great effort.) How de do, little girls, how de do? (Aside.) Oh, my protoplasmal ancestor! KO. That's very good. (Girls indulge in suppressed laughter.) POOH. I see nothing to laugh at. It is very painful to me to have to say "How de do, little girls, how de do?" to young persons. I'm not in the habit of saying "How de do, little girls, how de do?" to anybody under the rank of a Stockbroker. KO. (aside to girls). Don't laugh at him, he can't help it—he's under treatment for it. (Aside to Pooh-Bah.) Never mind them, they don't understand the delicacy of your position. POOH. We know how delicate it is, don't we? KO. I should think we did! How a nobleman of your importance can do it at all is a thing I never can, never shall understand. [Ko-Ko retires and goes off.

QUARTET AND CHORUS OF GIRLS.

YUM-YUM, PEEP-BO, PITTI-SING, and POOH-BAH.

YUM, PEEP. So please you, Sir, we much regret and PITTI. If we have failed in etiquette Towards a man of rank so high— We shall know better by and by. YUM. But youth, of course, must have its fling, So pardon us, So pardon us, PITTI. And don't, in girlhood's happy spring, Be hard on us, Be hard on us, If we're inclined to dance and sing. Tra la la, etc. (Dancing.) CHORUS OF GIRLS. But youth, of course, etc. POOH. I think you ought to recollect You cannot show too much respect Towards the highly titled few; But nobody does, and why should you? That youth at us should have its fling, Is hard on us, Is hard on us; To our prerogative we cling— So pardon us, So pardon us, If we decline to dance and sing. Tra la la, etc. (Dancing.) CHORUS OF GIRLS.. But youth, of course, must have its fling, etc.

[Exeunt all but Yum-Yum.

Enter Nanki-Poo.

NANK. Yum-Yum, at last we are alone! I have sought you night and day for three weeks, in the belief that your guardian was beheaded, and I find that you are about to be married to him this afternoon! YUM. Alas, yes! NANK. But you do not love him? YUM. Alas, no! NANK. Modified rapture! But why do you not refuse him? YUM. What good would that do? He's my guardian, and he wouldn't let me marry you! NANK. But I would wait until you were of age! YUM. You forget that in Japan girls do not arrive at years of discretion until they are fifty. NANK. True; from seventeen to forty-nine are considered years of indiscretion. YUM. Besides—a wandering minstrel, who plays a wind instrument outside tea-houses, is hardly a fitting husband for the ward of a Lord High Executioner. NANK. But—— (Aside.) Shall I tell her? Yes! She will not betray me! (Aloud.) What if it should prove that, after all, I am no musician? YUM. There! I was certain of it, directly I heard you play! NANK. What if it should prove that I am no other than the son of his Majesty the Mikado? YUM. The son of the Mikado! But why is your Highness disguised? And what has your Highness done? And will your Highness promise never to do it again? NANK. Some years ago I had the misfortune to captivate Katisha, an elderly lady of my father's Court. She misconstrued my customary affability into expressions of affection, and claimed me in marriage, under my father's law. My father, the Lucius Junius Brutus of his race, ordered me to marry her within a week, or perish ignominiously on the scaffold. That night I fled his Court, and, assuming the disguise of a Second Trombone, I joined the band in which you found me when I had the happiness of seeing you! (Approaching her.) YUM. (retreating). If you please, I think your Highness had better not come too near. The laws against flirting are excessively severe. NANK. But we are quite alone, and nobody can see us. YUM. Still, that don't make it right. To flirt is capital. NANK. It is capital! YUM. And we must obey the law. NANK. Deuce take the law! YUM. I wish it would, but it won't! NANK. If it were not for that, how happy we might be! YUM. Happy indeed! NANK. If it were not for the law, we should now be sitting side by side, like that. (Sits by her.) YUM. Instead of being obliged to sit half a mile off, like that. (Crosses and sits at other side of stage.) NANK. We should be gazing into each other's eyes, like that. (Gazing at her sentimentally.) YUM. Breathing sighs of unutterable love—like that. (Sighing and gazing lovingly at him.) NANK. With our arms round each other's waists, like that. (Embracing her.) YUM. Yes, if it wasn't for the law. NANK. If it wasn't for the law. YUM. As it is, of course we couldn't do anything of the kind. NANK. Not for worlds! YUM. Being engaged to Ko-Ko, you know! NANK. Being engaged to Ko-Ko!

