Part 21
Perdidisti me, sodalis. egone ut illam mulierem (489) capitis non perdam? perire me malis malim modis. 490 satin ut quem tu habeas fidelem tibi aut cui credas nescias?
You’ve wrecked my life, (_with special acrimony_) chum! Oh, won’t I wreck that woman’s! I’d rather die a dog’s death than not get even with her! Can it really be you don’t know whom to think loyal to you, whom to trust?
_Lydus_
Viden ut aegre patitur gnatum esse corruptum tuom, suom sodalem, ut ipsus sese cruciat aegritudine?
(_to Philoxenus_) Do you see how he suffers at your son, his chum, being corrupted; how his very soul is tormented?
_Phil._
Mnesiloche, hoc tecum oro, ut illius animum atque ingenium regas; serva tibi sodalem et mihi filium.
Mnesilochus, try to control the lad’s impulses and disposition, I beg you. Save your chum for yourself and my son for me.
_Mnes._
Factum volo.
(_vehemently_) I wish I might!
_Lydus_
Melius esset, me quoque una si cum illo relinqueres.
(_to Philoxenus_) It would be better for you to leave me with him, too.
_Phil._
Adfatim est.
No, no, he’ll manage.
_Lydus_
Mnesiloche, cura, ei, concastiga hominem probe, qui dedecorat te, me amicosque alios flagitiis suis.
Mnesilochus, take charge of him! Go, rate him well--for degrading you, and me and his other friends with his enormities.
_Phil._
In te ego hoc onus omne impono. Lyde, sequere hac me.
I put the whole load on your shoulders. (_turns to go_) This way, Lydus; come.
_Lydus_
Sequor.
(_gloomily_) Very well. [EXEUNT _Philoxenus_ AND _Lydus_.
III. 4.
## Scene 4.
_Mnes._
Inimiciorem nunc utrum credam magis 500 sodalemne esse an Bacchidem, incertum admodumst. ilium exoptavit potius? habeat. optumest. ne illa illud hercle cum malo fecit suo; nam mihi divini numquam quisquam creduat, ni ego illam exemplis plurumis planeque--amo. ego faxo hau dicet nactam quem derideat.
(_tempestuously_) I absolutely can’t tell which is my worse enemy now, my chum or Bacchis. Hankered for him instead of me, did she? Let her have him! All right, all right! By heaven, she’ll certainly pay for this; for may no one ever believe my sacred word again, if I don’t thoroughly and utterly--(_wryly_) love her. She shan’t say she’s lighted on a man she can laugh to scorn, I promise you.
nam iam domum ibo atque--aliquid surrupiam patri. id isti dabo. ego istanc multis ulciscar modis. adeo ego illam cogam usque ut mendicet--meus pater. sed satine ego animum mente sincera gero, qui ad hunc modum haec his quae futura fabulor? 510 amo hercle opinor, ut pote quod pro certo sciam.
For I’ll home this minute, and--steal something from my father and give it to her. I’ll be revenged on her in all sorts of ways. Yes indeed, I’ll bring her to such a pass that--my father will have to beg his bread. But can I really be in possession of my senses, babbling here in this fashion about these futurities? Good Lord! I do believe I love her-- seeing I know it for certain.
verum quam illa umquam de mea pecunia ramenta fiat plumea propensior, mendicum malim mendicando vincere. numquam edepol viva me inridebit. nam mihi decretumst renumerare iam omne aurum patri.
But sooner than let any cash of mine make her a fraction of a feather-weight the heavier, I’d outbeggar a beggar. By gad, she shan’t give me the laugh in this world, never! My mind’s made up--I’ll count out every bit of that gold to my father this moment.
igitur mi inani atque inopi subblandibitur tum quom blandiri nihilo pluris referet quam si ad sepulcrum mortuo narres logos.[18] (519) profecto stabilest me patri aurum reddere. 520
Then let her try her pretty wiles on me when I’m poverty stricken and penniless, when it won’t do any more good to coax than if you were to prattle to a dead man at his tomb.[18] The money goes to my father, that’s final, absolutely final.
eadem exorabo, Chrysalo causa mea pater ne noceat, neu quid ei suscenseat mea causa de auro quod eum ludificatus est; nam illi aequomst me consulere, qui causa mea mendacium ei dixit. vos me sequimini.
