Part 5
Non soleo ego somniculose eri imperia persequi. vigilans vidi, vigilans nunc te video, vigilans fabulor, vigilantem ille me iam dudum vigilans pugnis contudit.
I don’t do my master’s orders drowsily. Wide awake I was, eyes open; I am wide awake with ’em open on you now; I am wide awake telling my story; and I was wide awake when he hammered me a while back, yes, and (_ruefully_) he was wide awake.
_Amph._
Quis homo?
Who?
_Sos._
Sosia, inquam, ego ille. quaeso, nonne intellegis?
Sosia, I tell you, that me. Pray do not you understand?
_Amph._
Qui, malum, intellegere quisquam potis est? ita nugas blatis.
How the devil can any man understand? Such stuff and nonsense!
_Sos._
Verum actutum nosces, quom illum nosces servom Sosiam.
(_significantly_) Well, you will know what I mean very soon, once you know that servant Sosia.
_Amph._
Sequere hac igitur me, nam mi istuc primum exquisito est opus.[18] (628)
(_going toward house_) Come then, this way. This matter needs my investigation first of all. (_stops to examine house from distance and talks with Sosia_)
II. 2.
## Scene 2.
ENTER _Alcmena_ INTO DOORWAY.
_Alc._
Satin parva res est voluptatum in vita atque in aetate agunda 633 praequam quod molestum est? ita cuique comparatum est in aetate hominum; ita divis est placitum, voluptatem ut maeror comes consequatur: quin incommodi plus malique ilico adsit, boni si optigit quid.
Oh, are not the pleasures in life, in this daily round, trifling compared with the pains! It is our common human lot, it is heaven’s will, for sorrow to come following after joy: yes, yes, and to have a larger share of trouble and distress the moment something nice has happened.
nam ego id nunc experior domo atque ipsa de me scio, cui voluptas parumper datast, dum viri mei mihi potestas videndi fuit noctem unam modo; atque is repente abiit a me hinc ante lucem. sola hic mihi nunc videor, quia ille hinc abest quem ego amo praeter omnes. 640 plus aegri ex abitu viri, quam ex adventu voluptatis cepi.
Ah, I am learning this now at first hand, learning it of my own experience--a few short hours of happiness, allowed to see my husband for just one night; and then away he goes all of a sudden before daylight! It does seem so lonely here now, when the one I love best is gone. I have felt more unhappy at his going than happy at his coming.
sed hoc me beat saltem, quom perduellis vicit et domum laudis compos revenit: id solacio est. absit, dum modo laude parta domum recipiat se; feram et perferam usque abitum eius animo forti atque offirmato, id modo si mercedis datur mi, ut meus victor vir belli clueat.
But there is thus much to be thankful for, at least: he has been victorious and come home a hero--that is one comfort. He may leave me, if only he returns to me with a glorious name: I will bear his going, yes, and keep on bearing it to the end firmly and unflinchingly, only let me have the reward of hearing my husband hailed conqueror.
satis mi esse ducam. virtus praemium est optimum; virtus omnibus rebus anteit profecto: libertas salus vita res et parentes, patria et prognati 650 tutantur, servantur: virtus omnia in sese habet, omnia adsunt bona quem penest virtus
That is enough for me! Courage is the very best gift of all; courage stands before everything, it does, it does! It is what maintains and preserves our liberty, safety, life, and our homes and parents, our country and children. Courage comprises all things: a man with courage has every blessing.
_Amph._
Edepol me uxori exoptatum credo adventurum domum, quae me amat, quam contra amo, praesertim re gesta bene, victis hostibus. quos nemo posse superari ratust, eos auspicio meo atque ductu primo coetu vicimus certe enim med illi expectatum optato venturum scio.
By Jove, my wife will certainly be delighted to have me home--loving each other as we do! Especially now that we have been successful, and the enemy, that every one thought invincible, beaten, beaten at the first set-to under my auspices and leadership. Ah yes, my arrival will surely be a very welcome event to her.
_Sos._
Quid? me non rere expectatum amicae venturum meae?
What? And don’t you think mine is going to be welcome to my lady friend?
