Part 38
PHOEBE Aye, sure enough, for there's no help for it! Thou art a very brute— but even brutes must marry, I suppose.
WILFRED My beloved. [Embraces her]
PHOEBE [aside] Ugh!
[Enter LEONARD MERYLL, hastily
LEONARD Phoebe, rejoice, for I bring glad tidings. Colonel Fairfax's reprieve was signed two days since, but it was foully and maliciously kept back by Secretary Poltwhistle, who designed that it should arrive after the Colonel's death. It hath just come to hand, and it is now in the Lieutenant's possession!
PHOEBE Then the Colonel is free? Oh, kiss me, kiss me, my dear! Kiss me, again, and again!
WILFRED [dancing with fury] Ods bobs, death o' my life! Art thou mad? Am I mad? Are we all mad?
PHOEBE Oh, my dear— my dear, I'm well nigh crazed with joy! [Kissing LEONARD]
WILFRED Come away from him, thou hussy— thou jade— thou kissing, clinging cockatrice! And as for thee, sir, devil take thee, I'll rip thee like a herring for this! I'll skin thee for it! I'll cleave thee to the chine! I'll— oh! Phoebe! Phoebe! Who is this man?
PHOEBE Peace, fool. He is my brother!
WILFRED Another brother! Are there any more of them? Produce them all at once, and let me know the worst!
PHOEBE This is the real Leonard, dolt; the other was but his substitute. The real Leonard, I say— my father's own son.
WILFRED How do I know this? Has he "brother" writ large on his brow? I mistrust thy brothers! Thou art but a false jade!
[Exit LEONARD.
PHOEBE Now, Wilfred, be just. Truly I did deceive thee before— but it was to save a precious life— and to save it, not for me, but for another. They are to be wed this very day. Is not this enough for thee? Come— I am thy Phoebe— thy very own— and we will be wed in a year— or two— or three, at the most. Is not that enough for thee?
[Enter SERGEANT MERYLL, excitedly, followed by DAME CARRUTHERS, who listens, unobserved.
MERYLL Phoebe, hast thou heard the brave news?
PHOEBE [still in WILFRED's arms] Aye, father.
MERYLL I'm nigh mad with joy! [Seeing WILFRED] Why, what's all this?
PHOEBE Oh, father, he discovered our secret thorough my folly, and the price of his silence is—
WILFRED Phoebe's heart.
PHOEBE Oh, dear, no— Phoebe's hand.
WILFRED It's the same thing!
PHOEBE Is it?
[Exeunt WILFRED and PHOEBE.
MERYLL [looking after them] "Tis pity, but the Colonel had to be saved at any cost, and as thy folly revealed our secret, thy folly must e'en suffer for it!
[DAME CARRUTHERS comes down] Dame Carruthers!
DAME So this is a plot to shield this arch-fiend, and I have detected it. A word from me, and three heads besides his would roll from their shoulders!
MERYLL Nay, Colonel Fairfax is reprieved. [Aside] Yet, if my complicity in his escape were known! Plague on the old meddler! There's nothing for it— [aloud]— Hush, pretty one! Such bloodthirsty words ill become those cherry lips! [Aside] Ugh!
DAME [bashfully] Sergeant Meryll!
MERYLL Why, look ye, chuck— for many a month I've— I've thought to myself— "There's snug love saving up in that middle-aged bosom for some one, and why not for thee— that's me— so take heart and tell her— that's thee— that thou— that's me— lovest her— thee— and— and— well,I'm a miserable old man, and I've done it— and that's me!" But not a word about Fairfax! The price of thy silence is—
DAME Meryll's heart?
MERYLL No, Meryll's hand.
DAME It's the same thing!
MERYLL Is it?
No. 21. Rapture, rapture (DUET) Dame Carruthers and Sergeant Meryll
DAME Rapture, rapture When love's votary, Flushed with capture, Seeks the notary, Joy and jollity Then is polity; Reigns frivolity! Rapture, rapture! Joy and jollity Then is polity; Reigns frivolity! Rapture, rapture!
