Part 6
(_roughly_) Who gave it you, then?
_Alc._
Qui me rogat.
(_calmly_) My questioner.
_Sos._
Me captas, quia tute ab navi clanculum huc alia via praecucurristi, atque hinc pateram tute exemisti atque eam huic dedisti, post hanc rursum obsignasti clanculum.
(_to Amphitryon_) Trying to catch me! The fact is you ran on ahead from the ship yourself by another road on the sly, and took the bowl out yourself, and gave it to her, and then sealed up the chest again on the sly.
_Amph._
Ei mihi, iam tu quoque huius adiuvas insaniam? an heri nos advenisse huc?
Oh, ye gods! So now you are abetting her delusions, too! (_to Alcmena, with forced calmness_) We came here yesterday, you say?
_Alc._
Aio, adveniensque ilico me salutavisti, et ego te, et osculum tetuli tibi. 800
Yes, and the moment you arrived you greeted me, and I you, and I gave you a kiss.
_Sos._
Iam illud non placet principium de osculo.
Now I don’t like that, that beginning with a kiss!
_Amph._
Perge exsequi.
Go on, go on!
_Alc._
Lavisti.
Then you bathed.
_Amph._
Quid postquam lavi?
And after bathing?
_Alc._
Accubuisti.
You took your place on the dining couch.
_Sos._
Euge optime, nunc exquire.
Bravo, sir! Great work! Now get to the bottom of it.
_Amph._
Ne interpella. perge porro dicere.
(_to Sosia_) No interruptions! (_to Alcmena_) Go on with your story.
_Alc._
Cena adposita est, cenavisti mecum, ego accubui simul.
Dinner was served: we dined together: I took my place on the couch, too.
_Amph._
In eodem lecto?
The same couch?
_Alc._
In eodem.
Surely.
_Sos._
Ei, non placet convivium.
Oho! This banqueting looks bad!
_Amph._
Sine modo argumenta dicat. quid postquam cenavimus?
(_to Sosia_) That will do. Let her state her case. (_to Alcmena_) What after we dined?
_Alc._
Te dormitare aibas, mensa ablata est. cubitum hinc abiimus.
You said you were sleepy: the table was removed: we went off to bed.
_Amph._
Ubi tu cubuisti?
Where did you sleep?
_Alc._
In eodem lecto tecum una in cubiculo.
Why, with you, in our room.
_Amph._
Perdidisti.
Oh, my God!
_Sos._
Quid tibi est?
What ails you?
_Amph._
Haec me modo ad mortem dedit.
She has killed me, killed me!
_Alc._
Quid iam, amabo?
Why, my dear man, what do you mean?
_Amph._
Ne me appella.
(_furiously_) Don’t speak to me!
_Sos._
Quid tibi est?
What ails you?
_Amph._
Perii miser, 810 quia pudicitiae huius vitium me hinc absente est additum.
Oh, God help me! She’s been seduced while I was gone!
_Alc._
Obsecro ecastor, cur istuc, mi vir, ex ted audio?
Good heavens! For mercy’s sake how can you say such a thing, my dear husband?
_Amph._
Vir ego tuos sim? ne me appella, falsa, falso nomine.
Am I your husband? Oh, you false wretch, none of your false names for me!
_Sos_
Haeret haec res, si quidem haec iam mulier facta est ex viro.
Here’s a pretty mess, if he is turned into a woman and is not her husband!
_Alc_
Quid ego feci, qua istaec propter dicta dicantur mihi?
What have I done to be talked to like that?
_Amph._
Tute edictas facta tua, ex me quaeris quid deliqueris.
You have recounted your doings yourself--and you ask me what the harm is!
_Alc_
Quid ego tibi deliqui, si, cum nupta sum, tecum fui?
Pray tell me what I have done in being with you, the man I married?
_Amph._
Tun mecum fueris? quid illac impudente audacius? saltem, tute si pudoris egeas, sumas mutuom.
You with me? Of all brazen shamelessness! You might at least borrow some sense of decency, if you have none of your own!
