LXXXXVI.

TO CALVUS ANENT DEAD QUINTILIA.

If to the dumb deaf tomb can aught or grateful or pleasing (Calvus!) ever accrue rising from out of our dule, Wherewith yearning desire renews our loves in the bygone, And for long friendships lost many a tear must be shed; Certès, never so much for doom of premature death-day 5 Must thy Quintilia mourn as she is joyed by thy love.

If aught grateful or acceptable can penetrate the silent graves from our dolour, Calvus, when with sweet regret we renew old loves and beweep the lost friendships of yore, of a surety not so much doth Quintilia mourn her untimely death as she doth rejoice o'er thy constant love.

LXXXXVII.

Non (ita me di ament) quicquam referre putavi, Vtrumne os an culum olfacerem Aemilio. Nilo mundius hoc, niloque immundior ille, Verum etiam culus mundior et melior: Nam sine dentibus est: dentes os sesquipedales, 5 Gingivas vero ploxeni habet veteris, Praeterea rictum qualem diffissus in aestu Meientis mulae cunnus habere solet. Hic futuit multas et se facit esse venustum, Et non pistrino traditur atque asino? 10 Quem siqua attingit, non illam posse putemus Aegroti culum lingere carnificis?

LXXXXVII.

ON ÆMILIUS THE FOUL.

Never (so love me the Gods!) deemed I 'twas preference matter Or Æmilius' mouth choose I to smell or his ---- Nothing is this more clean, uncleaner nothing that other, Yet I ajudge ---- cleaner and nicer to be; For while this one lacks teeth, that one has cubit-long tushes, 5 Set in their battered gums favouring a muddy old box, Not to say aught of gape like wide-cleft gap of a she-mule Whenas in summer-heat wont peradventure to stale. Yet has he many a motte and holds himself to be handsome-- Why wi' the baker's ass is he not bound to the mill? 10 Him if a damsel kiss we fain must think she be ready With her fair lips ----

Nay (may the Gods thus love me) have I thought there to be aught of choice whether I might smell thy mouth or thy buttocks, O Aemilius. Nothing could the one be cleaner, nothing the other more filthy; nay in truth thy backside is the cleaner and better,--for it is toothless. Thy mouth hath teeth full half a yard in length, gums of a verity like to an old waggon-box, behind which its gape is such as hath the vulva of a she-mule cleft apart by the summer's heat, always a-staling. This object swives girls enow, and fancies himself a handsome fellow, and is not condemned to the mill as an ass? Whatso girl would touch thee, we think her capable of licking the breech of a leprous hangman.

LXXXXVIII.

In te, si in quemquam, dici pote, putide Victi, Id quod verbosis dicitur et fatuis. Ista cum lingua, si usus veniat tibi, possis Culos et crepidas lingere carpatinas. Si nos omnino vis omnes perdere, Victi, 5 Hiscas: omnino quod cupis efficies.

LXXXXVIII.

TO VICTIUS THE STINKARD.

Rightly of thee may be said, an of any, (thou stinkingest Victius!) Whatso wont we to say touching the praters and prigs. Thou wi' that tongue o' thine own, if granted occasion availest Brogues of the cowherds to kiss, also their ---- Wouldst thou undo us all with a thorough undoing (O Victius!) 5 Open thy gape:--thereby all shall be wholly undone.

To thee, if to anyone, may I say, foul-mouthed Victius, that which is said to wind bags and fatuities. For with that tongue, if need arrive, thou couldst lick clodhoppers' shoes, clogs, and buttocks. If thou wishest to destroy us all entirely, Victius, thou need'st but gape: thou wilt accomplish what thou wishest entirely.

LXXXXVIIII.

Surripui tibi, dum ludis, mellite Iuventi, Suaviolum dulci dulcius ambrosia. Verum id non inpune tuli: namque amplius horam Suffixum in summa me memini esse cruce, Dum tibi me purgo nec possum fletibus ullis 5 Tantillum vostrae demere saevitiae. Nam simul id factumst, multis diluta labella Abstersti guttis omnibus articulis, Ne quicquam nostro contractum ex ore maneret, Tamquam conmictae spurca saliva lupae. 10 Praeterea infesto miserum me tradere Amori Non cessasti omnique excruciare modo, Vt mi ex ambrosia mutatum iam foret illud Suaviolum tristi tristius helleboro. Quam quoniam poenam misero proponis amori, 15 Numquam iam posthac basia surripiam.

LXXXXVIIII.

TO JUVENTIUS.

E'en as thou played'st, from thee snatched I (O honied Juventius!) Kisslet of savour so sweet sweetest Ambrosia unknows. Yet was the theft nowise scot-free, for more than an hour I Clearly remember me fixt hanging from crest of the Cross, Whatwhile I purged my sin unto thee nor with any weeping 5 Tittle of cruel despite such as be thine could I 'bate. For that no sooner done thou washed thy liplets with many Drops which thy fingers did wipe, using their every joint, Lest of our mouths conjoined remain there aught by the contact Like unto slaver foul shed by the butterèd bun. 10 Further, wretchedmost me betrayed to unfriendliest Love-god Never thou ceased'st to pain hurting with every harm, So that my taste be turned and kisses ambrosial erstwhile Even than hellebore-juice bitterest bitterer grow. Seeing such pangs as these prepared for unfortunate lover, 15 After this never again kiss will I venture to snatch.

I snatched from thee, whilst thou wast sporting, O honied Juventius, a kiss sweeter than sweet ambrosia. But I bore it off not unpunished; for more than an hour do I remember myself hung on the summit of the cross, whilst I purged myself [for my crime] to thee, nor could any tears in the least remove your anger. For instantly it was done, thou didst bathe thy lips with many drops, and didst cleanse them with every finger-joint, lest anything remained from the conjoining of our mouths, as though it were the obscene slaver of a fetid fricatrice. Nay, more, thou hast handed wretched me over to despiteful Love, nor hast thou ceased to agonize me in every way, so that for me that kiss is now changed from ambrosia to be harsher than harsh hellebore. Since thou dost award such punishment to wretched amourist, never more after this will I steal kisses.