_Alc._
Meus vir hic quidem est.
(_seeing them_) Why, here is my husband!
_Amph._
Sequere hac tu me.
(_to Sosia_) Here you, this way! (_goes on toward house_)
_Alc._
Nam quid ille revortitur, 660 qui dudum properare se aibat? an ille me temptat sciens atque id se volt experiri, suom abitum ut desiderem? ecastor med haud invita se domum recipit suam.
(_aside_) What in the world is he back for so soon after saying he must hurry off! Is he trying me on purpose, does he want to test how much I miss him when he goes? Bless his heart, I have no objection to his coming home again!
_Sos._
Amphitruo, redire ad navem meliust nos.
(_seeing her_) We had better make for the ship once more, sir.
_Amph._
Qua gratia?
Why?
_Sos._
Quia domi daturus nemo est prandium advenientibus
No one at home is going to give the new arrivals a breakfast, that is why.
_Amph._
Qui tibi nunc istuc in mentemst?
And how does that thought happen to occur to you?
_Sos._
Quia enim sero advenimus.
Because we’ve come too late.
_Amph._
Qui?
How so?
_Sos._
Quia Alcumenam ante aedis stare saturam intellego.
(_pointing_) Well, there’s mistress in front of the house, and she has a sort of well-fed look about her.
_Amph._
Gravidam ego illanc hic reliqui, quom abeo.
I had hopes when I went away, Sosia, of being made a father.
_Sos._
Ei perii miser.
Heaven help me!
_Amph._
Quid tibi est?
What is the matter?
_Sos._
Ad aquam praebendam commodum adveni domum, decumo post mense, ut rationem te putare intellego 670
(_disgustedly_) I have got home exactly in time to draw the water: it is the tenth month since, according as I follow your reckoning.
_Amph._
Bono animo es.
(_laughing_) Cheer up, cheer up!
_Sos._
Scin quam bono animo sim? si situlam cepero, numquam edepol tu mihi divini creduis post hunc diem, ni ego illi puteo, si occepso, animam omnem inter traxero.
Know how cheerful I am, do you, sir? Let me get hold of a bucket, and by gad, don’t ever trust my sacred oath again, if I do not drain that well of its last breath, once I begin.
_Amph._
Sequere hac me modo, alium ego isti rei allegabo, ne time.
Come now, this way with me. (_moves toward house again_) I will appoint some one else to that office, never fear.
_Alc._
Magis nunc me meum officium facere, si huic eam advorsum, arbitror.
(_aside_) I suppose it would be more duteous of me to go to meet him. (_advances slowly_)
_Amph._
Amphitruo uxorem salutat laetus speratam suam, quam omnium Thebis vir unam esse optimam diiudicat, quamque adeo cives Thebani vero rumiferant probam. valuistin usque? exspectatum advenio?
(_with playful courtliness_) Gladly does Amphitryon greet his darling wife, whom her husband judges to be the one best lady in all Thebes; yea, and justly do the citizens of Thebes bruit her virtue. (_earnestly_) Have you been well all this time? Are you glad to see me?
_Sos._
Haud vidi magis. exspectatum eum salutat magis haud quicquam quam canem. 680
(_aside_) Glad? None more so! Welcomes him about as warmly as she would a dog!
_Amph._
Et quom te[19] gravidam et quom te pulchre plenam aspicio, gaudeo.
Ah, it is splendid to see your condition, dear, and to see you getting on so finely.
_Alc._
Obsecro ecastor, quid tu me deridiculi gratia sic salutas atque appellas, quasi dudum non videris quasique nunc primum recipias te domum huc ex hostibus?[20] (684)
Good gracious! Why are you making fun of me with all these greetings and salutations, as if you had not seen me a little while ago and were just this moment back from the war?
_Amph._
Immo equidem te nisi nunc hodie nusquam vidi gentium. (686)
(_surprised_) Why, why, but I have not seen you--no, nowhere at all except this very instant.
_Alc._
Cur negas?
What makes you deny it?
_Amph._
Quia vera didici dicere.
Because I have learned to tell the truth.