DUET—YUM-YUM and NANKI-POO.

NANK. Were you not to Ko-Ko plighted, I would say in tender tone, "Loved one, let us be united— Let us be each other's own!" I would merge all rank and station, Worldly sneers are nought to us, And, to mark my admiration, I would kiss you fondly thus— (Kisses her.) BOTH. I/He would kiss you/me fondly thus— (Kiss.) YUM. But as I'm engaged to Ko-Ko, To embrace you thus, con fuoco, Would distinctly be no giuoco, And for yam I should get toko—

BOTH. Toko, toko, toko, toko!

NANK. So, In spite of all temptation, Such a theme I'll not discuss, And on no consideration Will I kiss you fondly thus— (Kissing her.) Let me make it clear to you, This is what I'll never do! This, oh, this, oh, this, oh, this,—(Kissing her.)

TOGETHER. This, oh, this, etc.

[Exeunt in opposite directions.

Enter Ko-Ko.

KO. (looking after Yum-Yum). There she goes! To think how entirely my future happiness is wrapped up in that little parcel! Really, it hardly seems worth while! Oh, matrimony!— (Enter Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush.) Now then, what is it? Can't you see I'm soliloquizing? You have interrupted an apostrophe, sir! PISH. I am the bearer of a letter from his Majesty the Mikado. KO. (taking it from him reverentially). A letter from the Mikado! What in the world can he have to say to me? (Reads letter.) Ah, here it is at last! I thought it would come sooner or later! The Mikado is struck by the fact that no executions have taken place in Titipu for a year, and decrees that unless somebody is beheaded within one month the post of Lord High Executioner shall be abolished, and the city reduced to the rank of a village! PISH. But that will involve us all in irretrievable ruin! KO. Yes. There is no help for it, I shall have to execute somebody at once. The only question is, who shall it be? POOH. Well, it seems unkind to say so, but as you're already under sentence of death for flirting, everything seems to point to you. KO. To me? What are you talking about? I can't execute myself. POOH. Why not? KO. Why not? Because, in the first place, self decapitation is an extremely difficult, not to say dangerous, thing to attempt; and, in the second, it's suicide, and suicide is a capital offence. POOH. That is so, no doubt. PISH. We might reserve that point. POOH. True, it could be argued six months hence, before the full Court. KO. Besides, I don't see how a man can cut off his own head. POOH. A man might try. PISH. Even if you only succeeded in cutting it half off, that would be something. POOH. It would be taken as an earnest of your desire to comply with the Imperial will. KO. No. Pardon me, but there I am adamant. As official Headsman, my reputation is at stake, and I can't consent to embark on a professional operation unless I see my way to a successful result. POOH. This professional conscientiousness is highly creditable to you, but it places us in a very awkward position. KO. My good sir, the awkwardness of your position is grace itself compared with that of a man engaged in the act of cutting off his own head. PISH. I am afraid that, unless you can obtain a substitute —— KO. A substitute? Oh, certainly—nothing easier. (To Pooh-Bah.) Pooh-Bah, I appoint you Lord High Substitute. POOH. I should be delighted. Such an appointment would realize my fondest dreams. But no, at any sacrifice, I must set bounds to my insatiable ambition!

