Part 8
tu gravidam item fecisti, cum in exercitum profectu’s: uno partu duos peperit simul. eorum alter, nostro qui est susceptus semine, suis factis te immortali adficiet gloria. 1140 tu cum Alcumena uxore antiquam in gratiam redi: haud promeruit quam ob rem vitio vorteres; mea vi subactast facere. ego in caelum migro.
By thee too was she with child when thou didst go forth to war: at one birth she bore them both. The one begotten of my seed shall win thee undying glory by his works. Live again in fond concord as of old with thy wife Alcmena: she has done naught to merit thy reproach: my power was on her. I now depart to heaven. [EXIT _Jupiter_.
V. 3.
## Scene 3.
_Amph._
Faciam ita ut iubes et te oro, promissa ut serves tua, ibo ad uxorem intro, missum facio Teresiam senem.
(_reverently_) Thy will shall be done: and keep thy word with me, I beg thee. (_after a pause_) I’ll in and see my wife! No more of old Tiresias!
nunc, spectatores, Iovis summi causa clare plaudite.
(_to the audience_) Now, spectators, for the sake of Jove almighty, give us some loud applause.
[EXIT.
[Footnote 2: Corrupt (Leo): _Alcumena_ MSS: _illa_ Bothe.]
[Footnote 4: Leo brackets following v., 14: _lucrum ut perenne vobis semper suppetat._]
[Footnote 5: Corrupt (Leo): _affero_ MSS: _fero_ Acidalius, followed by Lindsay and others.]
[Footnote 6: Leo assumes lacuna here.]
[Footnote 7: _architectust_ Pareus: _architectus_ MSS. Lambinus suggests that the actor who took the part of Jupiter may have been a builder.]
[Footnote 8: Corrupt (Leo): _illi_ MSS: _ille illi_ Ussing, followed by Lindsay.]
[Footnote 9: Leo brackets following v., 93: _praeterea certo prodit in tragoedia._]
[Footnote 10: Leo brackets following v., 173: _nec aequom anne iniquom imperet cogitabit._]
[Footnote 11: _vicimus vi_ MSS: Leo brackets _vicimus._]
[Footnote 12: Corrupt (Leo): “_Convertitur pro convertit_,” Nonius 480.]
[Footnote 13: Corrupt (Leo): _neme esse_ MSS: among the many emendations is _sane_ (Palmer).]
[Footnote 14: Leo brackets following v., 401: _qui cum Amphitruone hinc una ieram in exercitum._]
[Footnote 15: Leo brackets following v., 489-90: _et ne in suspicione ponatur stupri_ _et clandestina ut celetur consuetio._]
[Footnote 16: Corrupt (Leo): _si non id ita_ J.]
[Footnote 17: Leo notes slight _lacuna_ here: _mirum_ MSS: _mirum mirum_ Spengel.]
[Footnote 18: Leo brackets following v., 629-632:
_sed vide ex navi efferantur quae imperavi iam omnia._ Sos. _Et memor sum et diligens, ut quae imperes comparcant;_ _non ego cum vino simitu ebibi imperium tuom._ Amph. _Vtinam di faxint, infecta dicta re eveniant tua._]
[Footnote 19: Corrupt (Leo): _quom te gravidam_ MSS: _quom gravidam_ Pylades.]
[Footnote 20: Leo brackets following v., 685: _atque me nunc proinde appellas quasi multo post videris?_]
[Footnote 21: _enim verbis probas_ Lachmann: _probas_ vel _proba’s_ Lindsay: _in verbis probas_ MSS.]
[Footnote 22: Leo notes lacuna here. _Ita ingenium_ MSS: _Ita ingeni ingenium_ Seyffert, followed by Lindsay.]
[Footnote 23: Corrupt (Leo): _duxero_ MSS: _adsero_ Leo
[Footnote 24: Leo notes lacuna here and suggests _is a Mercurio impransus_.]
[Footnote 25: Corrupt (Leo): _nam iam_ MSS: _iam_ Gruter.]
