Part 11
Yes, and even you yourself, too, if you had only inquired from others about me, I know you would trust me with what you’ve got there, good Lord, yes!
_Merc._ _Trader_
Haud negassim.
(_icily_) I should be sorry to deny it._ (_motions Leonida to lead the way to Demaenetus_) [EXEUNT THE THREE TO THE FORUM, _Leonida_ IREFUL.
## ACTVS III
## ACT III
(_Half an hour has elapsed._)
ENTER _Cleareta_ AND _Philaenium_ FROM THEIR HOUSE.
_Cle._
Nequeon ego ted interdictis facere mansuetem meis? an ita tu es animata, ut qui matris expers imperio sies?
Have I no power to make you submit when I prohibit a thing? Can it be that you feel inclined to rid yourself of your mother’s authority?
_Phil._
Ubi piem Pietatem, si istoc more moratam tibi postulem placere, mater, mihi quo pacto praecipis?[14] (507)
How should I be showing myself duteous to Filial Duty, mother, if I tried to please you by practising such practices and doing as you prescribe?
_Cle._
Hocine est pietatem colere. matris imperium minuere? (509)
Is this regarding filial duty, to lessen a mother’s authority?
_Phil._
Neque quae recte faciunt culpo neque quae delinquont amo. 510
I don’t find fault with mothers that do right, and I don’t like ones that do wrong.
_Cle._
Satis dicacula es amatrix.
A glib enough little hussy!
_Phil._
Mater, is quaestus mihi est: lingua poscit, corpus quaerit; animus orat, res monet.
(_lightly_) All in my profession, mother: tongue asks, body teases; fancy prompts, circumstances suggest.
_Cle._
Ego te volui castigare, tu mi accusatrix ades.
I intended to scold you, and here you are turning on me!
_Phil._
Neque edepol te accuso neque id me facere fas existimo. verum ego meas queror fortunas, cum illo quem amo prohibeor.
Oh, no! I’m not turning on you: I don’t think that would be right. But I do think it’s a cruel fate to be kept away from the man I love.
_Cle._
Ecqua pars orationis de die dabitur mihi?
Am I to get some share of the speechmaking before nightfall?
_Phil._
Et meam partem loquendi et tuam trado tibi; ad loquendum atque ad tacendum tute habeas portisculum. quin pol si reposivi remum, sola ego in casteria ubi quiesco, omnis familiae causa consistit tibi. 520
I give you my share and your own, too: you can be boatswain yourself and give the signal for talking and keeping still. But goodness me, if I once lay down the oar, I, and stay by myself resting in the rowers’ room, the progress of this whole household stops short, you see.
_Cle._
Quid ais tu, quam ego unam vidi mulierem audacissimam? quotiens te votui Argyrippum filium Demaeneti compellare aut contrectare, conloquive aut contui? quid dedit? quid ad nos iussit deportari? an tu tibi verba blanda esse aurum rere, dicta docta pro datis? ultro amas, ultro expetessis, ultro ad te accersi iubes illos qui dant, eos derides; qui deludunt, deperis.
Look here! Of all the impudent young misses I have ever seen! How many times have I forbidden you to have communication or contact or chitchat with Demaenetus’s son, Argyrippus, or to cast your eyes on him? What has he given us? What has he had sent us? Do you think pretty speeches are gold pieces, witty words presents? You make love to him yourself, run after him yourself, have him called yourself. Men that give you things you treat with contempt; those that trifle with you you dote on.
an te id exspectare oportet, si quis promittat tibi te facturum divitem, si moriatur mater sua? ecastor[15] nobis periclum magnum et familiae portenditur, 530 dum eius exspectamus mortem, ne nos moriamur fame. nunc adeo nisi mi huc argenti adfert viginti minas, ne ille ecastor hunc trudetur largus lacrumarum foras. hic dies summust quo est[16] apud me inopiae excusatio.
Have you any business waiting for it to happen, if a man does promise to make you rich, if his mother dies? Mercy me, while we wait for her to die, up looms a big risk of ourselves and our household dying of starvation! Now let me tell you this: unless he brings me eighty pounds, I swear to goodness that fellow shall be bundled out of the house, liberal as he is--of tears! This is the last day I accept pleas of poverty.
