Part 4
Ubi ego Sosia nolim esse, tu esto sane Sosia; nunc, quando ego sum, vapulabis, ni hinc abis, ignobilis. 440
When I do not wish to be Sosia, be Sosia yourself, by all means. Now that I am he, you either pack, or take a thrashing, you unknown riff raff.
_Sos._
Certe edepol, quom illum contemplo et formam cognosco meam, quem ad modum ego sum--saepe in speculum inspexi--nimis similest mei; itidem habet petasum ac vestitum: tam consimilest atque ego; sura, pes, statura, tonsus, oculi, nasum vel labra, malae, mentum, barba, collus: totus. quid verbis opust?
(_aside, looking him over carefully_) Upon my soul, now I look him over, and consider my own looks, my own appearance-- I’ve peeped in a mirror many a time--he is precious like me. Has on a travelling hat, yes, and clothes the same as mine. He’s as like me as I am myself! Same leg--foot-- height--haircut--eyes--nose--lips, even--jaw-- chin--beard-- neck--everything. Well--well, well, well!
si tergum cicatricosum, nihil hoc similist similius. sed quom cogito, equidem certo idem sum qui semper fui. novi erum, novi aedis nostras; sane sapio et sentio. non ego illi obtempero quod loquitur, pultabo foris.
If he’s got a backful of whip scars, you couldn’t find a liker likeness anywhere. (_pause_) But--when I think it over--I’m positive I’m the same man I always was, of course I am. (_with growing conviction_) I know master, I know our house. I’m sane and sound, I’ve got my senses. I won’t take any notice of what he says, not I. I’ll knock at the door (_moves toward Amphitryon’s house_)
_Mer._
Quo agis te?
(_blocking him off_) Where now?
_Sos._
Domum.
Home.
_Mer._
Quadrigas si nunc inscendas Iovis 450 atque hinc fugias, ita vix poteris effugere infortunium.
(_advancing_) And shouldst thou climb into Jupiter’s four horse chariot and seek to flee, e’en so thou canst hardly fly misfortune.
_Sos._
Nonne erae meae nuntiare quod erus meus iussit licet?
I can tell my own mistress what my own master ordered me to tell her, can’t I?
_Mer._
Tuae si quid vis nuntiare: hanc nostram adire non sinam. nam si me inritassis, hodie lumbifragium hinc auferes.
Thy own mistress, aye,--whatever likes thee: but never shalt thou approach ours here. Yea, provoke me, and thou draggest hence a shipwreck of a man. (_advancing_)
_Sos._
Abeo potius. di immortales, obsecro vostram fidem, ubi ego perii? ubi immutatus sum? ubi ego formam perdidi? an egomet me illic reliqui, si forte oblitus fui? nam hic quidem omnem imaginem meam, quae antehac fuerat, possidet.
(_retreating_) Don’t, don’t,--I’ll be off! (_aside_) Ye immortal gods! For heaven’s sake, where did I lose myself? Where was I transformed? Where did I drop my shape? I didn’t leave myself behind at the harbour, did I, if I did happen to forget it? For, my word, this fellow has got hold of my complete image, mine that was!
vivo fit quod numquam quisquam mortuo faciet mihi. ibo ad portum atque haec uti sunt facta ero dicam meo; 460 nisi etiam is quoque me ignorabit; quod ille faxit Iuppiter, ut ego hodie raso capite calvos capiam pilleum.
Here I am alive and folks carry my image--more than anyone will ever do when I’m dead. I’ll go down to the harbour and tell my master all about these goings on--that is unless he doesn’t know me, too,--and I hope to Jupiter he won’t, so that I may shave my hair off this very day and stick my bald head in a freeman’s cap. [EXIT _Sosia._
I. 2.
## Scene 2.
_Mer._
Bene prospere hoc hodie operis processit mihi: amovi a foribus maximam molestiam, patri ut liceret tuto illam amplexarier. iam ille illuc ad erum cum Amphitruonem advenerit, narrabit servom hinc sese a foribus Sosiam amovisse; ille adeo illum mentiri sibi credet, neque credet huc profectum, ut iusserat.