_Alc._
Haud aequom facit qui quod didicit id dediscit. an periclitamini quid animi habeam? sed quid huc vos revortimini tam cito? an te auspicium commoratum est an tempestas continet 690 qui non abiisti ad legiones, ita uti dudum dixeras?
It is not a good plan to learn a thing and then unlearn it. Or is this a test of my feelings? But why are you returning so quickly? Were you delayed by bad omens, or is it the weather detains you, that you have not gone away to the army, as you spoke of doing a little while ago?
_Amph._
Dudum? quam dudum istuc factum est?
A little while ago? How little a while ago was that?
_Alc._
Temptas. iam dudum, modo.
Tease! Oh, quite a little while ago--just now.
_Amph._
Qui istuc potis est fieri, quaeso, ut dicis: iam dudum, modo?
For heaven’s sake, how can those statements agree--“quite a little while ago” and “just now”?
_Alc._
Quid enim censes? te ut deludam contra lusorem meum, qui nunc primum te advenisse dicas, modo qui hinc abieris.
Well, how do you suppose? I am merely trying to make game of you for a change, after your making game of me by saying this is your first appearance here, when you just now left us.
_Amph._
Haec quidem deliramenta loquitur.
(_to Sosia_) Upon my soul, she is raving!
_Sos._
Paulisper mane, dum edormiscat unum somnum.
Wait a while till she has slept out just one sleep.
_Amph._
Quaene vigilans somniat?
What, awake and dreaming?
_Alc._
Equidem ecastor vigilo, et vigilans id quod factum est fabulor. nam dudum ante lucem et istunc et te vidi.
(_indignantly_) To be sure I am awake, and awake as I relate what happened. Why, just a little while ago before dawn I saw that man and you, both.
_Amph._
Quo in loco?
Where was this?
_Alc._
Hic in aedibus ubi tu habitas.
Here in your very own house, sir.
_Amph._
Numquam factum est.
Impossible!
_Sos._
Non taces? 700 quid si e portu navis huc nos dormientis detulit?
Hush, sir, hush! What if the ship carried us here from the harbour in our sleep?
_Amph._
Etiam tu quoque adsentaris huic?
Ha! you are siding with her too, are you?
_Sos._
Quid vis fieri? non tu scis? Bacchae bacchanti si velis advorsarier, ex insana insaniorem facies, feriet saepius; si obsequare, una resolvas plaga.
(_wisely_) Well, what do you want? Don’t you understand? You but cross a Bacchante when the Bacchic frenzy fills her, and you’ll make the crazy thing crazier still and she’ll hit you all the more: humour her, and she’ll call it quits after one blow.
_Amph._
At pol qui certa res hanc est obiurgare, quae me hodie advenientem domum noluerit salutare.
Humour her? By the Lord, it will be bad humour, that’s sure,--arriving home to-day and she unwilling to give me a decent welcome!
_Sos._
Inritabis crabrones.
You’ll be poking up a hornet’s nest.
_Amph._
Tace. Alcumena, unum rogare te volo.
Silence! (_to Alcmena, sternly_) Alcmena, there is something I wish to ask you.
_Alc._
Quid vis roga.
Anything you please.
_Amph._
Num tibi aut stultitia accessit aut superat superbia?
Are you obsessed by some foolish notion, or is this pride running away with you?
_Alc._
Qui istuc in mentemst tibi ex me, mi vir, percontarier? 710
What makes it enter your head to ask me such a question, my husband?
_Amph._
Quia salutare advenientem me solebas antidhac, appellare, itidem ut pudicae suos viros quae sunt solent. eo more expertem te factam adveniens offendi domi.
Because till to-day you used to welcome me on my arrival and greet me as modest wives generally do their husbands. Yet here I come home to find you have dropped the habit.
_Alc._
Ecastor equidem te certo heri advenientem ilico, et salutavi et valuissesne usque exquisivi simul, mi vir, et manum prehendi et osculum tetuli tibi.
Why mercy me, when you came home yesterday I certainly did welcome you the moment you appeared, and asked you in the same breath if you had been well all the time, and seized your hand and gave you a kiss.