_Phil._
Patiar, si cibo carere me iubes, mater mea.
Tell me to do without food, mother dear, and I’ll endure that.
_Cle._
Non voto ted amare qui dant quoia amentur gratia.
I have nothing to say against your loving men who give you something to be loved for.
_Phil._
Quid si hic animus occupatust, mater, quid faciam? mone.
What if my heart isn’t free, mother? What then? Advise me.
_Cle._
Em, meum caput contemples si quidem ex re consultas tua.
Look! Consider these grey hairs of mine, if you really have any regard for your own good.
_Phil._
Etiam opilio qui pascit, mater, alienas ovis, 539,540 aliquam habet peculiarem, qui spem soletur suam. sine me amare unum Argyrippum animi causa, quem volo.
Even the shepherd that pastures other peoples’ sheep has some ewe lamb of his very own, mother, one that he builds happy hopes on. Do let me love Argyrippus alone, the man I want, just for love’s sake.
_Cle._
Intro abi, nam te quidem edepol nihil est impudentius.
Inside with you! Why, mercy on us, a more shameless minx than you really can’t exist.
_Phil._
Audientem dicto, mater, produxisti filiam.
(_tearfully_) You’ve trained ... your ... daughter ... to ... be obedient ... mother. [EXIT _Philaenium_ INTO HOUSE, FOLLOWED BY _Cleareta._
III. 2.
## Scene 2.
ENTER FROM FORUM _Libanus_ AND _Leonida_, LATTER CARRYING A WALLET.
_Lib._
Perfidiae laudes gratiasque habemus merito magnas, quom nostris sycophantiis, dolis astutiisque,[17] (546) advorsum stetimus lamminas,[18] crucesque compedesque, (548) nervos, catenas, carceres, numellas, pedicas, boias 549,550 inductoresque[19] acerrumos gnarosque nostri tergi.[20] (551)
(_chanting ecstatically_) All praise and thanks be to holy Perfidy as she deserves, since by our swindles, shams, and wiles we have defied hot irons and crosses and gyves, and thongs, chains, cells, shackles, fetters, collars, and painters--painters keen as can be and intimate with our backs!
eae nunc legiones, copiae exercitusque eorum (554) vi pugnando periuriis nostris fugae potiti. id virtute huius collegae[21] meaque comitate factumst. qui me vir fortior ad sufferundas plagas?
All these regiments, battalions, and armies of theirs have been put to flight, after fierce fighting, by our fabrications. ’Tis the valour of my colleague hath done it, with my own kind assistance. Who’s a stouter-hearted hero than I am at taking thwacks?
_Leon._
Edepol virtutes qui tuas non possis conclaudare sic ut ego possim, quae domi duellique male fecisti. ne illa edepol pro merito tuo memorari multa possunt: 560
(_sneeringly_) Good Lord! Your deeds of valour--you couldn’t celebrate them the way I could your villainies at home and in the field. Gad! you certainly can be acredited with a lengthy list of things along that line.
ubi fidentem fraudaveris, ubi ero infidelis fueris, ubi verbis conceptis sciens libenter periuraris, ubi parietes perfoderis, in furto ubi sis prehensus, ubi saepe causam dixeris pendens adversus octo artutos, audacis viros, valentis virgatores.
Item, cheated a confiding friend; item, faithless to master; item, committed perjury consciously, cheerfully, in set form of words; item, dug your way into houses through the walls; item, caught at thieving; item, strung up repeatedly and plead your case before eight bold, brawny beef-eaters with a gift for club swinging.
_Lib._
Fateor profecto ut praedicas, Leonida, esse vera; verum edepol ne etiam tua quoque malefacta iterari multa et vero possunt; ubi sciens fideli infidus fueris, ubi prensus in furto sies manifesto et verberatus,[22] 569 ubi eris damno, molestiae et dedecori saepe fueris, (571)
I am quite ready to admit that is a just statement of the case, Leonida; but, Lord! the list of even your own villainies, too, can certainly be made lengthy enough, without injustice. Item, consciously treacherous to a trusting friend; item, caught stealing redhanded and whipped; item, repeatedly brought loss, trouble, and disgrace on your masters;
ubi creditum quod sit tibi datum esse pernegaris,[23] (572) ubi saepe ad languorem tua duritia dederis octo (574) validos lictores, ulmeis adfectos lentis virgis. num male relata est gratia, ut collegam collaudavi?
item, had money left in your keeping and swore and swore it wasn’t; item, repeatedly exhausted by your toughness eight strong lictors equipped with pliant elm rods. (_pause_) Have I celebrated my colleague highly enough to pay him back--eh, what?