* * * * *
[Transcriber’s Corrections: _Amphitryon_
Personae: MERCVRIVS DEUS, SOSIA SERVUS... spelling unchanged, as in _Captivi_
I. 1. l. 314 nam continuas has tris noctes pervigilavi text reads _contiuas_
I. 1. _Sos._ ...and my name is Sosia text reads _my same is Sosia_ ]
II. 1. l. 580 _Sos._: Quid est negoti? Latin text omits speaker’s name
V. 2. l. 1142 haud promeruit quam ob rem vitio vorteres text reads _quam ob tem_ ]
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
ASINARIA
THE COMEDY OF ASSES
* * * * *
ARGVMENTVM
ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY
*A*manti argento filio auxiliarier *S*ub imperio vivens volt senex uxorio. *I*taque ob asinos relatum pretium Saureae *N*umerari iussit servolo Leonidae. *A*d amicam id fertur. cedit noctem filius. *R*ivalis amens ob praereptam mulierem, *I*s rem omnem uxori per parasitum nuntiat. *A*ccurrit uxor ac virum e lustris rapit.
An old gentleman, whose wife is the head of the household, desires to give his son financial support in a love affair. He therefore had some money, brought to Saurea in payment for some asses, counted out to a certain rascally servant of his own, Leonida. This money goes to the young fellow’s mistress, and he concedes his father an evening with her. A rival of his, beside himself at being deprived of the girl, sends word, by a parasite, to the old gentleman’s wife, of the whole matter. In rushes the wife and drags her husband from the house of vice.
PERSONAE
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
LIBANVS SERVVS DEMAENETVS SENEX ARGYRIPPVS ADVLESCENS CLEARETA LENA LEONIDA SERVVS MERCATOR PHILAENIVM MERETRIX DIABOLVS ADVLESCENS PARASITVS ARTEMONA MATRONA
LIBANUS, _slave of Demaenetus_. DEMAENETUS, _an old gentleman of Athens_. ARGYRIPPUS, _his son_. CLEARETA, _a procuress_. LEONIDA, _slave of Demaenetus_. A TRADER. PHILAENIUM, _a courtesan, daughter of Cleareta_. DIABOLUS, _a young gentleman of Athens_. A PARASITE. ARTEMONA, _wife of Demaenetus_.
_Scene:--Athens. A street running in front of the houses of Demaenetus and Cleareta: between the houses is a narrow lane._
PROLOGVS
PROLOGUE
Hoc agite sultis, spectatores, nunciam, quae quidem mihi atque vobis res vertat bene gregique huic et dominis atque conductoribus. face nunciam tu, praeco, omnem auritum poplum.
Kindly give us your entire attention now, spectators: I heartily hope it will result in benefit to me, also to you, and to this company and its managers, and to those that hire them. (_turning to a herald_) Herald, provide all this crowd with ears at once. (_the herald proclaims silence_)
age nunc reside, cave modo ne gratiis. nunc quid processerim huc et quid mihi voluerim dicam: ut sciretis nomen huius fabulae; nam quod ad argumentum attinet, sane brevest.
Enough enough! Sit down--and be sure you put that in your bill! (_to audience_) Now I shall say why I have come out before you here and what I wished: I have come to acquaint you with the name of this play. For as far as the plot is concerned, that is quite simple.
nunc quod me dixi velle vobis dicere, dicam: huic nomen Graece Onagost fabulae; 10 Demophilus scripsit, Maccus vortit barbare; Asinariam volt esse, si per vos licet. inest lepos ludusque in hac comoedia, ridicula res est. date benigne operam mihi, ut vos, ut alias, pariter nunc Mars adiuvet.
Now I shall say what I said I wished to say: the Greek name of this play is ONAGOS: Demophilus wrote it: Maccus translated it into a foreign tongue. He wishes to call it THE COMEDY OF ASSES, by your leave. It is a clever comedy, full of drollery and laughable situations. Do oblige me by being attentive, that now too, as in other days, Mars may be with you.
## ACTVS I
## ACT I
ENTER _Demaenetus_, FROM HIS HOUSE, BRINGING _Libanus_.
_Lib._
Sicut tuom vis unicum gnatum tuae superesse vitae sospitem et superstitem, ita ted obtestor per senectutem tuam perque illam, quam tu metuis, uxorem tuam, si quid med erga hodie falsum dixeris, 20 ut tibi superstes uxor aetatem siet atque illa viva vivos ut pestem oppetas.