MERYLL Doleful, doleful! When humanity With its soul full Of satanity, Courting privity, Down declivity Seeks captivity! Doleful, doleful! Courting privity, Down declivity Seeks captivity! Doleful, doleful!
DAME Joyful, joyful! When virginity Seeks, all coyful, Man's affinity; Fate all flowery, Bright and bowery, Is her dowery! Joyful, joyful! Fate all flowery, Bright and bowery, Is her dowery! Joyful, joyful!
MERYLL Ghastly, ghastly! When man, sorrowful, Firstly, lastly, Of to-morrow full, After tarrying, Yields to harrying— Goes a-marrying. Ghastly, ghastly!
DAME Joyful, joyful!
MERYLL Ghastly, ghastly!
DAME Joyful, joyful!
MERYLL Ghastly, ghastly!
DAME MERYLL
Joyful, joyful! Ghastly, ghastly! Joyful, joyful, joyful! Ghastly, ghastly,ghastly!
Rapture, rapture Doleful, doleful! When love's votary, When humanity Flushed with capture, With its soul full Seeks the notary, Of satanity, Joy and jollity Courting privity, Then is polity; Down declivity Reigns frivolity! Seeks captivity! Rapture, rapture! Doleful, doleful! Joy and jollity Courting privity, Then is polity; Down declivity Reigns frivolity! Seeks captivity! Rapture, rapture! Doleful, doleful! Rapture, rapture! Doleful, doleful! Rapture, rapture, Doleful, doleful, Rapture, rapture! Doleful, doleful! Joy and jollity Courting privity, Then is polity; Down declivity Reigns frivolity! Seeks captivity! Rapture, rapture! Doleful, doleful!
[Exeunt DAME and SERGEANT MERYLL.
No. 22. Comes the pretty young bride (FINALE OF ACT II) Ensemble
[Enter YEOMEN and WOMEN
WOMEN Comes the pretty young bride, a-blushing, timidly shrinking— Set all thy fears aside— cheerily, pretty young bride! Brave is the youth to whom thy lot thou art willingly linking! Flower of valour he— loving as loving can be! Brightly thy summer is shining, Brightly thy summer is shining, Fair as the dawn, as the dawn of the day; Take him, be true to him— Tender his due to him— Honour him, honour him, love and obey!
[Enter DAME, PHOEBE, and ELSIE as Bride
PHOEBE, ELSIE & DAME 'Tis said that joy in full perfection Comes only once to womankind— That, other times, on close inspection, Some lurking bitter we shall find. If this be so, and men say truly, My day of joy has broken duly With happiness my/her soul is cloyed— With happiness is cloyed— With happiness my/her soul is cloyed— This is my/her joy-day unalloyed, unalloyed, This is my/her joy-day unalloyed!
ALL Yes, yes, with happiness her soul is cloyed! This is her joy-day unalloyed!
[Flourish. Enter LIEUTENANT
LIEUT. Hold, pretty one! I bring to thee News— good or ill, it is for thee to say. Thy husband lives— and he is free, And comes to claim his bride this very day!
ELSIE No! No! recall those words— it cannot be!
[all four blocks below sung at once]
KATE and CHORUS DAME CARRUTHERS and PHOEBE
Oh, day of terror! Oh, day of terror! Oh, day of terror! Oh, day of terror! Day of terror! The man to whom thou art Day of tears! allied Day of terror! Appears to claim thee Day of tears! as his bride.
Who is the man who, The man to whom thou art In his pride, allied Claims thee as his bride? And claim me as his bride. Day of terror! Day of terror! Day of tears! Day of tears!