At the same time I’ll persuade him to let Chrysalus off for my sake and not to be at all angry with him on account of his fooling him, for my sake, about the gold. Yes, it is only right I should look out for the fellow that lied to him for my sake. (_to slaves with luggage_) Follow me, you. [EXEUNT INTO HOUSE OF _Nicobulus_.
III. 5.
## Scene 5.
(_Fifteen minutes have elapsed_)
ENTER _Pistoclerus_ FROM _Bacchis’s_ HOUSE.
_Pistoc._
Rebus aliis antevortar, Bacchis, quae mandas mihi: Mnesilochum ut requiram atque ut eum mecum ad te adducam simul. nam illud animus meus miratur, si a me tetigit nuntius, quid remoretur. ibo ut visam huc ad eum, si forte est domi.
(_to Bacchis within_) Everything else shall come second to your commission, Bacchis,--to hunt up Mnesilochus and bring him back with me. Why, I don’t know what to make of his delay, if my message reached him. I’ll go look him up at the house here, in case he happens to be at home.
III. 6.
## Scene 6.
ENTER _Mnesilochus_ FROM HOUSE.
_Mnes._
Reddidi patri omne aurum. nunc ego illam me velim 530 convenire, postquam inanis sum, contemptricem meam. sed veniam mihi quam gravate pater dedit de Chrysalo; verum postremo impetravi, ut ne quid ei suscenseat.
I’ve handed over the whole sum to my father. Now’s the time I should like her to meet me, now that I haven’t a sou--my Lady Disdain! (_pausing_) But how father did hate to pardon Chrysalus for me! However, I finally induced him to swallow his wrath.
_Pistoc._
Estne hic meus sodalis?
(_approaching Nicobulus’s house_) Isn’t that my chum?
_Mnes._
Estne hic hostis, quem aspicio, meus?
Isn’t that my enemy I see?
_Pistoc._
Certe is est.
(_beaming_) It certainly is.
_Mnes._
Is est.
(_glowering_) It is.
_Pistoc._
Adibo contra et contollam gradum. salvos sis, Mnesiloche.
I’ll step up and meet him. (_hurries to him_) Mnesilochus! bless you!
_Mnes._
Salve.
(_gruffly_) Same to you.
_Pistoc._
Salvos quom peregre advenis, cena detur.
(_enthusiastically_) We must have a dinner, now you’re safe back from abroad.
_Mnes._
Non placet mi cena quae bilem movet.
I have no desire for a dinner that stirs my bile.
_Pistoc._
Numquae advenienti aegritudo obiecta est?
(_wonderingly_) You haven’t met with any trouble on your return, have you?
_Mnes._
Atque acerruma.
Yes, of the worst sort.
_Pistoc._
Unde?
What caused it?
_Mnes._
Ab homine quem mi amicum esse arbitratus sum antidhac.
A man I always took for a friend till now.
_Pistoc._
Multi more isto atque exemplo vivont, quos cum censeas 540 esse amicos, reperiuntur falsi falsimoniis, lingua factiosi, inertes opera, sublesta fide. nullus est quoi non invideant rem secundam optingere; sibi ne invideatur, ipsi ignavia recte cavent.
(_indignantly_) There are plenty of fellows amongst us of that character and description, fellows you regard as friends only to find ’em treacherous traitors--energetic talkers, lazy doers, and ready deserters. There’s no one they don’t envy his good luck. As for themselves, they take proper care no one envies them--their own inertness looks out for that.
_Mnes._
Edepol ne tu illorum mores perquam meditate tenes. sed etiam unum hoc: ex ingenio malo malum inveniunt suo: nulli amici sunt, inimicos ipsi in sese omnis habent. ei se cum frustrantur, frustrari alios stolidi existumant. sicut est his, quem esse amicum ratus sum atque ipsus sum mihi: ille, quod in se fuit, accuratum habuit quod posset mali 550 faceret in me, inconciliaret copias omnis meas.
(_dryly_) Well, well! You certainly have a very intimate acquaintance with their characteristics. But there’s this one thing to add: they’re cursed by their own cursed dispositions: friends to no man as they are, they themselves have foes in all men. When they’re deceiving themselves the fools fancy they are deceiving others. That’s the way with this man I thought was as good a friend to me as I am to myself: as far as in him lay he took pains to do me all the harm he could, to defraud me of all I had.