Well, my little affair has progressed finely, famously. I have sent a confounded nuisance to the right-about from the door and given my father a chance to embrace the lady there in safety. Now when our friend gets back there to his master, Amphitryon, he’ll tell his tale how it was servant Sosia that packed him off. Yes, and then Amphitryon will think he is lying, and never came here as he ordered.
erroris ambo ego illos et dementiae 470 complebo atque omnem Amphitruonis familiam, adeo usque, satietatem dum capiet pater illius quam amat. igitur demum omnes scient quae facta. denique Alcumenam Iuppiter rediget antiquam coniugi in concordiam.
I’ll muddle up the pair of them, bedevil them completely, and Amphitryon’s whole household, too, and keep it up till my father has his fill of her whom he loves: then all shall know the truth, but not before. And finally Jupiter will renew the former harmony between Alcmena and her spouse.
nam Amphitruo actutum uxori turbas conciet atque insimulabit eam probri; tum meus pater eam seditionem illi in tranquillum conferet. nunc de Alcumena dudum quod dixi minus, hodie illa pariet filios geminos duos 480
For you see, Amphitryon, will be raging at his wife shortly, and accusing her of playing him false: then my father will step in and quell the riot. Now about Alcmena--something I left unsaid a while ago--now she shall bring forth twin sons,
alter decumo post mense nascetur puer quam seminatust, alter mense septumo; eorum Amphitruonis alter est, alter Iovis: verum minori puero maior est pater, minor maiori. iamne hoc scitis quid siet?
one being a ten months’ boy, the other a seven. One is Amphitryon’s child, the other Jove’s: the younger boy, however, has the greater father, and vice versa. You see how it is now, do you?
sed Alcumenae huius honoris gratia pater curavit uno ut fetu fieret, uno ut labore absolvat aerumnas duas[15]. (488) quamquam, ut iam dudum dixi, resciscet tamen 49l Amphitruo rem omnem. quid igitur? nemo id probro profecto ducet Alcumenae; nam deum non par videtur facere, delictum suom suamque ut culpam expetere in mortalem ut sinat.
But out of consideration for Alcmena here, my father has provided that there shall be only one parturition: he intends to make one labour suffice for two. But Amphitryon, though, as I told you some time since, will be informed of the whole affair. But what of that? Certainly no one will hold Alcmena guilty: no, no, it would seem highly unbecoming for a god to let a mortal take the consequences of his misdeeds and his indiscretions.
orationem comprimam: crepuit foris. Amphitruo subditivos eccum exit foras cum Alcumena uxore usuraria.
(_listening_) Enough of this: there goes the door. Ah, the counterfeit Amphitryon comes out with his borrowed wife, Alcmena! (_steps aside_)
I. 3.
## Scene 3.
ENTER _Jupiter_ AND _Alcmena_ FROM THE HOUSE.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Bene vale, Alcumena, cura rem communem, quod facis; atque inperce quaeso: menses iam tibi esse actos vides. 500 mihi necesse est ire hinc; verum quod erit natum tollito.
Good-bye and God bless you, my dear. Continue to look out for our common interests, and do be sure not to overdo: you are near your time now, you know. I am obliged to leave you--but don’t expose the child.
_Alc._
Quid istuc est, mi vir, negoti, quod tu tam subito domo abeas?
(_plaintively_) Why, my husband, what is it takes you away so suddenly?
_Iup._ _Jup._
Edepol haud quod tui me neque domi distaedeat; sed ubi summus imperator non adest ad exercitum, citius quod non facto est usus fit quam quod facto est opus.
No weariness of you and home, I swear to that. But when the commander-in-chief is not with his army, things are much more liable to go wrong than right.
_Mer._
Nimis hic scitust sycophanta, qui quidem meus sit pater. observatote eum, quam blande muliori palpabitur.
(_aside_) Ah, he’s a sly old dodger--does me[D] credit, my father does! Notice how suavely he’ll smooth her down.
[Footnote D: Mercury was the patron god of roguery.]
