Part 7
(_to imaginary passers-by_) Get away, get out, get off the street, every one! Let no man be so bold as to block my path. (_to audience_) For damme, just tell me why a god like me hasn’t as much right to hector people that hinder him as your paltry slave in the comedies? He brings word the ship is safe, or the choleric old man approaching: (_magnificently_) as for me, I hearken to the word of Jove and at his bidding do I now hie me hither. Wherefore ’tis still more seemly to get out, to get off the street for me.
pater vocat me, eum sequor, eius dicto imperio sum audiens; ut filium bonum patri esse oportet, itidem ego sum patri. amanti sub parasitor, hortor, adsto, admoneo, gaudeo. si quid patri volup est, voluptas ea mihi multo maxumast.
My father calls me; I come, obedient to his best and will. (_confidingly_) I am a good son to my father, as a son should be. I back him up in his gallantries, encourage him, stand by him, advise him, rejoice with him. If anything gratifies my father, it gratifies me infinitely more.
amat: sapit; recte facit, animo quando obsequitur suo, quod omnis homines facere oportet, dum id modo fiat bono. nunc Amphitruonem volt deludi meus pater: faxo probe iam his deludetur, spectatores, vobis inspectantibus.
He’s in love: he’s wise; he does well to indulge his inclinations. It is what every one ought to do, that is within due bounds. At present my father wishes Amphitryon to be fooled: fooled he shall be finely, I promise you, here and now, spectators, and under your inspection.
capiam coronam mi ni caput, adsimulabo me esse ebrium; atque illuc sursum escendero: inde optume aspellam virum 1000 de supero, cum huc accesserit; faciam ut sit madidus sobrius. deinde illi actutum sufferet suos servos poenas Sosia: eum fecisse ille hodie arguet quae ego fecero hic. quid mea? meo me aequomst morigerum patri, eius studio servire addecet.
I’m going to put a garland on my head and make believe I’m drunk, yes, and I’ll climb out on the roof yonder (_pointing to Amphitryon’s house_) and repel our returning hero in glorious style from up above there. I’ll see that he’s both soaked and sober. Then that servant Sosia of his shall promptly smart for it, Sosia being accused of doing what I do here. But what of that? I must humour my own father: it is only dutiful to meet his desires.
sed eccum Amphitruonem, advenit; iam ille hic deludetur probe, siquidem vos voltis auscultando operam dare. ibo intro, ornatum capiam qui potis decet; dein susum ascendam in tectum, ut illum hinc prohibeam.
(_looking down street_) But there’s Amphitryon coming! Here and now he’ll be finely fooled--if you’ll only take the trouble to attend. I’ll go inside and make up as a person flown with wine; then I’ll up on the roof to keep him off. [EXIT INTO HOUSE.
## ACTVS IV
## ACT IV
ENTER _Amphitryon_ WEARILY.
_Amph._
Naucratem quem convenire volui, in navi non erat, neque domi neque in urbe invenio quemquam qui illum viderit. 1010 nam omnis plateas perreptavi, gymnasia et myropolia; apud emporium atque in macello, in palaestra atque in foro, in medicinis, in tonstrinis, apud omnis aedis sacras sum defessus quaeritando. nusquam invenio Naucratem.
Naucrates, whom I wanted to get hold of wasn’t on the ship, and not a soul can I find at his house or in the city who has seen him. Why, I’ve hobbled through every street, gymnasium, and perfumery shop: down in the bazaar and the market, at the athletic field and the forum, too, at the doctor’s, the barber’s, the holy temples from first to last,--I’m tired to death looking for him and not a sign of Naucrates anywhere.
nunc domum ibo atque ex uxore hanc rem pergam exquirere, quis fuerit quem propter corpus suom stupri compleverit nam me, quam illam quaestionem inquisitam hodie amittere, mortuom satrust. sed aedis occluserunt. eugepae, pariter hoc fit atque ut alia facta sunt. feriam foris. aperite hoc. heus, ecquis hic est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? 1020
Now I’m going home and ask my wife some more questions about this, and (_savagely_) find out who it is she has prostituted herself for. Ah, I’d sooner die than let the day pass without having this matter settled. (_trying door_) Well! they’ve locked up the house! Nice doings! Quite in accord with the rest of it. I’ll knock. (_does so_) Open up here! Hey! is anyone in? Open--somebody! (_knocks more lustily_)
IV. 2.
## Scene 2.
_Mercury_, MUCH DISHEVELED, APPEARS ON ROOF.
