Part 30
Ut sacrufices.
So that you may offer sacrifice.
_Hegio_
Cui deorum?
To what deity?
_Erg._
Mi hercle, nam ego nunc tibi sum summus Iuppiter, idem ego sum Salus, Fortuna, Lux, Laetitia, Gaudium. proin tu deum hunc saturitate facias tranquillum tibi.
To me, by gad! For I’m your Jupiter Most High now, myself; and Salvation, Fortune, Light, Gladness, Joy--they’re all this identical I! So mind you placate this divinity by stuffing him full.
_Hegio_
Esurire mihi videre.
You need food, I fancy.
_Erg._
Mi quidem esurio, non tibi.
No sir, I need food I fancy, not food you fancy.
_Hegio_
Tuo arbitratu, facile patior.
(_smiling_) Have it your own way: I’m perfectly willing to--crawl.
_Erg._
Credo, consuetu’s puer.
Crawl? I believe you: it’s a habit you--fell into--as a child.
_Hegio_
Iuppiter te dique perdant.
(_disgusted_) Oh, you be damned, sir!
_Erg._
Te hercle--mi aequom est gratias agere ob nuntium; tantum ego nunc porto a portu tibi boni: nunc tu mihi places.
And by Jove, you be--grateful to me, as you ought, for my news. The glorious news from the port I’m just reporting! Now your dinner begins to tempt me.
_Hegio_
Abi, stultu’s, sero post tempus venis. 870
Be off, you idiot: you’re behind time, you have come too late.
_Erg._
Igitur olim si advenissem, magis tu tum istuc diceres; nunc hanc laetitiam accipe a me, quam fero. nam filium tuom modo in portu Philopolemum vivom, salvom et sospitem vidi in publica celoce, ibidemque illum adulescentulum Aleum una et tuom Stalagmum servom, qui aufugit domo, qui tibi surripuit quadrimum puerum filiolum tuom.
Well, if I had come before, then you’d have had more reason to say that. (_slowly and portentously_) Now, sir, prepare for the ecstasy of which I am the vehicle. A few minutes ago at the harbour your son, your son Philopolemus, alive, safe and sound,--I saw him, saw him in a despatch boat, and along with him that young Elean and your slave Stalagmus that stole your little four year old boy.
_Hegio_
Abi in malam rem, ludis me.
To the devil with you! You’re making fun of me.
_Erg._
Ita me amabit sancta Saturitas, Hegio, itaque suo me semper condecoret cognomine, ut ego vidi.
So help me Holy Stuffing, so may she grace me with her name for evermore--I did see them, Hegio!
_Hegio_
Meum gnatum?
(_sceptically_) My son?
_Erg._
Tuom gnatum et genium meum.
Your son and my guardian angel.
_Hegio_
Et captivom illum Alidensem?
And that Elean prisoner?
_Erg._
Μὰ τὸν Ὰπόλλω.
_Oui, par_ Hercules!
_Hegio_
Et servolum 880 meum Stalagmum, meum qui gnatum surripuit?
And that miserable slave of mine, Stalagmus, that kidnapped my son?
_Erg._
Ναὶ τὰν Κόραν.
_Oui, par_ Hercul-aneum!
_Hegio_
Iam credo?
I’m to believe that?
_Erg._
Ναὶ τὰν Πραινἐσην.
_Oui, par_ Pompeii!
_Hegio._
Venit?
He’s come?
_Erg._
Ναὶ τὰν Σιγνίαν.
_Oui, par_ Sorrento!
_Hegio_
Certon?
You’re sure?
_Erg._
Ναὶ τὸν Φρουσινῶνα.
_Oui, par_ Amalfi!
_Hegio_
Vide sis.
Careful now!
_Erg._
Ναὶ τὸν Ἀλάτριον.
_Oui, par_ Torre dell’Annunziata!
_Hegio_
Quid tu per barbaricas urbes iuras?
What are you swearing by foreign cities for!
_Erg._
Quia enim item asperae sunt ut tuom victum autumabas esse.
Well, because they’re the same as you said your meals were-- perfect terrors.
_Hegio_
Vae aetati tuae.
Plague take you!
_Erg._
Quippe quando mihi nil credis, quod ego dico sedulo. sed Stalagmus quoius erat tunc nationis, cum hinc abit?