_Alc._
Ecastor te experior quanti facias uxorem tuam.
(_pouting_) Oh yes, I’m learning how much you think of your wife.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Satin habes, si feminarum nulla est quam aeque diligam?
(_fondly_) Isn’t it enough that you’re the dearest woman in the world to me? (_embraces her_)
_Mer._
Edepol ne illa si istis rebus te sciat operam dare 510 ego faxim ted Amphitruonem esse malis, quam Iovem.
(_aside_) Now, now, sir! Just let the lady up yonder (_pointing thumb heavenward_) learn of your performances here, and I’ll guarantee you’d rather be Amphitryon than Jove.
_Alc._
Experiri istuc mavellem me quam mi memorarier. prius abis quam lectus ubi cubuisti concaluit locus. heri venisti media nocte, nunc abis. hocin placet?
## Actions speak louder than words. Here you are leaving me
before your place on the couch had time to get warm. You came last night at midnight, and now you are going. Does that seem right?
_Mer._
Accedam atque hanc appellabo et subparasitabor patri. numquam edepol quemquam mortalem credo ego uxorem suam sic ecflictim amare, proinde ut hic te ecflictim deperit.
(_aside_) I’ll go slip a word in and play henchman to my father. (_to Alcmena, stepping up_) Lord, ma’am, I don’t believe there’s a mortal man alive loves his own wife (_glancing slyly at Jupiter_) so madly as the mad way he dotes on you.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Carnufex, non ego te novi? abin e conspectu meo? quid tibi hanc curatio est rem, verbero, aut muttitio? quon ego iam hoc scipione--
(_angrily_) You rascal, don’t I know you? Out of my sight, will you! What business have you to interfere with this matter, or to breathe a word about it, you scamp? I’ll take my cane this instant and--
_Alc._
Ah noli.
(_seizing his arm_) Oh, please don’t!
_Iup._ _Jup._
Muttito modo. 520
You just breathe a word now!
_Mer._
Nequiter paene expedivit prima parasitatio.
(_aside dryly_) The henchman’s first try at henching pretty nearly came to grief.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Verum quod tu dicis, mea uxor, non te mi irasci decet. clanculum abii a legione: operam hanc subrupui tibi, ex me primo ut prima scires, rem ut gessissem publicam. ea tibi omnia enarravi. nisi te amarem plurimum, non facerem.
But as to what you say, precious,--you oughtn’t to be cross with me. It was on the sly that I left my troops: this is a stolen treat, stolen for your sake, so that your first news of how I served my country might come first from me. And now I have told you the whole story. I wouldn’t have done such a thing, if I hadn’t loved you with all my heart.
_Mer._
Facitne ut dixi? timidam palpo percutit.
(_aside_) Doing as I said, eh? Stroking her down, patting her back, poor thing.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Nunc, ne legio persentiscat, clam illuc redeundum est mihi, ne me uxorem praevertisse dicant prae re publica.
Now I must slip back, so that my men may not get wind of this and say I put my wife ahead of the public welfare.
_Alc._
Lacrimantem ex abitu concinnas tu tuam uxorem.
(_tearfully_) And make your own wife cry at your leaving her!
_Iup._ _Jup._
Tace, ne corrumpe oculos, redibo actutum.
(_affectionately_) Hush! Don’t spoil your eyes: I shall be back soon.
_Alc._
Id actutum diu est. 530
That “soon” is a long, long time.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Non ego te hic lubens relinquo neque abeo abs te.
It’s not that I like to leave you here and go away.
_Alc._
Sentio, nam qua nocte ad me venisti, eadem abis.
So I perceive--going away the same night you came to me! (_clings to him_)
_Iup._ _Jup._
Cur me tenes? tempus est: exire ex urbe prius quam lucescat volo. nunc tibi hanc pateram, quae dono mi illi ob virtutem data est, Pterela rex qui potitavit, quem ego mea occidi manu, Alcumena, tibi condono.
Why do you hold me? It is time: I wish to get out of the city before daybreak. (_producing a golden bowl_) Here is the bowl they presented me for bravery on the field--the one King Pterelas used to drink from, whom I killed with my own hand--take it as a gift from me, Alcmena.