_Alc._
Istuc facinus, quod tu insimulas, nostro generi non decet. 820 tu si me inpudicitiai captas, capere non potes.
Such behaviour as you accuse me of does not become members of my family, sir. Angle for me if you wish, you cannot catch me in such unspeakable conduct.
_Amph._
Pro di immortales, cognoscin tu me saltem, Sosia?
Great God! You know me, anyhow, Sosia, don’t you?
_Sos_
Propemodum.
Well, rather!
_Amph._
Cenavin ego heri in navi in portu Persico?
Didn’t I dine yesterday on shipboard at Port Persicus?
_Alc._
Mihi quoque adsunt testes, qui illud quod ego dicam adsentiant.
Yes, and I too have witnesses to corroborate what I say.
_Sos._
Nescio quid istuc negoti dicam, nisi si quispiam est Amphitruo alius, qui forte ted hinc absenti tamen tuam rem curet teque absente hic munus fungatur tuom. nam quod de illo subditivo Sosia mirum nimis, certe de istoc Amphitruone iam alterum mirum est magis.
I can’t puzzle it out, sir, unless there’s some other Amphitryon to manage your business, no matter if you are away, and to do your job for you when you have gone. I tell you what, that sham Sosia was monstrous surprising, but this second Amphitryon is certainly more so.
_Amph._
Nescio quis praestigiator hanc frustratur mulierem. 830
Some magician or other has bedevilled the woman!
_Alc._
Per supremi regis regnum iuro et matrem familias Iunonem, quam me vereri et metuere est par maxume, ut mi extra unum te mortalis nemo corpus corpore contigit, quo me impudicam faceret.
(_slowly and impressively_) I swear by the kingdom of the King on high and by Juno, the matron goddess I most should reverence and fear--so may she bless me as no mortal man, save you only, has taken me to him as a wife.
_Amph._
Vera istaec velim.
Ah, I wish it was the truth!
_Alc._
Vera dico, sed nequiquam, quoniam non vis credere.
It is the truth, but what of that, when you refuse to believe me!
_Amph._
Mulier es, audacter iuras.
You’re a woman; you swear boldly.
_Alc._
Quae non deliquit, decet audacem esse, confidenter pro se et proterve loqui.
A woman who has done nothing wrong ought to be bold, yes, and self confident and forward in her own defence.
_Amph._
Satis audacter.
Bold, with a vengeance!
_Alc._
Ut pudicam decet.
As innocence should be.
_Amph._
Enim verbis proba’s.[21]
Yes, you’re immaculate as far as talk goes.
_Alc._
Non ego illam mihi dotem duco esse, quae dos dicitur, sed pudicitiam et pudorem et sedatum cupidinem, 840 deum metum, parentum amorem et cognatum concordiam, tibi morigera atque ut munifica sim bonis, prosim probis.
(_quietly_) Personally I do not feel that my dowry is that which people call a dowry, but purity and honour and self control, fear of God, love of parents, and affection for my family, and being a dutiful wife to you, sir, lavish of loving-kindness and helpful through honest service.
_Sos._
Ne ista edepol, si haec vera loquitur, examussim est optima.
My word! She’s a regular pattern of perfection, if she’s telling the truth.
_Amph._
Delenitus sum profecto ita, ut me qui sim nesciam.
Upon my soul, I have been so bewitched I don’t know who I am!
_Sos._
Amphitruo es profecto, cave sis ne tu te usu perduis: ita nunc homines immutantur, postquam peregre advenimus.
You’re Amphitryon right enough, sir--but just look out you don’t lose your title to yourself by limitation, the way folks are getting changed about these days since we came back from abroad.
_Amph._
Mulier, istam rem inquisitam certum est non amittere.
(_to Alcmena, sternly_) This matter shall not escape investigation, madam, I am resolved on that.
_Alc._
Edepol me libente facies.
Dear me, sir, do investigate, and welcome!
_Amph._
Quid ais? responde mihi. quid si adduco tuom cognatum huc ab navi Naucratem, qui mecum una vectust una navi, atque is si denegat 850 facta quae tu facta dicis, quid tibi aequom est fieri? numquid causam dicis, quin te hoc multem matrimionio?
