Part 9
(_grimly_) By the Lord, I’ll hold back that harbour master’s harbour dues; from this time forth you’ll get the treatment you merit of me and my exchequer, for this unmerited treatment of me, this turning me out of the house.
_Cle._
Magis istuc percipimus lingua dici, quam factis fore.
(_lightly_) Such things are easier said than done, I observe.
_Argyr._
Solus solitudine ego ted atque ab egestate abstuli; solus si ductem, referre gratiam numquam potes.
I, and I alone, am the man that rescued you from loneliness and destitution; even if I should take the girl for myself alone, you’d still be in my debt.
_Cle._
Solus ductato, si semper solus quae poscam dabis; semper tibi promissum habeto hac lege, dum superes datis.
Take her for yourself alone, if you alone will always give me what I demand. You can always be sure of her--on condition your presents are the biggest.
_Argyr._
Qui modus dandi? nam numquam tu quidem expleri potes; modo quom accepisti, haud multo post aliquid quod poscas paras.
And what end to the presents? Why, you can never be sated. Now you get something, and a minute later you’re devising some new demand.
_Cle._
Quid modist ductando, amando? numquamne expleri potes? modo remisisti, continuo iam ut remittam ad te rogas. 170
And what end to the taking her, to the lovey-doveying? Can you never be sated? Now you have sent her back to me, and the next instant you’re crying for me to send her back to you.
_Argyr._
Dedi equidem quod mecum egisti.
Well, I paid you what we agreed on.
_Cle._
Et tibi ego misi mulierem: par pari datum hostimentumst, opera pro pecunia.
And I let you have the girl: my policy has been fair give and take--services rendered for cash.
_Argyr._
Male agis mecum.
You’re using me shamefully.
_Cle._
Quid me accusas, si facio officium meum? nam neque fictum usquamst neque pictum neque scriptum in poematis ubi lena bene agat cum quiquam amante, quae frugi esse volt.
Why find fault with me for doing my plain duty? Why, nowhere in stone, paint, or poem is a lady in my line portrayed as using any lover well--if she wants to get on.
_Argyr._
Mihi quidem te parcere aequomst tandem, ut tibi durem diu.
(_appealingly_) You really ought to use me sparingly, though, so that I may last you a long time.
_Cle._
Non tu scis? quae amanti parcet, eadem sibi parcet parum. quasi piscis, itidemst amator lenae: nequam est, nisi recens; is habet sucum, is suavitatem, eum quo vis pacto condias vel patinarium vel assum, verses quo pacto lubet: 180 is dare volt, is se aliquid posci, nam ibi de pleno promitur;
(_coolly_) You miss the point? The lady that spares her lover spares herself too little. Lovers are the same as fish to us--no good unless they’re fresh. Your fresh ones are juicy and sweet; you can season them to taste in a stew, bake them, and turn them every way. Your fresh one wants to give you things, wants to be asked for something: in his case it all comes from a full cupboard, you see;
neque ille scit quid det, quid damni faciat: illi rei studet, volt placere sese amicae, volt mihi, volt pedisequae, volt famulis, volt etiam ancillis; et quoque catulo meo subblanditur novos amator, se ut quom videat gaudeat. vera dico: ad suom quemque hominem quaestum esse aequomst callidum.
and he has no idea what he’s giving, what it costs him. This is his only thought: he wants to please, please his girl, please me, please the waiting-woman, please the men servants, please the maid servants, too: yes, the new lover makes up to my little dog, even, so that he may be glad to see him. This is the plain truth: every one ought to keep a sharp eye for the main chance.
_Argyr._
Perdidici istaec esse vera damno cum magno meo.
I have thoroughly learned the truth of that, and a pretty penny it’s cost me.
_Cle._
Si ecastor nunc habeas quod des, alia verba praehibeas; nunc quia nihil habes, maledictis te eam ductare postulas.
Tut, tut! If you had anything left to give us, your language would be different; now that you have nothing, you expect to get her by abuse.
