Part 16

KO. Well, a nice mess you've got us into, with your nodding head and the deference due to a man of pedigree! POOH. Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative. PITTI. Corroborative detail indeed! Corroborative fiddlestick! KO. And you're just as bad as he is with your cock— and-a-bull stories about catching his eye and his whistling an air. But that's so like you! You must put in your oar! POOH. But how about your big right arm? PITTI. Yes, and your snickersnee! KO. Well, well, never mind that now. There's only one thing to be done. Nanki-Poo hasn't started yet—he must come to life again at once. (Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum prepared for journey.) Here he comes. Here, Nanki-Poo, I've good news for you—you're reprieved. NANK. Oh, but it's too late. I'm a dead man, and I'm off for my honeymoon. KO. Nonsense! A terrible thing has just happened. It seems you're the son of the Mikado. NANK. Yes, but that happened some time ago. KO. Is this a time for airy persiflage? Your father is here, and with Katisha! NANK. My father! And with Katisha! KO. Yes, he wants you particularly. POOH. So does she. YUM. Oh, but he's married now. KO. But, bless my heart! what has that to do with it? NANK. Katisha claims me in marriage, but I can't marry her because I'm married already—consequently she will insist on my execution, and if I'm executed, my wife will have to be buried alive. YUM. You see our difficulty. KO. Yes. I don't know what's to be done. NANK. There's one chance for you. If you could persuade Katisha to marry you, she would have no further claim on me, and in that case I could come to life without any fear of being put to death. KO. I marry Katisha! YUM. I really think it's the only course. KO. But, my good girl, have you seen her? She's something appalling! PITTI. Ah! that's only her face. She has a left elbow which people come miles to see! POOH. I am told that her right heel is much admired by connoisseurs. KO. My good sir, I decline to pin my heart upon any lady's right heel. NANK. It comes to this: While Katisha is single, I prefer to be a disembodied spirit. When Katisha is married, existence will be as welcome as the flowers in spring.

DUET—NANKI-POO and KO-KO.

(With YUM-YUM, PITTI-SING, and POOH-BAH.)

NANK. The flowers that bloom in the spring, Tra la, Breathe promise of merry sunshine— As we merrily dance and we sing, Tra la, We welcome the hope that they bring, Tra la, Of a summer of roses and wine. And that's what we mean when we say that a thing Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring. Tra la la la la la, etc.

ALL. Tra la la la, etc.

KO. The flowers that bloom in the spring, Tra la, Have nothing to do with the case. I've got to take under my wing, Tra la, A most unattractive old thing, Tra la, With a caricature of a face And that's what I mean when I say, or I sing, "Oh, bother the flowers that bloom in the spring." Tra la la la la la, etc.

ALL. Tra la la la, Tra la la la, etc.

[Dance and exeunt Nanki-Poo, Yum-Yum, Pooh-Bah, Pitti-Sing, and Ko-Ko.

Enter Katisha.

RECITATIVE and SONG.—KATISHA.

Alone, and yet alive! Oh, sepulchre! My soul is still my body's prisoner! Remote the peace that Death alone can give— My doom, to wait! my punishment, to live!

SONG.

Hearts do not break! They sting and ache For old love's sake, But do not die, Though with each breath They long for death As witnesseth The living I! Oh, living I! Come, tell me why, When hope is gone, Dost thou stay on? Why linger here, Where all is drear? Oh, living I! Come, tell me why, When hope is gone, Dost thou stay on? May not a cheated maiden die?