(_very solemnly_) As you hope to have your only son survive hale and hearty, sir, when you’re gone yourself, I implore you, sir, by your hoary hairs and by the one you dread, your wife, sir--if you tell me any lie to-day, may she outlast you by years and years, yes, sir, and you die a living death with her alive.
_Dem._
Per Dium Fidium quaeris: iurato mihi video necesse esse eloqui quidquid roges.[1] (24) proinde actutum istuc quid sit quod scire expetis (27) eloquere: ut ipse scibo, te faciam ut scias.
(_laughing_) You beg me by the very God of Truth. Once under oath, I see I must tell you whatever you ask. Come then, quick! Let me hear what you wish to know, and so far as I know myself, I shall let you know.
_Lib._
Die obsecro hercle serio quod te rogem, cave mihi mendaci quicquam.
For God’s sake, sir, do please answer my question seriously! No lying to me, sir, mind that!
_Dem._
Quin tu ergo rogas? 30
Then why not ask your question?
_Lib._
Num me illuc ducis, ubi lapis lapidem terit?
(_anxiously_) You won’t take me where stone rubs stone, sir?
_Dem._
Quid istuc est? aut ubi istuc est terrarum loci?[2] (32)
What do you mean? Where in the world is that?
_Lib._
Apud fustitudinas, ferricrepinas insulas, (34) ubi vivos homines mortui incursant boves.
There at the Clubbangian-Chainclangian Islands, sir, where dead oxen attack living men.
_Dem._
Modo pol percepi, Libane, quid istuc sit loci: ubi fit polenta, te fortasse dicere.
(_reflecting, then with a chuckle_) Bless my soul! At last I get your meaning, Libanus--the barley mill[A]: I daresay that’s the place you mention.
[Footnote A: Where he might be beaten with ox-hide whips.]
_Lib._
Ah, neque hercle ego istuc dico nec dictum volo, teque obsecro hercle, ut quae locutu’s despuas.
(_in grotesque terror_) Oh Lord, no! I’m not mentioning that, and I don’t want it mentioned, either, and for the love of heaven, sir, do spit away that word!
_Dem._
Fiat, geratur mos tibi.
(_spitting_) All right. Anything to humour you.
_Lib._
Age, age usque excrea. 40
Go on, sir, go on! Hawk it way up!
_Dem._
Etiamne?
(_spitting again_) Will that do?
_Lib._
Age quaeso hercle usque ex penitis faucibus, etiam amplius.
Go on, sir, for God’s sake, way from the bottom of your gullet! (_Demaenetus spits violently_) Farther down still, sir!
_Dem._
Nam quo usque?
Eh? How far?
_Lib._
Usque ad mortem volo.
(_half aside_) To the door of death, I hope.
_Dem._
Cave sis malam rem.
(_angrily_) Kindly look out, my man, look out!
_Lib._
Uxoris dico, non tuam.
(_hastily_) Your wife’s, sir, I mean, not yours.
_Dem._
Dono te ob istuc dictum, ut expers sis metu.
(_laughing_) Never fear--for that remark I grant you immunity.
_Lib._
Di tibi dent quaecumque optes.
And heaven grant you all your prayers, sir.
_Dem._
Redde operam mihi. cur hoc ego ex te quaeram? aut cur miniter tibi propterea quod me non scientem feceris? aut cur postremo filio suscenseam, patres ut faciunt ceteri?
Now listen to me for a change. Why should I ask you about this? Or threaten you because you haven’t informed me? Or for that matter, why should I fly into a rage at my son, as other fathers do?
_Lib._
Quid istuc novi est? 50 demiror quid sit et quo evadat sum in metu.
(_aside_) Hm! What’s this surprise? Wonder what it means! Where it will end is what scares me.
_Dem._
Equidem scio iam, filius quod amet meus istanc meretricem e proxumo Philaenium. estne hoc ut dico, Libane?
As a matter of fact, I know already that my son has an affair with that wench, Philaenium, next door. Isn’t that so, Libanus?