_Leon._
Ut meque teque maxime atque ingenio nostro decuit.
(_thoughtfully_) Yes, pretty much what you and I and our characters deserved.
_Lib._
Iam omitte ista atque hoc quod rogo responde.
Drop your nonsense now and answer me this question.
_Leon._
Rogita quod vis.
Ask your question.
_Lib._
Argenti viginti minas habesne?
(_triumphantly_) The eighty pounds, have you got it?
_Leon._
Hariolare. edepol senem Demaenetum lepidum fuisse nobis: 580 ut adsimulabat Sauream med esse quam facete! nimis aegre risum contini, ubi hospitem inclamavit, quod se absente mihi fidem habere noluisset. ut memoriter me Sauream vocabat atriensem.
You’re a prophet! By gad, old Demaenetus did do the handsome thing by us. The way he pretended I was Saurea--clever, my word! I did have a deuce of a time holding in when he hauled our guest over the coils for not being willing to trust me in his absence. The way he remembered to keep calling me steward Saurea!
_Lib._
Mane dum.
(_looking toward Cleareta’s house_) Wait, though!
_Leon._
Quid est?
What’s up?
_Lib._
Philaenium estne haec quae intus exit atque Argyrippus una?
Isn’t this Philaenium coming out here, yes, and Argyrippus along with her?
_Leon._
Opprime os, is est. subauscultemus.
(_in low tone_) Shut your mouth--so it is. Let’s do some eaves-dropping (_they retire_)
_Lib._
Lacrumantem lacinia tenet lacrumans. quidnam esse dicam? taciti auscultemus.
Both crying and she holding on to the lappet of his cloak! What on earth is the matter! Let’s keep still and listen.
_Leon._
Attatae, modo hercle in mentem venit, nimis vellem habere perticam.
Oh-h! Jove! It has just occurred to me; how I do wish I had a pole!
_Lib._
Quoi rei?
What for?
_Leon._
Qui verberarem asinos, si forte occeperint clamare hinc ex crumina 590
To whop those asses, if they happen to start braying in the wallet here.
III. 3.
## Scene 3.
ENTER _Argyrippus_ AND _Philaenium_ FROM THE DOORWAY OF _Cleareta’s_ HOUSE WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN STANDING
_Argyr._
Cur me retentas?
(_sadly_) Why hold me back?
_Phil._
Quia tui amans abeuntis egeo.
(_tearfully_) Because it’s dreadful having you leave me when I love you so.
_Argyr._
Vale.
(_trying half heartedly to release himself_) Farewell!
_Phil._
Aliquanto amplius valerem, si his maneres.
(_still clinging to him_) I should fare much better if you’d stay with me.
_Argyr._
Salve.
And God bless you!
_Phil._
Salvere me iubes, quoi tu abiens offers morbum?
You ask God to bless me when you curse me yourself by going?
_Argyr._
Mater supremam mihi tua dixit, domum ire iussit.
Your mother said this was to be my last hour; she has ordered me home.
_Phil._
Acerbum funus filiae faciet, si te carendum est.
She’ll make her daughter die in misery, if I must be deprived of you.
_Lib._
Homo hercle hinc exclusust foras.
(_aside to Leonida_) By gad! He’s been shut out of the house here.
_Leon._
Ita res est.
So he has.
_Argyr._
Mitte quaeso.
(_dismally_) Come, come, let go! (_pulls away from her and turns to go_)
_Phil._
Quo nunc abis? quin tu hic manes?
Where are you off to now? Why don’t you stay here?
_Argyr._
Nox, si voles, manebo.
I will at night, if you want.
_Lib._
Audin hunc opera ut largus est nocturna? nunc enim esse negotiosum interdius videlicet Solonem, leges ut conscribat, quibus se populus teneat. gerrae! 600 qui sese parere apparent huius legibus, profecto numquam bonae frugi sient, dies noctesque potent.