KO. (entering and approaching her timidly). Katisha! KAT. The miscreant who robbed me of my love! But vengeance pursues—they are heating the cauldron! KO. Katisha—behold a suppliant at your feet! Katisha—mercy! KAT. Mercy? Had you mercy on him? See here, you! You have slain my love. He did not love me, but he would have loved me in time. I am an acquired taste—only the educated palate can appreciate me. I was educating his palate when he left me. Well, he is dead, and where shall I find another? It takes years to train a man to love me. Am I to go through the weary round again, and, at the same time, implore mercy for you who robbed me of my prey—I mean my pupil—just as his education was on the point of completion? Oh, where shall I find another? KO. (suddenly, and with great vehemence). Here!—Here! KAT. What!!! KO. (with intense passion). Katisha, for years I have loved you with a white-hot passion that is slowly but surely consuming my very vitals! Ah, shrink not from me! If there is aught of woman's mercy in your heart, turn not away from a love-sick suppliant whose every fibre thrills at your tiniest touch! True it is that, under a poor mask of disgust, I have endeavoured to conceal a passion whose inner fires are broiling the soul within me! But the fire will not be smothered—it defies all attempts at extinction, and, breaking forth, all the more eagerly for its long restraint, it declares itself in words that will not be weighed—that cannot be schooled—that should not be too severely criticised. Katisha, I dare not hope for your love—but I will not live without it! Darling! KAT. You, whose hands still reek with the blood of my betrothed, dare to address words of passion to the woman you have so foully wronged! KO. I do—accept my love, or I perish on the spot! KAT. Go to! Who knows so well as I that no one ever yet died of a broken heart! KO. You know not what you say. Listen!

SONG—KO-KO.

On a tree by a river a little tom-tit Sang "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!" And I said to him, "Dicky-bird, why do you sit Singing Willow, titwillow, titwillow'?" "Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?" I cried, "Or a rather tough worm in your little inside?" With a shake of his poor little head, he replied, "Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

He slapped at his chest, as he sat on that bough, Singing "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!" And a cold perspiration bespangled his brow, Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow! He sobbed and he sighed, and a gurgle he gave, Then he plunged himself into the billowy wave, And an echo arose from the suicide's grave— "Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name Isn't Willow, titwillow, titwillow, That 'twas blighted affection that made him exclaim "Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!" And if you remain callous and obdurate, I Shall perish as he did, and you will know why, Though I probably shall not exclaim as I die, "Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

(During this song Katisha has been greatly affected, and at the end is almost in tears.)

KAT. (whimpering). Did he really die of love? KO. He really did. KAT. All on account of a cruel little hen? KO. Yes. KAT. Poor little chap! KO. It's an affecting tale, and quite true. I knew the bird intimately. KAT. Did you? He must have been very fond of her. KO. His devotion was something extraordinary. KAT. (still whimpering). Poor little chap! And—and if I refuse you, will you go and do the same? KO. At once. KAT. No, no—you mustn't! Anything but that! (Falls on his breast.) Oh, I'm a silly little goose! KO. (making a wry face). You are! KAT. And you won't hate me because I'm just a little teeny weeny wee bit bloodthirsty, will you? KO. Hate you? Oh, Katisha! is there not beauty even in bloodthirstiness? KAT. My idea exactly.

DUET—KATISHA and KO-KO.

KAT. There is beauty in the bellow of the blast, There is grandeur in the growling of the gale, There is eloquent outpouring When the lion is a-roaring, And the tiger is a-lashing of his tail! KO. Yes, I like to see a tiger From the Congo or the Niger, And especially when lashing of his tail! KAT. Volcanoes have a splendor that is grim, And earthquakes only terrify the dolts, But to him who's scientific There's nothing that's terrific In the falling of a flight of thunderbolts! KO. Yes, in spite of all my meekness, If I have a little weakness, It's a passion for a flight of thunderbolts!

BOTH. If that is so, Sing derry down derry! It's evident, very, Our tastes are one. Away we'll go, And merrily marry, Nor tardily tarry Till day is done!

KO. There is beauty in extreme old age— Do you fancy you are elderly enough? Information I'm requesting On a subject interesting: Is a maiden all the better when she's tough? KAT. Throughout this wide dominion It's the general opinion That she'll last a good deal longer when she's tough.