My sentiments exactly, seeing you don’t believe a word I tell you in sober earnest. Stalagmus, though,--what was his nationality when he disappeared?
_Hegio_
Siculus.
Sicilian.
_Erg._
At nunc Siculus non est, Boius est, Boiam terit: liberorum quaerundorum causa ei, credo, uxor datast.
But he’s no Sicilian now: he’s a Gaul--he’s being galled,[G] anyhow, by that thing he’s attached to: he’s coupled with the article so as to get children, I suppose?
[Footnote G: Boia means a woman of the Boii, also a malefactor’s collar.]
_Hegio_
Dic, bonan fide tu mi istaec verba dixisti?
See here, have you told me all this in good faith?
_Erg._
Bona. 890
In good faith.
_Hegio_
Di immortales, iterum gnatus videor, si vera autumas.
Great heavens! I feel like a new man, if what you say is true.
_Erg._
Ain tu? dubium habebis etiam, sancte quom ego iurem tibi? postremo, Hegio, si parva iuri iurandost fides, vise ad portum.
Eh? How’s that? You’ll still doubt me when I’d give you my sacred word on it? Very well then, Hegio, if my solemn oath is insufficient for you, go down to the harbour and see for yourself.
_Hegio_
Facere certumst. tu intus cura quod opus est. sume, posce, prome quid vis. te facio cellarium.
(_excited_) Precisely what I will do. You go inside and attend to what’s needed. Take anything you want, ask for it, get it from the store-room. I make you butler.
_Erg._
Nam hercle, nisi mantiscinatus probe ero, fusti pectito.
(_wild with joy_) Now by Jupiter, if I don’t do some handsome catering, comb me down with a club!
_Hegio_
Aeternum tibi dapinabo victum, si vera autumas.
I’ll dinner you till doomsday, if it’s true.
_Erg._
Unde id?
And who’s to pay?
_Hegio_
A me meoque gnato.
I and my son.
_Erg._
Sponden tu istud?
I have your word on that?
_Hegio_
Spondeo.
My word.
_Erg._
At ego tuom tibi advenisse filium respondeo.
And for my part, my word to you is--your son has arrived.
_Hegio_
Cura quam optume potes.
(_making off toward harbour_) Attend to everything the very best you can.
IV. 3.
## Scene 3.
_Erg._
Bene ambula et redambula. 900 illic hinc abiit, mihi rem summam credidit cibariam. di immortales, iam ut ego collos praetruncabo tegoribus, quanta pernis pestis veniet, quanta labes larido, quanta sumini absumedo, quanta callo calamitas, quanta laniis lassitudo, quanta porcinariis.
A pleasant walk and--backwalk--to you. [EXIT _Hegio_] He’s gone! And the whole blessed commissariat left to me! Ye immortal gods! how I’ll knock necks off backs now! Ah, ham’s case is hopeless, and bacon’s in a bad, bad way! And sow’s udder--done for utterly! Oh, how pork rind will go to pot! Butchers and pig-dealers--won’t I bustle ’em!
nam si alia memorem, quae ad ventris victum conducunt, morast. nunc ibo, ut pro praefectura mea ius dicam larido, et quae pendent indemnatae pernae, eis auxilium ut feram.
Why, if I should mention all the other things that go to bolster up a belly, it would be a waste of time. I must off this minute to perform my official duties and pass judgment on bacon and help out hams that are still untried and in suspense. [EXIT INTO HOUSE, HURRIEDLY: UPROAR WITHIN.
IV. 4.
## Scene 4.
ENTER _Page_, ANGRY AND EXCITED, FROM _Hegio’s_ HOUSE.
_Puer_ _Page_
Diespiter te dique, Ergasile, perdant et ventrem tuom, parasitosque omnis, et qui posthac cenam parasitis dabit. 910 clades, calamitasque, intemperies modo in nostram advenit domum. quasi lupus esuriens ille metui ne in me faceret impetum.
(_shaking his fist at door_) May all the powers of heaven destroy you, Ergasilus, and that belly of yours and all parasites and anyone that gives a parasite a meal hereafter! Disaster, devastation, a tornado, has just fallen on our house. I was afraid he’d jump at my throat like a ravening wolf!
ubi[24] voltus esurientis vidi, eius extimescebam impetum nimisque hercle ego illum male formidabam. ita frendebat dentibus. adveniens deturbavit totum cum carne carnarium: arripuit gladium, praetruncavit tribus tegoribus glandia; aulas calicesque omnes confregit, nisi quae modiales erant.