_Argyr._
Non meum est.
That’s not my way.
_Cle._
Nec meum quidem edepol, ad te ut mittam gratiis. 190 verum aetatis atque honoris gratia hoc fiet tui, quia nobis lucro fuisti potius quam decori tibi: si mihi dantur duo talenta argenti numerata in manum, hanc tibi noctem honoris causa gratiis dono dabo.
Nor mine, sir, to let you have her gratis--mercy, no! But, considering your youth and our high regard for you, this shall be done, seeing you have been more of an income to us than a credit to yourself: just hand me over (_casually_) four hundred pounds in cash and you shall have this evening with her, in token of said high regard, as a free gift from me.
_Argyr._
Quid si non est?
What if I haven’t it?
_Cle._
Tibi non esse credam, illa alio ibit tamen.
(_smiling, but firm_) I’ll give you credit--that you haven’t it: the girl shall go to some one else, however.
_Argyr._
Ubi illaec quae dedi ante?
Where is what I gave you before?
_Cle._
Abusa. nam si ea durarent mihi, mulier mitteretur ad te, numquam quicquam poscerem. diem aquam solem lunam noctem, haec argento non emo: ceterum quae volumus uti Graeca mercamur fide.
Spent. Why, if it had lasted, you should have your lady, and not a thing would I be asking for. Daylight, water, sunlight, moonlight, darkness--for these things I have to pay no money: everything else we wish to use we purchase on Greek credit.
quom a pistore panem petimus, vinum ex oenopolio. 200 si aes habent, dant mercem: eadem nos discipulina utimur. semper oculatae manus sunt nostrae, credunt quod vident. vetus est: “nihili coactiost”--scis cuius. non dico amplius.
When we go to the baker for bread, to the vintner for wine, their rule is commodities for cash: we use the same system ourselves. Our hands have eyes always: seeing is believing with them. As the old proverb has it: “There’s no getting”--you know what. I say no more.
_Argyr._
Aliam nunc mi orationem despoliato praedicas, longe aliam, inquam, praebes nunc atque olim, quom dabam, aliam atque olim, quom inliciebas me ad te blande ac benedice. tum mi aedes quoque arridebant, cum ad te veniebam, tuae; me unice unum ex omnibus te atque illam amare aibas mihi;
It’s a different sort of eloquence you use on me now I’ve been fleeced, very different, I say, from that former sort when I was giving you things, different from that former sort when you were luring me on with your smooth, suave talk. Then your very house used to be wreathed in smiles, when I turned up. You used to say I was the one and only love in all the world for you and her.
ubi quid dederam, quasi columbae pulli in ore ambae meo usque eratis, meo de studio studia erant vostra omnia, 210 usque adhaerebatis: quod ego iusseram, quod volueram faciebatis, quod nolebam ac votueram, de industria fugiebatis, neque conari id facere audebatis prius. nunc neque quid velim neque nolim facitis magni, pessumae.
After I’d given you anything the both of you used to keep hanging on my lips like a pair of young doves. Whatever I fancied, you fancied, and nothing else. You used to keep clinging to me. I ordered a thing, wished a thing,--you used to do it: I disliked a thing, forbade a thing,--you used to take pains to avoid doing it: you didn’t dare attempt to do it then. Now you don’t care tuppence what I like, or don’t like, you vile wretches!
_Cle._
Non tu scis? hic noster quaestus aucupi simillimust. auceps quando concinnavit aream, offundit cibum; aves adsuescunt: necesse est facere sumptum qui quaerit lucrum; saepe edunt: semel si sunt captae, rem solvent aucupi. itidem his apud nos: aedes nobis area est, auceps sum ego, 219,220 esca est meretrix, lectus inlex est, amatores aves;
(_still cheerfully superior_) You miss the point? This profession of ours is a great deal like bird-catching. The fowler, when he has his fowling-floor prepared, spreads food around; the birds become familiarized: you must spend money, if you wish to make money. They often get a meal: but once they get caught they recoup the fowler. It is quite the same with us here: our house is the floor, I am the fowler, the girl the bait, the couch the decoy, the lovers the birds.
bene salutando consuescunt, compellando blanditer, osculando, oratione vinnula, venustula. si papillam pertractavit, haud est ab re aucupis; savium si sumpsit, sumere eum licet sine retibus. haecine te esse oblitum, in ludo qui fuisti tam diu?