_Lib._
Rectam instas viam. ea res est. sed eum morbus invasit gravis.
You’re on the right track, sir. That’s how it is. But he has suffered a severe shock.
_Dem._
Quid morbi est?
Shock? What?
_Lib._
Quia non suppetunt dictis data.
Well, his presents are falling short of his promises.
_Dem._
Tune es adiutor nunc amanti filio?
Are you aiding my son in this amour?
_Lib._
Sum vero, et alter noster est Leonida.
Indeed I am, sir, and so is my mate, your servant Leonida.
_Dem._
Bene hercle facitis et a me initis gratiam. verum meam uxorem, Libane, nescis qualis sit? 60
Well, well, my lad, thanks! You are both earning my gratitude. But (_looking cautiously around_) my wife, Libanus, don’t you know her temperament?
_Lib._
Tu primus sentis, nos tamen in pretio sumus.
(_with certainty_) You feel it first, sir, but we get plenty of it.
_Dem._
Fateor eam esse importunam atque incommodam.
(_awkwardly_) I confess that she is ... high-handed and ... hard to get along with.
_Lib._
Posterius istuc dicis quam credo tibi.
I believe that before you speak a word, sir.
_Dem._
Omnes parentes, Libane, liberis suis qui mi auscultabunt, facient obsequellam[3] quippe qui mage amico utantur gnato et benevolo. atque ego me id facere studeo, volo amari a meis;
(_with an air of profound moral conviction_) Libanus, all parents who take my advice will be a bit indulgent to their children, seeing it makes a son more friendly and affectionate. Yes, and I am anxious to be so myself. I wish to be loved by my own flesh and blood;
volo me patris mei similem, qui causa mea nauclerico ipse ornatu per fallaciam quam amabam abduxit ab lenone mulierem; 70 neque puduit eum id aetatis sycophantias struere et beneficiis me emere gnatum suom sibi. eos me decretumst persequi mores patris.
I wish to model myself on my own father who dressed up as a shipmaster for my sake and swindled a slave-dealer out of a girl I was in love with. He felt no shame at going in for hocus-pocus at his time of life, and buying his son’s affection, mine, by his kindnesses. These methods of my father’s I have resolved to follow out myself.
nam me hodie oravit Argyrippus filius, uti sibi amanti facerem argenti copiam; et id ego percupio obsequi gnato meo.[4] (76) quamquam illum mater arte contenteque habet, (78) patres ut consueverunt: ego mitto omnia haec.
Well now, this very day my boy Argyrippus begged me to supply him with some money, saying he was in love: and I heartily desire to oblige the dear lad. No matter if his mother does keep a firm, tight rein on him and play the ordinary father’s part, none of that for me.
praesertim quom is me dignum quoi concrederet 80 habuit, me habere honorem eius ingenio decet; quom me adiit, ut pudentem gnatum acquomst patrem, cupio esse amicae quod det argentum suae.
And seeing he has regarded me as worthy of his confidence, I have special reason to respect his inclinations. Now that he has applied to me, as a respectful son should to his father, I am desirous that he should have some money for his mistress.
_Lib._
Cupis id quod cupere te nequiquam intellego. dotalem servom Sauream uxor tua adduxit, cui plus in manu sit quam tibi.
You’re desirous of something you’ll desire in vain, sir, I reckon. Your wife’s brought along Saurea, that dower slave of hers, to have more power than you.
_Dem._
Argentum accepi, dote imperium vendidi. nunc verba in pauca conferam quid te velim. viginti iam usust filio argenti minis: face id ut paratum iam sit.
(_bitterly_) Sold myself! Gave up my authority for a dowry! (_pause_) Now, in a word, here is what I want of you. My son needs eighty pounds[B] at once: will you see it is procured at once.
[Footnote B: It has seemed advisable to use the terms of the English coinage system throughout this version; the value of the money metals, however, has shrunk very considerably since Plautus’s day.]
_Lib._
Unde gentium? 90
Where in the world from?
_Dem._
Me defraudato.
Cheat me out of it.
_Lib._
Maxumas nugas agis: nudo detrahere vestimenta me iubes. defraudem te ego? age sis, tu sine pennis vola. tene ego defraudem, cui ipsi nihil est in manu, nisi quid tu porro uxorem defraudaveris?