See here, answer me this--what if I bring your own relative, Naucrates, over from the ship? He made the voyaage with me on the same vessel--now if he denies that I did as you say what do you deserve? Have you any reason to give that I should not divorce you?
_Alc._
Si deliqui, nulla causa est.
None, if I have done wrong.
_Amph._
Convenit. tu, Sosia, duc hos intro. ego huc ab navi mecum adducam Naucratem.
Agreed! (_turning to Sosia_) Sosia, take these fellows in. (_pointing to slaves with luggage_) I will bring Naucrates here from the ship. (_Sosia sends slaves inside_) [EXIT _Amphitryon_.
_Sos._
Nunc quidem praeter nos nemo est. dic mihi verum serio: ecquis alius Sosia intust, qui mei similis siet?
(_to Alcmena, confidentially_) Now then, ma’am, no one’s here besides us. (_elaborately makes sure of it_) Do be serious and tell me the truth--is there another Sosia inside who’s just like me?
_Alc._
Abin hinc a me dignus domino servos?
(_indignantly_) Will you leave my sight, sir--you slave worthy of your master!
_Sos._
Abeo, si iubes.
Sure, ma’am, if you say so. [EXIT INTO HOUSE.
_Alc._
Nimis ecastor facinus mirum est, qui illi conlibitum siet meo viro sic me insimulare falso facinus tam malum. quicquid est, iam ex Naucrate cognato id cognoscam meo. 860
Merciful heavens! It’s simply unintelligible, how my husband could think fit to accuse me of such atrocious conduct without the slightest cause. Well, whatever it is, I shall soon know about it from Naucrates, one of my own family. [EXIT INTO HOUSE.
## ACTVS III
## ACT III
(_A couple of hours have elapsed_)
ENTER _Jupiter_.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Ego sum ille Amphitruo, cui est servos Sosia. idem Mercurius qui fit, quando commodumst, in superiore qui habito cenaculo, qui interdum fio Iuppiter, quando lubet; huc autem quom extemplo adventum adporto, ilico Amphitruo fio et vestitum immuto meum.
(_in jocular, self-satisfied tone_) I am that Amphitryon who has a servant Sosia, which same turns into Mercury on occasion, I being the Amphitryon who lodge in the upper attic (_pointing heavenward_) and become Jupiter at times, when the humour seizes me. As soon as I wend my way into these parts, however, on the spot I am Amphitryon and change my clothes.
nunc huc honoris vostri venio gratia, ne hanc incohatam transigam comoediam; simul Alcumenae, quam vir insontem probri Amphitruo accusat, veni ut auxilium feram: 870 nam mea sit culpa, quod egomet contraxerim, si id Alcumenae innocenti expetat.
I now appear out of regard for you, so as not to terminate this inchoate comedy. At the same time I am here to help out Alcmena, poor innocent, denounced as disloyal by her lord, Amphitryon. For it would be sinful of me, if the storm I have brewed should descend on the head of guileless Alcmena.
nunc Amphitruonem memet, ut occepi semel, esse adsimulabo, atque in horum familiam frustrationem hodie iniciam maxumam; post igitur demum faciam res fiat palam atque Alcumenae in tempore auxilium feram faciamque ut uno fetu et quod gravida est viro et me quod gravidast pariat sine doloribus. Mercurium iussi me continue consequi, 880 si quid vellem imperare. nunc hanc adloquar.
I will pretend for the present to be Amphitryon myself, as I have already, and thoroughly confound this family to-day, Then, after that, I will eventually clear matters up, yes, and aid Alcmena in due season, contriving that she give birth at one time to both the children she carries, her husband’s and my own, without a pang. Mercury has his orders to attend me closely, in case I have commands to give. Now for a word with the lady.
III. 2.
## Scene 2.
ENTER _Alcmena_ FROM HOUSE.