_Mer._
Quis ad fores est?
(_thickly_) Who’s at the door?
_Amph._
Ego sum.
I am.
_Mer._
Quid ego sum?
I am, eh?
_Amph._
Ita loquor.
(_sharply_) So I say.
_Mer._
Tibi Iuppiter dique omnes nati certo sunt, qui sic frangas fores.
Jupiter and ... all the ... gods ... are surely angry at you ... demolishing our door so.
_Amph._
Quo modo?
What do you mean!
_Mer._
Eo modo, ut profecto vivas aetatem miser.
Here’s ... what I mean ... you’re certainly going to have a bad, bad time of it.
_Amph._
Sosia.
(_sternly_) Sosia!
_Mer._
Ita, sum Sosia, nisi me esse oblitum existimas. quid nunc vis?
Just so! That’s me ... unless you think I’ve forgotten. Now what do ... you want?
_Amph._
Sceleste, at etiam quid velim, id tu me rogas.
Rascal! Do you actually dare ask me that--what I want?
_Mer._
Ita, rogo. paene effregisti, fatue, foribus cardines an foris censebas nobis publicitus praeberier? quid me aspectas, stolide? quid nunc vis tibi? aut quid tu es homo?
Of course I do. You’ve almost hammered the doors off their hinges, you ... stupid. Didn’t suppose we were supplied with doors at public expense, did you? What are you staring at me for, you ... booby? What are you after now? Who are you?
_Amph._
Verbero, etiam quis ego sim me rogitas, ulmorum Acheruns? quem pol ego hodie ob istaec dicta faciam ferventem flagris. 1030
You scoundrel! Still asking me who I am, you death on rods, you? By gad, I’ll warm you up with a whip to day for this insolence!
_Mer._
Prodigum te fuisse oportet olim in adulescentia.
You must have been a waster ... in your ... younger days.
_Amph._
Quidum?
How so?
_Mer._
Quia senecta aetate a me mendicas malum.
Well ... here you are in your declining years begging ... me for trouble.
_Amph._
Cum cruciatu tuo istaec hodie, verna, verba funditas.
You shall soon suffer for this flow of language, you drudge.
_Mer._
Sacrufico ego tibi.
I’m sacrificing to ye, I am.
_Amph._
Qui?
How?
_Mer._
Quia enim te macto infortunio.
(_slyly poising a pail of water_) Why, because I’m making you an offering of a ... calamity.
[_At this point there is a gap in the MSS. Only a few lines have been preserved. Leo outlines the lost part as follows: After Mercury has had sufficient amusement with Amphitryon, the disturbance calls Alcmena from within. She has a dispute with her husband--Jupiter had left her earlier so that he might offer sacrifice--and shuts him out of the house. Perhaps Amphitryon went away to summon friends to aid him: at any rate, Sosia appears with Blepharo and gets a bad welcome from his master, despite Blepharo’s patronage, and then escapes. Jupiter comes out of the house. Husband and lover abuse each other vigorously and a scuffle ensues. Blepharo is appealed to by Amphitryon, only to be made ridiculous by Jupiter._]
_Amph._
At ego te cruce et cruciatu mactabo, mastigia. I
But I’ll make you an offering of torture and torment, you whipping post.
_Mer._
Erus Amphitruost occupatus. II
The master, Amphitryon, is busy.
_Mer._
abiendi nunc tibi etiam occasiost. III (XV LG)
---- now you still have a chance to leave.
_Mer._
Optimo iure infringatur aula cineris in caput. IV (III)
It would serve you right to have a pot of ashes broken on your head.
_Mer._
Ne tu postules matulam unam tibi aquae infundi in caput V (IV)
You would certainly ask to have one jar of water emptied on your head.