KO. Are you old enough to marry, do you think? Won't you wait till you are eighty in the shade? There's a fascination frantic In a ruin that's romantic; Do you think you are sufficiently decayed? KAT. To the matter that you mention I have given some attention, And I think I am sufficiently decayed.

BOTH. If that is so, Sing derry down derry! It's evident, very, Our tastes are one! Away we'll go, And merrily marry, Nor tardily tarry Till day is done! [Exeunt together.

Flourish. Enter the Mikado, attended by Pish-Tush and Court.

MIK. Now then, we've had a capital lunch, and we're quite ready. Have all the painful preparations been made? PISH. Your Majesty, all is prepared. MIK. Then produce the unfortunate gentleman and his two well-meaning but misguided accomplices.

Enter Ko-Ko, Katisha, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing. They throw themselves at the Mikado's feet

KAT. Mercy! Mercy for Ko-Ko! Mercy for Pitti-Sing! Mercy even for Pooh-Bah! MIK. I beg your pardon, I don't think I quite caught that remark. POOH. Mercy even for Pooh-Bah. KAT. Mercy! My husband that was to have been is dead, and I have just married this miserable object. MIK. Oh! You've not been long about it! KO. We were married before the Registrar. POOH. I am the Registrar. MIK. I see. But my difficulty is that, as you have slain the Heir Apparent——

Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum. They kneel.

NANK. The Heir Apparent is not slain. MIK. Bless my heart, my son! YUM. And your daughter-in-law elected! KAT. (seizing Ko-Ko). Traitor, you have deceived me! MIK. Yes, you are entitled to a little explanation, but I think he will give it better whole than in pieces. KO. Your Majesty, it's like this: It is true that I stated that I had killed Nanki-Poo—— MIK. Yes, with most affecting particulars. POOH. Merely corroborative detail intended to give artistic verisimilitude to a bald and—— KO. Will you refrain from putting in your oar? (To Mikado.) It's like this: When your Majesty says, "Let a thing be done," it's as good as done—practically, it is done—because your Majesty's will is law. Your Majesty says, "Kill a gentleman," and a gentleman is told off to be killed. Consequently, that gentleman is as good as dead—practically, he is dead—and if he is dead, why not say so? MIK. I see. Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory!

FINALE.

PITTI. For he's gone and married Yum-Yum— ALL. Yum-Yum! PITTI. Your anger pray bury, For all will be merry, I think you had better succumb— ALL. Cumb—cumb. PITTI. And join our expressions of glee! KO. On this subject I pray you be dumb— ALL. Dumb—dumb! KO. Your notions, though many, Are not worth a penny, The word for your guidance is "Mum"— ALL. Mum—Mum! KO. You've a very good bargain in me. ALL. On this subject we pray you be dumb— Dumb—dumb! We think you had better succumb— Cumb—cumb! You'll find there are many Who'll wed for a penny, There are lots of good fish in the sea. YUM. and NANK. The threatened cloud has passed away, And brightly shines the dawning day; What though the night may come too soon, We've years and years of afternoon! ALL. Then let the throng Our joy advance, With laughing song And merry dance, With joyous shout and ringing cheer, Inaugurate our new career! Then let the throng, etc. CURTAIN.

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE OR

THE SLAVE OF DUTY DRAMATIS PERSONAE

MAJOR-GENERAL STANLEY

THE PIRATE KING

SAMUEL (his Lieutenant)

SERGEANT OF POLICE

MABEL, EDITH, KATE, and ISABEL (General Stanley's Daughters)

RUTH (a Pirate Maid of all Work)

Chorus of Pirates, Police, and General Stanley's Daughters

## ACT I

A rocky sea-shore on the coast of Cornwall

## ACT II

A ruined chapel by moonlight First produced at the Opera Comique on April 3, 1880

## ACT I

(Scene.-A rocky seashore on the coast of Cornwall. In the distance is a calm sea, on which a schooner is lying at anchor. Rock L. sloping down to L.C. of stage. Under these rocks is a cavern, the entrance to which is seen at first entrance L. A natural arch of rock occupies the R.C. of the stage. As the curtain rises groups of pirates are discovered — some drinking, some playing cards. SAMUEL, the Pirate Lieutenant, is going from one group to another, filling the cups from a flask. FREDERIC is seated in a despondent attitude at the back of the scene. RUTH kneels at his feet.)