They become familiar through pleasant greetings, pretty speeches, kisses, cooey, captivating little whispers. If he cuddles her close in his arms, well, no harm to the fowler. If he takes a naughty kind of kiss, he can be taken himself, and no net needed. You to forget all this, and so long in the school, too?
_Argyr._
Tua ista culpa est, quae discipulum semidoctum abs te amoves.
It’s your fault, if I have: you expelled your pupil when he was half taught.
_Cle._
Remeato audacter, mercedem si eris nactus; nunc abi.
Trot along back to us boldly, if you find the tuition fee: for the present run away. (_turns to go in_)
_Argyr._
Mane, mane, audi. dic, quid me aequom censes pro illa tibi dare, annum hunc ne cum quiquam alio sit?
Wait, wait, listen! Tell me, what do you think I ought to give you to have her all to myself this next year?
_Cle._
Tene? viginti minas; 230 atque ea lege: si alius ad me prius attulerit, tu vale.
(_laughingly_) What? You? (_after a pause_) Eighty pounds: yes, and on this condition--if some one else brings me the money before you do, good-bye to you. (_again turning to go_)
_Argyr._
At ego est etiam prius quam abis quod volo loqui.
But there’s something more I want to say before you go.
_Cle._
Dic quod lubet.
Say on, anything.
_Argyr._
Non omnino iam perii, est relicuom quo peream magis. habeo unde istuc tibi quod poscis dem; sed in leges meas dabo, uti scire possis, perpetuom annum hunc mihi uti serviat nec quemquam interea alium admittat prorsus quam me ad se virum.
I’m not entirely ruined yet: there is a balance left for further ruin. I can give you what you ask. But I’ll give it to you on my own terms, and here they are--she’s to be at my disposal this whole next year through, and all that time not a single man but me is to come near her.
_Cle._
Quin, si tu voles, domi servi qui sunt castrabo viros. postremo ut voles nos esse, syngraphum facito adferas; ut voles, ut tibi lubebit, nobis legem imponito: modo tecum una argentum adferto, facile patiar cetera. 240 portitorum simillumae sunt ianuae lenoniae: si adfers, tum patent, si non est quod des, aedes non patent.
(_cheerfully ironical_) Why, if you choose, I’ll change all the men servants in the house to maids. In short, bring along a contract stating how you wish us to behave. All you desire, all you like,--impose your own terms on us: only bring along the money, too; the rest is easy for me. Our doors are much like those of a custom house: pay your fee, and they are open: if you can’t, they are--(_going into house and closing the door in his face with a provoking laugh_) not open.
_Argyr._
Interii, si non invenio ego illas viginti minas, et profecto, nisi illud perdo argentum, pereundum est mihi. nunc pergam ad forum atque experiar opibus, omni copia, supplicabo, exobsecrabo ut quemque amicum videro, dignos indignos adire atque experiri certumst mihi,[7] nam si mutuas non potero, certumst sumam faenore.
(_drearily_) It’s all over with me, if I don’t get hold of that eighty pounds: yes, one thing is sure, that money goes to pot, or else my life must. (_a pause, then with animation_) I’ll off to the forum this moment and try to raise it by every means in my power: I’ll entreat, ex-supplicate every friend I see. Good and bad--I’ll up and try them all, I’m resolved on that: and if I can’t get it as a friendly loan, I’m resolved to borrow it at usury. [EXIT _Argyrippus_.
## ACTVS II
## ACT II
(_A couple of hours have elapsed._)
ENTER _Libanus_ WITH WORRIED AIR.