_Alc._
Durare nequeo in aedibus. ita me probri, stupri, dedecoris a viro argutam meo! ea quae sunt facta infecta ut reddat clamitat. quae neque sunt facta neque ego in me admisi arguit; atque id me susque deque esse habituram putat.
I can’t stand staying in the house! To be branded so with shame, disloyalty, disgrace, by my own husband! How he clamours to make facts no facts! And what never happened, things I never, never did, he accuses me of, and thinks I’ll consider it quite immaterial.
non edepol faciam, neque me perpetiar probri falso insimulatam, quin ego illum aut deseram aut satis faciat mi ille atque adiuret insuper, nolle esse dicta quae in me insontem protulit. 890
Good gracious, but I won’t! I won’t endure such an awful, unjustified accusation: I will leave him, or he must apologize, one or the other, yes, and swear he is sorry, too, for the things he has said to an innocent woman.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Faciundum est mi illud, fieri quod illaec postulat, si me illam amantem ad sese studeam recipere, quando ego quod feci, id factum Amphitruoni offuit atque illi dudum meus amor negotium insonti exhibuit, nunc autem insonti mihi illius ira in hanc et male dicta expetent.
(_aside, dryly_) Hm! It’s incumbent upon me to meet her demands, if I wish the loving creature to take me into her good graces again. Since my doings offended Amphitryon, and this love affair of mine lately occasioned his guiltless self some consternation, it is turn about now, and my guiltless self has to suffer for the scorn and contumely he heaped on her.
_Alc._
Sed eccum video qui me miseram arguit stupri, dedecoris.
(_aside, seeing him_) Ah, there he is--the man that charges his wretched wife with disloyalty and shame!
_Iup._ _Jup._
Te volo, uxor, conloqui. quo te avortisti?[22]
I wish to speak with you, my dear. (_circling her as she turns her back on him_) Turned away? Where to?
_Alc._
Ita ingenium meumst: inimicos semper osa sum optuerier. 900
It is natural I should, sir: I always loathed looking at enemies.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Heia autem inimicos?
Oh, I say now! Enemies?
_Alc._
Sic est, vera praedico; nisi etiam hoc falso dici insimulaturus es.
Yes, enemies: and that’s the truth of it--unless you intend to term this a lie, too.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Nimis iracunda es.
(_trying to fondle her_) You’re too irritable.
_Alc._
Potin ut abstineas manum? nam certo, si sis sanus aut sapias satis, quam tu impudicam esse arbitrere et praedices, cum ea tu sermonem nec ioco nec serio tibi habeas, nisi sis stultior stultissimo.
(_pulling away_) Can’t you keep your hands off? Why surely, sir, if you were sane or had a particle of sense about you, when you think your wife is immodest and tell her so yourself, you wouldn’t hold any conversation with her at all in jest or earnest, unless you were the silliest of silly men.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Si dixi, nihilo magis es, neque ego esse arbitror, et id huc revorti uti me purgarem tibi. nam numquam quicquam meo animo fuit aegrius, 910 quam postquam audivi ted esse iratam mihi. cur dixisti? inquies. ego expediam tibi.
My saying so doesn’t make you so any the more, And I don’t think you so, either; and I’ve come back to set myself right with you. For I never did feel sicker at heart about anything than after I heard you were provoked with me. “Why did you say it?” you’ll ask. I’ll clear up that point for you.
non edepol quo te esse impudicam crederem; verum periclitatus sum animum tuom, quid faceres et quo pacto id ferre induceres. equidem ioco illa dixeram dudum tibi, ridiculi causa. vel hunc rogato Sosiam.
Bless your heart, it wasn’t because I believed you were immodest. I was just testing your feelings to see what you’d do and how you’d take it. (_forcing a laugh_) Really it was all a joke, what I said just now, merely a bit of fun. Why, you can ask Sosia here. (_pointing to house_)
_Alc._
Quin huc adducis meum cognatum Naucratem, testem quem dudum te adducturum dixeras, te huc non venisse?
(_coldly_) Why do you not bring my relative Naucrates, as you just now said you would, to prove you had not been here?
_Iup._ _Jup._
Si quid dictum est per iocum, 920 non aequom est id te serio praevortier.