_Pistoc._
Improbum istunc esse oportet hominem.
The fellow must be a perfect villain!
_Mnes._
Ego ita esse arbitror.
Precisely my own opinion.
_Pistoc._
Obsecro hercle loquere, quis is est?
(_more indignantly_) By Jove, now! Who is he? Tell me, tell me.
_Mnes._
Benevolens vivit tibi. nam ni ita esset, tecum orarem ut ei quod posses mali facere faceres.
A man on good terms with you. Yes, but for that, I’d beg you to do him any damage you could.
_Pistoc._
Dic modo hominem qui sit sit: non fecero ei male aliquo pacto, me esse dicito ignavissimum.
Only tell me who the fellow is: if I don’t damage him somehow, you can call me the most spiritless wretch on earth.
_Mnes._
Nequam homost, verum hercle amicus est tibi.
He’s a scoundrel, but good Lord, he is a friend of yours!
_Pistoc._
Tanto magis dic quis est; nequam hominis ego parvi pendo gratiam.
All the more reason for telling me who he is; it’s little I care for the favour of a scoundrel.
_Mnes._
Video non potesse quin tibi eius nomen eloquar. Pistoclere, perdidisti me sodalem funditus. 560
I see there is nothing for me to do but give you his name. Pistoclerus, (_bitterly_) you have ruined me, your chum, ruined me utterly.
_Pistoc._
Quid istuc est?
(_aghast_) Eh? What’s that?
_Mnes._
Quid est? misine ego ad te ex Epheso epistulam super amica, ut mi invenires?
What’s that? Didn’t I send you a letter from Ephesus about my mistress, asking you to find her for me?
_Pistoc._
Fateor factum, et repperi.
To be sure you did--and I did find her.
_Mnes._
Quid? tibi non erat meretricum aliarum Athenis copia quibuscum haberes rem, nisi cum illa quam ego mandassem tibi occiperes tute[19] amare et mi ires consultum male?
What? Weren’t there enough other women in Athens for you to philander with, without beginning to make love to her, the girl I had entrusted to you, and trying this underhand trick on me?
_Pistoc._
Sanun es?
Are you sane?
_Mnes._
Rem repperi omnem ex tuo magistro. ne nega. perdidisti me.
I have the whole story from your tutor. You needn’t deny it. You have ruined me.
_Pistoc._
Etiamne ultro tuis me prolectas probris?
(_getting irritated_) Can it be you’re bent on provoking me with this uncalled for abuse of yours?
_Mnes._
Quid? amas Bacchidem?
Eh? You do love Bacchis?
_Pistoc._
Duas ergo his intus eccas Bacchides.
Well, but look you, there are two Bacchises in here.
_Mnes._
Quid? duas?
(_astonished_) What? Two?
_Pistoc._
Atque ambas sorores.
And sisters, too.
_Mnes._
Loqueris nunc nugas sciens.
Now you’re talking rot, and you know it.
_Pistoc._
Postremo, si pergis parvam mihi fidem arbitrarier, 570 tollam ego ted in collum atque intro hinc auferam.
See here now, if you go on making light of my word, I’ll perch you up on my neck and carry you off inside. (_seizes him_)
_Mnes._
Immo ibo, mane.
No, no, I’ll go: wait.
_Pistoc._
Non maneo, neque tu me habebis falso suspectum.
I won’t wait, and I won’t have you suspecting me falsely, either. (_pulls him toward door_)
_Mnes._
Sequor.
I’m coming. [EXEUNT INTO HOUSE.
## ACTVS IV
## ACT IV
ENTER _Parasite_ WITH _Cleomachus’s_ PAGE.
_Par._
Parasitus ego sum hominis nequam atque improbi, militis, qui amicam secum avexit ex Samo. nunc me ire iussit ad eam et percontarier, utrum aurum reddat anne eat secum semul. tu dudum, puere, cum illae usque isti semul: quae harum sunt aedes, pulta. adi actutum ad fores.