_Sos._
Tun heri hunc salutavisti?
Welcomed him yesterday, did you?
_Alc._
Et te quoque etiam, Sosia.
Yes, and you, too, Sosia.
_Sos._
Amphitruo, speravi ego istam tibi parituram filium; verum non est puero gravida.
Sir, I hoped she was going to bear you a son; but it’s no child she’s got.
_Amph._
Quid igitur?
What, then?
_Sos._
Insania.
A crazy streak.
_Alc._
Equidem sana sum et deos quaeso, ut salva pariam filium. 720 verum tu malum magnum habebis, si his suom officium facit: ob istuc omen, ominator, capies quod te condecet.
(_angrily_) Indeed I have not, and I pray heaven I may safely bear a son. But you, sir, shall have an ample supply of aches and pains, if your master here does his duty! You shall be well rewarded for that omen, Sir Omener.
_Sos._
Enim vero praegnati oportet et malum et malum dari, ut quod obrodat sit, animo si male esse occeperit.
Really now, ma’am, it’s a lady in your condition ought to have aches and pains, yes, and an apple supply, too, so as to have something to chew on in case she gets to feeling seedy.
_Amph._
Tu me heri hic vidisti?
You saw me here yesterday?
_Alc._
Ego, inquam, si vis decies dicere.
Yes, I,--if you must be told ten times over.
_Amph._
In somnis fortasse?
In your sleep, perhaps?
_Alc._
Immo vigilans vigilantem.
No, no, awake,--and you were awake, too.
_Amph._
Ei misero mihi.
Oh, this is terrible, terrible!
_Sos._
Quid tibi est?
What ails you?
_Amph._
Delirat uxor.
My wife is raving!
_Sos._
Atra bili percita est. nulla res tam delirantis homines concinnat cito.
Bilious attack, sir, black bile. There’s nothing sets ’em raving so soon.
_Amph._
Ubi primum tibi sensisti, mulier, impliciscier?
When did you first feel it coming on, woman?
_Alc._
Equidem ecastor sana et salva sum.
Goodness me! I’m perfectly sane and sound.
_Amph._
Quor igitur praedicas, 730 te heri me vidisse, qui hac noctu in portum advecti sumus? ibi cenavi atque ibi quievi in navi noctem perpetem, neque meum pedem huc intuli etiam in aedis, ut cum exercitu hinc profectus sum ad Teloboas hostis eosque ut vicimus.
Then why are you declaring you saw me yesterday, when we reached port last night? I took dinner there and spent the whole livelong night there on board my ship, and I have not set foot in this house from the time I and my troops started on our campaign against the Teloboians and conquered them.
_Alc._
Immo mecum cenavisti et mecum cubuisti.
The idea! You had dinner with me and went to bed with me.
_Amph._
Quid est?
What?
_Alc._
Vera dico.
I tell you the truth, sir.
_Amph._
Non de hac quidem hercle re; de aliis nescio.
Good God! Not in that, anyhow: about other matters I can’t say.
_Alc._
Primulo diluculo abiisti ad legiones.
And at the very break of day you went away to the army.
_Amph._
Quo modo?
How’s that?
_Sos._
Recte dicit, ut commeminit: somnium narrat tibi. sed, mulier, postquam experrecta es, te prodigiali Iovi aut mola salsa hodie aut ture comprecatam oportuit. 740
Quite straight, sir, as far as her memory goes: she’s giving you her dream. But I say, ma’am, this morning after you woke up you ought to have taken some salted cakes, or incense, and prayed to Jove--he has charge of prodigies.
_Alc._
Vae capiti tuo.
Oh confound you, sir!
_Sos._
Tua istuc refert--si curaveris.
(_innocently_) That would do you good, ma’am--if you would see to it.
_Alc._
Iterum iam hic in me inclementer dicit, atque id sine malo.
There he is, rude to me again, and not suffering for it!
_Amph._
Tace tu. tu dic: egone abs te abii hinc hodie cum diluculo?
(_to Sosia_) Keep still, you! (_to Alcmena_) And you--I left you this morning at daybreak, did I?