_Lib._
Hercle vero, Libane, nunc te meliust expergiscier atque argento comparando fingere fallaciam. 250 iam diu est factum quom discesti ab ero atque abiisti ad forum,[8] (251) ibi tu ad hoc diei tempus dormitasti in otio. (253)
By gad, Libanus, you’d certainly better rouse yourself now and contrive some trick for collecting that cash. It’s a long time since you left your master and hied yourself to the forum, to loaf and snooze away there till this time of day.
quin tu abs te socordiam omnem reice et segnitiem amove atque ad ingenium vetus versutum te recipis tuom serva erum, cave tu idem faxis alii quod servi solent, qui ad eri fraudationem callidum ingenium gerunt.
Come on, shake off all this dull sloth, away with sluggishness, yes, and get back that old gift of guile of yours! Save your master: mind you don’t do the same as other servants that use their wily wits to gull him.
unde sumam? quem intervortam? quo hanc celocem conferam? impetritum, inauguratumst quovis admittunt aves, picus et cornix ab laeva, corvos parra ab dextera 260 consuadent; certum herclest vostram consequi sententiam.
(_pause_) Where shall I get it? Who shall I swindle? Where shall I steer this cutter? (_looking upwards, then jubilantly_) I’ve got my auspices, my auguries: the birds let me steer it where I please! Woodpecker and crow on the left, raven and barn owl on the right. “Go ahead,” they say! By Jove, I’ll follow your advice, I certainly will.
sed quid hoc, quod picus ulmum tundit? non temerariumst. certe hercle ego quantum ex augurio eius pici intellego, aut mihi in mundo sunt virgae aut atriensi Saureae sed quid illuc quod exanimatus currit huc Leonida? metuo quom illic obscaevavit meae falsae fallaciae.
(_looking upward again_) What’s this, though,--the woodpecker tapping an elm?[C] That’s not for nothing! Lord! So far as I understand the omen of this woodpecker, that certainly means there are rods in pickle for me, or for steward Saurea. (_looking down street_) But what’s wrong-- Leonida running up here all out of breath? I’m afraid now that the bird there has predicted trouble for my artful arts.
[Footnote C: The elm corresponded to our birch in being used for corporal punishment.]
II. 2.
## Scene 2.
ENTER _Leonida_ IN GREAT EXCITEMENT, WITHOUT SEEING _Libanus._
_Leon._
Ubi ego nunc Libanum requiram aut familiarem filium, ut ego illos lubentiores faciam quam Lubentiast? maximam praedam et triumphum eis adfero adventu meo quando mecum pariter potant, pariter scortari solent, 270 hanc quidem, quam nactus, praedam pariter cum illis partiam.
Where shall I look for Libanus now, or young master, so that I can make them more delighted than Delight herself? Oh, the mighty prize and triumph my coming confers on ’em! Seeing they guzzle along with me, and chase the girls along with me, I’ll certainly go shares in this prize I’ve got along with them.
_Lib._
Illic homo aedis compilavit, more si fecit suo. vae illi, qui tam indiligenter observavit ianuam.
(_aside_) The fellow’s been robbing a house if he’s acted naturally. Lord help the poor devil that minded the door so carelessly!
_Leon._
Aetatem velim servire, Libanum ut conveniam modo.
I’d be willing to slave it all my life, only let me meet Libanus.
_Lib._
Mea quidem hercle opera liber numquam fies ocius.
(_aside_) By Jove, you’ll never be free a minute sooner for any help you get from me.
_Leon._
Etiam de tergo ducentas plagas praegnatis dabo.
I’ll even give two hundred swollen welts from off my back to see him.
_Lib._
Largitur peculium, omnem in tergo thensaurum gerit.
(_aside_) He’s generous with what he has: carries all his coffers on his back.
_Leon._
Nam si huic sese occasioni tempus supterduxerit, numquam edepol quadrigis albis indipiscet postea; erum in obsidione linquet, inimicum animos auxerit. 280 sed si mecum occasionem opprimere hanc, quae obvenit, studet, maximas opimitates, gaudio exfertissimas suis eris ille una mecum pariet, gnatoque et patri, adeo ut aetatem ambo ambobus nobis sint obnoxii, nostro devincti beneficio.