What awful nonsense you do talk! You’re telling me to strip the clothes off a naked man. I cheat you out of it? Come, sir, will you kindly fly without wings! I cheat you out of it, when you don’t own a thing, unless you’ve played the same game and cheated your wife out of something?
_Dem._
Qua me, qua uxorem, qua tu servom Sauream potes, circumduce, aufer; promitto tibi non offuturum, si id hodie effeceris.
Well, me, or my wife, or servant Saurea--do your best, swindle us, rook us, I promise you your interests won’t suffer, if you accomplish this to-day.
_Lib._
Iubeas una opera me piscari in aere, venari autem rete iaculo in medio mari.[5] 100
You might as well order me to go a-fishing in the air, yes, and to take my casting net and do some deep sea--hunting.
_Dem._
Tibi optionem sumito Leonidam, fabricare quidvis, quidvis comminiscere: perficito, argentum hodie ut habeat filius, amicae quod det.
Have Leonida for your adjutant: manufacture something, devise something--anything: see you get the money to-day for my son to give his girl.
_Lib._
Quid ais tu, Demaenete?
Look here.
_Dem._
Quid vis?
Well?
_Lib._
Si forte in insidias devenero, tun redimes me, si me hostes interceperint?
Suppose I happen to fall into an ambuscade, ransom me, will you, if I’m intercepted by the enemy?
_Dem._
Redimam.
I will.
_Lib._
Tum tu igitur aliud cura quid lubet. ego eo ad forum, nisi quid vis.
(_after a pause, airily_) Well then, in that case you may dismiss the matter from your mind. I’m off to the forum, unless you want me further.
_Dem._
Ei, bene ambula. atque audin etiam?
Go ahead! A pleasant stroll to you! (_Libanus walks away_) And I say,--listening still, are you?
_Lib._
Ecce.
(_pertly, without turning_) Behold me!
_Dem._
Si quid te volam, ubi eris?
If I want you for anything, where will you be?
_Lib._
Ubicumque libitum erit animo meo 110 profecto nemo est quem iam dehinc metuam mihi ne quid nocere possit, cum tu mihi tua oratione omnem animum ostendisti tuom quin te quoque ipsum facio haud magni, si hoc patro. pergam quo occepi atque ibi consilia exordiar.
Precisely where it pleases my fancy. (_half aside_) I tell you what, from now on I won’t be scared of a man alive, for fear he can do me any harm, after your showing me all the secrets of your soul. Why, you won’t count for much with me your own self, either, if I carry this through. (_setting off again_) I’ll go along to where I was bound and lay my plans there.
_Dem._
Audin tu? apud Archibulum ego ero argentarium.
Look here! I shall be at banker Archibulus’s.
_Lib._
Nempe in foro?
In the forum, you mean?
_Dem._
Ibi, si quid opus fuerit.
Yes, there,--if anything’s needed.
_Lib._
Meminero.
(_nonchalantly_) I’ll keep it in mind. [EXIT _Libanus_ TO FORUM.
_Dem._
Non esse servos peior hoc quisquam potest nec magis versutus nec quo ab caveas aegrius eidem homini, si quid recte curatum velis, 120 mandes: moriri sese misere mavolet, quam non perfectum reddat quod promiserit.
A more rascally servant than this of mine can’t be found, or a wilier one, or one harder to guard against. But he’s just your man to commit a matter to, if you want it well managed: he’d prefer to expire in pain and torment rather than fail to fulfil his promise to the letter.
nam ego illud argentum tam paratum filio scio esse quam me hunc scipionem contui. sed quid ego cesso ire ad forum, quo inceperam? [6]atque ibi manebo apud argentarium.
Why, I’m just as confident that that money is in store for my son as that I’ve got my eyes on this cane here. But I must be off to the forum, where I was going. Yes, and I’ll wait there at the banker’s. [EXIT _Demaenetus_.