As soon as I saw that ravenous look of his I almost died for fear he’d make a rush at me-- Lord, how he did scare me, how he kept grinding his teeth! In he came and tugged down the meat, rack and all--grabbed a knife and lopped the choice bits off three necks of pork--and smashed every pot and tureen that didn’t hold a peck or more!
cocum percontabatur, possentne seriae fervescere. cellas refregit omnis intus reclusitque armarium. adservate istunc, sultis, servi. ego ibo, ut conveniam senem. dicam ut sibi penum alium adornet, siquidem sese uti volet; 920 nam hic quidem, ut adornat, aut iam nihil est aut iam nihil erit.
Kept asking the cook if he couldn’t possibly use the big pickle vats to boil things in! Broke into all the cupboards and raided the pantry! (_shouting to those within_) Hi, boys! watch him, will you! I’m going to find the old man. I’ll tell him, so that he can get in more victuals for himself, that is if he wants any for his own use: for to judge from the way this fellow is getting ’em out here, there’s nothing left now, or won’t be long. [EXIT.
## ACTVS V
## ACT V
(_Half an hour has elapsed._)
ENTER _Hegio_, _Philopolemus_, _Philocrates_, AND _Stalagmus._
_Hegio_
Iovi disque ago gratias merito magnas, quom reducem tuo te patri reddiderunt quomque ex miseriis plurimis me exemerunt, quae adhuc te carens dum hic[25] fui sustentabam, quomque hunc conspicor in potestate nostra, quomque huius reperta est fides firma nobis.
(_to Philopolemus_) I thank God with all my heart, as I ought, for bringing you back to your father, and for relieving me of the dreadful anguish I’ve been enduring as day after day went by, and I still here without you; yes, and for letting me see this rascal (_indicating Stalagmus_) in my power, and for this gentleman’s (_indicating Philocrates_) proving himself a man of honour in standing by his promise to us.
_Philop._
Satis iam dolui ex animo, et cura me satis et lacrumis maceravi, satis iam audivi tuas aerumnas, ad portum mihi quas memorasti. hoc agamus.
(_seeing Philocrates is getting impatient_) I’ve had quite enough bitter suffering, and enough of wearing myself out with anxiety and weeping, too, and I’ve heard quite enough of your distress of which you told me at the harbour, father! So now to the main point. (_turns to Philocrates_)
_Philocr._
Quid nunc, quoniam tecum servavi fidem 930 tibique hunc reducem in libertatem feci?
(_to Hegio_) What of me, sir, now that I have kept faith with you and secured the liberty of your son here?
_Hegio_
Fecisti ut tibi, Philocrates, numquam referre gratiam possim satis, proinde ut tu promeritu’s de me et filio.
After the way you have acted, Philocrates, I’m entirely unable to show gratitude enough for your treatment of me and my son.
_Philop._
Immo potes, pater, et poteris et ego potero, et di eam potestatem dabunt ut beneficium bene merenti nostro merito muneres; sicut tu huic[26] potes, pater mi, facere merito maxume.
No, no, you are able, father, yes, and always will be able, and so shall I be, and Heaven will give you the ability to do a deserved kindness to a man that has been so kind to us. It’s just as with this slave here, (_pointing to Stalagmus_) father dear; you’re able to give him his full deserts.
_Hegio_
Quid opust verbis? lingua nullast qua negem quidquid roges.
(_to Philocrates_) It’s plain enough, sir,--I have no tongue with which to refuse a request of yours.
_Philocr._
Postulo abs te, ut mi illum reddas servom, quem hic reliqueram pignus pro me, qui mihi melior quam sibi semper fuit, pro bene factis eius ut ei pretium possim reddere. 940
What I ask you to do is to give me back the slave I left here as security for myself--he was always ready to sacrifice himself for me!--so that I can reward him for his kindnesses.
_Hegio_
Quod bene fecisti referetur gratia id quod postulas; et id et aliud, quod me orabis, impetrabis. atque te nolim suscensere quod ego iratus ei feci male.