Hear the chap--how free he is with his attentions by night? For now in the daytime he’s a hard-working Solon, drawing up laws to bind the people--oh, yes he is! Rot! Folks that set themselves to obey his laws won’t ever be good for anything, that’s sure,--except drinking day and night.
_Leon._
Ne iste hercle ab ista non pedem discedat, si licessit, qui nunc festinat atque ab hac minatur sese abire.
Good Lord! The fellow wouldn’t move a step from her, if he had his way, not he, for all this rush of his and threats to leave her
_Lib._
Sermoni iam finem face tuo. huius sermonem accipiam.
Come, make an end of your talk. I want to take in some of his.
_Argyr._
Vale.
(_tragically_) Farewell! (_starts away_)
_Phil._
Quo properas?
Where are you hurrying to?
_Argyr._
Bene vale, apud Orcum te videbo nam equidem me iam quantum potest a vita abiudicabo.
Farewell! Be happy. I shall see you in the world to come! For upon my soul, this world and I shall now be divorced as soon as possible!
_Phil._
Cui tu, obsecro, immerito meo me morti dedere optas?
(_running up and clinging to him_) Oh, for heaven’s sake, why, why do you wish to condemn me to death yourself, innocent as I am?
_Argyr._
Ego te? quam si intellegam deficere vita, iam ipse vitam meam tibi largiar et de mea ad tuam addam. 610
I you? If I saw your life was ebbing, I’d freely give you my own at once and add my years to yours.
_Phil._
Cui ergo minitans mihi, te vitam esse amissurum? nam quid me facturam putas, si istuc quod dicis faxis? mihi certum est facere in me omnia eadem quae tu in te faxis.
Then why do you threaten me with throwing away your life? For what do you think I will do, if you do what you say? My mind’s made up: I’ll do to myself just precisely what you do to yourself.
_Argyr._
Oh melle dulci dulcior tu es.
Oh, you’re sweeter than sweet honey!
_Phil._
Certe enim tu vita es mi. complectere.
And you’re my very life, I know that. Do put your arms around me!
_Argyr._
Facio lubens.
(_doing so_) Yes, yes, gladly!
_Phil._
Utinam sic efferamur.
Oh, if we could only be carried to the grave like this!
_Leon._
O Libane, uti miser est homo qui amat.
I say, Libanus, what a poor devil a chap in love is!
_Lib._
Immo hercle vero, qui pendet multo est miserior.
By Jove, no! A chap hung up by his heels is a much poorer devil, believe me.
_Leon._
Scio qui periclum feci. circum sistamus, alter hinc, hinc alter appellemus. ere, salve. sed num fumus est haec mulier quam amplexare?
I know that: I’ve tried it. (_a pause_) Let’s surround him, and give him a salute, one from here (_pointing_) and the other from here. (_they station themselves: then, giving the signal to Libanus to chime in, loudly to Argyrippus_) Good day, sir! (_the lovers give a start_) But--this lady you’re hugging isn’t smoke, is she?
_Argyr._
Quidum?
Smoke? Why so?
_Leon._
Quia oculi sunt tibi lacrumantes, eo rogavi. 620
Well, your eyes are watering; that’s why I asked.
_Argyr._
Patronus qui vobis fuit futurus, perdidistis.
(_tragically_) You have lost a man who would have freed you and been your patron, my lads.
_Leon._
Equidem hercle nullum perdidi, ideo quia numquam ullum habui.
Lord! I haven’t lost any such, no, indeed, seeing I never had any such.
_Lib._
Philaenium, salve.
Good day to you, Philaenium.
_Phil._
Dabunt di quae velitis vobis.
God grant all your wishes, to both of you.
_Lib._
Noctem tuam et vini cadum velim, si optata fiant.
I’d wish an evening with you and a cask of wine, if wishing was having.
_Argyr._
Verbum cave faxis, verbero.
Hold your tongue, you rascal!
_Lib._
Tibi equidem, non mihi opto.
Oh, wish ’em for you, I mean, sir, not for myself.
_Argyr._
Tum tu igitur loquere quod lubet.
Then in that case, say what you like.
_Lib._
Hunc hercle verberare.
Like? I’d like to give this chap (_pointing to Leonida_) a thrashing, by gad!