The parasite of a worthless reprobate is what I am, the parasite of the Captain that carried the wench off from Samos with him. Now he has ordered me to call on her and inquire whether she intends to pay him back his money, or go along with him. (_scanning the houses_) Boy, you came along to the place with her a short time ago: whichever house it is here, knock. Up to the door with you directly: (_page obeys, knocking timidly_)
recede hinc dierecte. ut pulsat propudium! comesse panem tris pedes latum potes, 580 fores pultare nescis. ecquis in aedibust? heus, ecquis his est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? ecquis exit?
Get out and be hanged to you! How the imp knocks! You can devour a loaf of bread three feet wide: as for knocking at a door, you don’t know how. (_pounds vigorously himself, and shouts_) Anyone at home? Hi! Anyone here? Anyone minding this door? Anyone coming?
IV. 2.
## Scene 2.
ENTER _Pistoclerus_ INTO DOORWAY.
_Pistoc._
Quid istuc? quae istaec est pulsatio? [20]quae te mala crux agitat, qui ad istunc modum alieno viris tuas extentes ostio? fores paene exfregisti. quid nunc vis tibi?
(_angrily_) What’s all this? What do you mean by pounding so? What the devil ails you, to test your strength on other people’s doors this way? You’ve nearly smashed it off. Now what are you after?
_Par._
Adulescens, salve.
(_somewhat cowed_) Good day, young gentleman.
_Pistoc._
Salve, sed quem quaeritas?
Good day. But who is it you’re looking for?
_Par._
Bacchidem.
Bacchis.
_Pistoc._
Utram ergo?
Well, which?
_Par._
Nil scio nisi Bacchidem. paucis: me misit miles ad eam Cleomachus, vel ut ducentos Philippos reddat aureos 590 vel ut hinc in Elatiam hodie eat secum semul.
Bacchis--that’s all I know. Briefly: Captain Cleomachus sent me to say she must either pay him back two hundred golden sovereigns, or else go along with him to-day to Elatea.
_Pistoc._
Non it. negat se ituram. abi et renuntia. alium illa amat, non illum. due te ab aedibus.
She is not going. She refuses to go. Away with you and report! It’s another man she loves, not him. March yourself off!
_Par._
Nimis iracunde.
(_soothingly_) You’re too irritable.
_Pistoc._
At scin quam iracundus siem? ne tibi hercle haud longe est os ab infortunio, ita dentifrangibula haec meis manibus gestiunt.
(_roaring_) But d’ye know how irritable? By the Lord, that face of yours is precious close to a calamity, the way these (_shaking his fists at parasite, who retreats_) tooth-crackers here are itching!
_Par._
Cum ego huius verba interpretor, mihi cautiost, ne nucifrangibula excussit ex malis meis. tuo ego istaec igitur dicam illi periculo.
(_aside, wryly_) To judge from his remarks, I must take care he doesn’t knock the nutcrackers out of my jaws. (_aloud_) All right, I’ll tell him about this, and it will be at your risk. (_turns to go_)
_Pistoc._
Quid ais tu?
See here! (_advancing_)
_Par._
Ego istuc illi dicam.
(_backing away_) I’ll tell him what you say.
_Pistoc._
Dic mihi, 600 quis tu es?
Tell me this, who are you?
_Par._
Illius sum integumentum corporis.
(_impressively_) I am the Captain’s corporal integument.
_Pistoc._
Nequam esse oportet cui tu integumentum improbu’s.
A sorry specimen he must be to have a rascal like you for an integument!
_Par._
Sufflatus ille huc veniet.
He’ll be coming here swelling with rage.
_Pistoc._
Dirrumptum velim.
I hope he bursts.
_Par._
Numquid vis?
(_going_) Anything more I can do?
_Pistoc._
Abeas. celeriter factost opus.
Yes, get out! And you need to be quick about it. (_advancing_)
_Par._
Vale, dentifrangibule.
(_running_) Farewell, Sir Toothcracker.
_Pistoc._
Et tu, integumentum, vale. in eum nunc haec res venit locum, ut quid consili dem meo sodali super amica nesciam, qui iratus renumeravit omne aurum patri, neque nummus ullust qui reddatur militi. sed huc concedam, nam concrepuerunt fores. 610 Mnesilochus eccum maestus progreditur foras.