You have been kind to us, sir, and I shall be glad to do as you ask; both that request, and any other, will be granted. (_embarrassed_) And--and I trust you won’t be incensed at me for getting angry and treating him badly.
_Philocr._
Quid fecisti?
(_anxiously_) What did you do?
_Hegio_
In lapicidinas compeditum condidi, ubi rescivi mihi data esse verba.
I had him fettered and put down in the stone quarries when I found out I had been imposed upon.
_Philocr._
Vae misero mihi, propter meum caput labores homini evenisse optumo.
God forgive me! To think of the splendid fellow suffering so, and all for my sake!
_Hegio_
At ob eam rem mihi libellam pro eo argenti ne duis. gratiis a me, ut sit liber, ducito.
Well, sir, this being so, you needn’t give me a single farthing for him: take him from me gratis--he is a free man.
_Philocr._
Edepol, Hegio. facis benigne. sed quaeso, hominem ut iubeas arcessi.
Well, well, Hegio, many thanks! But have him sent for, I beg you.
_Hegio_
Licet. ubi estis vos? ite actutum Tyndarum huc arcessite, 950 vos ite intro. interibi ego ex hac statua verberea volo erogitare, meo minore quid sit factum filio. vos lavate interibi.
By all means (_calling to slaves in house_) Where are you? [ENTER OVERSEERS] Quick! go bring Tyndarus here. [EXEUNT OVERSEERS] (_to Philopolemus and Philocrates_) As for you lads, step inside. Meanwhile I want to inquire of this whipping post here (_pointing to Stalagmus_) what was done with my younger son. You can take a bath meanwhile.
_Philop._
Sequere hac. Philocrates, me intro.
Come along in with me, Philocrates.
_Philocr._
Sequor.
Certainly. [EXEUNT.
V. 2.
## Scene 2.
_Hegio_
Age tu illuc procede. bone vir, lepidum mancupium meum.
(_to Stalagmus_) Come now, you! Over there with you, (_pointing_) my good sir, my charming piece of property.
_Stal._
Quid me oportet facere, ubi tu talis vir falsum autumas? fui ego bellus, lepidus. bonus vir numquam, neque frugi bonae, neque ero umquam, ne erres: spem ponas me bonae frugi fore.
(_sullenly_) What can you look for from me, when a fine gentleman like you tells lies? I’ve had my day as a dandy, a charmer; a good sir, or good for anything, I never was, and I never will be, make no mistake, don’t you build up hopes I will be good for anything.
_Hegio_
Propemodum ubi loci fortunae tuae sint facile intellegis. si eris verax, tua ex re, facies ex mala meliusculam. recte et vera loquere, sed neque vere neque tu recte adhuc 960 fecisti umquam.
You have no difficulty in appreciating your position pretty fairly well. Now be truthful, and you’ll be acting to your own advantage and make a bad prospect somewhat better. Out with your story, make it straightforward and honest--virtues you have never displayed hitherto, however.
_Stal._
Quod ego fatear, credin pudeat cum autumes?
When I’m ready to admit a thing myself d’ye think I should be ashamed of it just because you say it’s so?
_Hegio_
At ego faciam ut pudeat, nam in ruborem te totum dabo.
I’ll make you ashamed, though: (_savagely_) I tell you what, I’ll make one big blush of you.
_Stal._
Eia, credo ego imperito plagas minitaris mihi. tandem ista aufer ac dic quid fers, ut feras hinc quod petis.
(_ironically_) La! La! I’m promised a whipping, it seems, and I such a novice at it--oh, yes I am! Look here, get done with that talk and say what you’ve got to propose, so as to get what you’re after.
_Hegio_
Satis facundu’s. sed iam fieri dicta compendi volo.
Quite a gift of tongue, sir! But oblige me by saving some of it for the moment.
_Stal._
Ut vis fiat.
Anything you like.
_Hegio_
Bene morigerus fuit puer, nunc non decet. hoc agamus. iam animum advorte ac mihi quae dicam edissere.[27] (967)
(_half aside_) That compliance he showed as a boy hardly becomes him at present. (_aloud_) To business! Now then, pay attention and answer me fully.
_Stal._
Nugae istaec sunt. non me censes scire quid dignus siem? (969)
Rot! Don’t you suppose I know what I deserve?