_Alc._
Facis ut alias res soles. ecastor condignum donum, qualest qui donum dedit.
(_taking bowl eagerly_) That _is_ so like you! Oh, your gift just matches the giver!
_Mer._
Immo sic: condignum donum, qualest cui dono datumst.
Oh no, not the giver--that gift matches the getter.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Pergin autem? nonne ego possum, furcifer, te perdere?
(_savagely_) So? At it again? Is there no choking you off, you jailbird? No? (_advances with upraised cane_)
_Alc._
Noli amabo, Amphitruo, irasci Sosiae causa mea. 540
(_holding him back_) Please, Amphitryon, don’t be angry with Sosia on my account.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Faciam ita ut vis.
(_halting_) Anything you please.
_Mer._
Ex amore hic admodum quam saevos est.
(_aside_) Love has made an out-and-out savage of him.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Numquid vis?
(_kissing Alcmena and turning to go_) Nothing else, then?
_Alc._
Ut quom absim me ames, me tuam te absente tamen.
This,--even though I am not near you, love me still, your own true wife, absent or not.
_Mer._
Eamus, Amphitruo. lucescit hoc iam.
Let’s go, sir; it is getting light already.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Abi prae, Sosia, Iam ego sequar. numquid vis?
Go ahead, Sosia; I shall be with you in a moment. [EXIT _Mercury._ (_kisses Alcmena again and turns to go_) Nothing further?
_Alc._
Etiam: ut actutum advenias.
Yes, yes--do come back soon.
_Iup._ _Jup._
Licet, prius tua opinione hic adero: bonum animum habe. nunc te, nox, quae me mansisti, mitto uti cedas die, ut mortalis inlucescat luce clara et candida. atque quanto, nox, fuisti longior hac proxuma, tanto brevior dies ut fiat faciam, ut aeque disparet. sed dies e nocte accedat. ibo et Mercurium sequar. 550
Indeed I will: I shall be here sooner than you think. Come, come, cheer up! (_embraces her and moves away_) [EXIT _Alcmena_ INTO HOUSE, SADLY. Now, Night, who hast tarried for me, I dismiss thee: give place to Day, that he may shine upon mortals in radiance and splendour. And Night, since thou wert longer than the last, I shall make the day so much the shorter, that there may be fair adjustment. But let day issue forth from night. Now to follow after Mercury. [EXIT _Jupiter._
## ACTVS II
## ACT II
(_Half an hour has elapsed._)
ENTER _Amphitryon_ FOLLOWED BY _Sosia_. SLAVES WITH BAGGAGE IN REAR.
_Amph._
Age i tu secundum.
(_to lagging Sosia_) Here you! After me, come!
_Sos._
Sequor, subsequor te.
Coming, sir! Right at your heels.
_Amph._
Scelestissimum te arbitror.
It’s my opinion you are a damned rascal.
_Sos._
Nam quam ob rem?
(_hurt_) Oh sir, why?
_Amph._
Quia id quod neque est neque fuit neque futurum est mihi praedicas.
(_angrily_) Because what you tell me is not so, never was so, never will be.
_Sos._
Eccere, iam tuatim facis tu, ut tuis nulla apud te fides sit.
See there now! Just like you--you can never trust your servants.
_Amph._
Quid est? quo modo? iam quidem hercle ego tibi istam scelestam, scelus, linguam abscidam.
(_misunderstanding_) What? How is that? Well, by heaven now, I’ll cut out that villainous tongue for you, you villain!
_Sos._
Tuos sum, proinde ut commodumst et lubet quidque facias tamen quin loquar haec uti facta sunt hic, numquam ullo modo me potes deterrere. 560
(_stubbornly_) I am yours, sir: so do anything that suits your convenience and taste. However, I shall tell everything just as it happened here, and you shall never frighten me out of that, never.
_Amph._
Scelestissime, audes mihi praedicare id, domi te esse nunc, qui hic ades?
You confounded rascal, do you dare tell me you are at home this very minute, when you are here with me?