LIEUT., MERYLL, and WILFRED ELSIE
Come, dry these unbecoming tears, Most joyful tidings greet thine ears, Come, dry these unbecoming tears, Oh, Leonard, Most joyful tidings greet Oh,Leonard, thine ears, Come thou to my side,
The man to whom thou art allied And claim me as Appears to claim thee thy loving bride! as his bride. Day of terror! The man to whom thou art allied Day of tears! Appears to claim thee as his bride.
[Flourish. Enter COLONEL FAIRFAX, handsomely dressed,and attended by other Gentlemen
FAIRFAX [sternly] All thought of Leonard Meryll set aside. Thou art mine own! I claim thee as my bride.
ALL Thou art his own! Alas! he claims thee as his bride.
ELSIE A suppliant at thy feet I fall; Thine heart will yield to pity's call!
FAIRFAX Mine is a heart of massive rock, Unmoved by sentimental shock!
ALL Thy husband he!
ELSIE [aside] Leonard, my loved one— come to me. They bear me hence away! But though they take me far from thee, My heart is thine for aye!
My bruised heart, My broken heart, Is thine, my own, for aye! Is thine, is thine, my own, Is thine, for aye!
ELSIE [To FAIRFAX] Sir, I obey! I am thy bride; But ere the fatal hour I said the say That placed me in thy pow'r Would I had died! Sir, I obey! I am thy bride!
[Looks up and recognizes FAIRFAX
Leonard!
FAIRFAX My own!
ELSIE Ah! [Embrace]
ELSIE & FAIRFAX With happiness my soul is cloyed, This is our joy-day unalloyed!
ALL Yes, yes! With happiness their souls are cloyed, This is their joy-day unalloyed! With happiness their souls are cloyed, This is their joy-day unalloyed, Their joy-day unalloyed, unalloyed!
[Enter JACK POINT
POINT Oh, thoughtless crew! Ye know not what ye do! Attend to me, and shed a tear or two— For I have a song to sing, O!
ALL Sing me your song, O!
POINT It is sung to the moon By a love-lorn loon, Who fled from the mocking throng, O! It's a song of a merryman, moping mum, Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum, Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb, As he sighed for the love of a ladye.
ALL Heighdy! heighdy! Misery me—lack-a-day-dee! He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb, As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
ELSIE I have a song to sing, O!
ALL What is your song, O!
ELSIE It is sung with the ring Of the songs maids sing Who love with a love life-long, O! It's the song of a merrymaid, peerly proud, [optional— nestling near,] Who loved her lord, and who laughed aloud [optional— but dropped a tear] At the moan of the merryman, moping mum, Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum, Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb, As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
ALL Heighdy! heighdy! Misery me—lack-a-day-dee! He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb, As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Heighdy! heighdy! Misery me—lack-a-day-dee! He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb, As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Heighdy! heighdy! Heighdy! heighdy! Heighdy! heighdy!
[FAIRFAX embraces ELSIE as POINT falls insensible at their feet.
CURTAIN
PATIENCE or
Bunthorne's Bride Book by W.S. GILBERT
Music by ARTHUR SULLIVAN First produced at the Opera Comique, London, on April 23, 1881. PATIENCE DRAMATIS PERSONAE Officers of Dragoon Guards COLONEL CALVERLEY Baritone MAJOR MURGATROYD Baritone LIEUT. THE DUKE OF DUNSTABLE Tenor
REGINALD BUNTHORNE (A Fleshly Poet) Light Baritone
ARCHIBALD GROSVENOR (An Idyllic Poet) Baritone
MR. BUNTHORNE'S SOLICITOR Non-singing
Rapturous Maidens THE LADY ANGELA Mezzo-Soprano THE LADY SAPHIR Mezzo-Soprano THE LADY ELLA Soprano THE LADY JANE Contralto
PATIENCE (A Dairy Maid) Soprano
Chorus of Rapturous MAIDENS and Officers of DRAGOON GUARDS
## ACT I—Exterior of Castle Bunthorne
## ACT II—A Glade
## ACT I
[Scene: Exterior of Castle Bunthorne, the gateway to which is seen, R.U.E., and is approached by a drawbridge over a moat. A rocky eminence R. with steps down to the stage. In front of it, a rustic bench, on which ANGELA is seated, with ELLA on her left. Young Ladies wearing aesthetic draperies are grouped about the stage from R. to L.C., SAPHIR being near the L. end of the group. The Ladies play on lutes, etc., as they sing, and all are in the last stage of despair.] No. 1. Twenty love-sick maidens we (Opening Chorus and Solos) Maidens, Angela, and Ella
MAIDENS Twenty love-sick maidens we, Love-sick all against our will. Twenty years hence we shall be Twenty love-sick maidens still! Twenty love-sick maidens we, And we die for love of thee! Twenty love-sick maidens we, Love-sick all against our will. Twenty years hence we shall be Twenty love-sick maidens still!