_Leon._
Quisnam istuc adcredat tibi, cinaede calamistrate? tun verberes, qui pro cibo habeas te verberari?
(_ironically_) Well, well, who’d believe it of you, you frizzle-headed girl-hunter? You thrash me, you, you that live on thrashings?
_Argyr._
Ut vostrae fortunae meis praecedunt, Libane, longe, qui hodie numquam ad vesperum vivam.
(_tragical again_) Ah, Libanus, how far preferable your lot is to mine--I who will never never live till evening!
_Lib._
Quapropter, quaeso? 630
How’s that, for mercy’s sake?
_Argyr._
Quia ego hanc amo et haec me amat, huic quod dem nusquam quicquam est, hinc med amantem ex aedibus eiecit huius mater. argenti viginti minae me ad mortem appulerunt, quas hodie adulescens Diabolus ipsi daturus dixit, ut hanc ne quoquam mitteret nisi ad se hunc annum totum. videtin viginti minae quid pollent quidve possunt? ille qui illas perdit salvos est, ego qui non perdo pereo.
Because I love her (_indicating Philaenium_) and she loves me, and (_bitterly_) never a penny can I find anywhere to give her; and her mother has thrown me out of the house here, me, her daughter’s lover. I’m driven to my death by eighty pounds, eighty pounds young Diabolus promised to pay her to-day for letting no one else but him have my girl the whole of this next year. Do you see the power, the possibilities in eighty pounds? The man that loses them is saved. I don’t lose them and I’m lost myself.
_Lib._
Iam dedit argentum?
Has he paid ’em over already?
_Argyr._
Non dedit.
No.
_Lib._
Bono animo es, ne formida.
Cheer up; never you fear.
_Leon._
Secede huc, Libane, te volo.
Libanus! Come over here: I want you.
_Lib._
Si quid vis.
(_obeying_) Anything to please. (_they withdraw and talk, heads close together_)
_Argyr._
Obsecro vos eadem istac opera suaviust complexos fabulari. 640
(_calling_) For heaven’s sake, you two! You’d find it pleasanter to hug each other, while you do your chatting!
_Lib._
Non omnia eadem aeque omnibus, ere, suavia esse scito: vobis est suave amantibus complexos fabulari, ego complexum huius nil moror, meum autem hic aspernatur. proinde istud facias ipse quod faciamus nobis suades.
Tastes differ about what’s pleasant, sir, let me tell you that. A fond pair like you find it pleasant to hug each other while you do your chatting; but, personally, I don’t care for this fellow’s hugs, and as for mine, he scorns ’em. So you go on and practise yourself what you preach to us.
_Argyr._
Ego vero, et quidem edepol lubens. interea, si videtur, concedite istuc.
Indeed I will, by Jove, yes, and gladly. Meanwhile you two go on and step aside there, if you see fit. (_embraces Philaenium_)
_Leon._
Vin erum deludi?
D’ye want to have some fun with master?
_Lib._
Dignust sane.
That I do, serves him right.
_Leon._
Vin faciam ut te Philaenium praesente hoc amplexetur?
D’ye want me to make Philaenium give you a squeeze right before his face?
_Lib._
Cupio hercle.
(_enthusiastically_) Gad, I long for one!
_Leon._
Sequere hac.
Come along. (_leads the way back to Argyrippus and _Philaenium_)
_Argyr._
Ecquid est salutis? satis locuti.
Any good news? You have talked enough.
_Leon._
Auscultate atque operam date et mea dicta devorate. primum omnium servos tuos nos esse non negamus, 650 sed tibi si viginti minae argenti proferentur, quo nos vocabis nomine?
(_importantly_) Listen here, you two; pay attention and devour my remarks, (_to Argyrippus_) First of all, we are your slaves, we don’t deny that; but if eighty pounds is produced for you, what will you call us?
_Argyr._
Libertos.
(_eagerly_) Freedmen!
_Leon._
Non patronos?
Not patrons, eh?
_Argyr._
Id potius.
Yes, yes, patrons!
_Leon._
Viginti minae hic insunt in crumina, has ego, si vis, tibi dabo.
There’s eighty pounds in this wallet here: I’ll give it to you if you like.
_Argyr._
Di te servassint semper, custos erilis, decus popli, thensaurus copiarum, salus interioris[24] corporis amorisque imperator. hic pone, hic istam colloca cruminam in collo plane.