If something is said in joke, it’s not fair to take it in earnest.
_Alc._
Ego illud scio quam doluerit cordi meo.
I know one thing--that joke of yours cut me to the heart, sir.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Per dexteram tuam te, Alcumena, oro obsecro. da mihi hanc veniam, ignosce, irata ne sies.
(_seizing her hand_) I beg and beseech you, Alcmena, by this right hand of yours, do forgive me for it; pardon me: don’t be angry!
_Alc._
Ego istaec feci verba virtute irrita; nunc, quando factis me impudicis abstini, ab impudicis dictis avorti volo. valeas, tibi habeas res tuas, reddas meas. iuben mi ire comites
Your charges are refuted by my honest life; now, sir, having been guiltless of gross behaviour, I will not be subjected to gross language. Good bye. Keep your own things and return me mine. Will you older my attendants to follow me? (_turns to go_)
_Iup._ _Jup._
Sanan es?
Are you in your senses?
_Alc._
Si non iubes, ibo egomet; comitem mihi Pudicitiam duxero.[23] 930
If you decline to do so, I will go with my woman’s honour as my only escort. (_walks away_)
_Iup._ _Jup._
Mane. arbitratu tuo ius iurandum dabo, me meam pudicam esse uxorem arbitrarier. id ego si fallo, tum te, summe Iuppiter, quaeso, Amphitruoni ut semper iratus sies.
(_holding her_) Wait, wait! I’ll swear to it--at your dictation--that I believe my wife is virtuous. If I deceive you in this, then, Jove almighty, I invoke thy curse upon Amphitryon for evermore.
_Alc._
A, propitius sit potius.
(_hurriedly_) Oh no! His blessing, his blessing!
_Iup._ _Jup._
Confido fore; nam ius iurandum verum te advorsum dedi. iam nunc irata non es?
I trust to have it, for it is a reliable oath I have given you. (_drawing her close_) Now you’re not angry, are you?
_Alc._
Non sum.
(_submitting_) No.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Bene facis. nam in hominum aetate multa eveniunt huius modi: capiunt voluptates, capiunt rursum miserias; irae interveniunt, redeunt rursum in gratiam. 940 verum irae si quae forte eveniunt huius modi inter eos, rursum si reventum in gratiam est, bis tanto amici sunt inter se quam prius.
(_caressing her_) That’s a good girl. Why, life is full of incidents of this sort. Human beings lay hold on pleasures and then again on pains. Quarrels come between them, and then they are reconciled again. But if any such quarrel as this does happen to arise between them, then when it blows over they are twice as fond of one another as they were before.
_Alc._
Primum cavisse oportuit ne diceres, verum eadem si isdem purgas mi, patiunda sunt.
You should have been careful not to say such a thing in the first place; but if you apologize so nicely for hurting me so, I can’t complain.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Iube vero vasa pura adornari mihi, ut quae apud legionem vota vovi. si domum rediissem salvos, ea ego exsolvam omnia.
Well, well, then, have the sacrificial vessel prepared for me so that I can pay all the vows I vowed for a safe return home when I was in the field.
_Alc._
Ego istuc curabo.
I will attend to that.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Evocate huc Sosiam; gubernatorem, qui in mea navi fuit 950 Blepharonem arcessat, qui nobiscum prandeat is adeo[24] inpransus ludificabitur, cum ego Amphitruonem collo hinc obstricto traham.
(_to maids in doorway_) Call Sosia out. I want him to invite Blepharo, the pilot aboard my ship, to lunch with us. (EXEUNT _maids_) (_aside_) As a matter of fact, friend Blepharo will be left unlunched and looking foolish when I turn Amphitryon out neck and crop.
_Alc._
Mirum quid solus secum secreto ille agat. atque aperiuntur aedis. exit Sosia.
(_aside_) I wonder what he’s talking about all to himself! Ah, there goes the door! Sosia’s coming out.
III. 3.
## Scene 3.
ENTER _Sosia_.
_Sos._
Amphitruo, assum. si quid opus est, impera, imperium exequar.