ANGELA Love feeds on hope, they say, or love will die;
MAIDENS Ah, miserie!
ANGELA Yet my love lives, although no hope have I!
MAIDENS Ah, miserie!
ANGELA Alas, poor heart, go hide thyself away, To weeping concords tune thy roundelay! Ah, miserie!
MAIDENS All our love is all for one, Yet that love he heedeth not, He is coy and cares for none, Sad and sorry is our lot! Ah, miserie!
ELLA Go, breaking heart, Go, dream of love requited! Go, foolish heart, Go, dream of lovers plighted; Go, madcap heart, Go, dream of never waking; And in thy dream Forget that thou art breaking!
MAIDENS Ah, miserie!
ELLA Forget that thou art breaking!
MAIDENS Twenty love-sick maidens we, Love-sick all against our will. Twenty years hence we shall be Twenty love-sick maidens still. Ah, miserie!
ANGELA There is a strange magic in this love of ours! Rivals as we all are in the affections of our Reginald, the very hopelessness of our love is a bond that binds us to one another!
SAPHIR Jealousy is merged in misery. While he, the very cynosure of our eyes and hearts, remains icy insensible — what have we to strive for?
ELLA The love of maidens is, to him, as interesting as the taxes!
SAPHIR Would that it were! He pays his taxes.
ANGELA And cherishes the receipts!
[Enter LADY JANE, L.U.E.]
SAPHIR Happy receipts! [All sigh heavily]
JANE [L.C., suddenly] Fools! [They start, and turn to her]
ANGELA I beg your pardon?
JANE Fools and blind! The man loves — wildly loves!
ANGELA But whom? None of us!
JANE No, none of us. His weird fancy has lighted, for the nonce, on Patience, the village milkmaid!
SAPHIR On Patience? Oh, it cannot be!
JANE Bah! But yesterday I caught him in her dairy, eating fresh butter with a tablespoon. Today he is not well!
SAPHIR But Patience boasts that she has never loved — that love is, to her, a sealed book! Oh, he cannot be serious!
JANE `Tis but a fleeting fancy — `twill quickly wear away. [aside, coming down-stage] Oh, Reginald, if you but knew what a wealth of golden love is waiting for you, stored up in this rugged old bosom of mine, the milkmaid's triumph would be short indeed!
[PATIENCE appears on an eminence, R. She looks down with pity on the despondent Ladies.] No. 2. Still brooding on their mad infatuation! (Recitative) Patience, Saphir, Angela, and Maidens
PATIENCE Still brooding on their mad infatuation! I thank thee, Love, thou comest not to me! Far happier I, free from thy ministration, Than dukes or duchesses who love can be!
SAPHIR [looking up] `Tis Patience — happy girl! Loved by a poet!
PATIENCE Your pardon, ladies. I intrude upon you! [Going]
ANGELA Nay, pretty child, come hither. [PATIENCE descends.] Is it true that you have never loved?
PATIENCE Most true indeed.
SOPRANOS Most marvelous!