_Mer._
Larvatu’s edepol hominem miserum medicum quaerita. VI (VII)
Bewitched! Dear, dear! poor man! Look for a doctor.
_Alc._
Exiuravisti te mihi dixe per iocum. VII (XI)
You swore solemnly that you said it to me in fun.
_Alc._
Quaeso advenienti morbo medicari iube VIII (XII) tu certe aut larvatus aut cerritus es.
For mercy’s sake have this disease treated at the outset; you surely are bewitched or crazed.
_Alc._
Nisi hoc ita factum est, proinde ut factum esse autumo, IX (XIII) non causam dico quin vero insimules probri.
If this did not take place just as I state, you have every right to accuse me of unchastity.
_Amph._
Cuius? quae me absente corpus volgavit suom. X (XVI)
Whose? A woman that prostituted herself in my absence!
_Amph._
Quid minitabas te facturum, si istas pepulissem fores? XI (V)
What were you threatening to do, if I pounded on that door?
_Amph._
Ibi scrobes ecfodito tu plus sexagenos in die. XII (VI)
There dig more than sixty ditches a day.
_Amph._
Noli pessimo precari XIII (XVII)
Don’t intercede for an utter rascal.
_Bleph._
animam comprime XIV (XVIII)
---- save your breath.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Manifestum hunc optorto collo teneo furem flagiti XV (IX)
I have him by the scruff of the neck, an outrageous thief caught in the act.
_Amph._
Immo ego hunc, Thebani cives, qui domi uxorem meam XVI (X) impudicitia impedivit, teneo, thensaurum stupri
No, no, Theban citizens, I have him, the monster of lust who has brought disgrace on my wife at home.
_Amph._
Nilne te pudet, sceleste, populi in conspectum ingredi? XVII (VIII)
Aren’t you at all ashamed, you villain, to come out into public sight?
_Amph._
clandestino. XVIII (XIX)
---- clandestinely.
_Amph._ sive _Iup._ _Amph._ or _Jup._
Qui nequeas nostrorum uter sit Amphitruo decernere. XIX (XIV)
You who are unable to decide which of us is Amphitryon.
IV. 3.
## Scene 3.
_Bleph._
Vos inter vos partite; ego abeo, mihi negotium est; neque ego umquam usquam tanta mira me vidisse censeo.
(_disgustedly_) You must untangle your own selves: I’m going: I have an engagement. (_aside_) Never did I see such marvels anywhere, I do believe. (_turns to go_)
_Amph._
Blepharo, quaeso ut advocatus mi adsis neve abeas.
Blepharo! Stand by me, for mercy’s sake, and be my assistant: don’t go!
_Bleph._
Vale. quid opust me advocato, qui utri sim advocatus nescio?
Good-bye. What’s the use of my being an assistant when I don’t know which to be it to? [EXIT _Blepharo_.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Intro ego hinc eo. Alcumena parturit.
(_aside_) I’m going inside myself: Alcmena’s delivery is at hand. [EXIT _Jupiter_ INTO HOUSE, UNSEEN BY _Amphitryon_.
_Amph._
Perii miser. quid ego faciam, quem advocati iam atque amici deserunt? 1040 numquam edepol me inultus istic ludificabit, quisquis est; nam iam ad regem recta me ducam resque ut facta est eloquar.[25] ego pol illum ulciscar hodie Thessalum veneficum, qui pervorse perturbavit familiae mentem meae. sed ubi illest? intro edepol abiit, credo ad uxorem meam.
(_wildly_) Heavens! oh, Heavens! What shall I do now when assistants and friends desert me? By the Lord, that villain shall never make game of me and escape, whoever he is! I’ll go straight to the king this moment and tell him all as it happened. I swear I’ll have my revenge this day on that Thessalian sorcerer who has turned the wits of my household topsy-turvy. (_looking around_) Where is he, though? Good God! He’s gone inside--to my wife, no doubt!
qui me Thebis alter vivit miserior? quid nunc agam? quem omnes mortales ignorant et ludificant ut lubet. certumst, intro rumpam in aedis: ubi quemque hominem aspexero, si ancillam seu servom sive uxorem sive adulterum seu patrem sive avom videbo, obtruncabo in aedibus. 1050 neque me Iuppiter neque di omnes id prohibebunt, si volent, quin sic faciam ut constitui. pergam in aedis nunciam.