The same to yourself, Sir Integument. [EXIT _Parasite._] Now matters have come to the point where I don’t know how to advise my chum about his mistress, what with his getting angry and counting out all the gold to his father, and not a penny left to pay the Captain. (_listening_) But I’ll step aside here: (_does so_) the door creaked. Ah, there’s our woebegone Mnesilochus coming out.
IV. 3.
## Scene 3.
ENTER _Mnesilochus_ FROM _Bacchis’s_ HOUSE.
_Mnes._
Petulans, protervo iracundo animo, indomito incogitato, sine modo et modestia sum, sine bono iure atque honore, incredibilis imposque animi, inamabilis inlepidus vivo, malevolente ingenio natus. postremo id mi est quod volo ego esse aliis. credibile hoc est? nequior nemost neque indignior quoi di bene faciant neque quem quisquam homo aut amet aut adeat.
A hasty fool, a reckless, passionate, uncontrollable, unthinking fool without method and moderation, that’s what I am--a creature without any sense of right and honour, distrustful, hotheaded, loveless, graceless, crabbed and born crabbed! Yes, yes, I’m everything that I wish some one else was! Is this credible? There’s not a viler man alive, a man more unworthy of heaven’s kindness, of having a mortal soul love him or come near him!
inimicos quam amicos aequomst med habere, malos quam bonos par magis me iuvare. omnibus probris, quae improbis viris 620 digna sunt, dignior nullus est homo; qui patri reddidi omne aurum amans, mihi quod fuit prae manu. sumne ego homo miser? perdidi me simulque operam Chrysali.
Enemies are what I ought to have, not friends; rascals are the right people to help me, not honest men. Not a man on earth has a better title to all the infamy of an infamous scoundrel! I to give all that gold to my father, and I in love--gold I had in hand! If I’m not a poor, poor fool! I’ve thrown away my own life together with all Chrysalus did for me.
_Pistoc._
Consolandus his mist, ibo ad eum. Mnesiloche, quid fit?
(_aside_) I must console him: I’ll up to him. (_aloud, approaching_) How are things, Mnesilochus?
_Mnes._
Perii.
I’m done for.
_Pistoc._
Di melius faciant.
God forbid!
_Mnes._
Perii.
(_still more dejectedly_) I’m done for.
_Pistoc._
Non taces, insipiens?
Won’t you shut up, you silly fellow?
_Mnes._
Taceam?
Shut up?
_Pistoc._
Sanus satis non est.
You’ve lost your wits.
_Mnes._
Perii. multa mala mi in pectore nunc acria atque acerba eveniunt. criminin me habuisse fidem? immerito tibi iratus fui.
I’m done for. Oh, the confounded thoughts that crowd in on me now, exasperating, excruciating! To have credited that accusation! I had no reason to be angry with you.
_Pistoc._
Heia, bonum habe animum.
Oh well, cheer up.
_Mnes._
Unde habeam? mortuos pluris pretist 630 quam ego sum.
Where can I get cheer? A corpse is worth more than I am.
_Pistoc._
Militis parasitus venerat modo aurum petere hinc, eum ego meis dictis malis his foribus atque hac platea abegi; reppuli, reieci hominem.
(_encouragingly_) The Captain’s parasite has just been here after the money: I let him have a volley of abuse and drove him away up the street here. I fought him off, flung him back.
_Mnes._
Quid mi id prodest? quom ipse veniet, quid faciam? nil habeo miser. ille quidem hanc abducet, scio.
(_disconsolate_) What’s the good of that to me? When he comes himself, what shall I do? I haven’t a penny, wretch that I am! Of course he’ll carry her off, I know that.
_Pistoc._
Si mihi sit, non pollicear.
If I had any money myself, I wouldn’t promise it to you.
_Mnes._
Scio, dares, novi tuom. sed nisi ames, non habeam tibi fidem tantam; eo quod amas tamen nunc agitas sat tute tuarum rerum; sin liber sies egone ut opem mi ferre posse putem inopem te? non potest.
I know, you’d give it to me: I know your way. If you weren’t in love yourself, though, I shouldn’t have such confidence in you. Being in love, however, you have troubles enough of your own as it is. But even if you were fancy free, could I think you able to supply me, unsupplied as you are yourself? Impossible!
_Pistoc._
Tace modo: deus respiciet nos aliquis.
Oh, do shut up: some god will look out for us.