For if this chance is let slide, he’ll never catch it again, by Jove, not with a chariot and four, white[D] horses. He’ll be leaving his master under siege and increasing the courage of his enemies. But if he’s ready to take part with me and pounce on this opportunity that’s turned up, he’ll be my partner in hatching the biggest, joy-stuffedest jubilee that ever was for his masters, son and father both, yes, and put the pair of ’em under obligations to the pair of us for life, too, chained tight by our services.
[Footnote D: White horses were supposed to be the fastest.]
_Lib._
Vinctos nescio quos ait; non placet: metuo, in commune ne quam fraudem frausus sit.
(_aside_) Chained, he says: some one or other chained! I don’t like it. I’m afraid he’s been trumping up some trumpery that’ll involve the both of us.
_Leon._
Perii ego oppido, nisi Libanum invenio iam, ubiubi est gentium.
(_quivering with excitement_) I’m absolutely done for, if I don’t find Libanus at once, wherever he is.
_Lib._
Illic homo socium ad malam rem quaerit quem adiungat sibi. non placet: pro monstro extemplo est, quando qui sudat tremit.
That chap’s after a mate to yoke with in a race for a thrashing. I don’t like it! it means something bad soon, when a man in a sweat shivers.
_Leon._
Sed quid ego his properans concesso pedibus. lingua largior? 290 quin ego hanc iubeo tacere, quae loquens lacerat diem?
But why am I holding in my feet and letting out my tongue, and I in such a hurry? Why don’t I tell it to shut up, with its wagging the day to shreds?
_Lib._
Edepol hominem infelicem, qui patronam conprimat. nam si quid sceleste fecit, lingua pro illo perierat.
(_aside_) Good Lord! Poor devil--choking off his patroness! Why, once he’s been up to some rascality, it’s that same tongue perjures herself for him.
_Leon._
Adproperabo, ne post tempus praedae praesidium parem.
I’ll cut along, so as not to procure protection for the prize when it’s too late. (_moves away_)
_Lib._
Quae illaec praeda est? ibo advorsum atque electabo, quidquid est. iubeo te salvere voce summa, quo ad vires valent.
What’s that prize? I’ll up and worm it out of him, whatever it is. (_aloud_) Good day to you--(_raising his voice, Leonida having paid no attention_) as loud a one as my lungs allow!
_Leon._
Gymnasium flagri, salveto.
Ah there, (_turning and stopping_) you whip developer!
_Lib._
Quid agis, custos carceris?
How goes it, gaol guard?
_Leon._
O catenarum colone.
Oh you fetter farmer.
_Lib._
O virgarum lascivia.
Oh you rod tickler!
_Leon._
Quot pondo ted esse censes nudum?
How much do you think you weigh, stripped?
_Lib._
Non edepol scio.
Lord! I don’t know.
_Leon._
Scibam ego te nescire, at pol ego, qui ted expendi, scio: 300 nudus vinctus centum pondo es, quando pendes per pedes.
I knew you didn’t know: but by the Lord, I know for I’ve weighed you. Stripped and tied you weigh a hundred pounds-- when you’re hanging by your heels.
_Lib._
Quo argumento istuc?
What’s your proof of that?
_Leon._
Ego dicam, quo argumento et quo modo. ad pedes quando adligatumst aequom centumpondium, ubi manus manicae complexae sunt atque adductae ad trabem, nec dependes nec propendes--quin malus nequamque sis.
I’ll tell you my proof and my method. When a fair hundred- weight is fastened to your feet, with the handcuffs hugging your hands lashed to a beam, you’re not a bit under or over the weight of--a good-for-nothing rascal.
_Lib._
Vae tibi.
You be damned!
_Leon._
Hoc testamento Servitus legat tibi.
Precisely what you are down for yourself in Slavery’s will.