TRIO

Ko-Ko Pooh-Bah Pish-Tush

My brain it teams I am so proud, I heard one day With endless schemes If I allowed A gentleman say Both good and new My family pride That criminals who For Titipu; To be my guide, Are cut in two But if I flit, I'd volunteer Can hardly feel The benefit To quit this sphere The fatal steel, That I'd diffuse Instead of you And so are slain The town would lose! In a minute or two, Without much pain. Now every man But family pride If this is true, To aid his clan Must be denied, It's jolly for you; Should plot and plan And set aside, Your courage screw As best he can, And mortified. To bid us adieu, And so, And so, And go Although Although And show I'm ready to go, I wish to go, Both friend and foe Yet recollect And greatly pine How much you dare. 'Twere disrespect To brightly shine, I'm quite aware Did I neglect And take the line It's your affair, To thus effect Of a hero fine, Yet I declare This aim direct, With grief condign I'd take your share, So I object— I must decline— But I don't much care— So I object— I must decline— I don't much care— So I object— I must decline— I don't much care— ALL. To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock, In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block! [Exeunt Pooh. and Pish.

KO. This is simply appalling! I, who allowed myself to be respited at the last moment, simply in order to benefit my native town, am now required to die within a month, and that by a man whom I have loaded with honours! Is this public gratitude? Is this—- (Enter Nanki-Poo, with a rope in his hands.) Go away, sir! How dare you? Am I never to be permitted to soliloquize? NANK. Oh, go on—don't mind me. KO. What are you going to do with that rope? NANK. I am about to terminate an unendurabIe existence. KO. Terminate your existence? Oh, nonsense! What for? NANK. Because you are going to marry the girl I adore. KO. Nonsense, sir. I won't permit it. I am a humane man, and if you attempt anything of the kind I shall order your instant arrest. Come, sir, desist at once or I summon my guard. NANK. That's absurd. If you attempt to raise an alarm, I instantly perform the Happy Despatch with this dagger. KO. No, no, don't do that. This is horrible! (Suddenly.) Why, you cold-blooded scoundrel, are you aware that, in taking your life, you are committing a crime which—which—which is—— Oh! (Struck by an idea.) Substitute! NANK. What's the matter? KO. Is it absolutely certain that you are resolved to die? NANK. Absolutely! KO. Will nothing shake your resolution? NANK. Nothing. KO. Threats, entreaties, prayers—all useless? NANK. All! My mind is made up. KO. Then, if you really mean what you say, and if you are absolutely resolved to die, and if nothing whatever will shake your determination—don't spoil yourself by committing suicide, but be beheaded handsomely at the hands of the Public Executioner! NANK. I don't see how that would benefit me. KO. You don't? Observe: you'll have a month to live, and you'll live like a fighting-cock at my expense. When the day comes there'll be a grand public ceremonial—you'll be the central figure—no one will attempt to deprive you of that distinction. There'll be a procession—bands—dead march—bells tolling—all the girls in tears—Yum-Yum distracted—then, when it's all over, general rejoicings, and a display of fireworks in the evening. You won't see them, but they'll be there all the same. NANK. Do you think Yum-Yum would really be distracted at my death? KO. I am convinced of it. Bless you, she's the most tender-hearted little creature alive. NANK. I should be sorry to cause her pain. Perhaps, after all, if I were to withdraw from Japan, and travel in Europe for a couple of years, I might contrive to forget her. KO. Oh, I don't think you could forget Yum-Yum so easily; and, after all, what is more miserable than a love-blighted life? NANK. True. KO. Life without Yum-Yum—why, it seems absurd! NANK. And yet there are a good many people in the world who have to endure it. KO. Poor devils, yes! You are quite right not to be of their number. NANK. (suddenly). I won't be of their number! KO. Noble fellow! NANK. I'll tell you how we'll manage it. Let me marry Yum-Yum to-morrow, and in a month you may behead me. KO. No, no. I draw the line at Yum-Yum. NANK. Very good. If you can draw the line, so can I. (Preparing rope.) KO. Stop, stop—listen one moment—be reasonable. How can I consent to your marrying Yum-Yum if I'm going to marry her myself? NANK. My good friend, she'll be a widow in a month, and you can marry her then. KO. That's true, of course. I quite see that. But, dear me! my position during the next month will be most unpleasant—most unpleasant. NANK. Not half so unpleasant as my position at the end of it. KO. But—dear me!—well—I agree—after all, it's only putting off my wedding for a month. But you won't prejudice her against me, will you? You see, I've educated her to be my wife; she's been taught to regard me as a wise and good man. Now I shouldn't like her views on that point disturbed. NANK. Trust me, she shall never learn the truth from me.