I. 2.
## Scene 2.
ENTER _Argyrippus_ PRECIPITATELY FROM HOUSE OF _Cleareta._
_Argyr._
Sicine hoc fit? foras aedibus me eici? promerenti optume hocin preti redditur? bene merenti mala es, male merenti bona es; at malo cum tuo, nam iam ex hoc loco 130 ibo ego ad tres viros vostraque ibi nomina faxo erunt, capitis te perdam ego et filiam, perlecebrae, permities, adulescentum exitium. nam mare haud est mare, vos mare acerrumum; nam in mari repperi, his elavi bonis.
(_violently to those within_) So that’s the way, is it? Thrown out of doors, am I? This is my reward for all the good turns I’ve done you, eh? Evil for good and good for evil is your system. But it will be evil for you! I’ll go direct from here to the police and leave your names with ’em. I’ll humble you and your daughter! You decoys, you destroyers, you wreckers of young fellows! Why, the sea’s no sea: you are--the wildest sea of all! Why at sea I made my money, here I am cleaned out of it.
ingrata atque inrita esse omnia intellego quae dedi et quod bene feci, at posthac tibi male quod potero facere faciam, meritoque id faciam tuo. ego pol te redigam eodem unde orta es, ad egestatis terminos, ego edepol te faciam ut quae sis nunc et quae fueris scias. 140
All I’ve given you and all I’ve done for you gets no thanks, goes for nothing, I find: but after this all I can do against you I’ll do, and do it with good reason. By the Lord, I’ll put you down where you came from, the depths of destitution, I will. By heaven, I’ll make you appreciate what you are now and what you were.
quae prius quam istam adii atque amans ego animum meum isti dedi, sordido vitam oblectabas pane in pannis inopia, atque ea si erant, magnas habebas omnibus dis gratias; eadem nunc, cum est melius, me, cuius opera est, ignoras mala, reddam ego te ex fera fame mansuetem, me specta modo.
You, who before I courted that girl of yours and offered her my loving heart, used to regale yourself on coarse bread in rags and poverty: yes, and gave hearty thanks to Heaven, if you got your bread and rags. Yet here you are, now that you are better off, snubbing me that made you so, curse you! I’ll tame you down, you wild beast, by the famine treatment: trust me for that.
nam isti quid succenseam ipsi? nihil est, nihil quicquam meret; tuo facit iussu, tuo imperio paret: mater tu. eadem era es. te ego ulciscar, te ego ut digna es perdam atque ut de me meres, at scelesta viden ut ne id quidem, me dignum esse existumat quem adeat, quem conloquatur quoique irato supplicet? 150
As for that girl of yours, why should I be angry with her? She’s done nothing, she’s not at all to blame. It is your dictates she follows, your orders she obeys: you’re mother and mistress both. You’re the one I’ll have revenge on; you’re the one I’ll ruin as you deserve, as your behaviour to me merits. (_pauses and glares at house_) But d’ye see how the wretch doesn’t even think it worth while to come to me, talk with me, go on her knees to me, when I’m in a rage?
atque eccam inlecebra exit tandem; opinor hic ante ostium meo modo loquar quae volam, quoniam intus non licitum est mihi.
(_Cleareta’s door opens_) Ah, there she is coming out at last, the decoy! I wager I’ll have my full say in my own fashion out in front of the door here, seeing I couldn’t do it inside.
I. 3.
## Scene 3.
ENTER _Cleareta_ FROM HOUSE.
_Cle._
Unum quodque istorum verbum nummis Philippis aureis non potest auferre hinc a me si quis emptor venerit; nec recte quae tu in nos dicis, aurum atque argentum merumst: fixus hic apud nos est animus tuos clavo Cupidinis. remigio veloque quantum poteris festina et fuge: quam magis te in altum capessis, tam aestus te in portum refert.
(_calmly and pleasantly_) Not a single one of those words do I part with for golden sovereigns, not if some purchaser comes along: uncomplimentary remarks about us from you are good coin of the realm. Your heart is fastened to us here with one of Cupid’s spikes through it. Out with oar and up with sail, speed your fastest and scud away: the more you put out to sea, the more the tide brings you back to harbour.
_Argyr._
Ego pol istum portitorem privabo portorio; ego te dehinc ut merita es de me et mea re tractare exsequar, 160 quom tu med ut meritus sum non tractas atque eicis domo.