_Mnes._
Nugae. vale.
Rubbish! (_despairingly, moving off_) Farewell!
_Pistoc._
Mane.
(_looking down street_) Wait.
_Mnes._
Quid est?
What’s the matter?
_Pistoc._
Tuam copiam eccam Chrysalum video. tace.
(_pointing_) Look! I see your supply station, Chrysalus. Sh--h! (_they withdraw_).
IV. 4.
## Scene 4.
ENTER _Chrysalus_ IN HIGH SPIRITS.
_Chrys._
Hunc hominem decet auro expendi, huic decet statuam statui ex auro; 640 nam duplex hodie facinus feci, duplicibus spoliis sum adfectus. erum maiorem meum ut ego hodie lusi lepide, ut ludificatust. callidum senem callidis dolis compuli et perpuli, mi omnia ut crederet.
Here is a man (_patting his chest_) that is worth his weight in gold: here is a man who ought to have a gold statue set up for him. Why, I’ve done a double deed to-day, been graced with double spoils. The old master--how cleverly I did take him in to-day, how he was fooled! Wily as the old chap is, my wily arts impelled him and compelled him to believe me in everything.
nunc amanti ero filio senis, quicum ego bibo, quicum edo et amo, regias copias aureasque optuli, ut domo sumeret neu foris quaereret. non mihi isti placent Parmenones, Syri, qui duas aut tris minas auferunt eris. 650
And now the young master that’s in love, the old one’s son, that I drink with and eat with and go a-courting with--I’ve furnished him out with regal supplies, golden supplies, so that he can go to himself for cash and not look for it outside. I haven’t any use for those Parmenos,[I] those Syruses[I] that do their masters out of two or three gold pieces.
[Footnote I: Rascally slaves in Greek comedies.]
nequius nil est quam egens consili servos, nisi habet multipotens pectus: ubicumque usus siet, pectore expromat suo. nullus frugi esse potest homo, nisi qui et bene et male facere tenet.
There’s nothing more worthless than a servant without brains: he’s got to have a precious powerful intellect: whenever a scheme is needed, let him produce it from his own intellect. Not a soul can be worth anything, unless he knows how to be good and bad both.
improbis cum improbus sit, harpaget, furibus furetur quod queat, vorsipellem frugi convenit esse hominem, pectus quoi sapit: bonus sit bonis, malus sit malis; 659-660 utcumque res sit, ita animum habeat.
He must be a rascal among rascals, rob robbers, steal what he can. A chap that’s worth anything, a chap with a fine intellect, has to be able to change his skin. He must be good with the good and bad with the bad; whatever the situation calls for, that he’s got to be.
sed lubet scire quantum aurum erus sibi dempsit et quid suo reddidit patri. si frugi est, Herculem fecit ex patre: decimam partem ei dedit, sibi novem abstulit. sed quem quaero optume eccum obviam mihi est.
(_pausing_) But I should like to know how much money master took for himself and what he passed on to his father. If he is worth anything, he has let his father play Hercules-- given him a tithe and made off with nine parts for his own use. (_sees Mnesilochus and Pistoclerus_) Hullo, though! Here’s a lucky meeting with the man I’m looking for!
num qui nummi exciderunt, ere, tibi, quod sic terram optuere? quid vos maestos tam tristesque esse conspicor? non placet nec temere est etiam. quin mihi respondetis? 670
(_to Mnesilochus_) You haven’t dropped any of the coin, have you, sir,--gazing at the ground that way? (_waits for answer_) What makes you two look so sad and gloomy? (_waits again_) I don’t like it: no indeed, it’s not for nothing. (_waits again_) Why don’t you answer me?
_Mnes._
Chrysale, occidi.
Chrysalus, I’m a lost man.
_Chrys._
Fortassis tu auri dempsisti parum?
You took too little of the gold, perhaps?
_Mnes._
Quam, malum, parum? immo vero nimio minus multo parum.
Too little, eh, curse it! No indeed,--much too much less than too little!
_Chrys._
Quid igitur, stulte? an tu, quoniam occasio ad eam rem fuit mea virtute parta, ut quantum velles tantum sumeres, sic hoc digitulis duobus sumebas primoribus? an nescibas quam eius modi homini raro tempus se daret?