_Hegio_
At ea subterfugere potis es pauca, si non omnia. 970
Well, you have a chance to escape a little of it, if not all.
_Stal._
Pauca effugiam, scio; nam multa evenient, et merito meo, quia et fugi et tibi surripui filium et eum vendidi.
Little enough I’ll escape, I know that; for there’ll be plenty coming, and it serves me right, seeing I ran away and kidnapped your son and sold him.
_Hegio_
Cui homini?
To whom?
_Stal._
Theodoromedi in Alide Polyplusio, sex minis.
(_drawling_) Theodoromedes Goldfields, in Elis, for twenty-four pounds.
_Hegio_
Pro di immortales, is quidem huius est pater Philocrati.
God bless my soul! Why, he is the father of Philocrates here!
_Stal._
Quin melius novi quam tu et vidi saepius.
Well, I know him better than you, and I’ve seen him oftener.
_Hegio_
Serva, Iuppiter supreme, et me et meum gnatum mihi. Philocrates, per tuom te genium obsecro, exi, te volo.
God Almighty, save me and save my boy for me! (_running to door and shouting_) Philocrates! Here, here, come, on your life! I want you!
V. 3.
## Scene 3.
ENTER _Philocrates_.
_Philocr_
Hegio, assum. si quid me vis, impera.
Here I am, Hegio. If I can be of any service, command me.
_Hegio_
Hic gnatum meum tuo patri ait se vendidisse sex minis in Alide.
(_beside himself_) This fellow says my son--he sold him to your father--for twenty-four pounds--in Elis!
_Philocr._
Quam diu id factum est?
How long ago was this?
_Stal._
His annus incipit vicensimus. 980
Going on for twenty years.
_Philocr._
Falsa memorat.
He’s lying.
_Stal._
Aut ego aut tu. nam tibi quadrimulum tuos pater peculiarem parvolo puero dedit.
(_indifferent_) One of us is. As a matter of fact, your father gave you a little four year old boy for your own, when you were nothing but a youngster yourself.
_Philocr._
Quid erat ei nomen? si vera dicis, memoradum mihi.
(interested) What was his name? If your story is true, come, tell me that.
_Stal._
Paegnium vocitatust, post vos indidistis Tyndaro.
Styled Pettie, he was: later on you folks called him Tyndarus.
_Philocr._
Cur ego te non novi?
How is it I don’t know you?
_Stal._
Quia mos est oblivisci hominibus neque novisse cuius nihili sit faciunda gratia.
Because it’s the regular thing to forget a fellow and cut him, in case his good will can’t help you at all.
_Philocr._
Dic mihi, isne istic fuit, quem vendidisti meo patri, qui mihi peculiaris datus est?
Tell me, was that boy you sold my father the same one that was given me for my own?
_Stal._
Huius filius.
(_with a nod in Hegio’s direction_) His son.
_Hegio_
Vivitne is homo?
(_eagerly_) Is he alive, this--man?
_Stal._
Argentum accepi, nil curavi ceterum.
I got the money: that’s all I bothered about.
_Hegio_
Quid tu ais?
(_to Philocrates_) What do you say?
_Philocr._
Quin istic ipsust Tyndarus tuos filius, 990 ut quidem hic argumenta loquitur. nam is mecum a puero puer bene pudiceque educatust usque ad adulescentiam.
Why, it’s Tyndarus himself that is your son, at least according to this fellow’s evidence. For Tyndarus has been brought up with me from the time we were boys, and brought up in good honest fashion.
_Hegio_
Et miser sum et fortunatus, si vos vera dicitis; eo miser sum quia male illi feci, si gnatust meus. eheu, quom ego plus minusve feci quam me aequom fuit. quod male feci crucior; modo si infectum fieri possiet. sed eccum incedit huc ornatus haud ex suis virtutibus.
I feel miserable and happy both, if what you two say is true! Miserable at having been so hard on him, if he is my own boy! Dear, dear! how much more I’ve done than I ought, or how much less! It’s torment, to think of the horrible thing I’ve done--oh, if it could only be undone! (_looking down street_) Look, though,--there he comes! To be decked out like that, the noble fellow!