_Sos._
Vera dico.
It is a fact, sir.
_Amph._
Malum quod tibi di dabunt, atque ego hodie dabo.
A fact you shall soon suffer for--the gods will see to that, and so will I.
_Sos._
Istuc tibist in manu, nam tuos sum.
That rests with you, sir: I am your man.
_Amph._
Tun me, verbero, audes erum ludificari? tunc id dicere audes, quod nemo umquam homo antehac vidit nec potest fieri, tempore uno homo idem duobus locis ut simul sit?
You dare make fun of me, scoundrel, your master? You dare tell me a thing no one ever saw before, an impossible thing--the same man in two places at one time?
_Sos._
Profecto, ut loquor res ita est.
Really, sir, it is just as I say.
_Amph._
Iuppiter te perdat.
Jove’s curse on you!
_Sos._
Quid mali sum, ere, tua ex re promeritus? 570
What harm have I done you to be punished, sir?
_Amph._
Rogasne, improbe, etiam qui ludos facis me?
Harm? You reprobate! Still making a joke of me, are you?
_Sos._
Merito maledicas mihi, si id ita factum est.[16] verum haud mentior, resque uti facta dico.
You would have a right to call me names, if that was so. But I am not lying, sir: it happened just as I say.
_Amph._
Homo hic ebrius est, ut opinor.
The man is drunk, I do believe.
_Sos._
Utinam ita essem.
(_heartily_) Wish I was!
_Amph._
Optas quae facta. 575
(_dryly_) Your wish is already gratified.
_Sos._
Egone?
Is it?
_Amph._
Tu istic. ubi bibisti?
It is. Where did you get drink?
_Sos._
Nusquam equidem bibi.
I did not, not I, nowhere.
_Amph._
Quid hoc sit 576 hominis?
(_despairingly_) What am I to make of the fellow?
_Sos._
Equidem decies dixi: domi ego sum, inquam, ecquid audis? 577 et apud te adsum Sosia idem. satin hoc plane, satin diserte, 578 ere, nunc videor tibi locutus esse?
I have told you how it is ten times over: I am at home, I say. Do you hear that? Yes, and I am here with you, the same Sosia. There sir, do you think that is putting it plainly enough, lucidly enough for you?
_Amph._
Vah, 579 apage te a me.
(_shoving him aside_) Bah! Get away with you.
_Sos._
Quid est negoti? 580
What is the matter?
_Amph._
Pestis te tenet.
You have the plague.
_Sos._
Nam quor istuc dicis? equidem valeo el salvos sum recte, Amphitruo.
Why, what do you say that for? Really, sir, I feel well, I am all right.
_Amph._
At te ego faciam 583 hodie proinde ac meritus es, ut minus valeas et miser sis, 584a salvos domum si rediero: iam 584b sequere sis, erum qui ludificas 585a dictis delirantibus, 585b
But I shall soon see you get your deserts: you will not feel so well, you will be wretched enough, once I get back home all right. Be so good as to follow me, you that make a butt of your master with your idiotic drivel.
qui quoniam erus quod imperavit neglexisti persequi, nunc venis etiam ultro inrisum dominum: quae neque fieri possunt neque fando umquam accepit quisquam profers, carnifex; quoius ego hodie in tergum faxo ista expetant mendacia.
Seeing you neglected to carry out your master’s orders, you now have the effrontery to come and laugh at him, to boot,-- with your tales of what can never happen, what no man ever heard of, you rapscallion. By heaven, those lies of yours shall fall on your own back, I promise you!
_Sos._
Amphitruo, miserrima istaec miseria est servo bono, 590 apud erum qui vera loquitur, si id vi verum vincitur.
(_plaintively_) It is hard, sir, horribly hard, on a good servant that tells his master plain facts to have his facts confuted by a flogging.
_Amph._
Quo id, malum, pacto potest nam--mecum argumentis puta-- fieri, nunc uti tu et hic sis et domi? id dici volo.
Curse it! How in the world is it possible--argue it out with me--for you to be here now, and at home, too? Tell me that, will you?