_Alc._
Quis igitur nisi vos narravit mi, illi ut fuerit proelium?
Why, who else but you two told me how the battle there went?
_Amph._
An etiam id tu scis?
You don’t mean to say you know about that?
_Alc._
Quippe qui ex te audivi, ut urbem maximam expugnavisses regemque Pterelam tute occideris.
Naturally, since I heard from your own lips how you took that great city and killed King Pterelas yourself.
_Amph._
Egone istuc dixi?
I told you that, I?
_Alc._
Tute istic, etiam adstante hoc Sosia.
Yes, you yourself,--with Sosia here standing by, too.
_Amph._
Audivistin tu me narrare haec hodie?
(_to Sosia_) Have you ever heard me say a word of this?
_Sos._
Ubi ego audiverim?
Heard you? Where?
_Amph._
Hanc roga.
(_sullenly_) Ask her.
_Sos._
Me quidem praesente numquam factum est, quod sciam.
You never did so far as I know, leastways with me at hand.
_Alc._
Mirum quin te adversus dicat.
(_ironically_) It is strange he declines to contradict his own master.
_Amph._
Sosia, age me huc aspice. 750
Sosia, here! Look me in the eye.
_Sos._
Specto.
(_obeying_) Very good, sir.
_Amph._
Vera volo loqui te, nolo adsentari mihi. audivistin tu hodie me illi dicere ea quae illa autumat?
What I want from you is the truth, no obsequiousness. Did you ever hear me utter a syllable of what she says?
_Sos._
Quaeso edepol, num tu quoque etiam insanis, quom id me interrogas, qui ipsus equidem nunc primum istanc tecum conspicio simul?
Well, upon my word, I should like to ask if you are not crazy yourself, asking me a question like that--and I just this minute setting eyes on her for the first time along with you?
_Amph._
Quid nunc, mulier? audin illum?
What now, madam? Do you hear him?
_Alc._
Ego vero, ac falsum dicere.
To be sure I do--telling lies.
_Amph._
Neque tu illi neque mihi viro ipsi credis?
You won’t believe him, or me, your own husband, either?
_Alc._
Eo fit quia mihi plurimum credo et scio istaec facta proinde ut proloquor.
That is only because I believe myself most of all, and I know everything occurred just as I tell you.
_Amph._
Tun me heri advenisse dicis?
And you say that I arrived yesterday?
_Alc._
Tun te abiisse hodie hinc negas?
And you deny that you left to-day?
_Amph._
Nego enim vero, et me advenire nunc primum aio ad te domum.
Deny it? Of course I do. And I say I’m just now coming home to you for the first time.
_Alc._
Obsecro, etiamne hoc negabis, te auream pateram mihi 760 dedisse dono hodie, qua te illi donatum esse dixeras?
And will you deny this, too, pray,--that you gave me the golden bowl to-day that was presented to you there, as you said?
_Amph._
Neque edepol dedi neque dixi; verum ita animatus fui itaque nunc sum, ut ea te patera donem. sed quis istuc tibi dixit?
By heaven! I neither gave it nor said it. But I did intend to make you a gift of that bowl, and do still. Who told you of that, though?
_Alc._
Ego equidem ex te audivi et ex tua accepi manu pateram.
Why, I heard about it from your own lips and received the bowl from your own hand.
_Amph._
Mane, mane, obsecro te. nimis demiror, Sosia, qui illaec illic me donatum esse aurea patera sciat, nisi tu dudum hanc convenisti et narravisti haec omnia.
One moment, please, one moment! (_turning to Sosia_) It is very extraordinary. Sosia, how she knows I was presented with a golden bowl there, unless you met her a while ago yourself and told her the whole story.
_Sos._
Neque edepol ego dixi neque istam vidi nisi tecum simul.
By gad, sir, I never told her, no, nor saw her, except here with you.
_Amph._
Quid hoc sit hominis?
(_helplessly_) What sort of a creature have I got here?
_Alc._
Vin proferri pateram?
Would you like to have the bowl brought?
_Amph._
Proferri volo.