Oh, of all miserable men in Thebes! What shall I do now? Disowned and humbugged by every mortal soul to suit their humour! (_pause_) My mind’s made up--I’ll burst into the house, and every human creature there I set my eyes on, maid or man, wife or paramour, father or grandfather, I’ll cut them down in my halls! And not the will of Jupiter and all the gods shall stop my doing as I’ve determined! I’ll in this minute! (_he rushes toward door: a peal of thunder: he falls to ground motionless_)
## ACTVS V
## ACT V
(_Half an hour has elapsed._)
ENTER _Bromia_ FROM HOUSE, IN A PANIC.
_Brom._
Spes atque opes vitae meae iacent sepultae in pectore, neque ullast confidentia iam in corde, quin amiserim; ita mihi videntur omnia, mare terra caelum, consequi, iam ut opprimar, ut enicer. me miseram, quid agam nescio.
Oh, my hopes and chances of getting out of this alive are dead and buried inside of me! There’s not a thing left to keep my courage up now! The way everything--sea, land, sky-- does seem set on crushing me, killing me off this instant! Oh dear, oh dear! What to do I don’t know.
ita tanta mira in aedibus sunt facta. vae miserae mihi, animo malest, aquam velim. corrupta sum atque absumpta sum. caput dolet, neque audio, nec oculis prospicio satis, nec me miserior femina est neque ulla videatur magis. 1060
Such amazing things as did happen in there! Oh, poor me! I feel faint. Oh, for some water! I’m a wreck, I’m all done up. My head’s splitting, and I can’t hear or see right, either. There isn’t a wretcheder woman on earth, or one that could seem so, either.
ita erae meae hodie contigit. nam ubi parturit, deos sibi invocat, strepitus, crepitus, sonitus, tonitrus: ut subito, ut propere, ut valide tonuit! ubi quisque institerat, concidit crepitu. ibi nescio quis maxuma voce exclamat: “Alcumena, adest auxilium, ne time: et tibi et tuis propitius caeli cultor advenit. exsurgite” inquit “qui terrore meo occidistis prae metu.”
The experience mistress did have this day! As soon as her time comes she calls on the gods to help her, and there’s a grumbling and rumbling and smashing and crashing--what a crash, so sudden and quick and heavy it was! Every one fell flat where he stood at the peal. And then some one or other called out in a mighty voice: “Alcmena, help is at hand: be not afraid. To thee and thine the sovereign of the skies comes in kindliness. Rise,” he said, “ye who have fallen in terror, from dread of me.”
ut iacui, exsurgo. ardere censui aedis, ita tum confulgebant. ibi me inclamat Alcumena; iam ea res me horrore adficit, erilis praevertit metus: accurro, ut sciscam quid velit. atque illam geminos filios pueros peperisse conspicor; 1070 neque nostrum quisquam sensimus, quom peperit, neque providimus.
Having dropped, I got on my feet: I thought the house was afire, the way it was all lit up then. Just then Alcmena calls for me to come. I was trembling already at what happened, but fear of mistress prevailed, and up I run to find out what she wants. And there I see she has given birth to twins, boys, and not a soul of us noticed when it happened, or is ready for it!
sed quid hoc? quis hic est senex, qui ante aedis nostras sic iacet? numnam hunc percussit Iuppiter? credo edepol, nam, pro Iuppiter, sepultust quasi sit mortuos. ibo et cognoscam, quisquis est. Amphitruo hic quidem est erus meus. Amphitruo.
(_sees prostrate Amphitryon_) But what’s this? Who’s this old man lying like this in front of our house? Why, can it be he’s struck by lightning? Why, mercy me, I do believe so! For, good gracious, he’s as completely disposed of as if he was a corpse! I’ll go find out, whoever it is. (_approaches_) It’s Amphitryon! It’s my master! (_calling_) Amphitryon!
_Amph._
Perii.