FINALE.

Enter Chorus, Pooh-Bah, and Pish-Tush.

CHORUS.

With aspect stern And gloomy stride, We come to learn How you decide.

Don't hesitate Your choice to name, A dreadful fate You'll suffer all the same.

POOH. To ask you what you mean to do we punctually appear. KO. Congratulate me, gentlemen, I've found a Volunteer! ALL. The Japanese equivalent for Hear, Hear, Hear! KO. (presenting him). 'Tis Nanki-Poo! ALL. Hail, Nanki-Poo! KO. I think he'll do? ALL. Yes, yes, he'll do!

KO. He yields his life if I'll Yum-Yum surrender. Now I adore that girl with passion tender, And could not yield her with a ready will, Or her allot, If I did not Adore myself with passion tenderer still!

Enter Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing.

ALL. Ah, yes! He loves himself with passion tenderer still! KO. (to Nanki-Poo). Take her—she's yours!

[Exit Ko-Ko

ENSEMBLE.

NANKI-POO. The threatened cloud has passed away, YUM-YUM. And brightly shines the dawning day; NANKI-POO. What though the night may come too soon, YUM-YUM. There's yet a month of afternoon!

NANKI-POO, POOH-BAH, YUM-YUM, PITTI-SING, and PEEP-BO.

Then let the throng Our joy advance, With laughing song And merry dance,

CHORUS. With joyous shout and ringing cheer, Inaugurate our brief career!

PITTI-SING. A day, a week, a month, a year— YUM. Or far or near, or far or near, POOH. Life's eventime comes much too soon, PITTI-SING. You'll live at least a honeymoon!

ALL. Then let the throng, etc.

CHORUS. With joyous shout, etc.

SOLO—POOH-BAH.

As in a month you've got to die, If Ko-Ko tells us true, 'Twere empty compliment to cry "Long life to Nanki-Poo!" But as one month you have to live As fellow-citizen, This toast with three times three we'll give— "Long life to you—till then!"

[Exit Pooh-Bah.

CHORUS. May all good fortune prosper you, May you have health and riches too, May you succeed in all you do! Long life to you—till then!

(Dance.)

Enter Katisha melodramatically

KAT. Your revels cease! Assist me, all of you! CHORUS. Why, who is this whose evil eyes Rain blight on our festivities? KAT. I claim my perjured lover, Nanki-Poo! Oh, fool! to shun delights that never cloy! CHORUS. Go, leave thy deadly work undone! KAT. Come back, oh, shallow fool! come back to joy! CHORUS. Away, away! ill-favoured one!

NANK. (aside to Yum-Yum). Ah! 'Tis Katisha! The maid of whom I told you. (About to go.)

KAT. (detaining him). No! You shall not go, These arms shall thus enfold you!

SONG—KATISHA.

KAT. (addressing Nanki-Poo). Oh fool, that fleest My hallowed joys! Oh blind, that seest No equipoise! Oh rash, that judgest From half, the whole! Oh base, that grudgest Love's lightest dole! Thy heart unbind, Oh fool, oh blind! Give me my place, Oh rash, oh base!

CHORUS. If she's thy bride, restore her place, Oh fool, oh blind, oh rash, oh base!

KAT. (addressing Yum-Yum). Pink cheek, that rulest Where wisdom serves! Bright eye, that foolest Heroic nerves! Rose lip, that scornest Lore-laden years! Smooth tongue, that warnest Who rightly hears! Thy doom is nigh. Pink cheek, bright eye! Thy knell is rung, Rose lip, smooth tongue!

CHORUS. If true her tale, thy knell is rung, Pink cheek, bright eye, rose lip, smooth tongue!