OPENING CHORUS

ALL: Pour, O pour the pirate sherry; Fill, O fill the pirate glass; And, to make us more than merry Let the pirate bumper pass.

SAMUEL: For today our pirate 'prentice Rises from indentures freed; Strong his arm, and keen his scent is He's a pirate now indeed!

ALL: Here's good luck to Fred'ric's ventures! Fred'ric's out of his indentures.

SAMUEL: Two and twenty, now he's rising, And alone he's fit to fly, Which we're bent on signalizing With unusual revelry.

ALL: Here's good luck to Fred'ric's ventures! Fred'ric's out of his indentures. Pour, O pour the pirate sherry; Fill, O fill the pirate glass; And, to make us more than merry Let the pirate bumper pass.

(FREDERIC rises and comes forward with PIRATE KING, who enters)

KING: Yes, Frederic, from to-day you rank as a full-blown member of our band. ALL: Hurrah! FREDERIC: My friends, I thank you all, from my heart, for your kindly wishes. Would that I could repay them as they deserve! KING: What do you mean? FREDERIC: To-day I am out of my indentures, and to-day I leave you for ever. KING: But this is quite unaccountable; a keener hand at scuttling a Cunarder or cutting out a White Star never shipped a handspike. FREDERIC: Yes, I have done my best for you. And why? It was my duty under my indentures, and I am the slave of duty. As a child I was regularly apprenticed to your band. It was through an error — no matter, the mistake was ours, not yours, and I was in honour bound by it. SAMUEL: An error? What error? (RUTH rises and comes forward) FREDERIC: I may not tell you; it would reflect upon my well-loved Ruth. RUTH: Nay, dear master, my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery. Better have it out at once.