ALTOS And most deplorable! I cannot tell what this love may be (Solo) Patience
PATIENCE I cannot tell what this love may be [L.C.] That cometh to all but not to me. It cannot be kind as they'd imply, Or why do these ladies sigh?
It cannot be joy and rapture deep, Or why do these gentle ladies weep? It cannot be blissful as `tis said, Or why are their eyes so wondrous red?
Though ev'rywhere true love I see A-coming to all, but not to me, I cannot tell what this love may be! For I am blithe and I am gay, While they sit sighing night and day.
PATIENCE ALL
For I am blithe and I am gay, Yes, she is blithe and she is gay, Think of the gulf `twixt Yes, she is blithe and them and me, she is gay, Think of the gulf `twixt them, Yes, she is blithe and and me, and she is gay, Fal lal la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, and miserie! Ah, miserie!
[She dances across R. and back to R.C.]
PATIENCE If love is a thorn, they show no wit Who foolishly hug and foster it. If love is a weed, how simple they Who gather it, day by day!
If love is a nettle that makes you smart, Then why do you wear it next your heart? And if it be none of these, say I, Ah, why do you sit and sob and sigh?
Though ev'rywhere true love I see A-coming to all, but not to me, I cannot tell what this love may be! For I am blithe and I am gay, While they sit sighing night and day.
PATIENCE ALL
For I am blithe and I Yes, she is blithe and she is am gay, gay, Think of the gulf `twixt Yes, she is blithe and she is them and me, gay, Think of the gulf `twixt Yes, she is blithe and she is them and me, gay, Fal lal la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, and miserie! Ah, miserie!
ANGELA Ah, Patience, if you have never loved, you have never known true happiness! [All sigh.]
PATIENCE [C.] But the truly happy always seem to have so much on their minds. The truly happy never seem quite well.
JANE [coming L.C.] There is a transcendentality of delirium — an acute accentuation of supremest ecstasy — which the earthy might easily mistake for indigestion. But it is not indigestion — it is aesthetic transfiguration! [to the others.] Enough of babble. Come!
PATIENCE [stopping her as she turns to go up C.] But stay, I have some news for you. The 35th Dragoon Guards have halted in the village, and are even now on their way to this very spot.
ANGELA The 35th Dragoon Guards!
SAPHIR They are fleshly men, of full habit!
ELLA We care nothing for Dragoon Guards!
PATIENCE But, bless me, you were all engaged to them a year ago!
SAPHIR A year ago!
ANGELA My poor child, you don't understand these things. A year ago they were very well in our eyes, but since then our tastes have been etherealized, our perceptions exalted. [to the others] Come, it is time to lift up our voices in morning carol to our Reginald. Let us to his door!
[ANGELA leading, the Ladies go off, two and two, Jane last, over the drawbridge into the castle, singing refrain of "Twenty love-sick maidens", and, as before, accompanying themselves on harps, etc.] No. 2a. Twenty love-sick maidens we (Chorus) Maidens
MAIDENS Twenty love-sick maidens we, Love-sick all against our will. Twenty years hence we shall be Twenty love-sick maidens still! Ah, miserie!
[PATIENCE watches them in surprise, and, with a gesture of complete bafflement, climbs the rock and goes off the way she entered.]
[The officers of the DRAGOON GUARDS enter, R., led by the MAJOR. They form their line across the front of the stage.] No. 3. The soldiers of our Queen (Chorus and Solo) Dragoons and Colonel
DRAGOONS The soldiers of our Queen Are linked in friendly tether; Upon the battle scene They fight the foe together.
There ev'ry mother's son Prepared to fight and fall is; The enemy of one The enemy of all is! The enemy of one The enemy of all is!
[On an order from the MAJOR they fall back.]
[Enter the COLONEL. All salute.]
COLONEL If you want a receipt for that popular mystery, [C.] Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon,
DRAGOONS [saluting] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
COLONEL Take all the remarkable people in history, Rattle them off to a popular tune.