(_feebly_) Heaven help me!
_Brom._
Surge.
Get up, sir.
_Amph._
Interii.
I’m dead!
_Brom._
Cedo manum.
Give me your hand, sir. (_takes it_)
_Amph._
Quis me tenet?
Who has hold of me?
_Brom._
Tua Bromia ancilla.
Your servant maid, sir, Bromia.
_Amph._
Totus timeo, ita me increpuit Iuppiter. nec secus est, quasi si ab Acherunte veniam. sed quid tu foras egressa es?
I’m paralysed with fear! Oh, Jove, what a bolt! I feel as if I were getting back--from the next world. (_he gets up_) But what made you come out?
_Brom._
Eadem nos formido timidas terrore impulit in aedibus, tu ubi habitas. nimia mira vidi. vae mihi, 1080 Amphitruo, ita mihi animus etiam nunc abest.
We poor women were struck with the same terror in this house of yours, sir. I’ve seen the most amazing things! Oh deary me, master, I’m just clean dazed even now!
_Amph._
Agedum expedi: scin me tuom esse erum Amphitruonem?
Come, come, quick, tell me--do you know me for your master, Amphitryon?
_Brom._
Scio.
Surely, sir.
_Amph._
Vide etiam nunc.
Here, look, look again!
_Brom._
Scio.
(_obeying_) Surely, sir.
_Amph._
Haec sola sanam mentem gestat meorum familiarium.
(_half aside_) She’s the only one of my household that has any sanity about her.
_Brom._
Immo omnes sani sunt profecto.
Oh no, sir, they’re all sane, of course they are.
_Amph._
At me uxor insanum facit suis foedis factis.
Well, my wife had driven me insane with her infamous
## actions!
_Brom._
At ego faciam, tu idem ut aliter praedices, Amphitruo, piam et pudicam esse tuam uxorem ut scias. de ea re signa atque argumenta paucis verbis eloquar. omnium primum: Alcumena geminos peperit filios.
(_warmly_) Well, I’ll make you change that tune, sir, your very own self, and make you realize that your wife is a pious, honest woman, sir. I’ll soon give you signs and proofs of that. First of all, she has given birth to twin sons.
_Amph._
Ain tu, geminos?
What’s that--twins?
_Brom._
Geminos.
Twins.
_Amph._
Di me servant.
The gods are with me!
_Brom._
Sine me dicere, ut scias tibi tuaeque uxori decs esse omnis propitios. 1090
Let me go on, so that you may know all the gods mean well by you and your wife, sir.
_Amph._
Loquere.
Yes, yes.
_Brom._
Postquam parturire hodie uxor occepit tua, ubi utero exorti dolores, ut solent puerperae invocat deos immortales, ut sibi auxilium ferant, manibus puris, capite operto. ibi continuo contonat sonitu maxumo; aedes primo ruere rebamur tuas. aedes totae confulgebant tuae, quasi essent aureae.
After she began to feel near her time to-day and her pains were setting in, she called on the immortal gods to help her--as women do, sir, in labour--with clean washed hands and covered head. She had no sooner begun than there was a frightful thunder clap. At first we thought your house was tumbling down: your whole house was shining, sir, just as if it was gold.
_Amph._
Quaeso absolvito hinc me extemplo, quando satis deluseris. quid fit deinde?
For heaven’s sake hurry up and don’t keep me on tenterhooks! I have had enough of your trifling! What happened next?
_Brom._
Dum haec aguntur, interea uxorem tuam neque gementem neque plorantem nostrum quisquam audivimus; ita profecto sine dolore peperit.
While this was going on, not one of us heard your wife groan or whimper a bit, sir, the whole time: that’s how she bore those boys, sir--never a pang, that’s plain.
_Amph._
Iam istuc gaudeo, 1100 utut erga me merita est.
(_heartily_) Well now, I’m glad of that, no matter what her behaviour to me has been.
_Brom._
Mitte ista atque haec quae dicam accipe. postquam peperit, pueros lavere iussit nos. occepimus. sed puer ille quem ego lavi, ut magnust et multum valet! neque eum quisquam colligare quivit incunabulis.