Indeed I should.
_Alc._
Fiat heus tu, Thessala, intus pateram proferto foras, 770 qua hodie meus vir donavit me.
Very well. (_calling to maid within_) Ho, there! Thessala, bring out the bowl my husband gave me to day.
_Amph._
Secede huc tu, Sosia, enim vero illud praeter alia mira miror maxime, si haec habet pateram illam.
Sosia! Come over here. (_they withdraw somewhat_) Upon my soul, it will be the most astounding of all these astounding circumstances, if she has that.
_Sos._
An etiam credis id, quae in hac cistellula tuo signo obsignata fertur?
Do you really believe that, sir, when I’ve got it in this little chest here, sealed with your own signet?
_Amph._
Salvom signum est?
Is the seal intact?
_Sos._
Inspice.
(_showing chest_) Look and see.
_Amph._
Recte, ita est ut obsignavi.
(_doing so_) It is all right--just as I sealed it.
_Sos._
Quaeso, quin tu istanc iubes pro cerrita circumferri?
For heaven’s sake, why don’t you have her treated for lunacy?
_Amph._
Edepol qui facto est opus; nam haec quidem edepol larvarum plenast.
By Jove, so I should! Why, bless my soul, she’s full of evil spirits!
ENTER _Thessala_ WITH BOWL.
_Alc._
Quid verbis opust? em tibi pateram, eccam.
Are you satisfied, sir? There! Your bowl, see!
_Amph._
Cedo mi.
(_dumbfounded_) Give it here!
_Alc._
Age aspice huc sis nunciam tu qui quae facta infitiare, quem ego iam hic convincam palam estne haec patera qua donatu’s illi?
Come now, be so good as to look at it, you that do a thing and then disown it. I shall refute you plainly, sir, here and now. Is this the bowl which they presented to you there, or not?
_Amph._
Summe Iuppiter, 780 quid ego video? haec ea est profecto patera. perii, Sosia.
(_taking it_) Jove almighty! What do I see? The selfsame bowl, it is, it is! This is frightful, Sosia!
_Sos._
Aut pol haec praestigiatrix multo mulier maxima est aut pateram hic inesse oportet.
By gad, she’s either the greatest enchantress alive, easily, or the bowl must be inside here. (_pointing to chest_)
_Amph._
Agedum, exsolve cistulam.
Come, come, unfasten the chest!
_Sos._
Quid ego istam exsolvam? obsignatast recte, res gesta est bene: tu peperisti Amphitruonem, ego alium peperi Sosiam; nunc si patera pateram peperit, omnes congeminavimus.
Unfasten it? Why? It’s sealed all right, everything is shipshape. You have spawned another Amphitryon; I have spawned another Sosia; now if the bowl has spawned another bowl, we’ve all doubled.
_Amph._
Certum est aperire atque inspicere.
I’m resolved: it must be opened and inspected.
_Sos._
Vide sis signi quid siet, ne posterius in me culpam conferas.
You please take a look at the seal, sir, so that you won’t blame me later.
_Amph._
Aperi modo; nam haec quidem nos delirantis facere dictis postulat.
(_looking_) Yes, yes, open up! Why, the woman is bent on driving us mad with her talk.
_Alc._
Unde haec igitur est nisi abs te quae mihi dono data est? 790
Where did this come from, then, if not as a present from you?
_Amph._
Opus mi est istuc exquisito.
(_curtly_) This matter needs my investigation.
_Sos._
Iuppiter, pro Iuppiter.
(_busy with chest_) By Jove! Oh, by Jove!
_Amph._
Quid tibi est?
(_excited_) What is it?
_Sos._
Hic patera nulla in cistulast.
There’s no bowl in the chest here at all!
_Amph._
Quid ego audio?
What’s that you say?
_Sos._
Id quod verumst.
It’s the honest truth.
_Amph._
At cum cruciatu iam, nisi apparet, tuo.
But your skin shall soon pay for it, if it’s not forthcoming.
_Alc._
Haec quidem apparet.
This one is forthcoming, at any rate.
_Amph._
Quis igitur tibi dedit?