DRAGOONS Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
COLONEL The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the Victory— Genius of Bismarck devising a plan— The humour of Fielding (which sounds contradictory)— Coolness of Paget about to trepan— The science of Jullien, the eminent musico— Wit of Macaulay, who wrote of Queen Anne— The pathos of Paddy, as rendered by Boucicault— Style of the Bishop of Sodor and Man— The dash of a D'Orsay, divested of quackery— Narrative powers of Dickens and Thackeray— Victor Emmanuel — peak-haunting Peveril— Thomas Aquinas, and Doctor Sacheverell— Tupper and Tennyson — Daniel Defoe— Anthony Trollope and Mister Guizot! Ah!
DRAGOONS Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
COLONEL DRAGOONS
Take of these elements all A Heavy Dragoon, that is fusible a Heavy Dragoon, Melt them all down in a A Heavy Dragoon, pipkin or crucible— a Heavy Dragoon, Set them to simmer, A Heavy Dragoon, and take off the scum, a Heavy Dragoon, And a Heavy Dragoon Is the residuum! is the residuum!
COLONEL If you want a receipt for this soldier-like paragon, Get at the wealth of the Czar (if you can)— The family pride of a Spaniard from Aragon— Force of Mephisto pronouncing a ban— A smack of Lord Waterford, reckless and rollicky— Swagger of Roderick, heading his clan— The keen penetration of Paddington Pollaky— Grace of an Odalisque on a divan— The genius strategic of Caesar or Hannibal— Skill of Sir Garnet in thrashing a cannibal— Flavour of Hamlet — the Stranger, a touch of him— Little of Manfred (but not very much of him)— Beadle of Burlington — Richardson's show— Mister Micawber and Madame Tussaud! Ah!
DRAGOONS Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
COLONEL DRAGOONS
Take of these elements all A Heavy Dragoon, that is fusible a Heavy Dragoon, Melt them all down in a A Heavy Dragoon, pipkin or crucible— a Heavy Dragoon, Set them to simmer, A Heavy Dragoon, and take off the scum, a Heavy Dragoon, And a Heavy Dragoon Is the residuum! is the residuum!
COLONEL Well, here we are once more on the scene of our former triumphs. But where's the Duke?
[Enter DUKE, listlessly, and in low spirits.]
DUKE Here I am! [Sighs.]
COLONEL Come, cheer up, don't give way!
DUKE Oh, for that, I'm as cheerful as a poor devil can be expected to be who has the misfortune to be a Duke, with a thousand a day!
MAJOR Humph! Most men would envy you!
DUKE Envy me? Tell me, Major, are you fond of toffee?
MAJOR Very!
COLONEL We are all fond of toffee.
ALL We are!
DUKE Yes, and toffee in moderation is a capital thing. But to live on toffee — toffee for breakfast, toffee for dinner, toffee for tea — to have it supposed that you care for nothing but toffee, and that you would consider yourself insulted if anything but toffee were offered to you — how would you like that?
COLONEL I can quite believe that, under those circumstances, even toffee would become monotonous.
DUKE For "toffee" read flattery, adulation, and abject deference, carried to such a pitch that I began, at last, to think that man was born bent at an angle of forty-five degrees! Great heavens, what is there to adulate in me? Am I particularly intelligent, or remarkably studious, or excruciatingly witty, or unusually accomplished, or exceptionally virtuous?
COLONEL You're about as commonplace a young man as ever I saw.
ALL You are!
DUKE Exactly! That's it exactly! That describes me to a T! Thank you all very much! [Shakes hands with the Colonel] Well, I couldn't stand it any longer, so I joined this second-class cavalry regiment. In the army, thought I, I shall be occasionally snubbed, perhaps even bullied, who knows? The thought was rapture, and here I am.
COLONEL [looking off] Yes, and here are the ladies!
DUKE But who is the gentleman with the long hair?
COLONEL I don't know.
DUKE He seems popular!
COLONEL He does seem popular!