V. 4.
## Scene 4.
ENTER _Tyndarus_ ESCORTED BY OVERSEERS. HE IS HEAVILY IRONED AND CARRIES A CROWBAR.
_Tynd._
Vidi ego multa saepe picta, quae Acherunti fierent cruciamenta, verum enim vero nulla adaeque est Acheruns atque ubi ego fui, in lapicidinis. illic ibi demumst locus, 1000 ubi labore lassitudo est exigunda ex corpore.
(_dryly_) I have seen a good many pictures whose subject was torture in Hell: but upon my soul, there is no hell that can match those stone quarries where I’ve been. That place down there is certainly the one where a weary man can be dead sure of working off his tired feeling.
nam ubi illo adveni, quasi patricus pueris aut monerulae, aut anites aut coturnices dantur, quicum lusitent itidem mi haec advenienti upupa, qui me delectem, datast sed erus eccum ante ostium, et erus alter eccum ex Alide rediit.
Why, when I got there it was just like your young scions of the nobility being given daws or ducks or quails for playfellows: my own case exactly--the moment I arrived they gave me this crow to have a lark with. (_looking toward Hegio’s house_) But there’s my master in front of the door-- and, yes, my other master back from Elis!
_Hegio_
Salve, exoptate gnate mi.
Oh, how are you, my own longed-for son?
_Tynd._
Hem, quid gnate mi? attat. scio cur te patrem adsimules esse et me filium: quia mi item ut parentes lucis das tuendi copiam.
Eh? “My son?” How’s that? (_pauses, then with a weary laugh_) Ah, yes, yes, I see the point of your father and son chaff: just as parents do, you give me a chance to behold the light of day.
_Philocr._
Salve, Tyndare.
God bless you, Tyndarus!
_Tynd._
Et tu, quoius causa hanc aerumnam exigo.
And you, sir, for whose sake I’m undergoing this confounded experience.
_Philocr._
At nunc liber in divitias faxo venies. nam tibi 1010 pater hic est; hic servos, qui te huic hinc quadrimum surpuit. vendidit patri meo te sex minis, is te mihi parvolum peculiarem parvolo puero dedit: illic indicium fecit; nam hunc ex Alide huc reduximus.
But now you shall be a free man, Tyndarus, and a rich one, I promise you. For here is (_indicating Hegio_) your father; this slave (_indicating Stalagmus_) stole you away from him here when you were four years old and sold you to my father for twenty-four pounds. And when we were both small boys, father gave you to me for my own. That fellow there has proved it all; you see we brought him back here from Elis.
_Tynd._
Quid huius filium?
(_dazed_) What about his son?
_Philocr._
Intus eccum fratrem germanum tuom.[28] (1015)
Look--inside there--your own brother!
_Tynd._
Nunc edepol demum in memoriam regredior, audisse me (1023) quasi per nebulam, Hegionem meum patrem vocarier.
Great heavens! When I think back I do now at last remember hearing--in a cloudy sort of way--my father called Hegio!
_Hegio_
Is ego sum.
(_embracing him_) I am that Hegio!
_Philocr._
Compedibus quaeso ut tibi sit levior filius atque huic gravior servos.
(_to Hegio, pointing to the shackles on Tyndarus_). Those irons, sir,--for mercy’s sake get yourself a lighter son, and him a heavier slave. (_indicating Stalagmus_)
_Hegio_
Certum est principio id praevortier. eamus intro, ut arcessatur faber, ut istas compedes tibi adimam, huic dem.
Yes, yes, I must see to that first of all. Let’s go inside and have a blacksmith sent for, so that I may get those irons off of you and make this fellow (_turning to Stalagmus_) a present of them.
_Stal._
Quoi peculi nihil est, recte feceris.
Thanks awfully--seeing I haven’t a thing I can call my own. [EXEUNT OMNES.
CATERVA
EPILOGUE
SPOKEN BY THE COMPANY.
Spectatores, ad pudicos mores facta haec fabula est, neque in hac subigitationes sunt neque ulla amatio 1030 nec pueri suppositio nec argenti circumductio, neque ubi amans adulescens scortum liberet clam suom patrem.
Spectators, this play was composed with due regard to the proprieties: here you have no vicious intrigues, no love affair, no supposititious child, no getting money on false pretences, no young spark setting a wench free without his father’s knowledge.