SONG — RUTH

RUTH: When Frederic was a little lad he proved so brave and daring, His father thought he'd 'prentice him to some career seafaring. I was, alas! his nurs'rymaid, and so it fell to my lot To take and bind the promising boy apprentice to a pilot — A life not bad for a hardy lad, though surely not a high lot, Though I'm a nurse, you might do worse than make your boy a pilot. I was a stupid nurs'rymaid, on breakers always steering, And I did not catch the word aright, through being hard of hearing; Mistaking my instructions, which within my brain did gyrate, I took and bound this promising boy apprentice to a pirate. A sad mistake it was to make and doom him to a vile lot. I bound him to a pirate — you! — instead of to a pilot. I soon found out, beyond all doubt, the scope of this disaster, But I hadn't the face to return to my place, and break it to my master. A nurs'rymaid is not afraid of what you people call work, So I made up my mind to go as a kind of piratical maid- of-all-work. And that is how you find me now, a member of your shy lot, Which you wouldn't have found, had he been bound apprentice to a pilot. RUTH: Oh, pardon! Frederic, pardon! (Kneels) FREDERIC: Rise, sweet one, I have long pardoned you. (Ruth rises) RUTH: The two words were so much alike! FREDERIC: They were. They still are, though years have rolled over their heads. But this afternoon my obligation ceases. Individually, I love you all with affection unspeakable; but, collectively, I look upon you with a disgust that amounts to absolute detestation. Oh! pity me, my beloved friends, for such is my sense of duty that, once out of my indentures, I shall feel myself bound to devote myself heart and soul to your extermination! ALL: Poor lad — poor lad! (All weep) KING: Well, Frederic, if you conscientiously feel that it is your duty to destroy us, we cannot blame you for acting on that conviction. Always act in accordance with the dictates of your conscience, my boy, and chance the consequences. SAMUEL: Besides, we can offer you but little temptation to remain with us. We don't seem to make piracy pay. I'm sure I don't know why, but we don't. FREDERIC: I know why, but, alas! I mustn't tell you; it wouldn't be right. KING: Why not, my boy? It's only half-past eleven, and you are one of us until the clock strikes twelve. SAMUEL: True, and until then you are bound to protect our interests. ALL: Hear, hear! FREDERIC: Well, then, it is my duty, as a pirate, to tell you that you are too tender-hearted. For instance, you make a point of never attacking a weaker party than yourselves, and when you attack a stronger party you invariably get thrashed. KING: There is some truth in that. FREDERIC: Then, again, you make a point of never molesting an orphan! SAMUEL: Of course: we are orphans ourselves, and know what it is. FREDERIC: Yes, but it has got about, and what is the consequence? Every one we capture says he's an orphan. The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans, and so we had to let them go. One would think that Great Britain's mercantile navy was recruited solely from her orphan asylums — which we know is not the case. SAMUEL: But, hang it all! you wouldn't have us absolutely merciless? FREDERIC: There's my difficulty; until twelve o'clock I would, after twelve I wouldn't. Was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation? RUTH: And Ruth, your own Ruth, whom you love so well, and who has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart, what is to become of her? KING: Oh, he will take you with him. FREDERIC: Well, Ruth, I feel some difficulty about you. It is true that I admire you very much, but I have been constantly at sea since I was eight years old, and yours is the only woman's face I have seen during that time. I think it is a sweet face. RUTH: It is — oh, it is! FREDERIC: I say I think it is; that is my impression. But as I have never had an opportunity of comparing you with other women, it is just possible I may be mistaken. KING: True. FREDERIC: What a terrible thing it would be if I were to marry this innocent person, and then find out that she is, on the whole, plain! KING: Oh, Ruth is very well, very well indeed. SAMUEL: Yes, there are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth. FREDERIC: Do you really think so? SAMUEL: I do. FREDERIC: Then I will not be so selfish as to take her from you. In justice to her, and in consideration for you, I will leave her behind. (Hands RUTH to KING) KING: No, Frederic, this must not be. We are rough men, who lead a rough life, but we are not so utterly heartless as to deprive thee of thy love. I think I am right in saying that there is not one here who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear. ALL: (loudly) Not one! KING: No, I thought there wasn't. Keep thy love, Frederic, keep thy love. (Hands her back to FREDERIC) FREDERIC: You're very good, I'm sure. (Exit RUTH) KING: Well, it's the top of the tide, and we must be off. Farewell, Frederic. When your process of extermination begins, let our deaths be as swift and painless as you can conveniently make them. FREDERIC: I will! By the love I have for you, I swear it! Would that you could render this extermination unnecessary by accompanying me back to civilization! KING: No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don't think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest. No, Frederic, I shall live and die a Pirate King.

SONG — PIRATE KING

KING: Oh, better far to live and die Under the brave black flag I fly, Than play a sanctimonious part With a pirate head and a pirate heart. Away to the cheating world go you, Where pirates all are well-to-do; But I'll be true to the song I sing, And live and die a Pirate King. For I am a Pirate King! And it is, it is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King! For I am a Pirate King! ALL: You are! Hurrah for the Pirate King! KING: And it is, it is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King. ALL: It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King! Hurrah for the Pirate King! KING: When I sally forth to seek my prey I help myself in a royal way. I sink a few more ships, it's true, Than a well-bred monarch ought to do; But many a king on a first-class throne, If he wants to call his crown his own, Must manage somehow to get through More dirty work than e'er I do, For I am a Pirate King! And it is, it is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King! For I am a Pirate King! ALL: You are! Hurrah for the Pirate King! KING: And it is, it is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King. ALL: It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King! Hurrah for the Pirate King!

(Exeunt all except FREDERIC. Enter RUTH.)