Heaven prosper you for evermore, you guardian of your master, you glory of the populace, you storehouse of supplies, saviour of the inner man, and generalissimo of love! Put it here, hang that wallet here around my neck in plain sight.
_Leon._
Nolo ego te, qui erus sis, mihi onus istuc sustinere.
Let my master bear such a load? No sir, not I.
_Argyr._
Quin tu labore liberas te atque istam imponis in me?
Why not take things easy yourself and let me stand the strain?
_Leon._
Ego baiulabo, tu, ut dacet dominum, ante me ito inanis. 660
I’ll act as porter myself; as for you, you walk on ahead as a master should, empty handed.
_Argyr._
Quid nunc?
(_eagerly_) Well now?
_Lean._
Quid est?
(_drawling_) Well what?
_Argyr._
Quin tradis huc cruminam pressatum umerum?
Why don’t you hand the wallet over and let it crush my shoulder?
_Leon._
Hanc, cui daturu’s hanc, iube petere atque orare mecum. nam istuc proclive est, quo iubes me plane collocare.
She’s the one, (_pointing to Philaenium_) the one you’ll give it to, tell her to ask me for it, tease me for it. You see that plain site you told me to put it on is a (_with a sly glance at Philaenium_) slope.
_Phil._
Da, meus ocellus, mea rosa, mi anime, mea voluptas, Leonida, argentum mihi, ne nos diiunge amantis.
Oh, Leonida, you apple of my eye, my rosebud, my heart’s delight, my darling, do give me the money! Don’t separate us lovers.
_Leon._
Dic me igitur tuom passerculum, gallinam, coturnicem, agnellum haedillum me tuom die esse vel vitellum. prehende auriculis, compara labella cum labellis.
(_with burlesque fondness_) Well then, call me your little sparrow, hen, quail, call me your little lambkin, kidlet, or calfyboy, if you prefer: take hold of me by the earlaps and match my little lips to your little lips.
_Argyr._
Ten osculetur, verbero?
She kiss you, you scoundrel?
_Leon._
Quam vero indignum visum est? at qui pol hodie non feres, ni genua confricantur. 670
Yes, it does seem a shame, doesn’t it? However, you don’t get the cash this day, by gad, unless you rub my knees.
_Argyr._
Quidvis egestas imperat: fricentur. dan quod oro?
“Need knows no shame.” Rubbed they shall be. (_gets down on ground, with poor grace, and clasps Leonida’s knees_) Won’t you grant my prayer? (_gets up_)
_Phil._
Age, mi Leonida, obsecro, fer amanti ero salutem, redime istoc beneficio te ab hoc, et tibi eme hunc isto argento.
Come, dear Leonida, please, please save your master that loves me so! Buy your freedom from him by this kindness, buy his favour for yourself with this money! (_embraces him_)
_Leon._
Nimis bella es atque amabilis, et si hoc meum esset, hodie namquam me orares quin darem. illum te orare meliust, illic hanc mihi servandam dedit ei sane bella belle, cape hoc sis, Libane.
(_leering at her_) Ah, you’re pretty, perfectly adorable: and if this belonged to me, I’d never let you tease me twice for it, never. But he’s the one for you to tease: (_pointing to Libanus_) he gave it to me to keep for him. At him now, my pretty, prettily. Libanus, catch hold of this, will you! (_tosses him the wallet_)
_Argyr._
Furcifer, etiam me delusisti?
What, you villain! Have you been making a fool of me?
_Leon._
Numquam hercle facerem, genua ni tam nequiter fricares. age sis tu in partem nunciam hunc delude atque amplexare hanc.
Bless you, sir, I wouldn’t, only you made such a bad job of rubbing my knees. (_aside to Libanus_) Come on now, will you; you take your turn at fooling him and cuddling her.
_Lib._
Taceas, me spectes.
(_aside to Leonida_) Shut up: you watch me!
_Argyr._
Quin ad hunc, Philaenium, adgredimur, 680 virum quidem pol optimum et non simulem furis huius?
(_aside to Philaenium_) Why not make up to him, Philaenium? He’s a very decent sort, Libanus is, gad yes, nothing like this thief. (_indicating Leonida_)
_Lib._