PITTI-SING. Away, nor prosecute your quest— From our intention, well expressed, You cannot turn us! The state of your connubial views Towards the person you accuse Does not concern us! For he's going to marry Yum-Yum— ALL. Yum-Yum! PITTI. Your anger pray bury, For all will be merry, I think you had better succumb— ALL. Cumb—cumb! PITTI. And join our expressions of glee. On this subject I pray you be dumb— ALL. Dumb—dumb. PITTI. You'll find there are many Who'll wed for a penny— The word for your guidance is "Mum"— ALL. Mum—mum! PITTI. There's lots of good fish in the sea!

ALL. On this subject we pray you be dumb, etc.

SOLO—KATISHA.

The hour of gladness Is dead and gone; In silent sadness I live alone! The hope I cherished All lifeless lies, And all has perished Save love, which never dies! Oh, faithless one, this insult you shall rue! In vain for mercy on your knees you'll sue. I'll tear the mask from your disguising!

NANK. (aside). Now comes the blow! KAT. Prepare yourselves for news surprising! NANK. (aside). How foil my foe? KAT. No minstrel he, despite bravado! YUM. (aside, struck by an idea). Ha! ha! I know! KAT. He is the son of your——

(Nanki-Poo, Yum-Yum, and Chorus, interrupting, sing Japanese words, to drown her voice.)

O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! KAT. In vain you interrupt with this tornado! He is the only son of your—— ALL. O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! KAT. I'll spoil—— ALL. O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! KAT. Your gay gambado! He is the son—— ALL. O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! KAT. Of your—— ALL. O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! KAT. The son of your—— ALL. O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! oya! oya!

ENSEMBLE. KATISHA. THE OTHERS.

Ye torrents roar! We'll hear no more, Ye tempests howl! Ill-omened owl. Your wrath outpour To joy we soar, With angry growl! Despite your scowl! Do ye your worst, my vengeance The echoes of our festival call Shall rise triumphant over all! Shall rise triumphant over all! Prepare for woe, Away you go, Ye haughty lords, Collect your hordes; At once I go Proclaim your woe Mikado-wards, In dismal chords My wrongs with vengeance shall We do not heed their dismal be crowned! sound My wrongs with vengeance shall For joy reigns everywhere be crowned! around.

(Katisha rushes furiously up stage, clearing the crowd away right and left, finishing on steps at the back of stage.)

END OF ACT I.

## ACT II.

SCENE.—Ko-Ko's Garden.

Yum-Yum discovered seated at her bridal toilet, surrounded by maidens, who are dressing her hair and painting her face and lips, as she judges of the effect in a mirror.

SOLO—PITTI-SING and CHORUS OF GIRLS.

CHORUS. Braid the raven hair— Weave the supple tress— Deck the maiden fair In her loveliness— Paint the pretty face— Dye the coral lip— Emphasize the grace Of her ladyship! Art and nature, thus allied, Go to make a pretty bride.

SOLO—PITTI-SING.

Sit with downcast eye Let it brim with dew— Try if you can cry— We will do so, too. When you're summoned, start Like a frightened roe— Flutter, little heart, Colour, come and go! Modesty at marriage-tide Well becomes a pretty bride!

CHORUS.

Braid the raven hair, etc.

[Exeunt Pitti-Sing, Peep-Bo, and Chorus.

YUM. Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.

SONG—YUM-YUM.

The sun, whose rays Are all ablaze With ever-living glory, Does not deny His majesty— He scorns to tell a story! He don't exclaim, "I blush for shame, So kindly be indulgent." But, fierce and bold, In fiery gold, He glories effulgent!

I mean to rule the earth, As he the sky— We really know our worth, The sun and I!

Observe his flame, That placid dame, The moon's Celestial Highness; There's not a trace Upon her face Of diffidence or shyness: She borrows light That, through the night, Mankind may all acclaim her! And, truth to tell, She lights up well, So I, for one, don't blame her!

Ah, pray make no mistake, We are not shy; We're very wide awake, The moon and I!

Enter Pitti-Sing and Peep-Bo.