_Sos._
Sum profecto et hic et illic. hoc cuivis mirari licet, neque tibi istuc mirum[17] magis videtur quam mihi.
I am here and I am there, I positively am. I don’t care who wonders at it: it is no more wonderful to you than it is to me, sir.
_Amph._
Quo modo?
How is that?
_Sos._
Nihilo, inquam, mirum magis tibi istuc quam mihi; neque, ita me di ament, credebam primo mihimet Sosiae, donec Sosia illic egomet fecit sibi uti crederem. ordine omne, uti quicque actum est, dum apud hostis sedimus, edissertavit. tum formam una abstulit cum nomine. 600 neque lac lactis magis est simile quam ille ego similest mei. nam ut dudum ante lucem a portu me praemisisti domum--
I say it is not a bit more wonderful to you than to me. So help me heaven, I didn’t believe my own self, Sosia, at first, not till that other Sosia, myself, made me believe him. He reeled off every thing just as it happened while we were on the field there with the enemy; and besides, he had stolen my looks along with my name. One drop of milk is no more like another than that I is like me. Why, when you sent me ahead home from the harbour before dawn a while ago--
_Amph._
Quid igitur?
What then?
_Sos._
Prius multo ante aedis stabam quam illo adveneram.
I was standing in front of the house long before I got there.
_Amph._
Quas, malum, nugas? satin tu sanus es?
What confounded rubbish! Are you actually in your senses?
_Sos._
Sic sum ut vides.
You can see for yourself I am.
_Amph._
Huic homini nescio quid est mali mala obiectum manu, postquam a me abiit.
The fellow is bewitched somehow: the evil hand has been laid on him since he left me.
_Sos._
Fateor, nam sum obtusus pugnis pessume.
Right you are! Evil? The way I got beaten to jelly was damned evil.
_Amph._
Quis te verberavit?
Who was it beat you?
_Sos._
Egomet memet, qui nunc sum domi.
I beat myself--the I that is at home now.
_Amph._
Cave quicquam, nisi quod rogabo te, mihi responderis. omnium primum iste qui sit Sosia, hoc dici volo.
Mind now, not a word but what I ask you. In the first place, I wish to be informed who that Sosia is.
_Sos._
Tuos est servos.
Your own slave.
_Amph._
Mihi quidem uno te plus etiam est quam volo, 610 neque postquam sum natus habui nisi te servom Sosiam.
As a matter of fact, I have one too many in you already, and never in my life did I own a slave named Sosia except yourself.
_Sos._
At ego nunc, Amphitruo, dico: Sosiam servom tuom praeter me alterum, inquam, adveniens faciam ut offendas domi, Davo prognatum patre eodem quo ego sum, forma, aetate item qua ego sum. quid opust verbis? geminus Sosia hic factust tibi.
Well sir, you mark my words now: I warrant you you will come upon a second servant Sosia of yours besides me when you reach home, yes sir, one whose father was Davus the same as mine, and who is just like me and just my age, too. Enough said, sir. Sosia has twinned here for you.
_Amph._
Nimia memoras mira. sed vidistin uxorem meam?
(_impressed_) Strange, very strange indeed! But did you see my wife?
_Sos._
Quin intro ire in aedis numquam licitum est.
Why, sir, never a foot was I allowed to put in the house.
_Amph._
Quis te prohibuit?
Who hindered you?
_Sos._
Sosia ille, quem iam dudum dico, is qui me contudit.
That Sosia I have been telling of all along, the one that smashed me up.
_Amph._
Quis istic Sosia est?
Who is that Sosia?
_Amph._
Ego, inquam. quotiens dicendum est tibi?
I am, I say. How many times do you need to be told?
_Amph._
Sed quid ais? num obdormivisti dudum?
(_reflecting_) But look here, you were not asleep a while ago, were you?
_Sos._
Nusquam gentium. 620
Not a bit of it, sir.
_Amph._
Ibi forte istum si vidisses quendam in somnis Sosiam--
Then perhaps, if you had seen that, well, that Sosia of yours in your dreams--
_Sos._