Do let that be, sir, and listen. After they were born she told us to bathe them. We began. But that boy I bathed! How big and strong he was! Not a soul of us could wrap him in his swaddling clothes.
_Amph._
Nimia mira memoras; si istaec vera sunt, divinitus non metuo quin meae uxori latae suppetiae sient.
A most astounding story! If it be true, there’s no doubt that my wife received divine aid.
_Brom._
Magis iam faxo mira dices. postquam in cunas conditust, devolant angues iubati deorsum in impluvium duo maximi: continuo extollunt ambo capita.
You’ll call this more astounding still, sir, I warrant you. After he was tucked in his cradle, two enormous crested serpents came slipping down into the fountain basin: the next second both of them were lifting up their heads.
_Amph._
Ei mihi.
Heavens and earth!
_Brom._
Ne pave. sed angues occulis omnis cirumvisere. 1110 postquam pueros conspicati, pergunt ad cunas citi. ego cunas recessim rursum vorsum trahere et ducere, metuens pueris, mihi formidans; tantoque angues acrius persequi. postquam conspexit angues ille alter puer, citus e cunis exilit, facit recta in anguis impetum: alterum altera prehendit eos manu perniciter.
Don’t be scared. Well, the serpents glared around at all of us. As soon as they spied the boys they made for the cradles like a flash. I backed away, fearful for the boys and frightened for myself, pulling and hauling the cradles along after me with the serpents a-chasing us all the angrier. The minute that boy I was telling of sets eyes on the serpents he’s up and out of that cradle in a trice, rushing straight for ’em and grabbing ’em one in each hand quick as a wink.
_Amph._
Mira memoras, nimis formidolosum facinus praedicas; nam mihi horror membra misero percipit dictis tuis. quid fit deinde? porro loquere.
Astounding! Astounding! A perfectly horrifying tale! Mercy on us! why, your very words palsy me! What then? Go on, go on!
_Brom._
Puer ambo angues enicat. dum haec aguntur, voce clara exclamat uxorem tuam-- 1120
The boy chokes both serpents to death. While this is going on, in a clear voice he calls out the name of your wife--
_Amph._
Quis homo?
Who does?
_Brom._
Summus imperator divom atque hominum Iuppiter. is se dixit cum Alcumena clam consuetum cubitibus, eumque filium suom esse qui illos angues vicerit; alterum tuom esse dixit puerum.
The almighty ruler of gods and men, Jupiter. He said that he himself had secretly shared Alcmena’s bed and that that was his son who had crushed the serpents: the other one, he said, was your own child.
_Amph._
Pol me haud paenitet, si licet boni dimidium mihi dividere cum Iove. abi domum, iube vasa pura actutum adornari mihi, ut Iovis supremi multis hostiis pacem expetam.
Well, well, well! I make no complaint at being permitted to have Jove as partner in my blessings. In with you, girl! Have sacrificial vessels made ready for me instantly so that I may seek the favour of omnipotent Jove with ample offerings. [EXIT _Bromia_.
ego Teresiam coniectorem advocabo et consulam quid faciundum censeat; simul hanc rem ut facta est eloquar. sed quid hoc? quam valide tonuit. di, obsecro vostram fidem. 1130
I’ll summon Tiresias the prophet and consult with him as to what he thinks should be done, and at the same time tell him all that’s happened, (_thunder_) But what’s this? That awful thunder peal! Heaven preserve us!
V. 2.
## Scene 2.
_Jupiter_ APPEARS ABOVE.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Bono animo es, adsum auxilio, Amphitruo, tibi et tuis: nihil est quod timeas. hariolos, haruspices mitte omnes; quae futura et quae facta eloquar, multo adeo melius quam illi, quom sum Iuppiter. primum omnium Alcumenae usuram corporis cepi, et concubitu gravidam feci filio.
Be of good cheer. I am here with aid, Amphitryon, for thee and thine. Thou hast naught to fear. Seers, soothsayers-- have none of them. I will make known to thee future and past alike, and better far than they, moreover, for I am Jupiter. First of all, then, I took thy Alcmena to myself and by me she was made a mother.