_Lib._
Verbivelitationem fieri compendi volo. quid istud est negoti?
Let’s cut short this war of words. What’s that business of yours?
_Leon._
Certum est credere,
I’ve determined to trust you.
_Lib._
Audacter licet.
You can--boldly.
_Leon._
Sis amanti subvenire familiari filio, tantum adest boni inproviso, verum commixtum malo: 310 omnes de nobis carnificum concelebrabuntur dies. Libane, nunc audacia usust nobis inventa et dolis. tantum facinus modo inveni ego, ut nos dicamur duo omnium dignissumi esse, quo cruciatus confluant,
If you’ve got a mind to help the young master in his love affair, there’s such an unexpected supply of good luck come to hand--mixed with bad, though--that the public torturers will have a regular festival at our expense every day. Libanus, now we need grit and guile. I’ve just now come upon such a deed for us to do, that we two will be called the worthiest men alive--to be where the torture’s thickest.
_Lib._
Ergo mirabar quod dudum scapulae gestibant mihi, hariolari quae occeperunt, sibi esse in mundo malum. quidquid est, eloquere.
(_dryly_) Aha! I was wondering what made my shoulders tingle a while ago: they began prognosticating trouble was in pickle for ’em. Whatever it is, out with it!
_Leon._
Magna est praeda cum magno malo.
It’s a big prize and a big risk.
_Lib._
Si quidem omnes coniurati cruciamenta conferant, habeo opinor familiare tergum, ne quaeram foris.
No matter if they all combine to pile the torments on, I fancy I’ve got a back of my own, without having to look for one outside.
_Leon._
Si istam firmitudinem animi optines, salvi sumus. 320
That’s the spirit, hold to it and we’re safe.
_Lib._
Quin si tergo res solvenda est, rapere cupio publicum: pernegabo atque obdurabo, periurabo denique.
Pooh! if it’s my back that is to pay the score, I’m ripe for sacking the Treasury: then I’ll say up and down I didn’t, stick to it I didn’t, yes, yes, take my solemn oath I didn’t.
_Leon._
Em ista virtus est, quando usust qui malum fert fortiter; fortiter malum qui patitur, idem post potitur bonum.
There! That’s courage--to take hard knocks like a man when occasion calls. The chap that endures hard knocks like a man enjoys a soft time later on.
_Lib._
Quin rem actutum edisseris? cupio malum nanciscier.
Why don’t you hurry up and unfold your tale? I long for some hard knocks.
_Leon._
Placide ergo unum quidquid rogita, ut adquiescam. non vides me ex cursura anhelitum etiam ducere?
Easy then with each question, so that I can get a rest. Don’t you see I’m still puffing after that run of mine?
_Lib._
Age, age, mansero tuo arbitratu, vel adeo usque dum peris.
All right, all right, I’ll wait till you’re ready, yes, ready to expire, for that matter.
_Leon._
Ubinam est erus?
(_after a pause_) Where the deuce is master?
_Lib._
Maior apud forumst, minor hic est intus.
Old one’s at the forum, young one’s inside here. (_pointing to Clearetas house_)
_Leon._
Iam satis est mihi.
That’ll do! I’m satisfied.
_Lib._
Tum igitur tu dives es factus?
Satisfied? So you’re a millionaire already, are you?
_Leon._
Mitte ridicularia. 330
Don’t try to be funny.
_Lib._
Mitto.[9] istuc quod adfers aures exspectant meae.
I won’t. (_grandly_) My ears await your tidings.
_Leon._
Animum adverte, ut aeque mecum haec scias.
Listen here, and you’ll know about things as well as I do.
_Lib._
Taceo.
I’m dumb.
_Leon._
Beas. meministin asinos Arcadicos mercatori Pellaeo nostrum vendere atriensem?
(_ironically_) Oh, bliss! Do you remember those Arcadian asses our steward sold to the merchant from Pella?
_Lib._
Memini. quid tum postea?
I do. Well, what next?
_Leon._