Present, sir. If anything’s needed, order away and I’ll fulfil orders.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Sosia, optume advenis.
Sosia, you are the very man I want.
_Sos._
Iam pax est inter vos duos? nam quia vos tranquillos video, gaudeo et volup est mihi. atque ita servom par videtur frugi sese instituere proinde eri ut sint, ipse item sit; voltum e voltu comparet 960 tristis sit, si eri sint tristes; hilarus sit, si gaudeant sed age responde: iam vos rediistis in concordiam?
Is there peace between you two now, sir? I tell you what, it’s a pleasure, it’s a joy, to see you looking peaceful. Yes, and to my way of thinking, an honest servant ought to stick to this principle: be like what his betters are, model his expression on theirs, be in the dumps if they are in the dumps, and jolly if they are happy. But come, sir, answer me. Have you made friends again now, eh?
_Iup._ _Jup._
Derides, qui scis haec dudum me dixisse per iocum.
(_reprovingly_) Mocker! What I said a while ago was all in fun, and you know it.
_Sos._
An id ioco dixisti? equidem serio ac vero ratus.
In fun, was it? Upon my soul, I thought it was the solemn truth.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Habui expurigationem; facta pax est.
I have explained: peace is made.
_Sos._
Optume est.
That’s grand, sir.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Ego rem divinam intus faciam, vota quae sunt.
I will make those offerings I vowed, inside.
_Sos._
Censeo.
Very good, sir.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Tu gubernatorem a navi huc evoca verbis meis Blepharonem, qui re divina facta mecum prandeat.
As for you, convey my invitation to Pilot Blepharo to come over from the ship and lunch with me after the sacrifice is done.
_Sos._
Iam hic ero, cum illic censebis esse me.
I’ll be here by the time you think I’m there, sir.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Actutum huc redi.
Yes, hurry back home. [EXIT _Sosia_.
_Alc._
Numquid vis, quin abeam iam intro, ut apparentur quibus opust? 970
Is there anything else, or shall I go in now and see to the things you’ll need?
_Iup._ _Jup._
I sane, et quantum potest parata fac sint omnia.
Do, by all means, and get everything ready as quickly as you can.
_Alc._
Quin venis quando vis intro? faxo haud quicquam sit morae.
Come in as soon as you wish. I’ll make sure there’s nothing to delay you.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Recte loquere et proinde diligentem ut uxorem decet.
(_tenderly_) That’s the way for an attentive wife to talk. [EXIT _Alcmena._
iam hisce ambo, et servos et era, frustra sunt duo, qui me Amphitruonem rentur esse: errant probe. nunc tu divine huc fac adsis Sosia-- audis quae dico, tam etsi praesens non ades-- fac Amphitruonem advenientem ab aedibus ut abigas; quovis pacto fac commentus sis.
There we are! Both of ’em fooled, servant and mistress, took in thinking me Amphitryon. A sad mistake! Hark ye, Sosia the divine, appear! You hear what I say, even though absent in the flesh. Drive Amphitryon away from the house when he arrives--any device you please.
volo deludi illunc, dum cum hac usuraria 980 uxore nunc mihi morigero. haec curata sint fac sis, proinde adeo ut velle med intellegis, atque ut ministres mihi, mihi cum sacruficem.
He must be hoodwinked while I proceed to divert myself with my wife on loan. Kindly see that this is managed precisely as you know I wish it to be, and do me service while I am sacrificing to myself. [EXIT _Jupiter_.
III. 4.
## Scene 4.
ENTER _Mercury_ HURRIEDLY WITH BURLESQUE IMPORTANCE.
_Mer._
Concedite atque abscedite omnes, de via decedite, nec quisquam tam audax fuat homo, qui obviam obsistat mihi. nam mihi quidem hercle qui minus liceat deo minitarier populo, ni decedat mihi, quam servolo in comoediis? ille navem salvam nuntiat aut irati adventum senis: ego sum Iovi dicto audiens, eius iussu nunc huc me adfero. quam ob rem mihi magis par est via decedere et concedere. 990